And This Is Why You Shouldn’t Be a Creationist

As if you needed another reason to fight against Creationism, I bring you the Flizbins:

If you can make it to the 1:16 mark, you get to hear Christian Rapping…

If you make it to the end, you deserve a cookie.

By the way, that’s a real song from a real album by a real group

And you thought Christians were incapable of being cool.

(via Christian Nightmares)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • Anonymous

    You owe me a cookie.

    • http://religionsetspolitics.blogspot.com/ Joshua Zelinsky

      He doesn’t owe me one. 

    • Anonymous

      Me too, that hurt! Ouch.

  • Kat

    At least they’re fighting childhood obesity with all that “get up and dance” ish.

    • Kat

      PS. Speaking of childhood obesity, you also owe me a cookie, kthx

  • John Michael Strubhart

    Oh, man, that was twisted!  

  • Anonymous

    I’ve seen so much worse…

  • cipher

    What the hell is a Fizbin?

    • http://twitter.com/arensb arensb

      Wasn’t it a game that Kirk made up in that one episode of Star Trek?

      • Rich Wilson

        You’re right. A Piece of the Action

        That was driving me nuts.

        (oh, but these are Flizbins)

        • cipher

          Oh, Flizbins.

          Maybe that’s what you get when you cross a fundie with a Tribble.

  • Anonymous

    The name of the album is “Cowboys and Bananas.” Where is the obligatory Brokeback Mountain reference?

    And, haven’t these people seen Footloose? Dancing is from the devil!

    • Anonymous

      Cowboys AND bananas?  Okay, now I’m thinking Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron in a remake of Brokeback Mountain and IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

        Oh, man. What has been imagined CAN’T be un-imagined.

  • Ladyzahl

    I couldn’t make it to the 10 second mark!

    • Anonymous

      Ha! I made it all the way to 20 seconds.

      What I saw and heard was truly awful.

  • Canadian Atheist, eh!

    Somebody paid money to produce that. And notice how it’s only obliquely about “God” or “creation” — the typical fundie subterfuge of putting the emphasis on something more or less unobjectionable (in this case dancing) while inserting the objectionable (to most of us, anyway) stuff every few lines or so.

    But whatever, this won’t convert anyone and, with a bit of exposure, could turn off some fence-sitters. I say come on, then, let’s dance.

  • Rb6k

    1 Cookie here please. Disgraceful video! I often wonder what goes through the mind of these people when they agree to work in the “Brainwashing Children” department of their religion. Surely adults are in a position to fend for themselves, but kids being fed this shite have no chance in life.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/DJRVGKGG36KNLNMZAVT4EXOF3M Ed-words

    Was that Ron Paul’s tenor?

  • Anonymous

    I do not deserve a cookie – I made it to 1:16 then skipped the crapping.

    I have to note, though, that the two young ladies were cute, and worth watching bouncing around on the screen.  For my blasphemy of the day I will think evil thoughts about them.  (Can’t really count as two evil thoughts, as the blonde couldn’t have been over 4’10″)

    • Kevin_Of_Bangor

      Well I made it all the way so I want a cookie but yes, I enjoyed watching the young ladies bounce around and I’ll take the short one off your hands.

      • Anonymous

        Well, I never said I did not like Shorty… but I’m not one to fight over such things. ;-)

  • Wendy Diamond

    I get a cookie!  Although the “rapping” was vomit inducing

    And to show how bad it is my four year old son who loves the ’80s Care Bears cried and begged for me to turn the video off.

  • http://kothatobolarjonyei.blogspot.com/ Sunando Kumar Patra

    Cookie!!

  • ShellyD99

    Yeah, that was pretty bad. To be fair, though, it’s easy for kids’ programming (religious or otherwise) to be painful for adults. I can’t say they were much worse than the Wiggles.

  • Margy

    Chocolate chip, please. Make that two.

  • basilb

    Hemant, I’ll bake you a dozen of whatever cookies you want if you never post anything like that ever again. Yikes. 

  • Bowserthecat

    No cookie for me, I couldn’t make it to the end.

  • Rich Wilson

    I paused “Burning Down the House” on Pandora for this?  Fuck the cookie, I WANT MY TWO MINUTES!

    • Gus Snarp

      You knew what you were getting into.

  • http://twitter.com/arensb arensb

    As eye-gougingly bad as that was, it’s still better than Captain Hook: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDc4P3qvMbQ

    • http://religionsetspolitics.blogspot.com/ Joshua Zelinsky

      Wow. That’s… yes. That’s definitely worse. If I followed the (poorly sung)  lyrics correctly, Captain Hook is actually on the side of the gospel in that? This confuses me. I do have to wonder if the makers of this have read the original Peter Pan. In the book, Hook at one point kills a pirate because he happened to stumble against him. Yeah, a real nice dude. 

      • http://twitter.com/arensb arensb

        Apparently the guy playing Captain Hook lost an arm and a leg in a motorcycle accident, and found Jesus. So it makes sense that he’d want to turn his disability into an asset, by playing a pirate.

  • savage1267

    That’s going to be in my head later and I’ll say, “what the…?” … anyway, it appears I deserve a cookie.
    I’m partial to peanut butter — you know, where you use a fork to make the design on the top…

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandie.winchester Brandie Lynn Winchester

    As a preschool teacher I can say that this is no different than anyother song for children without religious add-ins.

    • http://www.facebook.com/King.Dominic Dominic Hinkins

      Evidently you haven’t come across They Might Be Giants’ album “here comes science”…

    • Anonymous

      Most maybe, but not all.  I find it hard to hate this one.

  • Cuddlewoozle

    It’s like they’re trying to be a Christian version of The Fresh Beat Band.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKzOg2YzN_U&feature=related  (I love that this song is called “Go Bananas!”)

  • Michael Campbell

    I’ll fully admit that the only reason I watched every second of this was to watch the cute blonde bounce around.  I’ll eat my imaginary cookie in imaginary hell…

    • http://religiouscomics.net/ Jeff P

      OK, I watched it twice but now I’m done.  Moving on.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UAPJEPQSJP3XK2ZVGF6SE2UMOQ Kirk

    How perfect they are singing in a box.  That tells you exactly where their thinking is.

  • Newavocation

    They have to be atheists. Any christian that watches that has to deconvert afterwards.

  • Anonymous

    I couldn’t help but notice the guy with the cowboy hat has a light blue handkerchief in his right pocket.  This is funny to me, since it means he is willing to perform oral sex on a man. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handkerchief_code LOL

  • Annie

    1.  Why is it that the women must be the red shirts?

    2. Even the Wiggles had some diversity… why is this so incredibly white?

    3. Thank you for adding to the stereotype that white people can’t dance.

    4. The guy in the blue shirt bought his hat at the Cracker Barrel.  That alone makes him suspect.

    • TychaBrahe

      Because women are always expendable.  Unless the guy’s name is Darrin.

  • Tim Rosenfeldt

    That hurt me…

  • Ratsnake

     Hell, I deserve a box of cookies.

  • TiltedHorizon

    I did it all for the cookie. (Now I have LIMP BIZKIT on my mind) Please don’t say the cookie was a lie.

  • Anonymous

    can someone say torture at Guantanamo bay? 

  • Anonymous

    1 min 43 seconds.  After that, my ears started oozing sludge.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus H. Christ on a Popsicle Stick – I had to listen to Let Zeppelin and Molly Hatchet for like an hour – set to 11 – to get that tune out of my head!  Please, don’t ever do that again!

  • Zuckerfrosch

    Chicago Street Studios?  Yes, I would like to see them perform that on Chicago’s streets

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

    I’m sorry, I can’t even watch the video — that background is just so… so… overstimulating and obnoxious! (And I LIKE purple…)

  • http://www.zazzle.com/atheist_tees The Godless Monster

    On mescaline, I’m sure this would seem oh-so-right…

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ChristopherTK ChristopherTK

    Produced by Chicago Street Studio production.

    I looked up Chicago Street Studio and found…

    “Chicago Street Studios produces video programs designed to affect our
    world positively by providing quality entertainment while modeling
    valuable life lessons based on our identity in Christ, in a fun, upbeat
    format. CSS operates a green screen studio and editing facility just
    outside Chicago in Valparaiso, Indiana. Current production of The
    Flizbins can be viewed at http://Flizbins.com

    Chicago Street is “just” outside Chicago (1hr.) in Valparaiso, Indiana.
    Indiana, home of the “Hell Is Real” sign on I-65.

    I guess I feel a little better since they are not from the Chicago area.

  • Gus Snarp

    Is it wrong that all I can think of us who in the group is sleeping with whom? My guess: the guys are sleeping together, the blonde is sleeping with the studio drummer, and the brunette is sleeping with the producer. You might think I’m unfairly stereotyping blondes. I’m not; I’m unfairly stereotyping drummers.

    • Guest#314159

      You’re not far off… at least with the cowboy looking guy.  Look at his right back pocket and google.

  • Anonymous

    Women get two lines and a lot of ululations.

  • http://unfoundplaces.wordpress.com Noel Keener

    I deserve a cookie. But upon finishing that video, I realize that all I really want is the sweet release of death.

  • Bluebury

    Listen guys.  I don’t know what you all are talking about.  That was pure gold.  I’m totally making it my ring tone.  
    I really want to track those 4 yahoos down and find out if they are actual Christians or just actors desperate for work.

    I do feel consoled in the fact that if I ever feel like I haven’t used my minor in Dance from Ball State, they are in desperate need for a choreographer… oh my god I think I just figured out my next career step…I mean Valpo is just steps from my place in Chicago.  I could walk (dance!) the 50 some odd miles to work.  Thanks Hemant!

  • TychaBrahe

    JoeMyGod posted this as well, and I feel that I must point out that it isn’t about creationism.  It’s about the beauty of creation, which is a religionist/old-timey way of talking about “the universe.”

  • Anonymous

    That was beyond deserving a cookie.  I want cake.

    • Mommiest

      A box of wine and a case of Chips Ahoy, please.

  • Verimius

    The tall guy in the hat is apparently using some kind of gay hanky code. Look at his back pocket when he turns around.

  • Paul

    One cookie can’t ever get the taste out of my mouth, the burning out of my ears, nor the pain out of my head.  I empathize with my fellow torturees.

  • Anonymous

    My 13 year old son dances like that.  He hasn’t got comfortable with his height or those gangly limbs yet.  I thought he’d grow out of it but now I’m not sure he needs to.

    I wanna cookie….and something to remove the memory of that song.

  • Margaret Y.

    It was so weird how when they split into pairs, the women could only dance with each other and the guys could only dance with each other.  Either they were all together in the box or they were in same-sex couples. What’s up with that?

  • T-Rex

    Hemant, you owe me a cookie, 2:10 of my life back and something to scrub the stupid off of me. Time to turn on Pandora and get that awful noise outta my head.

  • Guest#314159

    For anyone that might not know, there is a gay subculture of wearing bandanas in your back pants pockets or tied to a belt loop to signify any fetish you’re into.The cowboy looking guy in the video is wearing a white hanky which is significant of safe sex (either through condoms, mutual masturbation or just self masturbation). AKA: Vanilla Sex.  Wearing it in the right pocket signifies he’s the bottom, not the top which would be the left pocket.So…… take what you want about the man in the video.  I find it kind of funny.

    • Anonymous

      Well you learn something new every day.

      • Rich Wilson

        Be forewarned wearing a red bandana in a gay bar.

        (or yellow)

        • Annie

          What do the bloods and Cryps think of all this?

          • Rich Wilson

            I’m happy to say that as a straight man, I know more (albeit not much) about gay bandana protocol than I do about gang bandana (or anything) protocol!

  • Alexis

    Singing about the beauty of creation while dancing among Computer Generated super enhanced background. If the believe all creation comes from god, they should also celebrate the storm clouds, tornadoes, droughts and floods. Fair and balanced.

  • Alexis

    “And you thought Christians were incapable of being cool.”  And I see nothing here to change my mine.

  • Psychotic Atheist

    I’d have rated the song more highly if it wasn’t for the dreadful Auto Tune in play especially in the first 14 seconds.

    The blonde that has been mentioned several times seems to be the best dancer amongst them: sometimes the others just didn’t seem to have their heart in it.  Which is amusing given the theme of the song.

  • Anonymous

    Couldn’t do it, stuck it out until the rap part. That’s the best I can do.

  • Nena

    I’ve seen worse. What kills me is that in the church in which I was brought up, dancing was a sin. Encouraging dance would never be acceptable.

    And the girls were indeed cute. (expecting someone to be offended that I pointed that out in three… two…)

  • Vickiiinmyhead

    Thanks Hemant, I just barfed all over my computer.

  • Leena Holtta

    Watched the whole thing, because I was too dumbfounded to stop the video… now where’s my cookie? :D

  • Mpipkin

    How dare you, sir, categorize this as “Fine Art”.  Have you no decency?

  • JSug

    I think watching kids shows with my two toddlers has raised my tolerance for such drek. So these are basically the Christian response to the Wiggles, I guess?

  • Anonymous

    I’ll be waiting for my cookie in the mail. It better be big and have chocolate in it, Hemant ¬¬

    gahhh

  • PhilthyHeathen

    Whitest… thing… ever.   

  • http://thesecretatheist.wordpress.com TheSecretAtheist

    I watched it, all of it. I really want my cookie now, please!

    This does, however, make me glad that I grew up in a Christian home in the 80s instead of the 2010s… As terrible as the Christian kids music in that era was… this is worse. Far, far worse.

  • http://twitter.com/Sullivan_Smith Kevin Sullivan

    I didn’t really want a cookie that badly. I’ll take not having a headache instead.

  • madeofstardust

    I sat here, dumbstruck by the mindless horror of it all, until they started ‘rapping’ and then I started laughing so hard I couldn’t breath.

    As a parent, the “ouch” factor wasn’t that much greater than with other children’s shows I’ve seen/heard of. That is why I play national geographic movies, and sesame street for my child. Later it will be Mythbusters and Bill Nye. If anyone introduces my son to The Wiggles while he is still young enough to like them, I will force them to watch said wiggles with him and thus die a slow and painful death.

    Now where’s my cookie? :)

  • Jscotthubert

    Watching people get this excited about God has convinced me that He exists and they know Him. Why else would they behave that way over him? I guess if you’ve never fallen in love you may doubt that love exists. It may be even be difficult to describe to a blind person what the color blue looks like. But these people are definitely excited about something.

    • http://thesecretatheist.wordpress.com TheSecretAtheist

      I can’t decide if this is a poe or not, but I thought it was important to point out a couple of things. You pose the rhetorical question, “Why else would they behave that way over him?” as a proof for the existence of god. That doesn’t follow, though. It doesn’t prove that god exists that people are willing to make fools of themselves. It may be proof that they believe that god exists, but not proof that he exists. Plenty of people get excited over alien visitors, Big Foot, and the Loch Ness Monster, but their excitement doesn’t do anything to prove the existence of these things. There was a time when people got excited for the gods of the mythologies of the Greeks, the Romans, Egyptians, Norse, you name it, but that didn’t prove the existence of these beings.

      It cant even be used to prove a person’s believe, however. Dan Barker and myself can also both tell you that those who are excited
      about god aren’t always being truthful. Some of us stop believing while
      we’re in the ministry and it isn’t always possible to remove ourselves
      from the situation immediately. We don’t stop the show, though.

      It is really easy to fake that enthusiasm. People do it on kids shows all the time. I promise you that the hosts of such shows aren’t all always as bubbly and happy as they appear on screen. Pop stars aren’t always hyped up, either. Worship leaders don’t always “feel” the spirit, but they won’t let that show. I know, I have worked in the church as a music minister and there were plenty of Sunday mornings when I wasn’t feeling excited about god.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe they’re in it for the money.  Maybe they’re insane.  Maybe they are merely wrong in their fervent belief.  Maybe they’re pretending.  Maybe they did it for a bet.  Maybe someone is holding them at gunpoint unless they prance around like idiots.  I could go on with suppositions forever.  If  I imagine something different to you does that mean that I’m right and you’re wrong.

      How can we tell?

  • http://bearhunterfl.wordpress.com/ Tom

    I can definitely understand why some of you think the guys are gay,  but they can’t possibly be or they’d know how to dance better  :-D

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.gemmill.37 James Gemmill

    It’s gonna take hours of Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix to get this out of my head…


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