Will You Be Raptured?

May 19, 2011 By Guest Contributor 28 Comments

In order to help out those of you who are confused about what will happen on Saturday, I made this handy flow chart:



Filed Under: General, Humor 28 Comments
  • guest

    LOL!

  • Transplant

    tee hee

  • http://atheistdave.wordpress.com A. Dave

    Love it. Kudos.

  • http://healthyhumanist.blogspot.com Jay Knight

    That is awesome.

  • NotYou007

    I’m wearing womens panties at the moment.

  • medussa

    You, my friend, are one hell of a teacher.

  • shaun from tx
  • Miko

    I like it. It’d be funnier if it were more complicated though: add in some branches that people would expect (“Are you a Christian?”, “Do you go to church regularly?”, etc.) along the way, but have them all end up at “No” anyway.

  • Stephanie

    :D Yes, I agree with Miko..

  • http://scienceblogs.com/gregladen/ Greg Laden

    I’m really hoping the rapture works. If it goes well, it could shift the voting stats for enough congressional districts and state house seats to totally change politics in America.

  • Defiantnonbeliever

    idk, I’d say it would depend on how exciting my date is :o )

  • Florian

    This one is more complicated .. http://peasandcougars.wordpress.com/2011/05/19/will-you-be-raptured-flowchart

    But Hemant’s is better.

    -Florian

  • Florian

    Also i thought this CAPTCHA on Harold Camping’s site was funny today. I saved this screenshot .. http://www.flickr.com/photos/fboyd/5737935080/

    -Florian

  • Laurence

    Damn, I wish I’d tried harder at maths in school so I could follow this

  • Hopeful

    If I say, wait until like the last 45 seconds, and if it looks like something’s going to happen, very quickly proclaim a broad but sincere fondness for the lord Jesus, our Saviour, do you think that’s going to cut it?

  • Dan W

    Nice. But I think I’d be better if it was more like the one Florian linked to, with some branches, ultimately resulting in the same answer for everyone (the answer of course being “no, you won’t be raptured”).

  • http://triangulations.wordpress.com Sabio Lantz

    If anyone is seriously interested in a quick view of all the different rapture versions out there, I drew a quick view of the many varieties of Christian Eschatologies for anyone trying to keep straight the versions of the end times.

    But the chart in this post does the best summary of all ! Thanx

  • http://www.facebook.com/ldegraaf Lisa DeGraaf

    Perfect! :)

  • http://www.correntewire.com chicago dyke

    i don’t generally “pray” but this is one i’d want to happen. please, jeebus: take your followers away. i beg you. you don’t exist, but i wish you did, and would do this, this weekend. my life would be so much better if you took all your followers “home.” i won’t ever bother you all there. i’ll be too busy partying and having gay sex in hell. don’t worry, i’ll like it and you can spend eternity singing and bowing and all that shit. me and my gfs will be busy with dildo ass fucking and smoking pot and reading Plato and Wiccan philosophy in the fiery depths. which is fine with me.

  • http://hoverFrog.wordpress.com hoverfrog

    This is so obviously a scam. Why do so many of them fall for it?

  • godfree

    WFC ?

  • John

    I’m gonna guess that only about 4,000 people will make the cut and actually be sucked up into heaven. I don’t particularly care who goes and who stays, but I sure hope that Oprah goes first.

    Do you like going to church? I think heaven would be like church only full time. Sounds like hell to me.

  • Tormoza

    Makes me think of one of my all-time favorite bumper stickers: Jesus is coming — Look busy.

  • http://karmamusings.wordpress.com Gurukarm (@karma_musings)

    Really? Are you REALLY REALLY sure??? I am SO disappointed. I had my affairs all in order and everything. Sigh… {trudging off, head hanging} ;-)

  • ACN

    It is Saturday May 21, 2011 6:23 pm in Kiritimati, Christmas Island.

    There is no sign of a rapture.

    I’d hazard a guess that there is no sign of Camping either.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff P

    Saturday, May 21st 7:50 AM Eastern Time Zone of the United States and no Rapture here yet either… at least among the infidels in sight to me. In looking out my window I don’t see any piles of clothes left behind.

    I’ll keep looking throughout the day.

  • Cyberguy

    Love the lack of self-awareness in this article from the New Zealand Herald:

    Auckland Catholic Church spokeswoman Lyndsay Freer told NZPA church attendance had not increased at all since Camping’s warnings.

    She described his prediction as “scaremongering nonsense”, that had nothing to do with scripture.

    “We’re not superstitious here.”

    – http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10727157

  • http://www.onephonecallfromourknees.com MTZ

    The Friendly Athiest and this Jesus Freak agree on this one. <3