Pleasuring God with Your Mouth

Watch this and *try* not to convert to Christianity.

I dare you.

How many Christian lies begin with the words, “I know a true story…”?

(via Cynical-C)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RZ5VEXJ3IYNGQBHI5APT4DETJI FSq

    Lessons learned from the video:

    1) If you hang out with Bazooka Joe, you learn really cool swear-words

    2) Turn in your sibling for anything anti-christian – kinda like a “Hitler Youth” program for christian tykes

    3) Michelangelo converted unbeknownst to the other teenage mutant ninja turtles

    4) When in doubt, break out into song

    5) Cover up my noogies in the presence of any christians – there was something ominously pedaphiliic in that video, but I can’t quite put my hand on it…(get it! double entendre!)

    • Stogoe

      “4) When in doubt, break out into song”
      I think that’s just good advice for any situation.

  • Lutz Biedinger

    how could they so blatantly have left out blowjobs?

    • http://conuly.livejournal.com/ Uly

      Heathen!

    • Justin Miyundees

      They didn’t – just want u to connect the dots between “onkneesforJeebus” logo and what “good things you can do with your mouth”.

  • Cassville Atheist

    Well I’m convinced.

  • http://twitter.com/gddik Graham Kidd

    Barfing is also an option. Need your God-given mouth to do that…

  • digitalatheist

    I’m glad you’ll took one for the team. I made it up to the part where the gal said: “I know a true story”. At that point my brain locked up and I had my own personal BSOD.

  • Miranda

    Wow, that’s Jody Benson, Disney’s Little Mermaid.  I feel as if something wholesome from my childhood has been irreparably tarnished.

    • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

      Thanks.  I couldn’t get Victoria Jackson out of my head.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=593717582 Alexa Joy

      I was going to say that, too! Yay for Disney fans. :) 

  • http://conuly.livejournal.com/ Uly

    But they haven’t explained how using “bad words” (other than “Christ on a crutch!”, I guess) is violating the first commandment! Or any of them, really. Unless God’s name is actually Fuck McFuckson and we never knew it….

    • digitalatheist

      I am GOD! There, commandment broken, name taken in vain.

  • Moggyusa

    Jody Benson?  I thought it was Michelle Duggar.  Maybe it’s the hair…

  • Watoosh

    I swear I heard “snorting meth with the mouth God gave to you” right before the turtle made noises…

  • Conspirator

    Anybody else notice how immodest that woman was?  Why she had three whole buttons undone at the bottom of her dress.  And she was doing a children’s show no less!  Or the horror!  

    • digitalatheist

      Worse than that, her dress doesn’t cover her ankle! SLUT! and her other limbs were exposed too! JUDAS, what are we teaching our children when the see (OBVIOUS) tramps like this who are teaching them about “MORALS”?

    • http://conuly.livejournal.com/ Uly

      She was encouraging them to DANCE.

  • Jenni

    Thank god (well no, not him) that my mom never signed me up for anything like this as a child! 

  • Nate

    I’m sold! Where do I fucking sign up for this shit??

    • http://vagabondexpress.wordpress.com/ ashe

      Jesus Christ, haven’t you learned anything? Stop cursing you bad boy and use your mouth for pleasuring God. 

  • http://twitter.com/m_ethaniel Mistletoe Ethaniel

    WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN.

    It was the spasmodic in-unison dance moves at the beginning of the song that really started the gag reflex at my end.

    • http://conuly.livejournal.com/ Uly

      Agreed.

  • Anonymous

    I couldn’t help but think of the South Park “Most Offensive Song Ever”. :) Google it and listen to it on youtube.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nele-Abels/1127827774 Nele Abels

    How long ago is it that the baaaaaad boys listned to Rock’n’roll rhythms?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nele-Abels/1127827774 Nele Abels

    Wait a moment, wait a moment. Am I getting this right, a website called “On knees for Jesus” propagates a song asking the question “what wonderful things can you do with your mouth”?

    • http://www.miketheinfidel.com/ MikeTheInfidel

      It’s an atheist on YouTube who posts weird Christian videos for our amusement.

  • The Thinking Activist

    Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! “And I can think of lots of ways to do that!”

  • Sara

    Holy shit, I used to have to watch those videos in Sunday school when I was young.  

  • Salvador

    Disgusting. Am I the only one to find the fixation on the mouth disturbing in this context?

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ Anonymous

       “Disturbing” is putting it mildly.

  • Mihangel apYrs

    I watched this with the sound off – my vomit reflex still kicked in!

  • TiltedHorizon

    Ewwww. That was creepy….. very creepy. My protective paternal instincts have just kicked in as if I have to protect my child from these orally focused Christians.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ojspires Oliver Spires

    Just reading the title of this post, I can’t help but think of Mr. Slave (from South Park) saying “Oh, Jesus Christ!”

  • http://twitter.com/BroadlyFocused Broadly Focused

    Can I reply to this video with ‘Two girls one cup?”

  • http://vagabondexpress.wordpress.com/ ashe

    ahahahhahahahahahhahahahahaha

    That was so dirty. Did a priest write this? 

  • Gwen

    Those parents have more problems than a ‘potty mouth’ if it took the little sister to get their attention that their son was cussing and hanging out with bad influences. Poor parenting skills come immediately to mind.

  • Robster

    Was that womans voice really hers? I recon she’s been sniffing helium. Mind you, you’d need to be on some sort of medication to subscribe to the tripe being trotted out to those poor kiddies.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=593717582 Alexa Joy

      It’s really her’s; it’s Jodi Benson, the woman who voiced “Ariel”  from the The Little Mermaid. I swear. :(

  • Elcaveman

    Goddammit, that’s a good video.

    Guess I didn’t learn the moral of the story.

  • bismarket

    Seems legit!


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