How Could He Have Done It Without Jesus?!

The Onion tells a truth… and we laugh because we rarely hear anyone say it:

Despite a lack of divine intervention by the Son of God or any other higher power, area man Tom Wendt has somehow managed to overcome his alcoholism, sources confirmed Friday. “It was causing so many problems at work and with my family that I decided to stop drinking before it ruined my life,” said Wendt, who credited his own willpower, a desire to better himself as a human being, and not Jesus Christ for the otherwise inexplicable recovery…

For anyone who needs the help, there are secular alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous.

(Thanks to Alan for the link!)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • Littleowl4774

    Outstanding! I hope you post this article EVERYWHERE possible. It is an excellent example of an individual taking control of their life (like everyone should be doing) and not ignoring the consequences of what they have done. Excellent.

  • http://twitter.com/gingerjet gingerjet

    The problem with secular alternatives to AA is that they are few and far between.  There are at least 20 published AA groups within a 5 mile radius of my house.  The closest secular group is 40 miles away.  So for many people it isn’t realistic to attend. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1019365643 John J. Ronald

    I strongly endorse the Rational Recovery website, especially their self-paced sobriety course.  Rational Recovery disputes the very need for the group approach, actually.  It’s mainly about accepting responsibility, etc.   Check it out BEFORE you set foot in any AA meeting.  I did AA, but it was mainly a social ritual to show my parents I was “doing something”, but RR is what got and kept me sober.

  • http://onefuriousllama.com/ onefuriousllama

    That’s one of the best stories I’ve read! I love how they manage to slap reality in your face with a bit of humour.

    Out-freaking-standing.

    • Only Logic

      Fact?  Got any empirical (repeatable and verifiable) evidence to support that asserion?

  • Can you guess?

    I can tell you 1 thing is certain. Neither Tom Wendt or anyone else will ever enter heaven – without Jesus Christ, The Son of God, as their Lord and Saviour. That is a fact.

    • Dmacabre

      That’s ok with me, heaven sounds pretty boring anyway.

    • hardyharhar

      LOL, and no one will get into my basement without Jesus Christ, The Son of God, as their Lord and Saviour. (BTW I don’t have a basement) 

    • rhodent

      (yawn)  Do you actually think that just repeating an assertion we’ve all heard dozens, perhaps hundreds of times before without even trying to provide support for that assertion is going to convince anyone?

      Your comment is what we call a “drive-by sermon,” similar to a drive-by
      shooting. It is not interesting, it is not original, it is not helpful
      to the discussion here, and it is not worthy of any further response.
      Please have your questions and comments reflect a sincere desire for
      mutual understanding.

    • Drew M.

      You know what really irritates me? People who cannot spell out numbers. “One” is only three letters; you aren’t saving much time and it looks really stupid.

    • http://twitter.com/FelyxLeiter Emily Joyce

      No kidding–it’s pretty much impossible to go somewhere that doesn’t exist.

    • Only Logic

      Fact?  Got any empirical (repeatable and verifiable) evidence to support that asserion?

  • Amy

    I get the impression that some people here don’t understand that The Onion isn’t a real news source.  It’s called irony people.

    • Kenneth Dunlap

      Only two so far, in other places and forums I’ve seen dozens of comments by people that can’t tell a well crafted Onion story from reality.

  • Clippo

    Just want to make the point that there are many atheists, agnostics, etc. getting sober in AA.  You can just ignore all the god crap and soak up the fellowship.  It works (for many).  You can even find groups online for atheists in AA.  The christians want you to believe that AA is a christian program just like they want you to believe this is a christian country, but it ain’t.

    • AnyEdge

      Absolutely.  I don’t know why my post saying the same thing didn’t show up.  There are thousands of atheists in AA, and people like me who are non-spiritual but don’t label themselves.  Those canadian groups were de-listed because they tried to change the literature, not because they were atheist.  Chicago has a thriving AA atheist community.

    • Drew M.

      I’ve known many nonbelievers who had success with AA. They treated their addiction, their parents, the law, etc. as their “higher power.”

  • Anonymous

    As I see it the people who attribute their change in behaviour to a deity have also helped themselves without the aid of said deity.  Rather obviously really.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah. This always strikes me when people argue over whether we can be good without God. Umm… Everyone who is good is good without God. Or when some atheists argue that society needs religion to maintain public order. Our system of laws does just fine* without God, right?

      *apart from all the improvements we can institute ourselves of course.


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