Dear Victory Family Church in Belleville, Illinois,
I have some advice for you.
(Yes, I’m an atheist, and no, I don’t expect you to listen. But I’ll say it anyway.)
When you’re planning an event, don’t call it a “Crusade.” That word is steeped in negative religious connotations and you don’t want to be associated with that. Trust me on this one.
Oh. Alright, ignore that one.
When you’re planning a “Crusade,” don’t gear it toward children. Atheists already think churches brainwash kids and you’d just be adding fuel to the fire.
Hmm… I see how you’re playing this game…
(By the way, what’s with the apostrophe usage? It makes it sound like one child is going to grab a weapon and go apeshit on everyone in the building. Anyway, I’ll continue.)
Well, fine then…
Finally, don’t hold any event you’re calling a “Crusade” on September 11th. I shouldn’t have to tell you why this is a horrible idea.
I tried, Jesus. I tried.