Who Would Win in a Fight: Voldemort or Satan?

Here’s the second part of The Tutor‘s interviews at a midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2:

The first part can be found here!

(via HighpantsResistance)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

    Funny last comment the tutor had there… 

  • KeithLM

    Before lots of people start asking, yes it’s a Poe, it’s a very obvious Poe, all their videos are like this.  Seriously, don’t worry, don’t be confused, it really is a Poe.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/joequincy Jon Peterson

    My response to the question? Voldy got himself disintegrated by a whiny little emo kid, and Satan doesn’t exist but still manages to be pretty damned powerful (he’s got a third of the world cowering in fear, I mean jeez!) so I’m going with Satan on this one.

  • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

    As for who would win the fight, it is difficult to predict.   Our knowledge of Voldemort comes uniquely from one author who we trust gives an accurate characterization of this fictional character and his fighting  capabilities.  We have read about and seen (in movies) his fights with Potter and others.  We kind-of know how Voldemort fights.  The problem is with Satan.  We don’t have a good objective characterization of Satan and his fighting abilities.  All we have is vague descriptions by various religious authors each with different things to say – all with an agenda characterizing Satan as some kind of evil genius which must be resisted but for some reason God can’t destroy.   We don’t know if the religious characterization of Satan is accurate or if some details are exaggerated, simply false, or left out.   We also don’t know which characterization of Satan to pay attention to.  We don’t have a book by Satan to get his side of the story.  I’m afraid that I have to declare agnosticism on this question.  I simply don’t have enough reliable information (about particularly Satan) to be able to answer the question.    :)

    • Trace

      You are so rational! ;)

    • Dolphin40890

      I believe the Bible gives us more access into the Satan’s tactics and motivations than what we know of Voldemort’s. Sure, Rowling may describe the physical and external parts of Voldemort’s battles, but the Bible teaches what (and who) Satan wants and how he tries to get it. Much of Satan’s tactics come in the form of internal attacks. He will tell people what they want to hear so that they act in a way not in accordance with God’s instruction for their lives. Satan tells them that they should control their own lives, rather than follow God’s instruction. Voldemort, on the other hand, did try to entice Harry, but a) did not succeed and b) did not provide much in the way of alluring Harry. Satan is a master of deception–making bad look good and good look bad.

      • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

        So maybe Satan would let Voldemort only appear to win… so Voldemort will have the sin of “pride of wining the fight”  so that he can get Vordemort’s soul in the end?  Is that what you are trying to say?

        Damn, that Satan sure is crafty!

        P.S.  who would win, Satan or God?  And why haven’t they fought yet?  :)

  • Trace

    Satanás, hands down!

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

    Team Satan, man. Voldie lost to a kid.

    • sean

      The kid kept coming back to life… not really Voldy’s fault

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

        So did Voldemort — that’s why Harry had to destroy the horcruxes before he could actually destroy Voldy, and even then he DIED. Again. (And it was love that saved him in the first place.)

        • TJ

          of course he died. Dumbledore was the one who figured it all out, and Harry won because the elder wand wasn’t working for Voldemort, not because Harry has any power. 

  • Darwin’s Dagger

    Sauron would kick both their asses. The only reason he was defeated was because he only had one horcrux and Gollum was obsessed with it.

  • Anonymous

    Fred is one of ours, obviously. Only someone who reads Hitchens would put Mother Teresa in Hell. you rock, Fred!

    • Annie

      He double rocks for saying at the end, “Thank you iCarly.”

  • Katherine Magee

    Harry >>>… Jesus

    Just had to say that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Antonio-Pe-Yang-III/1361720319 Antonio Pe Yang III

    If I were to use this graph as a measure, I’m betting more on Voldemort, on grounds that he’s got a higher body count than Satan.

    http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2006/08/who-has-killed-more-satan-or-god.html

    Both are still pansies compared to Yahweh though.

  • http://eternalbookshelf.wordpress.com Ani Sharmin

    You mean Satan isn’t one of Voldemort’s horcruxes?

  • Anonymous

    As a Slytherin I would have to support a fellow Slytherin.  Voldemort is clearly the victor.  Satan was what?  A Hufflepuff.  Pah!

  • TJ

    Voldemort got beat by a kid who was protected by love and a prophecy. Not because the kid was more powerful. And Voldemort is deceptive. He’s brainwashed plenty of people and followers, recruited magical creatures with empty promises of happiness, and pretty much spread terror around the world to the extent that no one will speak his name. He’s pretty crafty. As for who would win, I can’t say. Both powerful, but I don’t have enough information on Satan to make a fair choice.


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