Why Won’t the Copy Machine Listen to God?

March 16, 2012 By 16 Comments

(via The Atheist Pig)

Filed Under: General, Humor 16 Comments
About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • Kevin_Of_Bangor

    Now that was funny!

  • Edmond

    Is that Cerebus?

    • Pureone

      Huh? One headed Pig. Not Cerebus.

      • Dalillama

         There’s a bit of confusion, I think.  Cerberus is the three headed hound of Hades.  Cerebus is an anthroporphic aardvark from a comic of the same name, written by Dave Sims.  The pig in the comic above isn’t either one, though. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YRBDWLRA7ZKZODNUR4427CQVCU F. Bacon

    When my doctor suggested acupuncture, I told him I am as well served with a voodoo priest or Santaria practitioner sprinkling around some chicken blood.  

    • chicago dyke, evolved outlaw

      because unlike your doctor, you have years of education and experience with effective medical therapies. well done!

      • http://twitter.com/TychaBrahe TychaBrahe

        When acupuncture is proven an effective medical therapy, we’ll talk.  

        • Anon

          There’s some evidence that acupuncture can be an effective medical therapy, for headache or migraine pain anyways.  Still more studies to be done, but check out: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/09/11/acupuncture-provides-true-pain-relief-in-study/

          http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/16/health/research/16regi.html?ref=acupuncture

          • http://www.facebook.com/steve.fual Steve Fual

            I live in Asia and while Americans are running east for ancient cures the chinese are dumping traditional medicine and running west for anti biotics. The money is always in the magic especially someone elses.

    • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

      A co-worker of mine did a tiny bit of research on his doctor and asked his insurance company for a different one.  I think they did, but I’ll have to ask him.

  • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

    With all our recent talk of slavery and genocide and rape, we’ve pretty much overlooked all the animal sacrifice.

    • The Other Weirdo

      That’s OK. So long as we eat them afterwards—the animals, not the slaves—no harm, no fowl.

  • http://twitter.com/ErnestValdemar Ernest Valdemar

    Many, many years ago, a friend persuaded me to shoot pool with him (eight-ball, for those of you keeping score at home). I protested that I didn’t know the game, but he insisted.

    After losing several rounds, I adopted a formal pose and said aloud, “Oh, Satan, lord of this Earth and prince of lies, see that my ball travels true, and that I am victorious in sinking the six ball in the corner pocket. In your name, and in the name of your unholy minions, I demand this, amen.”

    So, I won that game, and my friend went into full freak-out mode, and told me how dangerous it was to mess with the forces of evil. My response? I no longer allow people to manipulate me into games I don’t want to play. You know, because I command the forces of evil.

    • Anonymous-Sam

       For full effect, declare that last after inhaling a breath of sulfur hexaflouride.

  • Keulan

    Nice. Either option would be just as (in)effective, but I think waving a dead chicken over it would at least be amusing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/steve.fual Steve Fual

    In a random health check they found a shadow on my lung which had to be scheduled to be cut out and at my age had a 50/50 chance of being cancer. As i came out of the hospital I ran into an ex girlfriend who seeing my shocked and scared state suggested dinner. Her first comment on the subject was “this is a sign you should let God into your life”. I thought it might be a sign she would buy dinner but that proved to be false also. I did eat the duck though and the lump later proved to be benign and a duck is a bird and a chicken is a bird so thats proof really. I now ritually wave KFC over my chest.