Jonathan Rosenberg explores religious morality in Scenes From A Multiverse:
The full cartoon can be seen here
(Thanks to Rory for the link!)
It’s only because puppies and kittens were different back then.
A Master Straw Man! Kudos!
It’s called hyperbole.
No, no, not “Straw Man”. Corn God.
Back then puppy murder didn’t mean the same thing it does now. It meant to snuggle a puppy so hard it couldn’t breathe, and you had to let go every seven minutes so the puppy could catch its breath. The puppies always volunteered for this indentured death-snuggling, as a way to pay their owners back for all the money they spent on puppy chow.
You’re being misleading! That was only for your tribe’s puppies, for puppies from other tribes, it really meant snuggling to death as we still know it!
You’re not reading it properly! There was no death at all. When the Bible says “to death,” it means metaphorically that they were snuggled to a different faith, thus the death of their existing faith. You snuggled the puppies into believing in God! They’re all alive and well, no contradiction there!