51 Christian Phrases for Anal Sex

Thank you, ChristWire, for educating me on Christ-like ways to talk about… um… fecal jousting.

(via Christian Nightmares)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Anonymous

    I think ‘Christians’  are so obsessed with anal sex for the following reason…. After you’ve been a christian for any length of time, it feels like youve been fucked in the ass by an elephant, on a rampage!!!! 

    • Anonymous

      And anal (or oral) sex doesn’t count towards losing their virginity. Seriously, their whole obsession with virginity means they actually have more of it.

  • Lula N Cache

    Visiting Harlem? Really? Invading Africa? Nice. Very Christian.

    • Anonymous

      Not Christian to be fair, it’s satire but still offensive >_<

    • Theecodude

      Didn’t get offended by the “Alabama Irish” did you?

  • Packfan_01

    watch the rest of his videos. this dude has probably tasted a penis in his day

  • Joe

    I’m, i’m sorry. Is this a Poe?

    • Anonymous

      Christwire is pure satire

      • Joe

        Yea I realised after I followed the links. Thank goodness for that

  • http://www.theaunicornist.com Mike D

    In case it’s not totally obvious, I’m pretty sure Christwire.org is one of those sites like Landover Baptist and Betty Bowers. Their article on Girl in a Coma is hilarious, especially the survey at the end.

  • http://www.lifeasareader.blogspot.com Macha

    How many of those were ethnic slurs?

  • Anonymous

    Christianity…… it’s like the Shite you can’t get completely off your shoe after you’ve stepped in it.  Stinks for a long time………………

  • Anonymous

    I’m not as eloquent as Dawkins or Hitchens…… I prefer to get right to the point.

  • Anonymous

    I’m not a native speaker and I really don’t want to be a party-pooper (see what I did there?) but isn’t “anal sex” TWO words?

    • Nkendall

      English, unlike most other Germanic languages (German, Swedish, Dutch etc), often puts a space in between its compound words in order to make them more legible when reading. “Anal sex”, when articulated, is said as “analsex”. This is common in many languages, but the Germanic languages are particularly fond of building long compound words. German is especially well known for this. 

      A fun little trick is the difference between: “Yesterday we visited the White House” and “Yesterday we visited a white house”. Native speakers, when naturally articulating (ie not thinking about it and just talking) will actually pronounce “white house” differently. When we are talking about a singular object, the place where the President lives, we’ll say “whitehouse”. When talking about a house that is white, we’ll say “white   house”. The spelling difference is likely to come from the Anglo-Norman period when England was assaulted with new French and Latin based words and norms. 

      • Theecodude

        Nice try at humor but don’t confuse the guy. No one actually says “analsex”. We say anal sex.

  • Anonymous

    No Saddlebacking?  I am disappointed.

  • Anonymous

    Occupying the Log Cabin….brilliant!

  • http://evolvedmonkeys.blogspot.com/ Evolved Monkey

    Is that site supposed to be taken seriously? That video is a joke, right? I can’t imagine that xians sit around in their prayer groups and say “OK, tonight I want to talk about the evils of tickling the bladder.”

  • Anonymous

    Did he really HAVE to have those racist phrases in there? That’s gross.

  • Anonymous

    Prime example of Poe’s Law in action:
     
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law

  • David B.

    At 0:41 he introduces us to “reverse defication”, however the text that comes up on screen is “REVERSE DEIFICATION”. So I guess he’s (no so) subtly saying that regular deification is akin to pulling something out of your ass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/AnonymousBoy Larry Meredith

    INVADING AFRICA. That is delightfully racist.

  • http://www.bblss.org Miki

    This doesn’t offend me because it’s racist.  It offends me because it’s not funny.  Anyone know where I can find satire of satire fails?

  • Dan

    Spearing the chocolate starfish. My face imploded.

  • Anonymous

    Are these phrases actually overheard from xians?  I realize the video is satire, but I’m wondering if he’s using real-life examples or what.

  • Robster

    The xians need to give this bloke another job, that is coming up with names for what they do/believe that sound nice and meaningful, but don’t actually mean anything. Like, you know, they call their nonsense “good news” when it’s anything but and the like. The twit in the video does have a way with words. Perhaps working in advertising would be a good choice. Just make it a long way away please.

  • Marion

    Greek handshake is like any handshake.  I don’t get that.  I’m Greek.

    • Anonymous

      In some languages “Greek” is code for anal sex, similar to “French” for oral sex or “Spanish” for penis-between-boobs sex. It comes from the open homo-eroticism in ancient Greece, although that didn’t necessarily mean anal back then

  • Hannibal_Chew

    Dipshit pulled the video. It is called FREE publicity moron.


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