Renaming the Southern Baptist Convention

The Southern Baptist Convention has a problem.

“We’ve always had a global mission and a global task and we need to seriously look at the question of does our name — ‘Southern’ — cause us to be hindered from accomplishing that global task that God has given us,” he asked.

“Southern” is scary. “Baptist” is scarier. “Convention” is just unnecessary.

The best part about this? They want your suggestions:

SBC President Bryant Wright is seeking your input on a new name for the SBC. These suggestions will be compiled and given to the committee or group assigned to explore a name change.

So send them your ideas — click on “Suggest a new name for the SBC” — and let us know what you’re submitting in the comments! They might reject them, but I’ll give you points for creativity.

(Thanks to Joe for the link!)

***Edit***: The links have been fixed!

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • http://dbcooper.livejournal.com P.F. Bruns

    Southern Baptist Convention -> Some Backward Christgroupies?

  • Anonymous

    The Hogwarts Council.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

      Can we please not taint “Harry Potter” (or the hallowed halls of Hogwarts) with this??

  • Trina

    I tried to link to it from this page, but got a msg ‘you have already’ (submitted? I forget).  Was going to suggest Slippery Bogged-down Circularity…   oh, well.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Hemant Mehta

      The link has been fixed!

  • http://twitter.com/0xabad1dea Melissa E

    I’d rather they didn’t change. They’re very easy to pick out atm and that’s a good thing. 

    Seriously, screw Southern Baptism. I remember being dragged to a service at a stereotypical member church when I was a kid and they did not use the word “Christian” even ONCE. It was all “As Southern Baptists, our duty is to… every Southern Baptist should remember…. on behalf of Southern Baptists everywhere…” Mind you, I was ten years old and a Christian, and I noticed that something was wrong. The church that hosted my school was a little less obsessive about saying their own name, but the underlying attitude of being the Only True Christians was exactly the same. 

    Maybe changing their name is a sign that they’ve become aware of how self-centered they are and want to rectify, but I suspect it’s really “people have come to associate the word Southern with something other than peach cobbler.” 

    edit: my suggestion is Southern Bigot Club. Is every SB I ever met deliberately a bad person? Of course not. But lemme tell you, it’s personal.

  • Rich Wilson

    How about “the people Jimmy Carter left because they were sexist”

  • Rich Wilson

    The link is uniquely generated.  Go here http://pray4sbc.com/ and look for the button to take the survey.

  • http://religionsetspolitics.blogspot.com/ Joshua Zelinsky

    This is pretty immature (although amusing). But I’m not at all surprised that the SBC would be so idiotic as to not realize what would happen.

    If people are going to do this, I suggest that rather than clicking directly to the link copy the link into another tab or window. If they get wind of this they might be able to just filter out all the the ones with this as the referring website to the page. I’m not sure, since it looks like they are using a third party to conduct the survey and I don’t know what other data it records.

    I don’t think I’m so good at the humor thing but maybe some names that reflects that the primary theological dispute that resulted in the founding of the  Southern Baptists was whether there was a divine right to keep slaves. (And if you can’t figure out which side the Southern Baptists were on…)  

  • Michael S

    Universal Happy Happyism

    • Maximilian_Vogeland

      Wow. Just… wow.

      You, sir, just won teh interwebs.

      “”You strange, unmasked fellow! Don’t go to heaven!”

    • Maximilian_Vogeland

      Wow. Just… wow.

      You, sir, just won teh interwebs.

      “”You strange, unmasked fellow! Don’t go to heaven!”

  • Susan B.

    Taking a page from the book of Campus Crusade for Christ–excuse me, “Cru”–I’d suggest “Bap”. It’s short, unique, and fun to say!

    BAP!

    Bap?

    Bap bap bap.

    See?

    • Deltamike64

      I get it, like FAP? Oh my.

    • Tort

      Where I come from baps is slang for boobs. It works.
      I was going to suggest Bru but I like Bap better.

  • Andrew B.

    The “Slavery ain’t so bad” Baptists

  • https://www.facebook.com/groups/ssauncw/ LouFCD

    “Same Bigots reChristened”

  • Samantha Grover

    Non-Northern  Christ Pimps… Christ’s Minions…..  Backasswards Bible Bimbos….

  • emtbcbfddmw

    HillBilly Buybull Hoedown

  • Matto the Hun

    How about the He-Man Woman Haters Club.

    • Anonymous

      classic…

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/FDGYHBEWVNGUG763L5X4TON3JQ Nazani14

      Sistah Bashin’ Crackers

  • Matto the Hun

    How about the He-Man Woman Haters Club.

  • Anonymous

    SBC was my first Team Fortress Clan tag. Society of Brothers in Combat. Don’t ask, I was still quite young, all right? (still young enough now, but whatever)

    I’ll let them keep that name if they want it though

  • Anonymous

    SBC was my first Team Fortress Clan tag. Society of Brothers in Combat. Don’t ask, I was still quite young, all right? (still young enough now, but whatever)

    I’ll let them keep that name if they want it though

  • rhodent

    Stereotypical Batshit Christianity

  • R Craig

    Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Bigots

  • Ronlawhouston

    Hmmm, perhaps “Seriously Bigoted Christians?”

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    SBC: Superstitious Bumpkins Conference

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

      I really, really like “Scary Belligerent Cult”.

      • http://religionsetspolitics.blogspot.com/ Joshua Zelinsky

        Yeah, that is one of the more clever ones so far. 

    • Anonymous

      Slavery Backing Confederates is the most accurate.  When I was a christian, this was my denom :/ Imagine how ashamed I was to find out that’s the difference between So Baps and regular Baptists (I was 18)  That was the beginning of the end.

  • Aaron

    Society of Bulwarked Cognitions

  • Pseudonym

     There’s nothing scary about “Baptist”. It’s just inaccurate, since the SBC isn’t a member of any national or worldwide Baptist communion, alliance or organisation. Or, for that matter, any national or worldwide Christian communion, alliance or organisation.

    To put it another way, the SBC has voluntarily withdrawn from the major world religion we know of as “Christianity”.

    FWIW, I suggested “Fundamentalist Takeover Synod” and “Republican Party (Religious Wing)”.

  • dwasifar karalahishipoor

    How about Redneck Theocracy Mob?

  • http://www.facebook.com/joe.zamecki Joe Zamecki

    “Southern” is the only good part. They should keep that part. 

  • B-Lar

    I went direct. Outspoken Deluders of the Weak.

  • Anonymous

    A change of name isn’t going to fix their religion.

  • Anonymous

    A change of name isn’t going to fix their religion.

    • Anonymous

      I agree. But i am sure they hired some branding womp…

  • http://twitter.com/sminhinnick Stephen Minhinnick

    SBC:
    Stupid Believers Conned
    Scurrilous Bible-thumpers Conspiracy
    Signed: Ima B. Leaver

  • Anonymous

    I recommend that they go with “SMBC”  That way, when people google them, they’ll find something worthwhile instead.

    • Anonymous

      Baptist Denomination of the Southern Majority (BDSM)

  • Konstantin Aal

    Oh-damn-i-forgot-the-new-name-of-our-church Church
    :)

  • http://cranialhyperossification.blogspot.com/ GDad

    Harlequin Collegium

  • Anonymous

    The Antebellum South Congregation 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jim-Charlotte/100001257871259 Jim Charlotte

    Santorum Buddy Club – Just Google us!

  • Anonymous

    “We’ve always had a global mission and a global task and we need to
    seriously look at the question of does our name — ‘Southern’ — cause us to be hindered from accomplishing that global task that God has given us,” he asked.

    Obviously they want their mission highlighted:

    Subjugate Bigot Crusade

  • Mike

    Society of His Immaculate Teachings

    • http://wading-in.net/walkabout Just Al

      Okay, everyone else can just go home. We ran out of internets with this one.

  • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

    I humbly submitted the following two suggestions:

    Total Immersion Death Cult

    Surrogate Afterlife Judges

  • Hazor

    I’m surprised by this. I was raised Southern Baptist, and I think that many of them will not think highly of a name change, regardless of what the new name is. It seemed to me that the name ‘Southern Baptist’ wasn’t merely an identifier of association to many (especially in leadership..), but part of their very identity in that it was the name of their belief system which they held as the most important aspect of their person.

    That said, I’m non too witty, so I haven’t got any good name ideas..

  • http://www.facebook.com/joe.zamecki Joe Zamecki

    Hemant – Are you serious when you say that “Southern” is scary? That’s a sweeping declaration on your part. I think you should visit the south. It’s nice here.  The problem you refer to exists in the north too. The beauty of the south shouldn’t be discounted over the actions of some southerners. Just like in the north. 

    This seems like a pattern though. Lately I’ve seen more and more Atheist activists knocking the south. Hey. I lived in the north for 6 years. Trust me. The problem exists there too, and there’s plenty of it. Enough to say, the south isn’t ANY more religious than the north. 

    We like to pride ourselves on our southern hospitality, so sorry folks, if I’ve offended anyone here. :) 

    • Anonymous

      referring to the american South when preaching in say, west africa? well, that might be a bit ‘scary’ to some folks there. just sayin. 

  • Kurt

    “Confederate” is scarier than “Southern.”  “Evangelist” is scarier than “Baptist.”  “Crusade” is scarier than “Convention.”  So I suggested “Confederate Evangelist Crusade.”  My only worry is they’ll like it and then track down my IP address to give me an award….

  • Conrad Buck

    “1Tim2:12″ 

    (said: one-tim-two-twelve)
    It’s hip and slangy sounding, and includes one of the SBC’s most cherished verses :)

  • T-Rex

    A gathering for delusional bigots waiting to die.

  • Anonymous

    What’s interesting is that many SBC congregations have rebranded themselves to eliminate the SBC part on first look. So you get these churches that are called things like “Life Quest Church” or “Celebration Church.” It’s only by digging that you find out, oh yeah, Southern Baptist. So I think this is a move to get these ostensibly unbranded churches to put a new set of initials on the sign, since “SBC” is apparently tainted.

  • also

    Entrenched Anachronists

  • http://twitter.com/almightygod almightygod

    No Homos

  • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

    Schizophrenic Believers in Cthulhu.

    Southern Baked Chicken…..  mmm chicken.   

  • Vince

    I submitted

    “Southern Truth and Faith United” and
    “God’s Truth and Fellowship Organization”

    • Derek A

      Oh, very well played sir!

      Took me a couple of minutes, but I got there

  • Graham Martin-Royle

    I don’t somehow think they really want my suggestion…….Wankers.

  • Anonymous

    ngfgjn

  • Yoav

    HUSSY
    H</b.omophobic

    Uneducated

    Superstitious

    Sanctimonious

    Yahoos

    • Yoav

      The first H should stand for Homophobic but the word seem to have been eaten by the web squirrels.

  • Marian

    Sad Bullshit Conveyors

  • Anonymous

    i’m not feeling terribly clever just now, so the best i can do is Southern-fried Batshit Cultists. but i do find it interesting how several bigot orgs have been changing names of late. one of the anti-gay orgs recently renamed itself too; i wonder why. perhaps because they recognize that they are organizations that are associated with unfashionable hate and bigotry, and won’t attract younger new members? i certainly hope so. 

  • Marian

    Sad Bullshit Conveyors and Stupid Boisterous Con-artists

    signed, Gay A. Nalsecks

  • Chris McLaughlin

    “The Imaginary Friend Association”, and “Delusional Homophobes”

  • TK

    Qwikster

  • Schapman14

    Still a pig in a new dress church
    Old wine in a new bottle church

  • Bofh

    went with ‘stupid bloody cunts’ and ‘annoying god botherers who hate the constitution’

  • Joe

    Gullible Travelers Club

    Don’t Do Anything, Just Wait With Us

  • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

    I just got on the cleaver acronyms bandwagon and submitted the following:

    Devout Evangelists Value Inerrant Lord

  • Thurston Howell

    Southern Christian Man-Boy Love Association

  • http://www.facebook.com/jc.craig1 Jim Craig

    Self-righteous Bothersome Crazies

  • http://twitter.com/pjtibayan PJ Tibayan

    North American Baptist Convention or Baptist Convention of North America

  • Whitney George

    How about the Southern Bastards’ Convention?  Just askin’.


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