A Prayer You Might Enjoy Hearing…

I’ve never watched (or cared to watch) a NASCAR race in my life, and I couldn’t care less about a pre-race prayer… but somehow, when Pastor Joe Nelms said the invocation before the Nationwide Federated Auto Parts 300, I couldn’t help but smile:

Heavenly Father, we thank you tonight for all your blessings. You said in all things, give thanks. So we want to thank you tonight for these mighty machines that you’ve brought before us. Thank you for the Dodges and the Toyotas. Thank you for the Fords and, most of all, we thank you for Roush and Yates partnering to give us the power we see before us tonight. Thank you for GM Performance Technology and the RO7 engines. Thank you for Sunoco Racing fuel and Goodyear tires that bring performance and power to the track. Lord, I want to thank you for my smokin’ hot wife tonight, Lisa, my two children Eli and Emma, or as we like to call them, the little E’s. Lord, I pray and bless the drivers and use them tonight. May they put on a performance worthy of this great track. In Jesus’ name, boogity, boogity, boogity, Amen!

The “smokin’ hot wife” bit was from Talladega Nights while the “boogity” bit was a reference to famed driver and announcer Darrell Waltrip.

Alright, you can all go back to ignoring NASCAR now.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Ladi_lavinder

    I actually like NASCAR. But I grew up in the south. This prayer is hilarious. Oh, and Darrell Waltrip was a famed driver before he was a famed announcer.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Hemant Mehta

      Updated. Thanks!

    • Roachiesmom

      I also grew up in the south.  But  I think NASCAR is a total waste of time and resources with no redeeming qualities at all.  However, wow, enough time has passed that people don’t know Waltrip was a driver? !  Oh damn, when did I get this old?

  • Amazonhippie

    It’s “couldn’t” care less.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Hemant Mehta

      Fixed

  • Thorny

    couldn’t care less, if you could care less then you still care. But the prayer was entertaining.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Hemant Mehta

      Fixed

    • Anonymous

      I have that same argument with my husband… he tells me it’s “couldn’t care less” but like “could care less.”  I don’t see it as caring at all… there is an unspoken “… but I’d have to care at all first.”  I think both work.

  • Deen

    The perfect mix of religion and commerce. Same as it ever was.

    • Mschoolman

      What’s sad is that commerce is only the beginning of the things that religion has been known to mix with.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=719095026 Zach Johnson

    ‘Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we’d also like to thank you for my wife’s father
    Chip. We hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers to heal him and
    his horrible leg. It smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering
    with it…’

  • Zac

    Why would he thank him for Fords?

  • Tim

    It looks like you’ve been targeted by the atheist proof-reader sect and I missed playing a part.

  • Tim

    It looks like you’ve been targeted by the atheist proof-reader sect and I missed playing a part.

  • Annie

    Ha ha!  Now any sponsor who wasn’t mentioned is going to sue for not getting equal “prayer time”.    I was waiting for them to say, “This prayer was brought to you by Doritos Brand tortilla chips!”

  • Nena

    Ah, yes. That was right here in Nashville.

    I’m so proud.

  • Anonymous

    He forgot Exxon and all those fossil fuels providing global warming.  All created in six days six thousand years ago. And what about his hot parents.

  • Anonymous

    That one brought a smile to my face.  The combo of the “preacher voice” and the words “smokin’ hot wife” made me laugh.

  • http://profiles.google.com/tbourqueulc Thomas Bourque

    Please welcome Joe Nelms of Saint Peter’s Congregation of Christian Fellowship and Auto Service Center.

  • icewings

    @ Zac – “Why would he thank him for Fords?”
     - Ouch!

    Have you ever driven a Mustang? Or an F150 pickup? How about the new Shelby GT500?

    Yeah, I didn’t think so.

    • Lol

      I’d rather Have a Cheesemaro. Or a Sliveredo.

  • Lance
    • dauntless

      Wow! That pastor is only 35 years old! He looks like he is in his mid-50′s to me…

      • Annie

        I thought the same thing.  When I saw his wife, I thought she must be 20 years younger than him… then I saw their ages. I thought it was a typo.

    • Burt Likko

      Who am I to tell him what he thinks “smokin’ hot” really is? If he loves her, then she’s smokin’ hot to him. More power to ‘em.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=786874338 Erin Lee

    I think an important thing here to realize here is that they are taking their god’s name in vain here.   Most people think that means saying things like “Oh my god!”  saying  jesus in place of a curse word, but it doesn’t.  Most people, especially so called christians don’t know this.  What taking the lord’s name in vain actually refers to is praying to him and thanking him for petty and selfish things.   Something EVERY christian does.  Once again, an athiest knows more about their religion than they do.
     

    • http://taotrucker.org Mschoolman

      I’ve always had a problem with a God that answered an American’s prayer for a new bike while a prayer from a starving 3rd world-er is ignored. But I guess I shouldn’t forget that God’s ways are above my own. Organized religion that seems most concerned with securing power is what I have the biggest qualm with.

  • Zillie1023

    This is just stupid…

  • http://Taotrucker.org Mschoolman

    This prayer by a major figurehead for Christianity does nothing to legitimize the religion. I’ve always thought many of the things that are considered prayer-worthy are actually quite flippant. If there is a God, this highly publicized prayer did nothing but shame him/her.

    • babs

      Most of these comments is a prime example of why some people don’t like atheists.

      No sense of humor.

      Whether you believe in god/religion/fucking anything or not, it doesn’t change that this is just a piece of humour, not a starting point for “this is why religion is stupid.”

      Grow a funny bone.

      • anon

        Comments like these are the reason for ignorance.
        Its not a “whether you believe in it or not,” it is there is nothing to “believe” in. If you paid attention in history class in school, or even better, READ on your own, you would know that “god” and christianity specifically, has caused the most death and violence among all human life. Not to mention putting science and knowledge back a few thousand years, so there is a DAMN good reason to point out, that these religious fanatics are dangerous and should be pointed out that they are wrong. Intelligence and common sense needs to be spread not “faith”. Im tired of this “god” topic floating around. If you REALLY cant understand what I am saying, ask for help…because that is the point, ask for help, learn, spread the knowledge but never give up reading, because it turns out…some worlds ARE flat hah.

  • Paramoons

    /:@ 


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