Shit Christians Say to Atheists

Some people hate the meme, but I feel left out. Someone make this happen!

I’ll even get you started (with help from the folks on Twitter):

  • “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!”
  • “Do you believe in Satan?”
  • “Your life must be bleak and meaningless.”
  • “So why do you even bother to live?”
  • “You were never a true believer.”
  • “Why do you hate God?”
  • “You’re just going through a phase.”
  • “Deep down, you really believe.”
  • “Just wait till you have children of your own.”
  • “I’ll pray for you.”
  • “But what if you’re wrong?”
  • “It’s not meant to be taken literally.”
  • “Have you ever read the Bible?”
  • “You still believe in Jesus, though, right?”

Feel free to add to the list :)

(And please let me know if you make the video.)

Incidentally, I’m not Sri Lankan but this video captures my dad perfectly:



About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tiffany-Jade-Brown/640358790 Tiffany Jade Brown

    The “wait until you have children of your own” thing is the one that gets me. What the hell  is that even supposed to mean? My cousin has spewed that one at me several times. My husband and I are expecting our first and I’m pretty sure it’s not going to lead to a conversion. Scratch that. I’m really sure.

    • Gus Snarp

      Having kids didn’t make me turn religious. What it did was make me angrier at all the ways that religion gets shoved in kids faces at an appallingly early age.

      • Craig Hansen

        Same here.  Fatherhood made me more appalled at the religious indoctrination of children and more determined that my children would grow up knowing the basics of what people believe, and be allowed to choose their own beliefs or non-beliefs. I think that’s the best way to raise a child, and it’s also probably the most sure-fire way of raising a child who who turn out to be an atheist.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=797402801 Stacy Nickels Fletcher

      I have 3 kids. The oldest just turned 18. I’m still an atheist. 

    • http://twitter.com/luciferadi Adi Rule

      As a childfree atheist, I have double the opportunity to get hit with this gem. :/

      • Heartfout

        I used to say “I’m an asexual atheist who wants to adopt”, which I have learnt not to do for other’s safety: it tends to BSOD them. Not sure whether it is the asexual, the atheist or the adoption bit that does it, but it happens.

        • http://twitter.com/luciferadi Adi Rule

          Maybe it’s your awesome alliteration!

        • The Other Weirdo

          No, it’s not any one of those three things. It’s the perfect storm of all three combined. You’ve discovered a secret weapon against theists.

    • Anonymous

      It was actually the birth of my first child that pushed me into atheism. I’d been sort of a lax Christian for a few years and thought I should probably get “back into religion” now that I had a kid. It’s what forced me to actually look at beliefs and really truly examine them for the first time. It was then I realized it was all BS that didn’t conform with my own morality, and the reason I never felt fully comfortable in the past as a churchgoer was that I was constantly repressing my otherwise natural skepticism and inquiry.
      It’s ten years later, and I’m a happy atheist with two kids raised free of church influence.

      • Former Thumper

        I love your name. Its so perfect.

      • Darwinette

        That sounds exactly like my story. I tried to get back into it, too– my mother so excited. She gave me a Bible with my name engraved on it… I don’t know what exactly changed my mind, but going back to church after having my first child… was not the same. I tried to believe, but I just *didn’t*.

        The only difference in my story is that my children are being indoctrinated by my parents and other close family members, and I feel like their voice of reason is being snuffed out. I’m just hoping I can get through to them, enough to raise open-minded, tolerant, intelligent kids!

        • Aquaria

          You have to stand up for your kids, or no one else will.

    • Gus Snarp

      My wife never really identified herself as an atheist, she rejected Christianity and organized religion in general, but still sort of held on to a very vague notion of something being out there. She certainly seemed to have more respect for religion than I do. Since the kids though she seems to be becoming more of an outright atheist, and these days when I get mad about some religious thing and find myself thinking very angry things about religion and thinking she’d probably think I’m getting a bit too irate about something minor – she’ll suddenly bring up just what I’m thinking about and sound even angrier than I am. Yes, having children has brought us closer together in our disbelief!

    • Tim

      my wife was an agnostic / cultural Christian.  Her mother kept telling her that the miracle of childbirth would convince her of the existance of God.  we now have two kids.  They are both little miracles, but giving birth to them made her see that everything from conception onwards is, in her words “an essentially biological process”.  

    • Anonymous

      Watching my own children grow and learn about the world with a genuine curiosity that many adults seem to lack (particularly Christian adults)  has made me more determined than ever to keep them safe from religion.  The way that religion twists the genuine beauty and wonder in the world to serve its own ends disgusts me.  Caring for another as much as I do for my children definitely does not want me to become religious.

    • Paul Iannacone

      My wife used to try to tell me that–”when we have kids you will see.”  OK, we have 3 kids, and I have gone from agnostic to atheist.  She even went as far as to proclaim (within minutes after my first was born) “If THAT doesn’t make you believe in god, I don’t know what will!”  –  It didn’t.  Nothing did.

    • Daniel

      Kids made me more outspoken.  When I was in the service, my dog tags said “Catholic”.  Largely because I wasn’t out to my mother and while I wouldn’t care what was done with my body, I knew she’d be happier thinking I had last rites or whatever.

      But now I would want my daughters to know my actual views, and were I still in the service my dog tags would definitely say Atheist.  Because now, rather than being more concerned with the feelings of my parents, I am more concerned with my children knowing what was important to me.  

      I’d say it more of a shift in looking to the future rather than the past and not wanting superstition in the future.

    • monyNH

      Becoming a mom gave me the strength of mind to follow my intuition, and say adios to Christianity once and for all. 

    • Anon

      I would think it would be the other way around. I mean I have no kids and no plans to have kids but I can still remember that bit in the Bible where God says to Abraham to sacrifice Isaac.

      Could you look your kid in the eye and say you’d sacrifice them to god?
      Could you, after looking at your kid, say that you love god and/or jesus more than your child?

      If anybody answer to the first one is yes, I really don’t think they should be allowed to procreate.

  • guest

    I’ve heard many of these. I have to say, I have never seen as bleak a view of life and fellow humans as I have from Christian Fundamentalists. Humanity is seen as depraved and the Christian is almost nihilist as far as attempts to improve, help or change themselves or other people: other than by being saved, that is.

  • EJC

    “So, like, uhh, what do you believe happens to you when you die? Nothing?”

    • Joey.

      you lay there in the ground….

      • Azzne

        Actually you decompose which provides the means for other life to flourish…  : )

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

      I think that returning our bodies to the planet that gave us life is, in itself, rather beautiful symbolism. And it certainly isn’t “nothing”.

  • EJC

    “Don’t Take the Lord’s Name in Vain in Front of Me…”

    • http://www.facebook.com/roccim Marlo Rocci

      “Then turn around.”

  • Skatula

    “You just need to develop a relationship with our Lord the Savior Jesus Christ.”
    To which I reply: I didn’t know Jesus was my lord and his last name is not Christ, it’s Hernendez and he’s from Cancun, Mexico. Nice guy.

  • EJC

    Hey Hemant, since you brought it up, and such….I am guessing based on your name you are Turkish? SO if I said Merhaba to you, I would be in the park?

    I dig lineage and figuring out heritage!

    • Anonymous

      I believe his family is Indian but Jains instead of Hindus, but Hemant can correct me if I’m wrong.

      • Nordog

        I thought he was a smiling mexigay.
        ;-)

        • TheBlackCat

          I thought he was a pangolin.

          • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

            Doesn’t matter, he’s AWESOME.

  • Kullervo

    “Why are you a blood donor?” was my favorite thus far. From a Red Cross instructor, as it happens, as I turned up for my CPR and First Aid training in the process of becoming a disaster responder.

    • Anonymous

      Buh … wut? Atheists aren’t supposed to want to donate blood? I don’t get it. (Maybe it’s just related to the general not-being-nice stereotype?)

      I know that some religious people don’t believe in blood transfusions …

  • T-Rex

    “I’ll pray for you”.
    Fuck you.

    • Anonymous

      My standard response to “I’ll pray for you” is “Ok, you do that. And I’ll think for both of us.”

      • http://twitter.com/ThyGoddess Michelle

        I usually reply “I outgrew my imaginary friend earlier than you have it seems.”

      • Kaylee

        I usually say “as long as you don’t pray over me.”

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, this is actually one of my sort-of favorites … because it means they’re not actually going to do anything. ;) Like the bored protesters outside of abortion clinics with signs that say “Pray to end abortion” — yes please! Don’t call your legislator, don’t attend a protest, just pray. That’ll do it.

    • Anonymous

      I like “I’d rather you didn’t.  It’s kind of creepy knowing that your talking to yourself about me just before bed time”.

      • EJC

        Love that one!!!

  • Guest

    “have you ever even TRIED to follow the Lord?”  my usual response is “no I don’t like people with beards”…and I have one.

    • http://www.everydayintheparkwithgeorge.com/ Matt E

      Reply: “Yes I did, until he got the restraining order.”

  • http://www.frommormontoatheist.blogspot.com/ Leia

    That’s funny, having children helped me walk away from religion.

  • observer

     “It’s not meant to be taken literally.” …wow, if a fundamentalist says that to me, I would back away slowly………..how does taking religion seriously not make you believe in it anymore?

    “Your life must be bleak and meaningless.”“So why do you
    even bother to live?”                 These, coming from a religion in which being alive is your god “testing” you., and that your “real” life is in Heaven after you die…or Hell, depending on if you’ve been naughty or nice.

    “Have you ever read the Bible?” I just commented on the previous post where state senators want prayer in school, via a verse (Matthew 6:9-13). But as Mr. Mehta pointed out, only a couple of verses sooner (Matthew
    6:5), telling you that it’s hypocritical to pray in public. You don’t read your own damn book, why should I?

    “You still believe in Jesus, though, right?” I believe in what Jesus represents or preached, i.e.  helping others, being kind, feeding the poor, etc. Which, quite frankly, I think is more important then whether the man existed or not…sad that for the more extreme Christians, Jesus’ existance is much more important then what he preached.

  • Gehan Somanader

    i’m sri lankan xD

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=5300663 Ashley Slye Stephens

    Can you eat pork?

    • Kristen B.

      That’s hilarious!

  • http://www.freethoughtblogs.com/wwjtd Christina

    I’m totally making this happen. 

  • http://twitter.com/e__clare Emileigh Clare

    Lots of well-meaning Christian friends who know I’m an atheist always act surprised when I talk about my Christmas plans or give them a gift. They ask “You celebrate Christmas?” As if it’s purely a Christian holiday to begin with?!

  • Blz Bob1971

    I’m right now dealing with “what harm does it do to believe?”  I was recently called pompous because I think it’s great that we are getting religion out of schools by court order.

  • David Barnes

    “I just don’t want to be in heaven knowing that you’re in hell.” (my mother)
    “So how do you know the difference between right and wrong?”

    • Mike Funicelli

      My answer to the second one: “Be good for goodness sake”. Good enough for Santa is good enough for me!

      • Anonymous

        My hypothetical reply to “I just don’t want to be in heaven knowing that you’re in hell” is:  Don’t worry, you won’t be.

  • Durak_29

    What is preventing you from going out and killing people if you don’t believe?

    • http://twitter.com/Data_Jack DataJack

      This one amazes me in its inanity. How can anyone fails so much at thinking?

      • Anonymous

        It makes me back away from them slowly in case they lose their faith and go on a killing spree.  They’ve already admitted to the desire and the tenuous grip on their temper.  I don’t want to be around people like that.  They are better off in churches where they can only hurt their own.

    • Mairianna

      Hmmm…maybe you should answer, “I don’t know.  Maybe you should stay away from me.”  ;^))

    • Jottpool

      Cause im more afraid of the cops than i am you imaginary friend?  

    • Mark

      Yeah, that one ALWAYS creeps me out! My response is to ask them if what they are saying is the ONLY thing that keeps them from killing people is their God? Yuk!

  • Durak_29

    Wouldn’t it make you feel better knowing that I’ll be in heaven after I die?

    • Aquaria

      I always tell people that no, I don’t feel better knowing that 1) you’ve been condemned to eternal life–that’s a hideous torture all on its own, or b) that you’re spending that torture with the even greater torture of spending that eternity kissing a genocidal scumbag’s ugly butt.

  • http://twitter.com/ThyGoddess Michelle

    “But you still say ‘Oh God!’ so much! Somehow you must believe.”

    And thankfully that’s not a guy I was in bed with.

    • Ilaria Giovacchini

      Hi! to this i normally reply on the lines of: I often say “Holy shit!” too… what do you think it means? XD

      • Anonymous

        Well, according to 1001 Nights (I think… haven’t read the books in years), Christian soldiers rubbed diluted Pope feces in their beards. Diluted with non-Pope feces, I might add.

        Might or might not have been propaganda… I don’t really want to google “pope poo” while at work. But I like to think that that’s where “holy shit” comes from. :P

        • http://twitter.com/ThyGoddess Michelle

          …Diluted with non-pope feces? Why?!

          • Anonymous

            To make it last longer? The poor man had to supply a whole army (or several?). If I remember correctly (and it’s absolutely possible that I don’t), the soldiers weren’t actually told of the dilution. They thought it was 100% Pope Power Poo. Hence those in charge couldn’t dilute it with anything non-poopy, because the soldiers would feel less powerful seeing as homeopathy hadn’t been invented yet.

            • http://twitter.com/ThyGoddess Michelle

              Couldn’t they… I don’t know…. put it in a bottle around their neck or something…

              Well there you go, a new case for evolution. We’re apes because we used to smear poop everywhere too. XD

        • Ilaria Giovacchini

          *ahahah* I didn’t know this… i’m thinking of a poor skeptic crusader talking with his priest.
          “But… i mean… how much poop can a man do?””That’s why we call it a miracle, son””You mean like… He makes poop miraculously appear in the pope’s belly and then we smear it in our beards?””Exactly, my son””And so, the pope has to spend his whole life in his toilet so that we can win this war?””Sacrifice is the path to heaven, son””Wouldn’t it be easier if He just… you know… made us.. you know… just win?””You can’t question God’s means to give us victory, son””But… just think of the hemorroids!!””We’re born to suffer, son””Amen to that”…

        • Alex

          > Diluted with non-Pope feces, I might add.

          OMG, it’s homeopathic!!!

    • http://profiles.google.com/tychabrahe Lauren Eve Pomerantz

      I’ve started saying “Oh, Ceiling Cat,” or OMCC, or FSM!  (It makes the childhood cry of “Uh oh, Spaghetti-os,” much more interesting.)

      • Eleanor O’Neill

        Nice. Personally, I’ve been gradually switching over to “Oh my Dog!” and the like. (Dog dammit!) I surely do love my dogs!

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

        Been using OMCC for a while now — I’ve only had to explain it once.

  • http://david.veillon.us/ID/ Dave

    Why do you believe in that fake religion? 

  • Mle292

    Have you ever heard of “Pascal’s Wager”?

    • mysciencecanbeatupyourgod

      Best response to Pascal’s Wager –

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQsc17OAKIo

      • Kaoru Negisa

        I’m sorry, I’m going to have to disagree, only because this is so much more concise: http://freethoughtblogs.com/wwjtd/2012/01/10/if-your-argument-cant-beat-homer-simpson-it-probably-sucks/

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=591058715 Thomas Farrell

    > “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!”You don’t know me very well.> “Do you believe in Satan?”No, I believe in satin.> “Your life must be bleak and meaningless.”

    Only if I haven’t got laid lately.
    > “So why do you even bother to live?”Well, my daddy loved my mommy very much…> “You were never a true believer.”Of course not, don’t be ridiculous, I never said I was.> “Why do you hate God?”So, you think I don’t believe in god but hate this thing I don’t believe in. Sure, THAT makes sense…> “You’re just going through a phase.”Yes, solidity. But I might decide to liquify tomorrow.> “Deep down, you really believe.”Yes, deep down I really believe in the power of cheese.> “Just wait till you have children of your own.”I’m gay.> “I’ll pray for you.”I’ll think for you.> “But what if you’re wrong?”Then when I die it will still be the case that unlike you I’ll actually have lead a life worth living.> “It’s not meant to be taken literally.”Then I guess I can not take literally the parts that say it’s important, and ignore it.> “Have you ever read the Bible?”

    Yes. Clearly you haven’t.

    > “You still believe in Jesus, though, right?”

    No, why should I?

  • Nicole Youngman

    “Have you found Jesus?”

    “Yeah, he was behind the couch the whole time.”

    Pagans get pretty much the same shit you guys do. In addition to that, we frequently hear some version of “oh, so you worship the creation instead of the Creator?” (And some of us are atheists/agnostics too for that matter! :))

    • Kaoru Negisa

      A friend of mine who’s pagan often has to explain that pagans tend to not only not be atheists, but are actually *further* from atheism by virtue of believing in *even more* gods than monotheists do.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002050735790 Goin Quietly

    The joy of being an atheist is that it gives me free range to be whatever I want to be on any given day. When the Jehovah’s come a knocking I tell them I am Catholic,  when someone who I know is deeply religious asks what I am I deliberately proclaim to be the polar opposite of whatever convoluted religion they are. Its great. And if someone asks me why I hate god, I just tell them I don’t, I don’t hate something that does not exist.  Oh and born again Christians are absolutely the best to get drunk, he he!!

    • Aquaria

      When the JWs come, you have two choices:

      1) Say “I’m a 7th Day Adventist”. This is apparently their Kryptonite.

      Or..

      2) You look them over, sigh heavily, and say, “I’ve told the escort service twice now that I want only one at a time, and no kids! No kids! You’d think they’d get that one straight! You–You’ll fit in my harness in the dungeon–Wait–Come back! I was going to make espresso!”

  • http://godlessgirl.com godlessgirl

    “It’s not a religion; it’s a relationship!” Or the similar defense, “I’m not religious!”

  • Kat

    “HIS love will bring you back around someday.” Ugggghhh

    • J Suttra L

      That is the same logic applied to gays and lesbians by some Christians…

  • Jason

    “You can’t see God?  I see God in every sunrise, every baby’s smile.”

  • http://yetanotheratheist.com/ TerranRich

    “Then I expect you don’t celebrate Christmas or Easter. If you do, you’re a hypocrite.”

    That’s the one that really gets to me. So much ignorance behind that one.

    • Robin

      We have a family member that suspects our atheism, due to our repeated declines to go to her church.  It’s a sticky situation involving a family business, so we’re not “out” for financial reasons. While making family Christmas plans she asked 3 different times, in various ways, if we decorated Christmas trees/celebrated/if my kids believed in Santa.  My oldest is 5, so maybe she’ll corner and question him soon.  Knowing her, I can bet on that.  They also gave us this DVD by the makers of VeggieTales called “Why do they call it Christmas” (aka Christian Apologetics for the pre-school set) – luckily directly to my husband, not wrapped for the kids.  

         

  • Bob

    “That’s okay, God believes in you.”

    • Jason

      And “God doesn’t believe in atheists.”

    • http://twitter.com/ThyGoddess Michelle

      God believes in me? Does that mean I can kick him in hell for all the atrocities he did then? Awesome!

      I knew I was divine.

      • Bob Lai

        Wouldn’t that be like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football? You can’t kick something that isn’t there …

  • Sandramuoio

    Keep Christ in Christmas, allow Jesus into your heart this season.– He is the reason for the season! — That is not a choice, it’s a baby.

    • Farren

      Hi is the reason for the season?  So, Jesus is the direct cause of axial tilt?…
      Do you think we can pin global warming on him as well?

      • http://twitter.com/ThyGoddess Michelle

        Gotta write that one down for next christmas. XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/apuuli John Ahrens

    “you will when you are on your death bed”. 

    Well, i have been pretty close to my deathbed a couple times now.  And never did the thought of god, prayer or heaven even cross my mind. 

    • Graham Martin-Royle

      If I ever find myself on my deathbed I’m gonna jump off it real quick, those things kill!!! :-)))

    • Gilraen

      I’ve been within minutes of dying, and I never saw, heard, felt, smelled, or touched anything that would have made me believe there is a god out there.  It was evidence-based medicine, and those who practice it, that saved my life.

    • MariaO

      Many years ago when I was around 30 I hade really bad pneumonia. There was one evening when I did not think I would survive the night. I certainly did not long for imaginary beings of any kind – but I did very much want a friendly human in the same room. And I had the best – my mother (who was always an unbeliever and left the church soon after – nat that there was any connection).

    • Tinker

      That was a major turning point for me. I was trapped in a car overnight, thought I was going to die and never once thought about God. I searched for him for several years after that and never found him. Now I am proud to say that I can think for myself.

    • Randyman72

      Good point sir. I faced a near death experience at my job a few years ago that solidified the fact that, when faced with the prospect of imminent demise, I didn’t pray, because I realized that there is nothing out there.

    • Anon

      I nearly fell out of a speeding bus and my only thought was ‘SHIT I’M GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!’. God didn’t save me, my friends did.

      In fact, considering the bus doors spontaneously opened while we were going fast around a roundabout and wouldn’t close, I kind of assumed god was trying to kill me.

  • DD91

    “If you don’t believe, how can you be a moral person?”

  • http://biodork.wordpress.com/ Biodork

    I’ve gotten both of these (not really nice and sound-bitey, but pretty amazing):

    “They let atheists volunteer there!?” – someone in response to me sharing that I’m a Big Sister for Big Brothers, Big Sisters
    “Oh, so *that’s* why you volunteer here.” – a protestor at the reproductive health clinic where I volunteer.

    Also, I followed the video to Sh*t Sri Lankan Mothers say and I swear this could be my South Indian coworker when she talks on the phone to her children.

  • Mr Nobody

    ugh, its worse with jewish, a bunch of bimbos asked a friend o mine when the subject rose on class if he denies the holocaust. he just laughed at the ridiculosness of the statement

  • Candace

    “Have you ever read the Bible???” 

    Yes, cover to cover before I was 12 and many times since then.  The Bible is just absurd.  Do insects have 4 legs?  Is the bat a bird?  Does the earth stand on 4 literal pillars in space?  Did all the animals on the planet live withing walking distance of Noah’s ark, which was a huge wooden ship with 3 floors but only an 18″ X 18″ window for ventilation?  Does the sun revolve around the earth?  And sometimes go backwards?  Did god create plants before the sun?  Are all the stars in all the galaxies for “signs?”  Should I go on?  Does god need a course in astronomy?  Oh, it’s not  to be taken literally, people wrote that stuff?  Really?  This book is so important to god that he will throw people in hell if they don’t follow it exactly, but he just kind of threw it out there and let some stone-age nomadic savages write whatever they wanted?  Oh, so I should just follow the parts that are literal and true?  OK, do you know which parts those are?  Are your beliefs correct?  Do you have the truth?  Well, what about that guy over there, who also says he has the truth but believes the total opposite of you.  How can you both have the truth?  In fact, there are 50,000 denominations just in christianity, let alone all the other religions, and you all contradict each other.  How can you all be right?  What’s that, whichever church in town has the most people is the one that’s right?  So truth is decided by a popularity contest?  Can you explain any of this to me?

    “You’re going to hell!”

    • http://www.aphrodizzy.com/ elDragonata

      If there could be anything that could truly epitomise the word ‘paradox’, let the Bible and Christianity collectively be a strong contender for that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001493398402 Shae Lee N’Mom

    The most common thing said about my being an Atheist is nothing. I get snubbed. When a Christian who didn’t know finds out they are scary angry. I just smile and be polite. They hate that! :)

  • Anonymous

    “There are no atheists in foxholes”

    “There are no atheists on deathbeds””But God is all about LOVE!””You will face JUDGMENT, but not mine, *I* would never judge you.””You learned about religion in church.  You need a personal relationship with Jesus to fix that.” *looks at you like you sprouted a 2nd head*  *gasps* “You don’t believe in GOD?!” 

  • http://www.facebook.com/keithacollyer Keith Collyer

    When asked if I believe in god, I usually answer either “the question is, does god believe in me” or “god told me to be an atheist and who am I to disagree”. I like the latter – it’s a “this statement is false” paradox that most christians just aren’t equipped to handle

  • Pen

    “You better not go to prison, they hate atheists in prison!”

    Helpful advice, I suppose.  

    • http://www.everydayintheparkwithgeorge.com/ Matt E

      You’ve got that one too? I love that one! I usually point out that this just shows how morally superior Christians are – the prisons are chock full of Christians but atheists are proportionally under represented in the prison population.

  • http://www.facebook.com/roccim Marlo Rocci

    “If you had to pick a religion, which one would you pick?”  This is a consession that they cannot prove the facts of their own religion and choose to rather engage in a comparative religion discussion.  It also suggests there should be a totalitarian state that imposes religious belief on all it’s citizens.  I shoot back “if we lived in a nation that imposed the death penalty for those who do not choose a recognized religion, would you be happy to see me put to death, as is often the case in such nations?”

  • http://www.bblss.org/ Miki

    (from my aunt)
    “But you did such good work for the Lord!”
     
    (from my good friend)
    “Please don’t tell your godson.  This will break his heart.”
     
    (from a The Secret follower)
    “OK, but you believe in ‘spiritual energy,’ don’t you?”
     
    (from a friend)
    “Well, you know, since you said that; I don’t really believe in hell, either.  I just think when you die, you die.”
     
    (from my younger cousin)
    “Yes, we know you’re an atheist!  But could you please just bless the food so we can eat?”
     
    (from my sister)
    “Shit!  Now who’s gonna sing alto in our gospel songs?!”

    • http://kamakanui.zenfolio.com/ Kamaka

      “Shit!  Now who’s gonna sing alto in our gospel songs?!”

      Hahaha…at least it’s a pragmatic complaint.

  • http://twitter.com/Data_Jack DataJack

    Reply: Do you see your god in the tears of every baby that dies of starvation?

  • http://twitter.com/luciferadi Adi Rule

    The one I get a lot is, “But what do you believe in?”

    Honestly, I don’t “believe in” anything.  I accept concepts as conditionally true, false, or unknown based on the available evidence.

    Well, except for leprechauns. I totally believe in leprechauns.

    • ashley

      “But what do you believe in?”

      A belief is something we know and hold to be true.

      I believe that my doggies loves me. I believe that I can think for myself. I believe the earth is about 4.5 billion years old. ect.

  • Candace

    “It takes a lot more effort to be an atheist.” [I have no idea what that means.]
    “Something terrible must have happened in your life to turn you away from the Lord.”
    “Why are you angry at God? God loves you.”
    “Let us help you!”
    “I know you claim to be an atheist.”
    And the ever-popular “I’ll pray for you.” [Thanks, and I'll think for you.]

  • The Other Weirdo

    ““You still believe in Jesus, though, right?””

    Said as “But he believes in Jesus, right?” was said to an exgirlfriend of mine by her very Catholic mother upon her finding out that I was Jewish.

  • Paul Iannacone

    “It takes FAITH to NOT believe!”  huh?

    • steveakam

      no just the ability to think.

  • EJC

    “Atheism is just another religion”…

    It is as if they have to justify their own idiocy by trying to bring everyone down to their level. 

    • caustic agnostic

      Yes except we REALLY do drink Christ’s blood and eat him.  It’s easier to do our worshiping, satanic rituals and cannibalism at one time and place.  Because you know, as athiests we’re also sociopaths.  I’m sure you didn’t miss THAT episode of the 700 Club did you?

  • EJC

    “Have you read the bible”

    I have three responses to this, situationally dependent:

    (a) I have, along with the Q’uran, Baghavad Gita, Zen Quatrains, and many other books of mythology. Have you?

    (b) I have, but I am not a big fiction reader so it didn’t really fit my style…

    (c) Which one?

    The last one always leaves them scratching their heads…

  • Anonymous

    The liberal Christian/UU one: “Tell me about this God you don’t believe in. Because I probably don’t believe in that one either!” Yup, never mind that I used to *be* a liberal Christian (and then a UU). Obviously my problem with gods isn’t that there’s not a shred of evidence for them, it’s just that I’m not imagining one that’s nice and fuzzy enough.

  • Cnoel26

    “But don’t you know that X is a sin?!?!?”

    Not to me baby, I’m out of your god’s jurisdiction.

  • Poly Auteur

    Ask and ye shall receive…. Not my finest work but considering it was made in less than an hour…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7smukIFcroI&feature=plcp&context=C31b47baUDOEgsToPDskKS4fSW1sDd7kyRSet4wS08

  • Annie

    The Sri Lankan dad video was hilarious!

  • Bob Lai

    “Well, God believes in YOU.”

    • Kristin

      Ugh, I got that one yesterday. Boy, it pisses me off.

    • Aquaria

      “How do you know what a fictional character believes?”

  • Minus

    “You just think you’re an atheist.”

    My mind boggles over this one.

    • http://profiles.google.com/tychabrahe Lauren Eve Pomerantz

      I have absolute faith that I’m an atheist.

    • Aquaria

      “And you just think you’re a christer, when you’re really an atheist and were just being shy!”

  • chutz

    Here’s one that I am still trying to figure out. After telling a Christian hip-hop artist who was very insistently trying to give me one of his CDs on the street I was not a Christian, he asked what I was. When I said Atheist, he said:

    “Really? Give me ten dollars, right now”.

    My best theory at this point is he thinks that believers have some sort of power over nonbelievers.

  • Silo Mowbray

    “You need Jesus.”
    Well fuck you you fucking fuck. After talking to you I need a stiff drink more than anything.

    • http://twitter.com/ThyGoddess Michelle

      Well, the blood of christ has a high alcohol percentage…

  • http://twitter.com/DangerousTalk Staks Rosch

    I don’t get it. Why would you perpetuate poor arguments? Why not perpetuate real questions for theists instead? 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-Jones/100000175481467 Jessica Jones

    What happened to you?  You used to be such a good person
    Why don’t you just go around murdering people?
    You just want to sin.
    Well that’s just your opinion.
    You can’t disprove god.

    • Anonymous

      Reply: “If I don’t sin, your Jesus died for nothing”

    • Kamakamanu

      Why don’t you just go around murdering people?

      “Oh, my goodness! Your religion is the only thing that keeps you from running amok, robbing and murdering?”

    • Anon

      Why don’t you just go around murdering people?
      Answer: *creepy grin* Who says I don’t?

      That at least gets them to go away.

  • http://rrlane.blogspot.com rrlane

    “Obviously you never really accepted Jesus.  You were never a true Christian or you wouldn’t think the way you do now.”

    I’ve been told this numerous times.  My time as an adult-dunked, Sunday School attending Southern Baptist was all a fraud.

    As for the “Just wait until you have kids one” is fun.  I didn’t become an atheist until we had four at home.

  • http://thestir.squarespace.com/ Servaas

    “Have you ever read the Bible?”
    Of all these, this is the one I’d ask, not as in ‘have you seen every sentence written in it and perceived it in some way’ but have you ever read it, paid attention to what you read, study further commentaries and opinions on it, etc. Because that is the one thing I’ve found with atheists, they refute Christianity on the weirdest grounds, stuff that isn’t in the Bible or with interpretations held by only them. That is why I would ask, ‘have you ever read the Bible?’.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6O7TY36KKR4RN2JRA7MLV6LEZY Stan Dalone

      Since you ask, Servaas, yes I have.  Funny thing–I thought that reading Christianity’s holy book might actually help the religion make more sense to me.  But instead I was kind of shocked by the ugly stories, the brutality, the outright internal contradictions, and the very mixed morality it contains.  If anything, it reinforced my rejection of Christianity.

      But also since you ask, have you read it, front to back?

    • Kamaka

      Because that is the one thing I’ve found with atheists, they refute
      Christianity on the weirdest grounds, stuff that isn’t in the Bible or
      with interpretations held by only them.

      Why would I refute the bible with weird stuff that isn’t in it? The bible is plenty weird.

      I won’t even go with the crazy shit like Leviticus or Kings or the wacky prophets like Ezekial and Daniel.

      Saul of Tarsus/Paul is plenty weird enough to undermine the credibiliy of the bible.

    • http://annainca.blogspot.com/ Anna

      The Bible is totally irrelevant to atheism. You can be an an atheist without ever reading the Bible, just like you can be an atheist without ever reading the Vedas or Upanishads. Some people believe that certain books are of supernatural origin. But the existence of those books has absolutely nothing to do with the existence or non-existence of deities.

    • Anonymous

      Yes and it only reinforced my conviction that Christianity is complete nonsense. Even read as fiction, the Bible is pretty bad and very incoherent. Learning the real origins of the Bible and why and how it was compiled, the only logical conclusion is that it’s all a man-made fabrication.

      But to be perfectly clear, there are plenty of other reasons to not believe in gods. Yes, gods. Plural. I don’t believe in any of the thousands of others of gods humans created either

    • steveakam

      the bible is the best argument ive ever read for not believing,  It has to be read end to end and not cherry picked. 

      “Have you ever read the Bible?”   yes twice and thats why im an atheist.

    • Aquaria

      Your genocidal filth manual is PRECISELY why I find your genocidal delusion a crime against humanity. It’s one of the most disgusting, hateful, and murderous books ever written.

  • Ben

    “So you think you’re better than God?”
    “Surely you agree there’s something more than we can see to the universe.”
    “Atheists pray to themselves using sarcasm.”
    “You’ll change your mind on your deathbed.”

    • Aquaria

      “I think I’m better than the kind of genocidal filth who would sic bears on children for teasing a crazy old scumbag with too thin of skin.

      “I think I’m better than the kind of genocidal filth who tells you that it’s all right to enslave foreigners, and the children of them living amongst you, and to own them and their descendents forever.

      “I believe I’m better than the kind of genocidal filth who would tell his deluded, psychopathic followers to go wipe out a village that had took care of themselves and minded their own business.”

      I am better than your deity. You’re better than you’re deity. You’re just too brainwashed into hating yourself to see it.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6O7TY36KKR4RN2JRA7MLV6LEZY Stan Dalone

    One of my favorites is “You’re just pretending not to believe in God so you can ignore His law and live your life in sinful depravity.”

    And if “sinful depravity” means faithfully married with children who are growing up to be law-abiding citizens, then I guess I’m guilty as charged.

  • http://annainca.blogspot.com/ Anna

    “Do you believe in love?”

    “You can’t prove the existence of love, either.”

  • monyNH

    The only overt comment I can recall getting (thank goodness!) was from my nana: “When you need him [i.e. god], he’ll be there.”

     A loving family, good friends, and a functioning intellect are enough for me–what the hell is god gonna do that those things can’t?

  • Renee_julliette_

    How do you have the ability to love?But I’ve known you for so long! How did this happen?

    Those are just a few that have been said to me. My spouse and I have been together for 8 years and people have said that to us.. Apparently one is only able to love if they believe in some higher power..My best friend of 15 years said the other to me…my response? “People aren’t allowed to change?”

  • Anonymous

    After discussing the monster of the Old Testament, “I don’t believe in the god you describe either.”  

    Yes, that’s right, you don’t but then I don’t believe in the fluffy little hippy man who got nailed to sticks because he liked people so much either.  I don’t believe in any gods.  It isn’t a process of elimination.

  • Seladora

    I usually just get that “look”. Most of you probably know the exact one. 

    Oh, and I’ve heard “There are no atheists in foxholes.” more than once. 

    • Aquaria

      When they do the atheist in foxholes crap, I always tell them to show me their DD-214, and I’ll show them MINE.

  • Dhrdawe

    “You may have given up on God, but he hasn’t given up on you.”
    “Has anyone ever TALKED to you about God?”

  • MariaO

    “I will pray for you”
    My standard answer:
    You do that. I am sure it will make you feel much better.

  • Atoswald

    “You will change your mind the first time something bad happens to you. You’ll start praying then.” Of course, my daughter at the time was very ill (on chemotherapy.) When I pointed this out (isn’t a seriously ill child tragedy enough if ‘something bad’ is going to make me a believer?) the response was, “It is your fault she is sick, if you’d just believe and pray to god, she will heal.”

    I have been told (by a woman no less!) “Women do not have eggs because they are not chickens, but they are merely the fertile ground for men to plant their seeds. So, of course, all this science garbage you worship is a lie, DNA is just another atheist lie.”

    I have been called a liar and a satan worshipper because I can’t see that the dinosaur bones I ‘believe in’ were made of plaster and planted as a hoax by my master (satan.)

    And the one that I get all the time, in two variations: “If you don’t believe in god, what do you say when people sneeze?” (I tend to say gesundheit, by the way) or the meaner spirited “So, you’re a hypocrite? You must be if you bless people when they sneeze.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=714214638 Barry Taylor

    My list of daft things Christians say to atheists is here: 
    http://atheos-godless.blogspot.com/search/label/daft%20things

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

    I’m disabled. I get a lot of crap about how “God has a special plan” for me.

    • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

      Ugh. Both of my in-laws were disabled, and they got that kind of cliche, rationalizing, patronizing, condescending, inane crap. As a child, their daughter, my wife was told by these same idiots that it was God “testing their faith,” or even that it was punishment for some secret sin they must have committed.

      To that last one, the kindest response I can think of is “Go eat shit and live.”

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

        The weirdest one, by far, was the Charismatic preacher in the park who told me if I would “just believe”, God would “give me new legs”. (Because, you know, CP just magickally reverses itself…)

        Never you mind that I, at one point, DID believe with all my heart and soul — God didn’t do shit then, why should I expect Him to pull through NOW?

        *smh*

        Never did understand the concept of punishing one person’s “sin” by inflicting suffering on another person who had nothing to do with it. (Referencing the “your child must be disabled because God is punishing you for something” thing.) I don’t get it.

        • Anonymous

          That’s just insulting.

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    The old “Where do you get your morals?” gives me a chance to have some fun.

    I’ve responded a few times with this:

    “By your question are you saying that I don’t have morals, or are you acknowledging that I do, but you’re puzzled how is it possible that I have morals without a belief in a god? If you think I don’t have morals because it’s impossible for me to have them, then how do you explain my very moral behavior (long list of very nice things I do) and how do you explain my not killing and/or robbing you right now? If you acknowledge that I clearly do have morals, then you’re admitting two things: 1) that morals are indicated by what observable real-worldbehaviors people consistently do rather than just the thoughts and beliefs that they profess are in their heads, and 2) that belief in gods is not necessary for people to consistently practice those observable moral behaviors.”

    At this point I haven’t even begun to explain how I can have morals or live morally without their exo-conscience in the sky.  Often that’s already more than they’re prepared to handle, and they change the subject. 

  • Zoe

    whats great is one  asks us to explain thier religion to them

  • EvilBob

    My dad was once asked by his new brother-in-law ‘Brother, have you been saved?’ His response was ‘Saved from WHAT?’ Never got bothered again.

  • john r.

    As  a doctor, my favorite is: “Then how do you account for the perfection of the human body??”

    Uh…

    Also, the related, but more general:
    “Then who made you?”

  • danny

    Miss Manners’ response to ‘Have you found Jesus/the Lord/etc.’ was “I didn’t know he was missing.” I don’t think she’s a non-theist, but this could be delivered in a interesting,  non-theistic way.

  • Jake

    One of the most intelligent and (I thought) open-minded people I have ever known:

    “Yeah…you know atheism is just a cult for fat white kids who can’t hack it, right?”

  • Tinker

    “What will you say when you meet God face to face?”

    Umm…  Why are you an asshole?

  • PaulToronto

    “You’re just not ready to believe yet.”

  • Elle

    “But don’t you want to be saved?” 

    “How can you see all the glory which God has made and not believe?”

    • Anon

      “But don’t you want to be saved?” “Saved from what exactly? I mean, I’ve never been to Michigan but I hear that Hell’s pretty awesome.”

    • Aquaria

      What glory of your genocidal freak in the sky? The droughts, hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, avalanches, wildfires and tsunamis that kill and ravage the earth? The horrific diseases and genetic disorders? Those aren’t so glorious, and Euthyphro had quite a lot to say about the role in all of it from your sadistic space buddy.

  • Mmahoney742

    Atheist: “do you think im evil”
    Christian: “no…… wait are you?”
    Atheist: “NOOOO!!”

  • hallalooyuh

    I get this one often: “You may not believe in god, but he believes in you!”

  • Greisha

    I have not gotten much of such questions since most of my family, friends, and a few coworkers are atheists or agnostics.  However to most of the questions appropriate answer may be “Why?”  I never met a believer who could coherently and conclusively explain why they believe that weird stuff.

  • Pam Wright

    I’ve got short answers to all the questions or remarks on this list.

    “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!”     “Well, thank you.”“Do you believe in Satan?”     “Nope.”“Your life must be bleak and meaningless.”     “Why, no, it isn’t, actually.”“So why do you even bother to live?”     “Most of the same reasons you do, I suspect.”“You were never a true believer.”     “You’re right, I wasn’t.”“Why do you hate God?”     “No, I don’t BELIEVE in God.  I can’t hate someone who does not exist.”“You’re just going through a phase.”     “If you say so, but 44 years is a long phase.”“Deep down, you really believe.”     ” No, deep down I really do not.”“Just wait till you have children of your own.”
         ” I do, and grandchildren also.”

    “I’ll pray for you.”     “Suit yourself.”“But what if you’re wrong?”     “That’s something I don’t waste energy worrying about.”“It’s not meant to be taken literally.”     “Lots of people disagree.”“Have you ever read the Bible?”     “Yes.”“You still believe in Jesus, though, right?”     “Nope.”

    I can add one that was said to me a few years ago when I told a coworker I’m atheist.  She said, “Have you tried praying about it?’  My reply included mention of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.  I think it’s fair to say she was shocked and appalled.

  • Sam

    Interesting. Im a Christian and never have I thought or said any of those things. But I guess its always fun to stereotype

    • guest

      Not a stereotype – real people do say this stuff. It’s reality for those of us who are atheist. You may choose to believe what you prefer to believe. That’s what you all are good at.

    • http://www.facebook.com/alanaroundtheworld Alan Mizell

      It seems stereotypes always have some basis in truth.I have as an atheist been asked many of the things on this list many times.
      Especially here in Texas, when younger, so many wish to pray to you, for you, with you. They see this as their greatest gift, I am retching with embarrassed disgust, and consider it insulting.But it is stereotypical in the sense that most Christian’s never felt the need as you. 

    • elDragonata

      There’s always an exception to any rule (i.e. you). However, just because it’s an exception (i.e. you) doesn’t mean somehow it nullifies that rule. Moreover, you’re on the Net. Look around for Christian v. Atheist debates and you’ll see that instances such as the one in the original post are not merely a matter of ‘stereotyping’.

      There are some very heavily indoctrinated Christians who cannot reconcile with the fact of people out there not believing in/rejecting the notion of the existence of not only their God but a god in general, yet seeming to function morally and pleasantly in society. With them, there’s always that doubt, be it either that the non-believer/sceptic is in deliberate ‘denial’ of God (either for ‘conspiratorial’ or ‘fashionable’ means) or they must have a ‘faith’ elsewhere. For most, it’s usually the incorrect assumption of a ‘faith’ in ‘science’ [or - more pertinently - a 'faith' in 'evolution', since they synonymise 'science', 'evolution' and 'non-belief' for reasons yet to be explained], or non-theism/atheism being a ‘religion’. Since both are, by virtue, oppositions of God and Biblical proclamations of our world, they are somehow equated with ‘evil’… which, in itself, is problematic because ‘evil’ is a theistic/religious concept so irrelevant to a non-theist/atheist.

      In any case, they cripple their awareness of other people with the crippling, polarising limits of their own faith/belief because they cannot imagine an existence where you are self-governing as opposed to being governed by an omnipotent force.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alanaroundtheworld Alan Mizell

    My thoughts…

    “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!” 
    (Insulting)

    “Do you believe in Satan?” 
    (No)

    “Your life must be bleak and meaningless.” 
    (Insulting, off base, and incorrect.)

    “So why do you even bother to live?” 
    (Because life is wonderful. If Heaven is waiting for you, I could ask you the same. But I really don’t want to hear the excuse)

    “You were never a true believer.”
    (Upon closer examination, absolutely correct.)

    “Why do you hate God?”
    (I don’t hate him anymore than I hate the Tooth Fairy.)

    “You’re just going through a phase.”
    (Actually, lacking belief is less of a phase than choosing belief. There’s hope for you yet.)

    “Deep down, you really believe.”
    (I don’t, but you should agree that we were definitely both born as atheists.)

    “Just wait till you have children of your own.”
    (I have a daughter. Thank God, she’s an atheist!)

    “I’ll pray for you.”
    (Please do. I shall stand on one leg and sing for you. Both are equally effective.)

    “But what if you’re wrong?”
    (Every other faith that ever existed would ask you the same thing.)

    “It’s not meant to be taken literally.”
    (And I don’t. Finally, we agree on something)

    “Have you ever read the Bible?”
    (Yes, and almost certainly I have read it more closely than almost every Christian I know. It is a horrible book, by the way, filled with evil, mostly at your god’s hand.)

    “You still believe in Jesus, though, right?”
    (He may have lived. Localized semi-successful cult leader, would not have even bothered with you; he only preached to Jews. Lucky to have some people after him who turned him into a success. Kind of like that Debbie Fields cookie lady.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=70803354 Pete Adams

    one for the list: you have lost your way…

    • Anonymous

      Not all those who wander are lost.

      From Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings:

      All that is gold does not glitter,
      Not all those who wander are lost;
      The old that is strong does not wither,
      Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
      From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
      A light from the shadows shall spring;
      Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
      The crownless again shall be king.

  • Alantas

    No new ones to add, but, some choice responses to the ones in that list and some of the ones from the comments here:

    “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!” — As you can see, one doesn’t need to be religious to be nice.

    “Your life must be so bleak and meaningless.” — So you think I am meaningless?
    • It “must” be, and yet it is not. This is because I find and make my own meaning, in my own right. You have only God; I have the world.

    “So why do you even bother living?” — Because I’m not done loving yet.

    “You were never a true believer.” — I’ve never claimed to be a Scotsman of any kind, let alone a True one.
    • (If I were an ex-Christian) You’re right: it was just a phase.

    “Why do you hate God?” — What? I never said I hated you.

    “You’re just going through a phase.” — Perhaps. But in the meantime, I expect you to show it the respect due a true commitment, as long as my behavior is consistent with it being a true commitment.
    • If it weren’t “just a phase”, then would you take it seriously? Or would you just move the goalposts again?
    • Life itself is just a phase.

    “Deep down, you really believe.” — If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

    “I’ll pray for you.” — All that’ll do is make you feel better. So you’ll just be praying for yourself.

    “But what if you’re wrong?” — Then it’ll be no one’s fault but my own.

    “It’s not meant to be taken literally.” — Then you have to apply your own judgement to the Bible, then apply that to the world. Atheists simply cut out the middleman.

    “You just want to sin without paying the price!” — Actually, you believe that I’ll be paying an infinitely greater price. Since we’re all sinners, I think I’m actually the one showing the stronger commitment here.

    “If you don’t believe, how can you be a moral person?” — Because I hold real people to be more important than God.

    “You can’t prove the existence of love either.” — Love is subjective, whereas you claim your god is objective. Because love is subjective, it doesn’t need to be proven.

    “Atheism is just another religion.” — Like health is just another illness.

    “It takes faith to be an atheist.” — It takes blindness to see?

    “Then who made you?” — My mother.

    “You need Jesus.” — Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean I need a drink.

    “So you think you’re better than God?” — Yes, but that’s not saying much.
    • I think you’re better than God too.

    “You’ll change your mind on your deathbed.” — All the more reason to kill me, right? (Remind me how you can be moral with God?)

    “What will you say when you meet God face to face?” — “You would have done the same.”

    “If you had to pick a religion, which one would you pick?” — Well, since you claim Atheism is a religion…

  • Alantas

    No new ones to add, but, some choice responses to the ones in that list and some of the ones from the comments here:
    “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!” — As you can see, one doesn’t need to be religious to be nice.

    “Your life must be so bleak and meaningless.” — So you think I am meaningless?
    • It “must” be, and yet it is not. This is because I find and make my own meaning, in my own right. You have only God; I have the world.

    “So why do you even bother living?” — Because I’m not done loving yet.

    “You were never a true believer.” — I’ve never claimed to be a Scotsman of any kind, let alone a True one.
    • (If I were an ex-Christian) You’re right: it was just a phase.

    “Why do you hate God?” — What? I never said I hated you.

    “You’re just going through a phase.” — Perhaps. But in the meantime, I expect you to show it the respect due a true commitment, as long as my behavior is consistent with it being a true commitment.
    • If it weren’t “just a phase”, then would you take it seriously? Or would you just move the goalposts again?
    • Life itself is just a phase.

    “Deep down, you really believe.” — If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

    “I’ll pray for you.” — All that’ll do is make you feel better. So you’ll just be praying for yourself.

    “But what if you’re wrong?” — Then it’ll be no one’s fault but my own.

    “It’s not meant to be taken literally.” — Then you have to apply your own judgement to the Bible, then apply that to the world. Atheists simply cut out the middleman.

    “You just want to sin without paying the price!” — Actually, you believe that I’ll be paying an infinitely greater price. Since we’re all sinners, I think I’m actually the one showing the stronger commitment here.

    “If you don’t believe, how can you be a moral person?” — Because I hold real people to be more important than God.

    “You can’t prove the existence of love either.” — Love is subjective, whereas you claim your god is objective. Because love is subjective, it doesn’t need to be proven.

    “Atheism is just another religion.” — Like health is just another illness.

    “It takes faith to be an atheist.” — It takes blindness to see?

    “Then who made you?” — My mother.

    “You need Jesus.” — Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean I need a drink.

    “So you think you’re better than God?” — Yes, but that’s not saying much.
    • I think you’re better than God too.

    “You’ll change your mind on your deathbed.” — All the more reason to kill me, right? (Remind me how you can be moral with God?)

    “What will you say when you meet God face to face?” — “You would have done the same.”

    “If you had to pick a religion, which one would you pick?” — Well, since you claim Atheism is a religion…

  • Alantas

    No new ones to add, but, some choice responses to the ones in that list and some of the ones from the comments here:
    “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!” — As you can see, one doesn’t need to be religious to be nice.

    “Your life must be so bleak and meaningless.” — So you think I am meaningless?
    • It “must” be, and yet it is not. This is because I find and make my own meaning, in my own right. You have only God; I have the world.

    “So why do you even bother living?” — Because I’m not done loving yet.

    “You were never a true believer.” — I’ve never claimed to be a Scotsman of any kind, let alone a True one.
    • (If I were an ex-Christian) You’re right: it was just a phase.

    “Why do you hate God?” — What? I never said I hated you.

    “You’re just going through a phase.” — Perhaps. But in the meantime, I expect you to show it the respect due a true commitment, as long as my behavior is consistent with it being a true commitment.
    • If it weren’t “just a phase”, then would you take it seriously? Or would you just move the goalposts again?
    • Life itself is just a phase.

    “Deep down, you really believe.” — If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

    “I’ll pray for you.” — All that’ll do is make you feel better. So you’ll just be praying for yourself.

    “But what if you’re wrong?” — Then it’ll be no one’s fault but my own.

    “It’s not meant to be taken literally.” — Then you have to apply your own judgement to the Bible, then apply that to the world. Atheists simply cut out the middleman.

    “You just want to sin without paying the price!” — Actually, you believe that I’ll be paying an infinitely greater price. Since we’re all sinners, I think I’m actually the one showing the stronger commitment here.

    “If you don’t believe, how can you be a moral person?” — Because I hold real people to be more important than God.

    “You can’t prove the existence of love either.” — Love is subjective, whereas you claim your god is objective. Because love is subjective, it doesn’t need to be proven.

    “Atheism is just another religion.” — Like health is just another illness.

    “It takes faith to be an atheist.” — It takes blindness to see?

    “Then who made you?” — My mother.

    “You need Jesus.” — Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean I need a drink.

    “So you think you’re better than God?” — Yes, but that’s not saying much.
    • I think you’re better than God too.

    “You’ll change your mind on your deathbed.” — All the more reason to kill me, right? (Remind me how you can be moral with God?)

    “What will you say when you meet God face to face?” — “You would have done the same.”

    “If you had to pick a religion, which one would you pick?” — Well, since you claim Atheism is a religion…

  • Alantas

    No new ones to add, but, some choice responses to the ones in that list and some of the ones from the comments here:
    “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!” — As you can see, one doesn’t need to be religious to be nice.

    “Your life must be so bleak and meaningless.” — So you think I am meaningless?
    • It “must” be, and yet it is not. This is because I find and make my own meaning, in my own right. You have only God; I have the world.

    “So why do you even bother living?” — Because I’m not done loving yet.

    “You were never a true believer.” — I’ve never claimed to be a Scotsman of any kind, let alone a True one.
    • (If I were an ex-Christian) You’re right: it was just a phase.

    “Why do you hate God?” — What? I never said I hated you.

    “You’re just going through a phase.” — Perhaps. But in the meantime, I expect you to show it the respect due a true commitment, as long as my behavior is consistent with it being a true commitment.
    • If it weren’t “just a phase”, then would you take it seriously? Or would you just move the goalposts again?
    • Life itself is just a phase.

    “Deep down, you really believe.” — If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

    “I’ll pray for you.” — All that’ll do is make you feel better. So you’ll just be praying for yourself.

    “But what if you’re wrong?” — Then it’ll be no one’s fault but my own.

    “It’s not meant to be taken literally.” — Then you have to apply your own judgement to the Bible, then apply that to the world. Atheists simply cut out the middleman.

    “You just want to sin without paying the price!” — Actually, you believe that I’ll be paying an infinitely greater price. Since we’re all sinners, I think I’m actually the one showing the stronger commitment here.

    “If you don’t believe, how can you be a moral person?” — Because I hold real people to be more important than God.

    “You can’t prove the existence of love either.” — Love is subjective, whereas you claim your god is objective. Because love is subjective, it doesn’t need to be proven.

    “Atheism is just another religion.” — Like health is just another illness.

    “It takes faith to be an atheist.” — It takes blindness to see?

    “Then who made you?” — My mother.

    “You need Jesus.” — Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean I need a drink.

    “So you think you’re better than God?” — Yes, but that’s not saying much.
    • I think you’re better than God too.

    “You’ll change your mind on your deathbed.” — All the more reason to kill me, right? (Remind me how you can be moral with God?)

    “What will you say when you meet God face to face?” — “You would have done the same.”

    “If you had to pick a religion, which one would you pick?” — Well, since you claim Atheism is a religion…

  • Alantas

    (Moderator: I posted a big list of responses (starting with “No new ones to add, but, some choice responses to the ones in that list…”) but it got multi-posted since the widget wasn’t being responsive. I tried deleting all but the first, but apparently one can only do that from the “dashboard” on the Disqus site. Now, oddly, all of the posts I made appear to be marked as “Guest” posts here, while at the Disqus dashboard, it appears to be correct: a single post with my name on it. Any way you could fix that? Sorry for the trouble. x_x)

  • Alantas

    No new ones to add, but, some choice responses to the ones in that list and some of the ones from the comments here:

    “You’re an atheist? But you’re so nice!” — As you can see, one doesn’t need to be religious to be nice.

    “Your life must be so bleak and meaningless.” — So you think I am meaningless?
    • It “must” be, and yet it is not. This is because I find and make my own meaning, in my own right. You have only God; I have the world.

    “So why do you even bother living?” — Because I’m not done loving yet.

    “You were never a true believer.” — I’ve never claimed to be a Scotsman of any kind, let alone a True one.
    • (If I were an ex-Christian) You’re right: it was just a phase.

    “Why do you hate God?” — What? I never said I hated you.

    “You’re just going through a phase.” — Perhaps. But in the meantime, I expect you to show it the respect due a true commitment, as long as my behavior is consistent with it being a true commitment.
    • If it weren’t “just a phase”, then would you take it seriously? Or would you just move the goalposts again?
    • Life itself is just a phase.

    “Deep down, you really believe.” — If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

    “I’ll pray for you.” — All that’ll do is make you feel better. So you’ll just be praying for yourself.

    “But what if you’re wrong?” — Then it’ll be no one’s fault but my own.

    “It’s not meant to be taken literally.” — Then you have to apply your own judgement to the Bible, then apply that to the world. Atheists simply cut out the middleman.

    “You just want to sin without paying the price!” — Actually, you believe that I’ll be paying an infinitely greater price. Since we’re all sinners, I think I’m actually the one showing the stronger commitment here.

    “If you don’t believe, how can you be a moral person?” — Because I hold real people to be more important than God.

    “You can’t prove the existence of love either.” — Love is subjective, whereas you claim your god is objective. Because love is subjective, it doesn’t need to be proven.

    “Atheism is just another religion.” — Like health is just another illness.

    “It takes faith to be an atheist.” — It takes blindness to see?

    “Then who made you?” — My mother.

    “You need Jesus.” — Just because you’re an alcoholic doesn’t mean I need a drink.

    “So you think you’re better than God?” — Yes, but that’s not saying much.
    • I think you’re better than God too.

    “You’ll change your mind on your deathbed.” — All the more reason to kill me, right? (Remind me how you can be moral with God?)

    “What will you say when you meet God face to face?” — “You would have done the same.”

    “If you had to pick a religion, which one would you pick?” — Well, since you claim Atheism is a religion…

  • http://www.freethoughtblogs.com/wwjtd Christina
  • http://thepaperwitch.blogspot.com/ Bekah

    Love it haha! Ironically, most of these are said to Pagans too. 

    My favorite has to be Christians telling people who are not of Abrahamic faiths that they must therefore believe in Satan, but asking it in a confirming way. “You believe in Satan then, right?”

  • MissMaria

    More stupid things Christians say…”what’s to stop you from eating babies?” “If you don’t believe in God, how do you know right from wrong?”

  • http://www.aphrodizzy.com/ elDragonata

    “If God were to show Himself to you in physical form…”

    Now this one can take one of the following two endings, depending on the Christian making the statement:

    “…Would you still believe His existence?” or

    “…You would still deny His existence.”

    Somehow, I think those who make this statement still haven’t quite grasped the notion of how one arrives at something being a fact or real. Why would you deny something if it’s been evidenced and demonstrated to you first-hand? What I suspect further is that these Christians use such circular reasoning and presumptions in an effort to retain their medievally ignorant prejudices of non-theists and atheists and conceal the fact that they cannot palpably demonstrate their intangibly supernatural/abstract concept. Therefore, instead of accepting responsibility for that misplay, they shift the irrationality dismissively to the non-theist/atheist.


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