This Is What Vacation Bible School is Like?

Peter, the Preacher’s Kid, is back and he’s talking about the time he went to Vacation Bible School.

VBS has never been so hilarious:

I attribute a lot of my weirdness as a kid to my strong religious upbringing. That said, holy hell am I glad I wasn’t homeschooled, because those creepy little fuckers have the social skills of divorced dads at laundromats for the first time. It’s like no one told them not to walk up to people and smile creepily until they talk, because no one did. (If that offends you because you were homeschooled and your mother always said you’re perfectly normal, remember: she owns a life-size crucifix.)

'You're my second-specialest little guy.'

I didn’t find out just how close I was to being a Duggar until 2007, when Jesus Camp came out on DVD and everyone I knew who saw it asked their ex-creepo religious friend if hardcore evangelical Christians really are that kooky. My revelation didn’t come necessarily from my answer (“yes”), but from the fact that I was everybody’s ex-creepo religious friend.

Good thing I never went to a Jesus Camp. Wait, hold on. I totally did.

It only gets better from there.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Tim

    Is that JC doing a Nazi salute in the photo?

  • Xeon2000

    I love that blog, and oh how I hate Hoobastank.

  • Grumble F Kitty

    Don’t forget, not everybody who homeschools is religious. Most of the homeschooled kids I know are considerably more socially capable than almost all of the schooled children I interact with. Ugh. Stereotypes should be beneath us.

    • oambitiousone

      I understand his bias. It’s rare for us to meet non-religious home-schoolers. VBS spreads across our town like herpes every summer, though.

      • EJC

        agrred. The typical homeschooler is a religious nutjob. Stereotypes and cliches are stereotypes and cliches for a reason.

        • Mankoi

          Isn’t this like saying the typical Christian is a raving loony, stereotypes are there for a reason? Don’t mistake the loudest people for the most typical.

    • Dan

      I was homeschooled (through the 10th grade) and have met hundreds of other homeschooled kids in church and at the Christian college I attended briefly. The social stereotypes were absolutely true for them and myself. I’m sure the stereotypes don’t hold for everyone, but they do for just about every religiously homeschooled kid I’ve met. It took many of us years to adjust.

  • Kelli Smith

    “those creepy little fuckers have the social skills of divorced dads at laundromats for the first time.” – GOLD

  • Anonymous

    There’s a massive number of factors influencing how homeschooled kids turn out, one of which is how long they were homeschooled for. I was at home through the 8th grade, and attended 4 yrs. at public high school before going on to college. I was not especially weird and awkward for a bookish kid as a freshman, and I was pretty well adjusted by the time I graduated. 

    The weirdest homeschoolers I knew had asshole, authoritarian dads, and very spacey mothers. Also, they stuck with it through high school. If you add enough religion into the mix, you end up with scarred adults.

  • Jetson

    Not all home-schooling is based on religion.  Indeed, it is a challenge to find secular curriculums, but it can be done, and it has been worth it for our family.  

  • Mankoi

    Another homeschooler here. I actually know quite a large number of homeschoolers who are atheists, secular, or religious but generally sane. Perhaps I just got lucky in finding the right community, but I wouldn’t say the stereotypes are apt, or “there for a reason” any more than I’d say all Christians are raving loony nutjobs who want to make sex outside marriage illegal.  The stereotype isn’t there because it’s apt, it’s because the loudest people tend to be the dumbest. 

    I’ll also fully admit that my social skills aren’t great, not that I smile at people until they talk. I just don’t approach people at all very much. When I do talk, I’m told I sound perfectly normal (Not that I can objectively know), and during my time as a writing tutor I had several repeat students who I seemed to get on very well with indeed. 

    What’s more, all the other homeschoolers I meet are, in addition to being more or less normal, far more social than I am, and far better behaved than others of their age. When I was young, I couldn’t stand to be around school children as I found them all obnoxious and loud. 

  • Mankoi

    Another homeschooler here. I actually know quite a large number of homeschoolers who are atheists, secular, or religious but generally sane. Perhaps I just got lucky in finding the right community, but I wouldn’t say the stereotypes are apt, or “there for a reason” any more than I’d say all Christians are raving loony nutjobs who want to make sex outside marriage illegal.  The stereotype isn’t there because it’s apt, it’s because the loudest people tend to be the dumbest. 

    I’ll also fully admit that my social skills aren’t great, not that I smile at people until they talk. I just don’t approach people at all very much. When I do talk, I’m told I sound perfectly normal (Not that I can objectively know), and during my time as a writing tutor I had several repeat students who I seemed to get on very well with indeed. 

    What’s more, all the other homeschoolers I meet are, in addition to being more or less normal, far more social than I am, and far better behaved than others of their age. When I was young, I couldn’t stand to be around school children as I found them all obnoxious and loud. 

  • http://deadparents.wordpress.com/ Peter Lundquist

    Hello, Peter here. Just to make it clear, the joke is not about all homeschooled kids, it’s about kids raised in ultra-religious home schools like those in Jesus Camp. I can’t speak for everybody, but all of the ones I’ve met smell like glue and never break eye contact. I’m sure many of them, as well as many people homeschooled for different reasons, have grown into socially adept adults with great families, careers, and boats. That is all. Merry Christmas, or merry whatever ironic holiday we’re doing this year, or merry Sunday.

  • August

    I was raised Southern Baptist (that’s the only kinda church there was) in Arkansas, where Awanas wasn’t just church, it was the social equivalent of little league.  I went to school summer programs during summer vacation because my mom was working, and even those state sponsored organizations would ship us off to a week of VBS every year.  It was always creepy and instilled both gratuitous guilt and fear in every kid present. I was always “saved” at least once, and none of us really knew what that meant.

  • Trace

    We are secular unschoolers. Having said that, the vast majority of  homeschooled kids we interact with belong to Christian and Jewish families (some of those families would qualify as  “ultra-religious”).

    In our experience,  the social skills displayed by these kids are equivalent to those of the schooled children in our extended family, living in our neighborhood or that we meet in extracurricular activities.

  • Justin Miyundees

    I homeschool because it’s the only reliable wall of separation between church and state left!  “One nation under god” is a prayer and I refuse to subject my kids to that delusion or the myriad of other delusions promoted with impunity by local churches right there in classrooms, on walls and on school grounds that our society favors or at least turn a blind eye too.  

    Religion poisons everything.

    • Justin Miyundees

      Please forgive my typos!!  I’m a homeschooler!!  Ha!


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X