Lucifer’s 2011 Toy Chest

Landover Baptist Church has released its 2011 List of Banned Christmas Toys:

My favorite of the bunch:

I plan on being sacrilegious and gifting one to myself, though…

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aggie-Smith/100002847127443 Aggie Smith

    Silly me.  I thought the “Fire” part had to do with the name “Kindle” as in “kindle a fire.”  I love my poor man’s iPad–I’ve purchased three.

  • Nkendall

    Got to love a joke.

  • Jools

    I would have thought that Lucifer’s toy-chest was filled with idle hands

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000070549477 Krista Yearwood

      That would be Lucifer’s pants…

  • http://twitter.com/JASacmvp Justin A Smith

    That’s his workshop.

  • Annie

    What, no Bucky balls on the list?  Surely nothing encourages worshiping idols as much as bucky balls.

  • Me

    “True Christians are able to avoid it through faith in Christ Jesus. ”
    So I guess now God has another personality, named “Christ Jesus”.

  • Michigancolt

    I’d be up for banning Kindle/Amazon products–because they hurt small independent bookstores. Not because of this ludicrous crap. Read Real Books! Especially banned ones, hehe.

    I find it hilarious that they’re basically saying a True Christian is as stupid as possible. They avoid knowledge through Christ Jesus, blah blah. Why do they like to invert the name of their non-existent messiah, by the way?

    • Gabby

      I was morally opposed to e-readers for the longest time but just hadn’t found the time to keep up on my reading list lately. I finally broke down and bought one of these. Where I had read two books in the first ten months of the year, I’ve read five in the first month with my Kindle. I do miss holding the books and smelling the paper (that may sound odd) but this thing has really won me over.

  • Thorny264

    I checked the link out and if you told me its an atheist satrical website, i would of believed it. The website is full of homphobic, racist and sexist remarks . I don’t know how these people would even function in a modern society, Maybe because I am English and the whole extremist religious thing has died over here just a bunch of semi religious people who are slowly dying out.

    • http://twitter.com/Doubting_Tom Tom

      There…there are people on the Internet who don’t know that Landover Baptist is satire? Oh wow…Thorny, some advice: that Nigerian Prince isn’t a Prince at all, Bill Gates won’t send you a dollar for every person you forward that e-mail to, and never, ever click on the link to Goatse.

      Phew. Don’t they give out the Internet Survival Handbook these days?

  • http://www.facebook.com/DocMonkey Mick Wright

    Buuuullshit. This can’t be real. They can’t mean it. Look at that fuckin’ website. Surely not.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adrian-Chester/682538320 Adrian Chester

      As it’s been said no it’s not real. However have you ever checked out Westburo’s site godhatesfags.org I think? You would swear it is a Poe as well. Unless I have no idea again…

  • starskeptic

    according to wikipedia

    “The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional[1] Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a satire of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States.”

    • Trina

      Thanks for that.  The more I saw of the site (& forum), the more I thought that must be the case.  Very  funny stuff – and a lot of work, I’m sure!

    • Waltz707

      Thank you… 
      I didn’t know what to think……

  • Arc

    I’ve heard that the Fire has been getting pretty bad reviews, so this parody article might actually be giving a good recommendation.

  • Trace

    We got two K fire and we like them a lot.  My son really, really  loves his and has named it firefly.  Not bad for the price and quite great for media, especially if you have Prime (we do).

    I hope Santa brings you one of these “devilish” devices Hemant.

    • http://www.facebook.com/keithacollyer Keith Collyer

      Please tell me you call the other “Serenity”

  • matt

    Ick, Kindle Fire. I’d go with the Nook Tablet, overall much better device (imo).  The Fire’s touchscreen isn’t too sensitive, and for $50 extra bucks you get much more robust hardware.

    • matt

      Oh God, send me an edit button to fix that typo.

      • Gabby

        Hmm, if anything, My Fire’s touchscreen is too sensitive. It took a little getting used to for that reason.

  • Anonymous

    i figured it had to be a spoof when they said the ark toy set was missing two sons and several species. not to mention the special habitats the animals would have needed to survive and so forth. no xtian would have ever thought to question these omitted items. they would have just said “gawd would have provided for those creatures”

  • Jean

    The tied wiccans were a nice touch. :D