Win a Copy of Penn Jillette’s New Book!

Today is the release date for Penn Jillette‘s new book God, No!: Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales

I have a copy to give away to one lucky reader, but first, an excerpt from the book. (Thanks to Simon & Schuster for that!)

It’s from the introduction, titled “The Humility of Loudmouth Know-it-all Asshole Atheists”… so you know this is going to be fun :)

You don’t have to be brave or a saint, a martyr, or even very smart to be an atheist. All you have to be able to say is “I don’t know.” I remember sitting in a room full of skeptics when I first heard Christopher Hitchens say, “Atheists don’t have saints and we don’t have martyrs.” I’m a little afraid to put that in quotes, because no matter how brilliantly I remember any Hitchens phrase, when I go back and check, what he said was better than I remember. He is better at speaking off the top of his head after a couple of drinks than I am at remembering his brilliance later while referencing notes.

I know nothing about drinking, but I know that hitchens did drink, and when he made that comment he was sitting next to me on the dais with a drink in front of him. But the drink was irrelevant — I could never see that it made any difference to his abilities. My doctor’s brother (how’s that for a source?) said there is such a thing as state-dependent learning. This explains the brilliance of all the jazz cats on heroin and how Keith Richards could play even a specially tuned guitar while as fucked-up as… well, Keith Richards. They’re performing in the same state in which they practiced. Hank Williams was so fucked-up we don’t even know which of the United States he died in. Hank’s driver drove him across many state lines all night in his long white Cadillac and when they got to Oak Hill, West Virginia, Hank was dead. Hank’s genius might have been state-dependent, but his dying wasn’t even that.

For years it seemed Christopher Hitchens was always drunk, so he was calling up information in the same state (drunk) that he learned it (drunk). I did the Howard Stern radio show a lot in the late eighties. Many times I was on with Sam Kinison. I’ve never had a sip of alcohol or tried any recreational drug in my life, and I’d come in to the Stern show as rested as carny trash could be that early in the morning — focused and ready to work. Sam would come in fucked-up. Really fucked-up. Stern would kick off the show and Sam was always so good. I would be sweating into the mic, trying to get a clever word in here and there while in awe of how fast, insightful, profound, and motherfucking funny Sam was every second. Howard would keep us on for a long time, and at the end of the show i’d be exhausted, and Sam would just stagger out like he came in.

I used to wonder: if that was how he was in a fucked-up state, if he ever were sober, couldn’t he sweep the Nobel Prizes and throw in a Fields Medal?

You don’t have to be very smart, fast, or funny to be an atheist. You don’t have to be well educated. Being an atheist is simply saying “I don’t know.”

When i was a professional dishwasher, I worked with a man named Harold. Harold sent in lyrics and the little bit of money he saved up to “song-poem” companies that advertised in the back of the National Enquirer and Midnight. He’d pay a full week’s wages to have “song sharks” set his poems to music, record the songs, and try to sell them to make Harold rich. Part of the scam was to send the victim a copy of his song on a record. I now collect copies of those song-poem records. Nothing is labeled very well, and most of them are about Jesus or Nixon. I’ll never know if I’m listening to a song Harold cowrote with a rip-off artist, but when I listen, I feel like I’m in touch with him. most of the song-poems are unlistenable, but the ones that are good are heartbreaking. They are all you want in art — the cynical blasé skill of out-of-work studio musicians sight-reading hastily scribbled sheet music while a competent but bitter vocalist sings unedited, pure, white light/white heat lyrics from the heart of someone who doesn’t know what the word “cynical” means. Beat that, Bruce Springsteen.

Harold was fat and ugly and sweaty. He didn’t have any brainpower or hair at all, and I looked up to him. I knew other people who were a zillion times smarter than Harold, but Harold managed to show up for work, get the pots and pans clean, and deal with all the smart-assed punks, hippies, drunks, and drug users who washed dishes briefly and badly at Famous Bill’s Restaurant in Greenfield, Massachusetts. Famous Bill’s contained the word “famous” because they’d gotten a good review of their lobster pie in a travel magazine in the fifties. I was a hippie punk who worked with Harold for one summer and then went on with my life with Penn & Teller. Harold knew a couple little jokes, and he knew how to be polite and get to the restaurant on time and back to his apartment after work to write songs. I never talked theology with Harold — I don’t know if he believed in god — but I heard him say “I don’t know” about a lot of things. His smile when he admitted he didn’t know was unapologetic, unless you were asking a question related to his job. If you were asking him if he liked Kerouac or Thailand, he would just say “I don’t know” as a simple statement of fact. He knew very well that he didn’t know.

I try to claim that I was friends with the genius Richard Feynman. He came to our show a few times and was very complimentary, and I had dinner with him a couple times, and we chatted on the phone several times. I’d call him to get quick tutoring on physics so I could pretend to read his books. No matter how much I want to brag, it’s overstating it to call him a friend. I would never have called him to help me move a couch. I did, however, call him once to ask how we could score some liquid nitrogen for a Letterman spot we wanted to do. He was the only physicist I knew at the time. He explained patiently that he didn’t know. He was a theoretical physicist and I needed a hands-on guy, but he’d try to find one for me. About a half hour later a physics teacher from a community college in Brooklyn called me and said, “I don’t know what kind of practical joke this is, but a Nobel Prize–winning scientist just called me here at the community college, gave me this number, and told me to call Penn of Penn & Teller to help with a Letterman appearance.”

I guess that’s close to a friend.

My friend Richard Feynman said “I don’t know.” I heard him say it several times. He said it just like Harold, a simple statement of fact. When Richard didn’t know, he often worked harder than anyone else to find out, but while he didn’t know, he said “I don’t know.”

I like to think I fit in somewhere between my friends Harold and Richard. I don’t know. I try to remember to say “I don’t know” just the way they both did, as a simple statement of fact. It doesn’t always work. It seems that with “climate change” we’re all supposed to know, but I’ll get to that later in the book.

One attack I’ve heard theists make against atheists is, “So, you atheists think you know everything? You think you’re smart enough to know everything? You think science can figure out everything? There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt…” That quote is from my good friend Mr. Straw Man, but it’s an idea we hear all the time: atheists are arrogant and don’t think they need god, because they’ve got it all figured out. I think people who make that accusation are confusing style with content. I’m a loud, aggressive, strident, outspoken atheist, and I’m an asshole — but what I’m claiming is not in any way arrogant. It couldn’t be more humble. It’s just “I don’t know.”

I don’t know how the world was created. I don’t know how humans got here. There are lots of good guesses, and we keep testing those guesses trying to find where they’re wrong. Science has helped a lot, but we don’t know. And maybe we never will. I mean, we, all of us, the people alive right now, will certainly never know, but it seems almost as likely that no humans will ever know. how could we? We will keep getting closer, we will keep knowing more and more. I guess string theory might explain some things, but I don’t know. I don’t understand jack shit about string theory. Evolution explains a lot. I think I get a little bit about that. Evolution really does seem to make a zillion pieces fall into place. It’s the answer to a lot of questions that, before Darwin, had to be answered with “I don’t know.” The theory of evolution keeps, you know, evolving — it keeps changing. Now, we do know a lot, but the number of “I don’t know”s is still infinite. Aren’t there a few different kinds of infinity? I don’t fucking know. I sure can’t picture infinity. What does it mean to go on forever? I don’t know. That’s how Harold’s coworker Penn, the dishwasher, would say it — a simple statement of fact: “I don’t know.”

Where is the humility in being a theist? There is none. What would it mean for me to believe in god? It would mean that I know. Not just that I might happen to know about Kerouac, Thailand, liquid nitrogen, and vector calculus identities, but that I know that there is an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent power in the universe that I can’t prove to you, but that I know because I have faith. I know because I say I know. I can feel it. I would maybe have faith that this force in the universe is for good. Maybe it’s tied in with love. Maybe I know that this force in the universe will give everlasting life and cares very much where I stick my fucking cock. Maybe I would know that there is a supreme power in the universe and that supreme power cares about me. Not everyone who believes in god believes all of those things. But it doesn’t matter — whatever they say god is, they’re saying they know. There is no humility. They believe because they say they believe. Some people who believe in god distort the meaning to the point where… well, even I could say I believe in god. Some will tell you “God is love” and then defy you not to believe in love. But, if X = Y, why have a fucking X? Just keep it at Y. Why call love god? Why not call love… love? “Beauty is god.” Okay. If you change what the word means, you can get me to say I believe in it. Say “God is bacon” or “God is tits” and I’ll love and praise god, but you’re just changing the word, not the idea. Some think that god will answer prayers. They think that their prayer can influence the behavior of an omnipotent, omniscient power. How do you figure that? How come it’s rare to see people on TV saying that god made them lose the stupid ball game or killed that baby in the house fire? How come every time someone says that god told them to kill their whole family, the religious people say right away that the faithful murderer was crazy? You never see religious people saying “I wonder if that murder was a miracle. I wonder if god is speaking to us directly again.”

Maybe they really don’t believe this shit either.

I could scream at the altar of a church, with a crucifix stuck deep up my asshole, that I fuck Jesus Christ hard through the hand holes and cream on his crown of thorns, and I will never hit the level of blasphemy that’s required for someone to pray to god for their family’s pet dog to return home. The idea that someone can claim that they know there’s a god because they feel it, because they trust a book that they were raised with, because they had an epiphany, and then ask this god to change its mind about its plan for the universe is arrogant. Once you say you have the answer to everything, but you can’t prove it to anyone else, I don’t think you can accuse anyone else of being arrogant. I think you are the king of kings of the arrogant assholes.

And “I don’t know” doesn’t mean “There might be a god.” That’s the different kind of “I don’t know,” that’s not Harold and Richard’s honest, humble “I don’t know.” Being an atheist means you don’t believe in god. When someone asks if god exists and you humbly say “I don’t know,” you’ve answered the question honestly. Once you’ve answered “I don’t know” to the existence of a god, the answer to whether you believe in god pretty much has to be no. That doesn’t mean you’re saying it’s impossible for there to be a god, or that we couldn’t have evidence of a god in the future. It just means that right now you don’t know. And if you don’t know, you can’t believe. Believing cannot rise out of “I don’t know.”

Is there an elephant in your bathtub right now? If you humbly answer “I don’t know,” then when asked if you believe there’s an elephant in your bathtub right now, the answer would be no. Anything is possible, but there’s no reason to believe it until there’s some evidence. Once you’re an atheist, anything is possible. You are leaving open the possibility of Jesus Christ as lord, and Thor, and invisible gremlins living in your toaster. It’s all possible, but… I don’t know. And until I know — until there’s some evidence — I’m an atheist.

What could be humbler than that? You don’t have to be smart or well educated, you just need to be humble. And if you’re a libertarian atheist, there can be no commandments. There can be no edicts. It’s all down to the individual. No one knows what’s best for other people. I don’t even know what’s best for myself.

I was asked by Glenn Beck to entertain the idea of an atheist Ten Commandments. It was his rhetorical exercise to try to force the incorrect point that the biblical Ten Commandments were just common sense. Even though my heroes Hitchens and George Carlin have taken a pass at the Ten Commandments, I wanted to do my own. I wanted to see how many of the ideas that many people think are handed down from god really make sense to someone who says “I don’t know.”

Borscht Belt comics and a lot of web pages have used the gag “The Ten Suggestions.” All joking aside, that seems like the right feeling. This book is just some thoughts from someone who doesn’t know. I’ve tried to throw in a couple of funny stories, and there’s a lot of rambling. Some of the stories have nothing to do with atheism directly, but they will give you a feel for how one goofy atheist lives his life in turn-of-the-century America. If you’re still claiming that you’re religious, you can compare and contrast. I think you’ll find that I’m just like you, if you’re the kind of guy or gal who’s dropped his or her cock into a blow-dryer. Try to remember, when it all comes down, i just don’t know.

But… god? No! There is no fucking god!

Hmm… lots of shock-jock-y-ness in there. No doubt it’ll appeal to Penn’s fans, but I’m not sure it’ll bring him any new ones.

Anyway, I have a copy of the book to give away!

All you have to do is finish this sentence: “I don’t know _______________.”

(Leave the word “Teller” at the end of your comment if you’d like to be considered in the drawing.)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Justin Petersen

    shit. #Teller

    • Eattheelves

      I don’t know… Teller.

  • Justin Petersen

    shit. #Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000041560944 Riz Siemens

    I don’t know if there are men on the moon, but if there are they must be using the earth as their lunatic asylum. (George Bernard Shaw quote).

    #Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/darrensethe Darren Sethe

    I don’t know, where I’m gonna go, when the volcano blow……Teller.

  • Ellavemia

    but I’ve been told.  #Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t live in the United States. Can I still participate for the draw? Pretty please? I’ll leave a Teller at the end of the post in case you can bend the rule for an atheist living in India. :)

    -Teller

  • http://twitter.com/lebkin Nick Bell

    I don’t know if there is a heaven, but I’m not going to live my life hoping for one. #teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know Jack

    Teller

  • http://twitter.com/TPRyan007 tpr007

    I don’t know if there really is higher power, but if one exists then it certainly hasn’t done anything worth worshipping! #Teller 

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know what I want to eat…

    Teller

  • Lula N Cache

    I don’t know why religion is used as justification to mistreat/dismiss/deny other human beings and yet there’s a fearful reaction to atheists.

  • April Norman

    I don’t know what I am gonna do without this book!  #Teller

  • PegK

    I don’t know Jack Black.     Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Halley-DeLay/214901016 Halley DeLay

    I don’t know a whole heck of a lot. Teller. 

  • cbc

    I don’t know about you, but “I’d take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day.” – Douglas Adams

    TELLER

  • http://twitter.com/RhenWilson Rhen Wilson

    I don’t know if I should pray to God to win this book. #Teller

  • Craig Pizzuti

    I don’t know much about history 
    Don’t know much biology 
    Don’t know much about a science book 
    Don’t know much about the french I took 

    But I do know that I love you 
    And I know that if you love me too 
    What a wonderful world this would be Thank you Sam Cooke and…
    Teller

  • Craig Pizzuti

    I don’t know much about history 
    Don’t know much biology 
    Don’t know much about a science book 
    Don’t know much about the french I took 

    But I do know that I love you 
    And I know that if you love me too 
    What a wonderful world this would be Thank you Sam Cooke and…
    Teller

  • Ben Hibben

    enough yet. #Teller

  • Kimberly Shadle

    I don’t know who invented “God,”  I just know it wasn’t me.

  • Kimberly Shadle

    I don’t know who invented “God,”  I just know it wasn’t me.

  • Mark

    why my wacko family loves the lord so darn much. #teller

  • Michgirl56

    I don’t know,  and I’m okay with that…..teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=729529250 Devin W. Leaman

    I don’t know what happens after death.

    #Teller

  • http://twitter.com/_kellye spooky nine

    I don’t know much of anything, but I’d love this book. Teller

  • Tegan

    I don’t know who I am O.o

    #teller

  • Johannsone

    I don’t know why you need a contest,  just send me the book. 

    Teller

  • Eskomo

    I don’t know why, but I want that book.

    #Teller

  • Ian Bushfield

    I don’t know if I’ll win this book. #teller

  • http://antigold.myopenid.com/ Jude

    I don’t know why I would ever want to read a book by Penn Jillette.  Being an atheist isn’t enough of a reason.

  • Scotty

    I don’t know, truthfully, but that’s better than knowing falsely.   Teller

  • Arian Jamshidnejad

     I don’t know whether there exists an afterlife or not. Whether you simply perish and your body becomes a part of the earth, or whether you end up somewhere else. All I know is that there is no evidence to support the notion of an afterlife – none whatsoever. So why believe in it? Because it gives you a sense hope? Well, the universe does not owe you a sense of hope, my friend. You cannot say: “I believe in X because it gives me hope!” No, you must say: “I believe in X because there exists substantial evidence that suggest that X is true”.

    And that is why I don’t believe in an afterlife.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=690756125 Rob Durdle

     “I don’t know much, but I find praying to a old white guy in a dress, pretty silly.” Teller

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Book, schmook: have a hot dog.

  • Andy Breeden

    “I don’t know, and neither do you.”

    Teller

  • Jamie

    much about history,
    Don’t know much biology,

    Don’t know much about a science book,

    Don’t know much about the French I took….

    #Teller

  • http://www.robdurdle.com Rob Durdle

    “I don’t know much.. but  isn’t Jesus supposed to be black?” Teller

  • Jason

    I don’t know anything other than I want this book.  Teller

  • S Davis

    I don’t know what the question is, but once you define it, I’ll try to respond based on logic, reason and evidence; furthermore, I’ll honestly admit if I don’t know the answer. Teller.

  • Jeffrey Handy

    when I’m ever going to win something! Teller

  • Palaverer

    I don’t know diddley. And neither does Bo.

    Teller.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jim-Charlotte/100001257871259 Jim Charlotte

    I don’t know what, if any, purpose I have in life. I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Becoming an adult isn’t about figuring out what you want to do for the rest of your life – becoming an adult is about being okay with not knowing. #Teller

  • R. Fernandez

    I don’t know if I will ever be out of this consequential existence of mine alive or not, loved or not, wiser then yesterday or as dumb as ever. But I exist inspite of myself.

    #Teller

  • Nick B

    I don’t know, I want to if I can.

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=16812065 Julie Stokes

    I don’t know where I am.

    Teller

  • Sue

    I don’t know SO much that I don’t even know what I don’t know that I don’t know. Teller

  • http://twitter.com/Kahomono Kahomono

    I don’t know everything, but I know where to look just about anything up.

    I don’t know everything, but I know how to evaluate new evidence.

    I don’t know that there IS NO GOD, but I know my life is better since I started acting as if there were none!

    I don’t know if I’ll win a copy of the new book by

    #Teller

  • Jessica Williams

    I don’t know why the fuck everyone digs this “jesus” guy so much? Teller

  • Brandon_dolan

    I don’t know if you’re actually bull shitting us. 

  • Jerome

    I don’t know how to read. Teller

  • Kelsorae

    I don’t know much….but I know I want this book.  Teller.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know Teller.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know Teller.

  • Mike Ashe

    I don’t know what the word God even means.  My wife doesn’t know either.  If you know, don’t tell me and don’t #Teller

  • Casey

    I don’t know where life will take me, but I’m excited to find out.

    Teller

  • Anonymous

    …squat.    Teller

  • Emily

    I don’t know why people believe crazy things with such utter conviction.  

    Teller.

  • Pxilated

    I don’t know what to eat for lunch.  

    Teller

  • Pxilated

    I don’t know what to eat for lunch.  

    Teller

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VT4W54KWHU2EXEQTLAIINHSDRY El Perro

    …how to read or reason. I just love Jesus.

  • Desilva888

    I don’t know if the world will survive itself.
    Teller

  • Desilva888

    I don’t know if the world will survive itself.
    Teller

  • http://twitter.com/postshaggy Life Post-Shaggy

    I don’t know Teller.

  • Barbara Harrison

    … how I got 578 duplicate songs in My Music folder! WTH …..Teller

  • Natalie Dempsey

    I don’t know, and neither do you. #Teller

  • Mr Ed

    “I don’t know like spiders and snakes, they don’t make me happy.

  • Mr Ed

    “I don’t know like spiders and snakes, they don’t make me happy.

  • Barryedwards

    I don’t know most things, but I’m willing to learn. Teller.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    … why it has to be so

    could you tell me why you’re leaving

    cause I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know

    #Teller

  • Reginald Selkirk

    … why it has to be so

    could you tell me why you’re leaving

    cause I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know

    #Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1029421171 Lois Yager

    I don’t know  much about history, don’t know much biology, don’t know much about a science book, don’t know much about the french I took… 

    #Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1029421171 Lois Yager

    I don’t know  much about history, don’t know much biology, don’t know much about a science book, don’t know much about the french I took… 

    #Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/Woozlfreak Dawn Walling

    I don’t know but I’m sure someone will tell me! Teller

  • Beefaice

    I don’t know a lot, but that’s kind of the point.
    Teller.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephen-Burrows/582758031 Stephen Burrows

    I don’t know…a lot!

    Teller

  • Robin Raianiemi

    I don’t know much about biology.  (I’m afraid I just made PZ Myers cry.)

    Teller

  • Trickstershane

     I don’t know why so many people love Sky Cake.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know if there is a God, but I do know what constitutes as evidence.

    #Teller

  • Tom

    I don’t know much at all.  Teller.

  • Tom

    I don’t know much at all.  Teller.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=773692362 Jansen Waddell

    I don’t know jack shit. And I like it that way; keeps things interesting. Teller.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know if I could take a full book of Juliette, but would like to try.

    #Teller

  • Kent Keller

    I don’t know if this makes me gay or not, but Hemant Mehta is, hands down, the handsomest, smartest, Jesus-not-believing-in-est atheist activist on the entire fucking Internet, and I would totally hold hands with him if he asked me.

    If he sends me Penn’s book, I’ll have to add “most generous” to the list.

    Teller

  • Ashdog

    I don’t know whether I’ll win a copy of Penn’s book.

    #Teller

  • flyngzebra

    I don’t know Teller. Teller

  • flyngzebra

    I don’t know Teller. Teller

  • Caliaa

    I don’t know if Batshitman (Rick Perry) or Batshitgirl (Bachmann) are gonna win the primaries but I really hope either of them win so there won’t be any surprises when Obama (or Hillary) wins in 2012.
    #Teller

  • Caliaa

    I don’t know if Batshitman (Rick Perry) or Batshitgirl (Bachmann) are gonna win the primaries but I really hope either of them win so there won’t be any surprises when Obama (or Hillary) wins in 2012.
    #Teller

  • Gina Little

    I don’t know why people believe fairy tales are real.

    Teller

  • Gina Little

    I don’t know why people believe fairy tales are real.

    Teller

  • myozzie

    I don’t know jack shit.

    #Teller

  • Angryzenbuddhist

    I don’t know Japanese.

  • Zachary Aletheia

    I don’t know anything with certainty and see no problem with that! teller

  • Georgia Archbold-Digby

    I don’t know why babies are so delicious, but I’m sure God made them that way for a reason!

  • T-Rex

    I know I want this book.

  • Josh Stone

    I don’t know a fraction of what there is to know, and that’s exciting!
    #Teller

  • KDM

     I don’t know what to type here.

    Teller

  • Adam

    I don’t know more than I do know.

    Teller

  • Timothy Rinehart

    I don’t know what it takes to win these blog-comment contests. Anyone?

    Teller?

  • Morphomel

    I don’t know where I’m going in life.

    Teller

  • bryan

    I don’t know if Teller has a new book, too, but I could really use a new blank journal.

    Teller

    • Kattensover

      I don’t know who you’ll pick, but I’d give the book to “bryan.”

      (And I don’t know bryan. He just gave me the biggest laugh of all these.)

  • Anonymous

    who I have to fuck to get a drink around here.
    Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know if I’ll win the book, but I’ll leave a comment anyway.

    Teller

  • Dan Conley

    I don’t know how scientists measure that the universe is expanding, or that it’s cooling down. I was telling my wife about the heat death of the universe and she asked how they knew, and I had to say I didn’t know.

    Teller.

  • Michael

    I don’t know my ass from my elbow macaroni.

    Teller
     

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=690281819 Joy Ninefourteen

    I don’t know why I’m here. Rock on,Penn & Teller!

  • Miller

    I dont know how to speel.
    ;)

    #Teller

  • Andrew Wilkens

    I don’t know if I’m going to win this.   Teller.

  • Jeff Johnson

    I don’t know but I’ve been told, Friendly Atheist is as good as gold. Teller 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Irvine/506893850 Andrew Irvine

    I don’t know how much there is not to know.

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1108576277 Hannah Capps

    I don’t know, but I’ll look it up on Wikipedia and find out. 

    Teller! 

  • Steve Radant

    I don’t know what kind of world my great-great-great grandchildren will inherit.

    Teller

  • http://twitter.com/Luvrte66 Beth Riches

    I don’t know why the caged bird sings. Teller

  • Erin Burrows

    I don’t know where I left my keys. (Again)
    Teller

  • http://www.fineartlampscapes.com Larry

    I don’t know…where my keys are!!!  HELP!

    p.s. Oh, here they are, never mind.
    TELLER  (Teller you don’t know something, then kiss her)

  • Myknobody

    I don’t know what REALLY happened on 9/11. But, the official story is full of holes, contradictions and strange coincidences, stinking to high heaven, Teller.

  • Dgbrunson

    I don’t know how long I will take to heal from my dental surgery.  Teller

  • http://religionsetspolitics.blogspot.com/ Joshua Zelinsky

    I don’t know a clever and funny way to end this sentence. Teller. 

  • Godless Bastard

    I don’t a lot about much, but I *do* know that Bible God is pure myth…you effing moron.

    Teller.

    • Godless Bastard

      Oops. That’s “I don’t know a lot about much…”

  • http://twitter.com/iamrichie Richie

    I don’t know about you but I would LOVE a copy of this book. #Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Willie-Raymond-Taylor-III/100001871873339 Willie Raymond Taylor III

    I don’t know if hell exists, but I expect some rousing good conversations if it does.  Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know why my cats have to get into EVERY single box in the house or why my dog barks at the airplanes flying overhead (or even how she SEES them).  Teller

  • Axe7645

    …either

    Teller

  • Keith

    I don’t know epistemology … teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1556779348 Gabriel Brawley

    why normally skeptical people will allow their politics to trump the scientific evidence. Why they will refuse to belive in climate change or will believe in a 9/11 conspricy.

  • Seth R.

    … if I exist or not.

    Teller

  • Leo Buzalsky

    I don’t know.  Period.  There is no blank to fill in. #Teller

  • Leena Holtta

    I don’t know too much about anything, even the things I know a lot about compared to some of the people I know. I also don’t know whether or not I will enjoy this book, but I do know that I want to read it.

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1132020345 Jaime Delgado

    I don’t know why I’m even wasting my time since the odds are that I won’t win this thing…Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=560775590 T’Face Walrus Topsy

    I don’t know why religious believers believe bullshit!?
    Teller !

  • Snl2240

    I don’t know if there is a flying spaghetti monster, but I wish there was. He’d noodle them all into place for sure. ARG!!!
    #Teller

  • http://twitter.com/garretevans Garret Evans

    I don’t know, I don’t care, and it doesn’t make any difference! - Albert Einstein 

    #Teller

  • http://profiles.google.com/statueofmike Michael S

    I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I want to do, or what I want to want. It takes a lot of work to find out enough to decide what to do with myself for a week, then a month, then a year. To avoid stalling, I have to stop, reevaluate the things I’ve done and the things I’ve avoided doing, and start all over again.I do miss watching Bullshit! with Penn and Teller

  • randomatheist

    I don’t know how much I don’t know :) Learning is a life experience! (Teller)

  • Holycowsgomoo

    I don’t know if Glenn Beck really did rape and murder a girl 1990.

    Teller

  • Kelly Brown

    I don’t know why my stomach hurts

  • Kelly Brown

    I don’t know what color to paint my nails.
    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=719095026 Zach Johnson

    I started really liking Penn when he was the voiceover guy for Comedy Central.  And I started adoring him when Bullshit came out and they did the bit about dihydrogen monoxide.

    I don’t agree with everything he says, but he and Teller are fantastic magicians and Penn is a damned entertaining guy.

    I don’t know why people believe in gods at all.  I’ve just never understood it.  No matter how I try (and I’ve really tried) I just can’t make sense of it – it seems like they’d be overwhelmed by cognitive dissonance every day till their brains melted.  The fact that I have to identify myself as an atheist is endlessly fascinating to me…

    #Teller

  • Leilani Pearce

    I don’t know everything, and I am okay with that. 

    “Teller”

  • CK

    I don’t know why I have these goggles.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know and that is O.K.! (Teller)

  • Jessica McHugh

    I don’t know why people say ‘Cleanliness is next to Godliness’ when all of the best dirty jokes are about religion.TELLER

  • poops2468

    I don’t know what I don’t know. Teller

  • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

    I don’t know _____

    Teller

  • Joseph Huddleston

    I don’t know if I’ll make it, But watch how good I’ll fake it. It’s all right, all right, tonight, tonight

    Teller

  • http://www.wellactually.org Rubbs

    I don’t know… everything I don’t know. A professor once said to my wife, “If you leave this program with more questions than you’ve had coming in… we’ve done our job.” We know so little, we don’t even know what we don’t know.

  • Kim

    …any humble theists.  But, I do know I want this book more than anything.
    Teller

  • Phillip

    I don’t know.. Hemant’s middle name!

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know why atheists are reviled and viewed as close-minded, whereas religious people also reject the tenants and beliefs of every single other religion that ever existed.  

    #Teller

  • http://twitter.com/rgaltizer R G Altizer

    I don’t know what the rules to curling are, but by the sound of the players I imagine it has something to so with who can sound the most excited about sweeping.

    Teller.

  • whathedeuce

    I don’t know if our shared atheism is enough to get me to buy a book by Penn Jillette, but it’s good enough of a reason to read a free book by Penn Jillette.

    Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know, and I’m okay with not knowing.
    Teller

  • Andrew B

    I don’t know absolute truth.

    Teller

  • Gmorris44

    ….that I didn’t know. #teller

  • Daniel

    I don’t know the odds of me actually winning…obsiously.

    Teller

  • Virus fan

    What cum tastes like
    #fezwhatley

  • http://www.facebook.com/billyup Jesse Jones

    I don’t know anything about quantum physics, But I still think it’s cool.
    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=684125632 Aaron Harmon

    I don’t know Jack. Teller.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

    I don’t know just how much I don’t know, but I know it’s more than I can learn in a lifetime.

    Teller.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1573921759 Howard Vaudry

    Reminds me of my first girlfriend.

    TELLER

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bill-Householder/1470680062 Bill Householder

    I don’t know Doodley Squat (in honor of Kurt Vonnegut.)
    Teller 

  • http://www.facebook.com/keithacollyer Keith Collyer

    I don’t know either …Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/keithacollyer Keith Collyer

    I don’t know either …Teller

  • JR

    I don’t know some things I think I know.  Teller

  • Fannons4

    I don’t know….but I want to. Teller

  • Michael Vincent

    I don’t know why so may people use faith as a reason to be a dick

    Teller

  • Directionalpad

    I don’t know how else I’m going to get a copy of “God, No!” if I don’t win it here.
    Teller

  • Nicholas Tower

    I don’t know how little i know. Or do i?

    Teller

  • Laura

    I don’t know, but don’t tell me. I’ll figure it out myself.  Teller. 

  • Former Thumper

    I dont know why more people dont see that string theory lacks falsifiability, and is therefore bad science.

    #teller

  • Conrad Buck

    I don’t know what the question is, but I know the answer is Jesus…

    …in the dining room…

    …with the candlestick.

    Teller

  • RDHornsey

    I don’t know what I don’t know, and likely never will.

    • RDHornsey

      Also, TELLER.

  • Skeptical Thought

    why so much of humanity is so inhumane.

    Teller

  • Karl Foster

    I don’t know the answer for an existential crisis.
    Teller 

  • AwesomeCloud’s mom

    I don’t know how statistically likely it is for me to win a book.  Yet I keep trying.

    Teller.

  • James Gifford

    I don’t know what I’ve been told, the universe is freaking old.

    Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know why but he’s putting my thoughts into words.

    Teller.

  • Bud Kuenzli

    I don’t know anything about god because there isn’t anything about god I can know. Teller

  • AJ from GA

    I don’t know when I began to leave my faith behind, but I know it happened some time around the year I took Intro to Philosophy: Logic and a Bible study course.

  • AJ from GA

    I don’t know why I forgot to write Teller in that post. Uh…Teller

  • Jenn Cornish

    I don’t know how to win this book, but maybe this will help.

    Teller

  • http://twitter.com/larycrews Writer Lary Crews

    I don’t know much but I know there’s no God. Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know much, but I know I love you. That may be all I need to know.

    Teller

  • http://twitter.com/NeenerSandwich Nina Sandidge

    I don’t know why god hates women s much. Mommy issues much? *Teller*

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=647753510 J.R. Boedeker

    I don’t know how to love him
    What to do, how to move him.Jesus Christ Superstar
    Take that!

    Teller

  • Free book

    I don’t know what to write
    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=712178421 Jennifer Janes

    This will be fun to read!

    Teller

  • http://iwanttobeagaydad.wordpress.com Alan E.

    I don’t know why I don’t care if Jimmy cracks corn.

    Teller

  • ARobinson101

    I don’t know whether winning this book will completely skew my odds of winning the lottery (in which case I don’t want the damn book) or of dying in a plane crash (in which case I DO want the book), or being struck by lightening, which I hear can be an amazing experience if you survive it (in which case I don’t know if I want the book). Teller

  • http://gretachristina.typepad.com/ Greta Christina

    I don’t know to what degree gendered behavior is born, learned, or a combination of both.

    I don’t know why people have the sexual orientations that we do.

    I don’t know what consciousness is, or how the brain creates it.

    I don’t know what happened before the Big Bang… or if that concept even makes sense.

    I don’t know if there are other universes apart from ours.

    Teller.

  • Cyclopsrobbie

    enough of what I should know, and too much of what I shouldn’t .

  • Tucker

    I don’t know why Christians ask me if I’m afraid that “this is it” when “this” is so beautiful and heartbreaking and more exciting than any idea of heaven I could come up with.
    Teller

  • Cyclopsrobbie

    enough about what I should know, and too much about what I shouldn’t . Teller

  • Libby Stephens

    I don’t know, but I’ve been told the streets of heaven are paved with gold. If I get there and it’s not the case, You’ll know
    someone lied to my face. 

  • http://diff-path.blogspot.com Jennifer

    I don’t know of a more excellent blog than The Friendly Atheist!  Keep up the good work!

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=647851709 John Cobbett-Walden

    I don’t know how to explain special pleading to my fundamentalist friends who claim the bible and their experience prove that a particular version of a particular god exists, but I’ll keep trying.

    Teller

  • MartyM

    I don’t know why I still go to church when I love to read atheist blogs.

  • MartyM

    I don’t know why I still go to church when I love to read atheist blogs.  Teller

    Forgot the Teller part..

  • ACN

    I don’t know what I’m having for dinner tonight!

    Teller.

  • Omnicide00

    I don’t know what it feels like to drop my cock in a blow dryer. This is going to drive me crazy.
    Teller!

  • Cromulent1

    I don’t know, but I’m willing to learn.
    Teller.

  • Kholland24

    “I dont know Religion.”
    #Teller

  • Lucas Nguyen

    I don’t know how to enter this contest.

    I could use some help from Penn’s partner,

    Teller

  • http://thegodlessmonster.com/ The Godless Monster

    “I don’t know  but I’ve been told; creationist bullshit’s mighty old.”Teller

  • http://rrlane.blogspot.com rrlane

    I don’t know if I’ll win the contest.

    Teller

  • D_54321

    Here’s an example of when he actually said “I don’t know”:
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/00/teller1229.htm

    “I don’t know. I wold have to hear what Howard was talking about. In any
    case he would have been a better choice for President then Bush or Gore.

    I don’t know if that’s good enough, but I hope so.
    Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know Doobie Keebler.

    Teller

  • Seth Cochran

    I don’t know WHY physics works the way it does, and the fact that I kind of know how it works on ly makes me more curious.  Teller

  • Seth Cochran

    I don’t know WHY physics works the way it does, and the fact that I kind of know how it works on ly makes me more curious.  Teller

  • http://twitter.com/PaulSpoerry Paul Spoerry

    I don’t know “!@#*&!@ about !@#*(&!@”

  • http://twitter.com/PaulSpoerry Paul Spoerry

    I don’t know “!@#*&!@ about !@#*(&!@”

  • D_54321

    I don’t know how Teller would feel about all these sentences looking as though they can be attributed to him, but I hope he’s okay with it.

    Teller

  • Brian Price

    …that’s why I Google. Teller

  • whatsyourquestion

    I don’t know if that image of Penn creaming on the crown of thorns was supposed to turn me on or if there’s something really wrong with me… Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=820225110 Anonymous

    I don’t know string theory or how to bake a lemon meringue. Teller

  • Doug Burrell

    I don’t know, but I’ll think of something clever that’ll convince folks I know.

    Teller

  • John

    I don’t know Melissa Joan Hart personally.

    Teller.

  • Hazor

    I don’t know why so few people abstain from alcohol and other drugs. I need to learn more of this fellow.

    Teller.

  • Kurt Rauscher

    I don’t know how some of this stuff happens, but I keep muddling through it.  
    Who’s the better magician of Penn and Teller?  That’s right, Teller

  • Brian

    I don’t know exactly how evolution works, but I trust those that study it and can see/explain how reality is consistent with its conclusions.

    Teller.

  • Undeadgoat

    I don’t know Teller.

  • darius morgan

    I don’t know why I find it interesting to read a book about not knowing things, but I do…

    Teller

  • Claybfx

    I don’t know if I’m doing this right, since to my knowledge I’m not signed up on this site.

  • emk

    And I am not sure if I want to know.

    Teller

  • Tena

    I don’t know why no one will hire me
    ):

    #Teller

  • Greg

    I don’t know if this competition is open to people outside the US. Maybe, Hemant, you could check with Teller?

  • Skarab

    I don’t know, I probably never will, and I’m fine with that!  – Teller
     

  • santa_

    I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow!
    Teller

  • Kim

    I don’t know why people can’t see the universe as beautiful and magical without god. It’s become a more and more amazing place since I stopped trying to believe.

    Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know exactly when this was posted on a certain Usenet newsgroup, many, many moons ago:
    “Some questions are nonsensical. ‘I don’t know’ is a valid, and honest, answer.  Making something up to pretend you have an answer is fooling oneself.”  — Stoney

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/GoodWolf211 Mike Knowler

    I don’t know if I could be assed reading this book.
    But I’d give it a shot.

    I don’t know the scope of things I don’t know. I don’t know that with issues like climate change, population booms, crop soil becoming arid, new highly infectious diseases emerging from our germophobic society and the irresponsible use in absence of understanding technology, that our civilization will manage another century. I don’t know how to fix those problems or if it would even be worth it. I don’t know that we can survive.

    Teller.

  • Al Mike

    I don’t know…why people don’t understand me when I tell them I do not have the capability to believe in God after I came to the realization that not believing was an option. “Why don’t you just believe in God, what can it hurt?” they ask, “Why don’t you just believe in Buddha, what can it hurt?” I retort.

    ***Teller

  • http://twitter.com/burtonrunyan Burton Runyan

    I don’t know about you guys, but I’m meeting my maker in heaven one day.

    Haha – just fuckin’ with you guys.

    #Teller

  • Fredericka

    “For years it seemed Christopher Hitchens was always drunk, so he was calling up information in the same state (drunk) that he learned it (drunk).”

    Wow, Mr. Friendly, this is inspirational!

  • iMuisc

    “I don’t know” is one of the most difficult things to say. However, it is something that should be said more. 

    • iMusic

      Forgot to add “Teller!”

  • Speedydoorknob

    I don’t know anything I want to know.

    Teller

  • Sakofsky

    I don’t know why when two nuns were cleaning the rectory the first nun said “The other day when I was cleaning the Father’s room I found some condoms”. The second nun said “Oh no, what did you do with them?”. “Well,” the first nuns says “I took a pin and poked some holes in them – hee hee”. The second nun’s reaction?: “FUCK!!”
    Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know why my previous post here seems to have vanished.

    Teller

    • Anonymous

      Nevermind, I found it. I just needed to change the sort order. :-

  • http://www.facebook.com/alewis2 Adam Lewis

    I don’t know about everyone but…

    I always go backwards when I’m backing up.

    #Teller

  • Jason Borgmann

    I don’t know, but knowing that is enough.

    Teller

  • Jason Borgmann

    I don’t know, but knowing that is enough.

    Teller

  • Sue Rivers, KPA CTP

    I don’t know why I am entering this contest.  Teller.

  • Rhys

    I don’t know everything, but at least with science and reason I am constantly pushed in the right direction.

    Teller

  • http://twitter.com/TominousTone Tom Lawson

    I don’t know how many signs are in this book, but there is only one sign that a Christian needs and that is…

    If you can make it to the end of the book before your eyes start bleeding from all the “cocks” and “fucks,” then you are an atheist. Welcome aboard!

  • Anonymous

    I used to work for a production company in LA in the 70s – the guy who owned the place was really into what they referred to as “tax-shelter deals” – which looked a lot like Springtime for Hitler. What he would do is take all the attempts at hit songs that were sent to his office (15-20 a day, maybe Harold’s were in there), record them from the original tape onto a halftrack and make a record out of them. He would get 5-10 grand per album, knowing a) it would never go anywhere, and b) it wasn’t SUPPOSED to go anywhere. There were songwriters from all over the country who had no idea their song was, exactly the way the demo’d it, printed somewhere on an album. They were never told and they got nothing for it. I know that guy was not the only one to be doing this. It’s now illegal, at least in CA. 

  • Drew M.

    I don’t know why people believe strange things.

    (With apologies to Shermer)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jasonrtemple Jason Temple

    I don’t know why theists think they do…

    Teller

  • foo

    I don’t know shit, Teller.

  • foo

    I don’t know shit, Teller.

  • Jim_caerleon

    I don’t know why I don’t like Mondays, I want to shoot the whole day down.

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/lordzaos John Phillips

    “I don’t know,  so I’m an atheist Libertarian” – Teller.

  • http://silveroutlinedwindow.wordpress.com/ Shannon

    I don’t know why people find god comforting.

    Teller

  • Cruizingunns

    I don’t know why but athiests have more fun before we become worm food. I guess we don’t have to worry if we are going to heaven or hell

    Teller

  • http://profiles.google.com/clsteadham Cheryl Steadham

    I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.  At 53 I think I’m still too young to decide.  #Teller

  • suz

    I don’t know why my neighbor’s dog wan’t quit barking. 
    teller

  • VBeast

    I don’t know why pearly gates and golden streets are thought of as selling points. Teller

  • Crabbysister5

    I don’t know how anyone could possibly think Michele Bachmann would make a good president. Teller

  • Kevin

    I don’t know who is going to win.  Teller.

  • Jim

    I don’t know why they had to stop making episodes of Bull Shit!

    Teller

  • Darksteelhyren

    I don’t know, but Google God can tell me.

    Teller

  • Anonymous

    “I don’t know jack shit.”     Teller

  • Michael Appleman

    I don’t know how long it will take me to read this book if I win, because I’ll have to wait until no one is home :p

    Teller

  • Alice Hogan

    I don’t know what to say sometimes when a true believer tries to argue with me, but I always think of an articulate response later. Teller

  • Paul Little

    I don’t know what it is that I don’t know, but at least I know that I don’t know it.

    Teller

  • Elizabethsmith1717

    I don’t know whether I actually want to move back closer to my family before we have kids, because they’ve become SUCH extreme Southern Baptists that I’m not sure I want my kids to be around them too much. :( #Teller

  • Tinkergr

    I don’t know, Penn and Teller or Teller and Penn for President and VP?
    –Teller

  • http://happycat.pip.verisignlabs.com/ Chris aka Happy Cat

    In the modern world we know enough to overcome adversity, predict weather, fight disease, etc.  We can say “I don’t know” with a sense of awe instead of fear.  It’s not like saying “I don’t know” thousands of years ago when every day was a terrifying unknown and every aspect of nature in question.  Awe vs. fear.  Welcome to the 21st century, theists.

    Teller.

  • Martin C.

    I don’t know how to make myself believe in something that doesn’t exist, like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or God…. Teller

  • Fredericka

    “that I fuck Jesus Christ”

    Sometimes the reader of this blog must fight against the intrusive thought that AIDS is not an altogether bad thing. Bye-bye.

  • Pericles

    I don’t know why so many people find others’ ignorant beliefs to be harmless.

    Teller

  • Benjamin Klahn

    “I don’t know where the lost socks go either, it’s ok.” #teller

  • http://www.miketheinfidel.com/ MikeTheInfidel

    … when I’m going to die, but I hope I do it at 95 years old, full of disease and crankiness, by crashing into the ground during a “failed” skydive.

  • Sinfanti

    If anybody would like to know more about the book, Bart over at the Atheist Camel also received a free copy from the publisher in return for a write-up.  He was surprisingly disappointed in Penn’s narrative style and content.  Worth checking out.

    I don’t know… and I’m OK with that.

  • https://sites.google.com/site/ferulebezelssite/ Ferule Bezel

    I don’t know lots of things.

    Teller

  • Conor_McSorley

    I don’t know, I’ll google it.

    Teller

  • Courtneyleigh77

    I don’t know much about religion and I really don’t want to!!

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1267822455 Ross Cunningham

    I don’t know most things, Teller.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1267822455 Ross Cunningham

    I don’t know most things, Teller.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1019365643 John J. Ronald

    I don’t know why people ask someone they perceive as smarter than themselves a dumb question like “is there anything you DON’T know?” because the proper response is “quite a lot, actually”  #Teller.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Becky-Shattuck/1198372564 Becky Shattuck

    I don’t know everything, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t explanations for the way things work.  Attributing all unknowns to a higher power is asinine.  Teller

  • Jordanb716

    I don’t know if I’m doing this correctly.
    Teller

  • ff42

    I don’t know why it took me so long to get out of cult I was born into.

    Teller.

  • Sittingduck

    I don’t know much, but I know I love you. And that may be all I need to know.

    Teller

  • Ollie Spires

    I don’t know how much pizza there is in the Bible.
    Teller!

  • Sagewolf123

    I don’t know, but Fool Us with a good trick. Teller

  • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

    I don’t know if I would have been an atheist if God was tits.

    God is tits idea in the narrative by Teller

  • mikemedeiros

    I don’t know anything about quantum physics.
    Teller

  • Boneless Turkey

    I don’t know Andie McDowall, but I wish I did.

    • Boneless Turkey

      Teller

  • Tori Aletheia

    I don’t know anything about drinking.  Teller

  • Tori Aletheia

    I don’t know anything about drinking.  Teller

  • Douglas Kirk

     I don’t know how to fix this mess.

    Teller

  • Sghettimonster

    Teller.

  • Sghettimonster

    Teller.

  • edgyllama

    I don’t know what happened to Jimmy Hoffa 

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=750428174 Paddy Reddin

    I don’t know….but I’d like to find out, or have fun trying.

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1700302833 Emily Rubio Savidge

    I don’t know why I took so long to check this out.   Hope I win, though.

    Teller (!)

  • Romana Challans

    I don’t know a great deal – but I really like reducing the size of that ignorance. 

    As T H Huxley said : “The known is finite, the unknown infinite; intellectually we stand on an islet in the midst of an illimitable ocean of inexplicability. Our business in every generation is to reclaim a little more land, to add something to the extent and the solidity of our possessions.”It won’t win me the book, but that’s ok, i will save up and buy it anyway. I think it will help me with land reclamation.

  • Jeff

    I don’t know, but I’ve been told Mormon pussy is pretty cold.

    TELLER

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know how people can so fervently believe their fairytale, while not believing in other people’s fairyales with equal fervor.

    Teller

  • Mark

    I don’t know if you’re going to give me the book, but I can believe that you will if you pick me.

    Teller

  • Revyloution

    I dont know why anyone would be a libertarian.

  • http://skepticalredneck.tumblr.com/ SkepticalRedneck

    I don’t know if I could stand being in the same room as this Penn fellow. Teller!

  • Bill Ludwig

    I don’t know what my odds are of winning this but judging by the number of comments it’s not very good.

    • Bill Ludwig

      I also didn’t know, up til just now, that clicking on the Post as … button to log in immediately posts the comment.  So excuse my lack of a #Teller at the end of my comment.

  • sane

    I don’t know, I really don’t.

    Teller

  • TheSkepticalMagician

    I don’t know how Christian Apologetics convince anyone… it is the art of convincing people to take a bite out of a bullshit sandwich, and then convincing them that it tastes good.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/keithbaker.memphis Keith Baker

    I don’t know why there are 10 Commandments when “Don’t be an asshole,” sums up everything so well.

    Teller

  • EAO

    “I don’t know what to say to my friends when they ask me to pray for them or for other random sad circumstances.”  TELLER

  • Stoph

    I don’t know everything I don’t know.

    Teller

  • Sallyolin

    I don’t know shit. Teller

  • Rob

    I don’t know if I don’t know, or if I just think I don’t know.

    Teller

  • http://de-avanzada.blogspot.com/ Daosorios

    I don’t know if Harry Potter exists.  I don’t know, Teller.

  • John Perez

    I don’t know Penn & Teller.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ChristopherTK ChristopherTK

    “I don’t know _______________.”I don’t know God, because there is no God!Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/briancposey Brian C Posey

    I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.  Teller.

  • Chuck F.

    I don’t know what I don’t know, but knowing that keeps me seacrching for the answers.

  • Chuck F.

    I don’t know what I don’t know , but knowing that keeps me searching for the answers.

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/syk0saje Pepe Bawagan

    …about you but I don’t know jack. Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1025224665 Matthew Crocker

    I don’t know if what I’m doing is right.

    Teller

  • skinman

    I don’t know, but I am willing to learn. – TELLER

  • npklemm

    I don’t know that it’s not butter.
    Teller

  • npklemm

    I don’t know that it’s not butter.
    Teller

  • http://somethingaweek.wordpress.com/ Hepworth

    I don’t know why anyone would want to be a bank teller.

  • Richelle McCullough-

    I don’t know the answers to pretty much anything, but I do know how to ask questions.

    Teller

  • Craig E.

    I don’t know why I know the things I think I know, and I don’t know why I don’t know the things I’m supposed to know.
      Teller

  • rick

    we  , none of us, don’t know. we may have the brain capacity to know, but we, none of us,
    have yet connected with whatever needs to connect , in order to know. perhaps we will,
    perhaps not, ….I DON”T KNOW! ………teller

  • Donalbain

    I don’t know why Penn calls himself an atheist when he does worship an invisible, all powerful force. He, like other libertarians, just calls his deity of choice The Free Market.

    teller

    • goober1223

      You seem to misunderstand “I don’t know” with worship, just like theists who read his statements regarding theism. Free markets arise from free individuals, and if there is any principal worth striving for, it is that.

      Of course, freedom of the individual is defined differently based on ideology, so we’re really back to square one.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_57HTLOH2XCGPE6FX5H45TV3EO4 Michael

    I don’t know if I could be as witty or as original or as hilarious as you’d like me to be, but I do know that the ones before me aren’t doing any better either.

    TELLER

  • Terry

    I don’t know Penn, but as usual supurb and well put.

    Teller

  • Fraser Marshall

    I don’t even know if you’d consider posting the book to the UK but I’ll enter anyway.

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Scott-Welty/1467563981 Scott Welty

    I don’t know much about history. . .
    Teller

  • Twalker

    Teller.

    Also, Teller. 

  • Alienat

    I don’t know about you, but I’m praying that someone else will win.
    What you gonna do, punk?!Teller

  • Alienat

    I don’t know about you, but I’m praying that someone else will win.
    What you gonna do, punk?!  Teller

  • Anonymous

    I DO know Jack. But I don’t know if that’s his real name.

    #Teller

  • Dyahrmarkt

    I don’t know why I’m writing this sentence instead of just buying the book.
    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/AnonymousBoy Larry Meredith

    I don’t know blank
    Teller

  • Garyhender

    bupkis!   Teller

  • Ally P

    I don’t know a lot of things, so I learn and the more I learn the more I know I don’t know.

    Teller

  • Garrett

    I don’t know Jack

    Teller

  • Marc Saegesser

    I don’t know all the things I don’t know.  That’s what makes life interesting.

    Teller

  • Mitchbert

    I don’t know if Hemant is friendly, nor if he’s an atheist.

  • Just a dude in the USA

    I don’t know all the things  I don’t know.

    Teller!

  • Dan Klarmann

    I don’t know my Order of Ignorance regarding what I don’t know

    But I do know how to get change from a

    Teller

  • Rose

    I don’t know why people think America is a christian nation, or why they think their god is good.
    TELLER

  • Konstantin Aal

    I don’t know is something i know…

    Teller

  • DaveP

    I don’t know if I’ll win, but it’s worth a try.

    Teller

  • Scout

    I don’t know why I have this itchy, red bump on my leg, but holy FSM, it’s driving me crazy!

    Teller

  • Capito

    I don’t know? Teller.

  • James Maehling

    I don’t know what I’ll be doing after graduation, but it’ll be fun.

    Teller

  • idon’tknow

    I don’t know why my innocent 13-year old cousin in India was accused of rape. He’s innocent (well-known fact), as there is no proof. Because a couple of corrupt military men needed someone to blame, a poor civilian child must take the burden. The world is so corrupt, especially the justice system in several places in the world.

    Just what’s on my mind…

    Teller.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know everything that I don’t know.  Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know everything that I don’t know.  Teller

  • mechanoid

    I don’t know why in FSMs noodly appendage that Christian Dominionism is gaining political traction!
    Teller

  • Resercher

    I don’t know; I guess that I’ve been confused for a very
    long time.  I’m so ashamed of myself. Man, I’ve been believing that once while
    watching their dog mounting Joe’s leg, Mary got an idea – which got her knocked
    up.  Joe had a vasectomy before ever having met Mary. Obviously there must have
    been a miracle.  Mary gave birth to fraternal twins. They now had a puppy and a
    little bastard that they named Jesus.   

    And that other story about his last supper, where he gave
    head for bread; I don’t know.

     Teller

    I don’t know; I guess that I’ve been confused for a very
    long time.  I’m so ashamed of myself. Man, I’ve been believing that once while
    watching their dog mounting Joe’s leg, Mary got an idea – which got her knocked
    up.  Joe had a vasectomy before ever having met Mary. Obviously there must have
    been a miracle.  Mary gave birth to fraternal twins. They now had a puppy and a
    little bastard that they named Jesus.   

    And that other story about his last supper, where he gave
    head for bread; I don’t know.

     Teller

  • http://twitter.com/futilityfiles Heina Dadabhoy

    I don’t know but I’ve been told
    claims without evidence are getting old
    Eh eh (eh eh) atheists (atheists)
    Bullshit-busting atheists
    Bring your logic and follow me
    To a world that’s woo-free

    Teller

  • Vito A.

    I don’t know why the religious proclaim that god is the creator and decider of all things when obviously there is or will be scientific explanations for everything… Remember we used to think that god was the reason it rained and we had earthquakes… 

    TELLER

  • Awakeinthewest

    I don’t know how we got here, but I’m damn sure it didn’t involve a magic sky daddy. Teller.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know Jack; but I do know Crown.

    Teller

  • John Smith

    I don’t know what I don’t know.  Teller.

  • Kevin Smith

    I don’t know but I’ve been told, Penn has hair but Teller’s bald…

    I don’t know but I’ve been told, the way they hang I must be OLD! 
    I could come up with hundreds more, but I won’t, for your sake. lolTeller

  • HarrisonHopkins

    I don’t know where my nice pair of dress pants is. I don’t know why I care either, seeing as I never wear them.

    Teller

  • Nthndrw

    I dont know how to remove all these other entries so I can win this book that I really want to read.

    Teller

  • http://loquemedicenlasvoces.com Manolo

    I don’t know about you, but I hate when public funds are used to promote indoctrination.

    Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know, but sticking my dick into a blow dryer, sounds like another religious experience that I can do without Teller!

  • Pope Formosus

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m the one who’s going to win. #Teller

  • Stormtroopervii

    I don’t know but I’ve been told, eskimo pussy’s pretty cold.

    Teller

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know how people hate Penn. He’s smart, funny, and far humbler than generic “New Atheism” authors. Teller

  • Lucy Mayne

    I don’t know if being in Japan excludes me from this contest, but I’m entering just in case! I don’t know why so much of the Internet Atheism world is US-centric, but I’ll join in anyway.

    Teller

  • Ed

    After seeing Penn’s interview with Piers Morgan you can keep the book.

  • Pokey-dokey

    I don’t know if you chose a winner yet, but I’d like to be considered.

    and

    I don’t know what this world would be like without Penn & Teller.

    …teller.

  • Pokey-dokey

    I don’t know if you chose a winner yet, but I’d like to be considered.

    and

    I don’t know what this world would be like without Penn & Teller.

    …teller.

  • Jake

    I don’t know if this contest for Teller’s Book is over…?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Fernanda-Campello/100000214927137 Fernanda Campello

    I don’t know if I will win this book because I live in Brazil and that can be a bit of a trouble to have it sent to my house!
    Teller

  • C. VanBrunt

    I don’t know how I’m going to afford this book!

    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/graey42 William Crook

    I don’t know enough.

    Teller

  • http://thesecretatheist.wordpress.com/ TheSecretAtheist

    I don’t know if this contest is still open, but I’m going to submit this just in case! Teller

  • Mandiemorrison

    I don’t know… what will be the last straw.
    Teller

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Palmer/1076566234 James Palmer

    I don’t know the amount of information that would satisfy my needs. Teller

  • Tray

    Wow!  Great job on the link bait contest.  Impressive volume of comments.  Kudos for the marketing.

    I’ll pass on the human tricks for the raffle and just buy the book.


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