If Atheists Talked Like Christians… (A Contest)

What would happen if atheists started talking like Christians? I made a suggestion on Twitter…

… and other responded back with their own:

What would you add to the list? :)

Let us know in the comments!

One random entry will win an awesome atheist t-shirt from Compass 120 Apparel, a new company that will go live next month. If you want to be considered for the prize, just include the word “Compass” at the end of your comment. They ship worldwide, so anyone can win!

If you reply (or crosspost your comment) on Twitter, be sure to use the #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians hashtag!

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • Michael

    Just because you don’t believe in evolution doesn’t mean you didn’t evolve.

    • Piet Puk

       You don’ t HAVE to believe in evolutionfor it to work.

    • Wes

      Populations evolve. Individuals do not.

    • Bladewalker56

      In some of the more overzealous fundamentalist’s cases,  saying that they never evolved could very well be an accurate statement.

  • newavocation

    Go to the light, but it’s probably a bus.

  • starskeptic

    these are wonderful!!!

  • Kahomono

    Not to nitpick, but shouldn’t it be:

    Science always has an answer, it’s just sometimes the answer is “I don’t know.  Yet.” #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians 

    And here’s my own:

    “So why do you hate science?  Did something horrible happen to you in physics class?” #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

    Compass

    • starskeptic

      if it involves the speed of light – the answer IS no…

      • A J

        Or “Not Yet”

        • DataJack

          No, for exceeding c, it’s “no”.

          • Puzzled

             Science also has its dogmas.

            • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

              No, science has its truths. Unlike dogmatic beliefs, scientific beliefs will change if the evidence supports a change.

              In this case, the weight of evidence strongly favors “no” as an acceptable answer in nearly any context. “Not yet” is an incorrect answer.

              • Baronsabato

                Religion changes all the time. Christianity today is not Christianity 500 years ago, or 1000 years ago.

                • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

                  Because secular forces made it change. And every change is rationalized- sometimes tortuously. That’s very different than changes in understanding that came about because of science.

                  Modern religionists find themselves in the position of needing to apologize for past interpretations of their beliefs. Scientists never find themselves in that position.

                • I don’t wanna

                  Man will never fly.

                  The Earth is flat.

                  Vacuum cleaners won’t work under water… oh wait that one was just engineers.

                • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

                  Those were never scientific viewpoints. But it doesn’t matter… the point is, scientists expect to be wrong. Science assumes that we’ll know more tomorrow than we know today. It isn’t a failure to reach an incorrect conclusion in science, and when that conclusion is corrected (as it always will be), there is no need for any apology.

                  Very different from religion, which is based on the notion that its ideas are, in absolute terms, correct. When those ideas are found in conflict with reality, it’s awkward, to say the least!

                • Lx3g01

                  Religious leaders are always dragging their heels until their beliefs look so backwards they can’t rationalize it anymore– for instance how long it took for the pope to support evolution. 

                • Michael Vaughan

                  Ah, but Ratzinger, the current Pope, still believes that the church was in the right, when they put Galileo under house arrest!  Doesn’t matter that the earth turned out to revolve around the sun, the church said it was the other way around, and he defied the church!

            • Kalafarski

              Actually, it is possible to exceed the speed of light, you just can’t transfer any information–such as in the phase velocity of an electromagnetic wave. 
              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faster-than-light

              • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

                You can even transmit information at greater than the speed of light. What you can’t do is transmit it faster than c.

                • http://www.facebook.com/rogerinhawaii Roger Garrett

                  Let’s clarify that. ‘c’ is defined as the speed of light in a vacuum. Nothing goes faster than that. Light, however, can go SLOWER than ‘c’, e.g. when it passes through glass. So,in that case, where the light it going slower that ‘c’, it is possible for something else to go faster than that “slower than ‘c’ ” speed.

            • Coyotenose

               Demonstrate them. That would be the scientific way to prove your point.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=656235160 Bex Lewis

      Still not convinced why people assume that Christians don’t think that science has anything to say — we used to have Sir Robert Boyd in our church, a well known scientist. Science is not necessarily an atheist subject…

      • Mommaextheistcrunch

        lol, it isnt a sheep subject. science pretty obviously demonstrates that no super human phenom is required or life and human existance… christians tend to hate that.. atheists tend to be educated and can appreciate science and its growing discoveries… we also realize it helps combat most to all f the religious claims with no real basis in reality..

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=667750706 Corey Wells

           The thing is, the bible actually has some pretty advanced scientific concepts in it. For example, it has some of the earliest mention of the concept of sanitary practices and quarantine. So it really makes no sense as to why they have an issue with it

          • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

            Please! Advanced scientific concepts? It has nothing of the sort. If burying your waste so the Lord doesn’t step in it at night is “advanced science”, then my cat is Einstein!

          • Bubba Tarandfeathered

             It also has some pretty explicit stories about ethnic cleansing, infanticide and promotes racial and gender inequality. So sure knowing where to bury your poop and how to separate your selves from your wives during that time of the month is very scientific compared to my other points.

            • I don’t wanna

              The reason men separated themselves from their wives during “that time of the month” was in respect for the loss of that life, it was a period of mourning, not ewww get away from me you gross woman.

              • Des

                You know, I doubt that was the reason. Was it mourning the loss of that life that also required for everything that the menstruating woman sat on to be “unclean”? Or for the purification period for the birth of a daughter to be double that of a boy?

              • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

                When those rules were developed, there was no biological understanding of menstruation at all. There was nothing to mourn (of course, there still isn’t).

                If this was about some kind of mourning, how come the word used for women in this state was “unclean”?

                • amycas

                   Thank you. At the time that was written (and up until pretty much after teh Renaissance) the commonly held belief was the the man’s sperm is the baby. They plant the “seed’ in the woman and she bears HIS children. They did not have the understanding that the child was a combination (of sorts) of the man and the woman.

              • amycas

                 Umm, are you saying you consider mourning over the natural expulsion of an unfertilized egg to be an example of the Bible’s advanced scientific concepts?

          • JaredKJames

            It may have been advanced in the bronze age but it doesn’t hold any ground in modern science… we’ve moved forward a bit since then.

            It was a very early attempt at science/philosophy and while it might be an important document it doesn’t mean it’s scientific in the least. 

            http://www.symphonyofscience.com
            Thats science! 

      • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

        Science and theism are at odds. The core of science depends on reason- the exact opposite of the core of theism, faith. There’s a reason why the best scientists are almost all atheists. Theism is an impediment to scientific thinking… which doesn’t mean that some good scientists aren’t also theists, but it requires a substantial degree of compartmentalization, which doesn’t coexist very well with the intellectual honesty that science requires.

        • Bubba Tarandfeathered

          As I do agree with what you are trying to say, it should be pointed out that Science and theism are not at odds with each other because that would imply that theism holds the same weight as scientific theory, which it does not by a long shot, the sheer immensity of evidence supporting science totally overwhelms theism, there is no contest, only willful ignorance and fear of this very true fact. Science wins by a TKO on the bell.

          • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

            I don’t think declaring them at odds carries any requirement that they have the same weight or value, any more than saying that good and evil are at odds with each other. The world is full of mutually exclusive viewpoints, and in most cases those viewpoints don’t carry equal weight because of that.

            In any case, when viewed from the perspective of the individual with the view, it may well be that religion and science carry the same weight. A viewpoint need not be correct, or reflect any actual truths, to be perceived as such by its holder.

        • http://twitter.com/BIGELLOW Bob Bigellow

          So you’re saying that theist scientists have more advanced brains that are better at compartmentalizing than atheist scientists. Interesting concept.

  • Bananafaced

    Have a Reasonable Day!

  • secundine

    My Science is a good Science! #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Sweet/1280927267 James Sweet

      I knew we would win, because my science is bigger than their science.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1467176690 Matthew Wayne Rogers

        We must learn to tolerate all the sciences. 

  • http://twitter.com/ElGatoCello ElGatoCello

    You don’t believe in evolution? What’s to stop you from murdering people if you don’t think that altruism drives your biological fitness? Where’s your moral compass?!

    • Michael

      Good one, actually. Let’s run with that.

      “If you don’t believe we evolved as a species because we are naturally inclined to support one another then what do you believe stops us killing one another?”

      • Bubba Tarandfeathered

        we should add in there a “communal” or “social” species to clarify that point, it is unlikely that we would have all of our glorious adaptations if primates had evolved similar to the bears or lions

        • Isis

           Um, lions are social. Also, check out all the interspecies altruism research.

    • Zeggman

       +1 for making “compass” part of the thought. And you thought no one noticed…

  • http://twitter.com/nicoleintrovert Nicole Introvert

     Sometimes we are given more than we can handle. For that we have talk therapy and anti-depressants.    Compass!  :)

  • secundine

    Love the faithful, hate the faith. #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

  • Paul_Robertson

    Before we enjoy this meal, let’s bow our heads and give thanks for the science that allowed this intensively cultivated food to be grown, mechanically harvested and transported under refrigeration tens, even hundreds of miles to our table.

    • Brian Pansky

       ikr?

    • http://twitter.com/BIGELLOW Bob Bigellow

      Maybe I’m mistaken, but it’s the point of this to mock religion? In mocking religion you gave thanks to science. Is it such a bad things to be thankful for the scientific advancements we have today? Thankfulness would be a good virtue, wouldn’t it?

      • Paul_Robertson

        Thankfulness is indeed a good virtue. The point of my post, was to mock the fact that the religious typically give thanks to the wrong party (god) when there is usually a human agency that is for more deserving of thanks.

  • Krystal

    Michael put compass on the end! That one is great! 

  • Paul_Robertson

    Are you going to “See you at the reference library”?

  • Howler

    Let your inner monkey shine through!

    He who throws the first poop has a bad inner monkey!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EAIHLUU3JSTIB3D2OWHGYN5PHA Ingen

    “I firmly believe Science wants me to run for president.” 

    Compass

  • Tamburra

    “What would science do?”
    Compass

  • Paul D.

    A peer-reviewed journal said it, I have no reason to doubt it, that settles it — until new evidence  becomes available.

    • http://www.facebook.com/guy.sisemore Guy Sisemore

       Holy crap, some of these really work.

  • http://boldquestions.wordpress.com/ Ubi Dubium

    Have you sincerely invited Jesus out of your brain?

    Compass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/keithacollyer Keith Collyer

    I believe in the trinity of matter: solid, liquid, gas. Oh, wait, forgot plasma. ah, and Bose-Einstein Condensate.
    Compass

  • Ellie

    One day, when you’ll be older and more experienced, you will understand and embrace the principles of Science, you will embrace the loving teachings of Darwin. Until then I will keep buying you books and talk nerdy to you. 

    And/or

    Just wait, you will cry for Medicine on your deathbed!!!

    Compass ;)

  • Ubidubikid #1

    I’m just worried for you. I had a vision of you suffering in church.

    Compass

  • Jett Perrobone

    If we came from Dust, why there still be Dust?

  • Kahomono

    Accept Logic into your brain… or be DOOMED TO WALLOW IN IGNORANCE FOREVER!

    • Kahomono

      well… at least the rest of your life.  Then you’ll be dead, and that’s pretty much the end of that.

      Compass :) 

      • I don’t wanna

        Honestly… how do you know?  There is a lot that science has yet to give definitive answers too.  Hence the super natural.  I mean, you can not believe in it all you want, but weird shit happens without logical explanation, and I’d rather caution on the side of not going to place filled with flames, but I was going to be nice to people either way.

        • brianmacker

          “Honestly… how do you know? ”

          Because people who die are dead.

    • Annie

      The added caps lock was a nice touch. ;-)

      • Kahomono

        10 Q :) 

        • Kevin_Of_Bangor

          Is that the lazy way of typing/saying “thank you”

          • http://volunteer11.blogspot.com/ VollyfromtheBlog

            Hey, I learned that when I was 6.  Simple algebra. 5Q+5Q=10Q. You’re welcome.

  • http://karmamule.wordpress.com Eddie Yasi

    I’m not bothered if theorems are incomplete because I have faith in Gödel.

    • Puzzled

      Godel believed in God.

      • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

        Non sequitur.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Leithiser/593361421 Chris Leithiser

        “Godel believed in God. ”

        Incompletely.

  • http://www.facebook.com/keithacollyer Keith Collyer

    Loving these, plan to steal a few as taglines (attributed, of course!) ;-)

  • Secularokie

    Republicans are waging a war on atheism  #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

  • Annie

    I’m just not willing to live my life as if there is no reason.

    Compass

  • Secularokie

    If man was created from dust, why do we still have to vacuum? #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

    • Mariogbbns

       Because your body goes back to dust and Yahweh God / Jesus saves .

      • AnonymousSam

        (If Jesus believes in recycling dust, does that mean he believes that the earth’s resources are not infinite or perhaps even in climate change? :D)

  • FraserJH

    I was saved by doctors and medical science. #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Sweet/1280927267 James Sweet

    People reject atheism because they selfishly don’t want to have to obey the laws of physics.

    You’re just angry at science.

    We each have a truth-shaped hole in our brain.

    Sagan, take the wheel!
    Science saves.
    My boss is a Jewish physicist.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Sweet/1280927267 James Sweet

      Oh yeah, Compass me there.

      Compass

      • brianmacker

        I’m feeling dense here.  Compass?  What as in “guide”?

        • http://www.facebook.com/guy.sisemore Guy Sisemore

           I think more like direct, but close enough.

    • Kahomono

      “You have a reality-shaped hole in your brain.” is a great response to the analogous old chestnut, “You have a god-shaped hole in your heart.”  
      Even better than, “Which god?  There are just over four thousand to choose from so far.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Sweet/1280927267 James Sweet

    Everything which has a beginning must have a cause.  The universe has a beginning.  Therefore, it must have a cause, and we call it Science.

  • Gaby A.

    Charles Darwin loves you! #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

  • http://www.atheistrev.com vjack

    These are fantastic! I might have to try this on Twitter and see what happens.

  • http://twitter.com/meatstack Craig C.

    I’d like to thank genetics, better sports medicine, for the win tonight over the Seahawks. 

    Compass

    • Sam B

      I’d like to thank anyone for a win over the Seahawks. Or to misquote the bard “a win over any other team connot be as sweet.”

    • I don’t wanna

      The Seahawks?  Come on man, have you not seen them play?  It takes a fart from someone eating too many chilidogs in the stand to beat the Seahawks.

  • Secularokie

    Didn’t notice the contest rules earlier

    If man was created from dust, why do we still have to vacuum? #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians Compass

    Republicans are waging a war on atheism  #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians Compass

    Besides, I really need an atheist t-shirt living in the theocracy known as Oklahoma. It will make their fundie heads explode. ;-)

  • ATL-Apostate

    I’m a reason freak.

    Compass

  • grindstone

    I know you’ve been going to church.  You weren’t a REAL  non-believer to begin with.

    or

    I know you haven’t been missing church.  It’s just a phase you’re going through — I’ll be thinking for you.

    Compass

  • Janmcbaker

    Bumper sticker: My on-board computer is my co-pilot.

    • Janmcbaker

      Add Compass for the contest.

  • JaniceInToronto

    Here’s my cheap shot. “THINK OF THE CHILDREN”

    Sorta catchy, eh?

  • Bubba Tarandfeathered

    Our Farter who farts in the water closet,
    hallowed be thy gas
    thy gases come
    thy will be done at the table as it is done in the toilet
    Give us this day our daily poop
    and forgive us of our passed gases,
    as we forgive those who pass gas next to us
    lead us not into constipation and deliver us from evil spicy food,
    for thine is the porcelain throne 
    the powerful odor
    and the gory sounds
    for ever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/diane.sauer Diane Sauer

     If you retweet this to 100 people nothing will happen and your luck will be exactly the same if you hadn’t. #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

    • Aaron Harmon

       If you retweet this to 100 people, there is a small, but significant, chance that one or more of them will come to hate you.

    • http://twitter.com/BIGELLOW Bob Bigellow

      If you had read the instructions, you would have included Compass.

  • sunburned

    With Science, all things are somewhat PROBABLE.  Compass

    The truth shall make you free.  Compass

    For Man so loved his world that he gave it to his Children, that
    whoever believes in reality shall not perish but lead a better life. Reality 3:16 Book of Compass

  • Sware

    I’d like to thank the Academy, my family, my parents and all of the great acting coaches and instructors that encouraged me to practice tirelessly as repetition is critical when trying to hone your acting skills.  I’d also like to thank the cast and crew for working so well together to make such a great production.  Really, thank you so much!
     
    Rational thought is on our side.
     
    ***while picketing churches***  “Science is indiscriminate towards gender, ethnicity and sexual orientation!”  “You are a bunch of irrational science killers!”  “You are destroying the sanctity of personal education!”
     
    It’s one nation under reason and if you don’t like it you are welcome to get your ass out!
     
    May the nurses watch over you in your time of illness.
     
    Thank the fire department for such an amazing rescue!  That they were able to get all of those people out through the blackness of the smoke filled apartment building is a testament to their training, courage and dedication to saving human lives!
     
    Lastly to quote George Carlin: “… life began about a billion years ago and it’s a continuous process.”

    Compass

    • Coyotenose

       It’s one nation under reason and if you don’t like it you are welcome to get your ass into a library!

      • Sware

        That is exactly what that statement needed.  Thank you!  ;0)

  • the captain

    You’re not going to Hell.  Because it doesn’t exist.

    Compass

  • Secundine

    My Science is a good Science! #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristiansCompass

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eric-Gaw/1718104235 Eric Gaw

    Remember: axial tilt the reason for the season.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=500803941 Tanya Walker

    As I just saw a t-shirt yesterday that said “I belong to Jesus” my #ifatheiststalkedlikechristians will be “I belong to Reason” or “I belong to Science”

    Compass

    • Yoav

       I don’t belong to jesus or to anyone else, and no one belongs to me. According to my unbiblical morality there is no such thing as morally justified slavery.
      Compass

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Leithiser/593361421 Chris Leithiser

      REASON belongs to ME.

  • Cincinatheist

    No, it’s not allegory or parable! On the Origin of Species is the literal, unerring word of Darwin!
    #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians
    compass

  • Pegheaney001

    the Big Bang occurred and There was Light! 
    Compass

  • Pegheaney001

    We believe in the recycling of matter and life everlasting!
    Compass

  • BibleName

    No true skeptic would ever use the no true scotsman fallacy. #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

  • TheEvolvedAtheist

    “It takes less faith to be a Believer then an Atheist”

    • Darkpassener

       “Compass”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Leithiser/593361421 Chris Leithiser

      “More,” surely?

      • Bubba Tarandfeathered

         It’s “less” because it is far easier just to roll over and accept tradition than it is to reject it.

  • Cortex_Returns

    You believe in God? Then…how will you teach your kids about science?

    Compass

  • Michelle

    “Science is good all the time; all the time, science is good.”

    Compass

  • Bob Lai

    “I don’t know why your coffee mug broke when you dropped it. Just know that Gravity has a plan.”

    Compass.

    • Kevin_Of_Bangor

      I snickered out loud.. Well done!

  • Mike Webster

    Reason Benefit America!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Claire-Stout/1241820429 Claire Stout

    Science will be done.  (interpret how you wish.)

    Compass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/karen.dempsey4 Karen Dempsey

    May the love of reason surround you and bring you peace.

  • Andras

    “We will spread rational inquiry by the sword in the Atheist Crusades”

    Compass

  • http://happy-thingsidliketoremember.blogspot.com/ Happy Cooper

    The words of “Origin of Species” really speak to me. Well, the words my science teacher told me about, anyway. I didn’t actually read it.

    Compass.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pspearing Peter Spearing

       You may be joking, but you probably should read it–Darwin wrote extremely clearly, and while we have much MORE information now, nothing fundamental has changed in evolutionary theory.

      • http://happy-thingsidliketoremember.blogspot.com/ Happy Cooper

        I was joking, in reference to people who don’t read the bible.

        But you are right, I haven’t read it. But I also haven’t read Principia or Opticks (Newton) or La Geometrie (Descarte), though I understand gravity, light, and cartesian coordinates quite well, you know, as far as physicists go.

        I disagree that I should read it for principles of evolution. If I was actually trained in the subject by someone who understood the fundamentals, like I was taught mechanics and optics and geometry, I should be good.

        HOWEVER, if I want to engage in a debate with people who are attacking the book directly, I agree that the best course of action is to read the book.

        And I agree there are worse things to read, if I wanted to read a scientific text in my free time.

  • http://twitter.com/dsp4774 DevitekSans

    Parents love me, this I know
    For their actions tell me so
    Little ones who sing this song
    Know faith is weak, but reason’s strong.

    Have you let Reason into your mind? 

    You need to open your mind to Reason. 

    Have you found Reason? 

    In the beginning, there was a Big Bang. 

    Priests all love the little children…so avoid them at all costs! 

    Your parents made you special. 

    You make you special 

    I had no idea how to cross-pollinate directly to my list of tweets, so I just copy/pasted them here.

    Compass

  • Justin Miyundees

    As for me and my house, we will serve the fettucini alfredo.

  • http://www.facebook.com/briancposey Brian C Posey

    ‘Like’ if the power of Reason has worked wonders in your life.  (compass)

    • Wrex

       Lol. Ok. I’m stealing that! :-P

  • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

    Our Scientific Method is an awesome Scientific Method!
    Compass

  • AnonymousSam

    I can prove Science is real. If you turn to Chapter 1:1, you’ll see the Scientific Method…

    Compass

  • Revyloution

    The universe works in a predictable set of probable outcomes.

    Compass

  • Ida Know

    The fool has said in his or her heart, There is a God. Some are corrupt, others are not; some have done abominable works, others have not; there are some that do good, but if so their belief in some alleged magic man in the sky has nothing to do with it whatsoever.

    Compass.
     

  • Victoria

    I’m saved from death by the grace of my telomeres.

    Compass.

  • Travis Dykes

    (altered directly off a friends comment on facebook made in all seriousness…)Go my rational thoughts!! You all knew you couldn’t be all places at once so you got all my exams canceled for the day so you could concentrate on the kids! Thank you science!! Because, I would rather my reason be with my children than me. Babies always come first!! Compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/andrewhbook Andrew Book

    Y’all are killing me.  These are too funny (and I’m a pastor!)

  • Culebra007

    Science is the reason for the Reason.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Leithiser/593361421 Chris Leithiser

    Every Day is the SEASON for REASON.

    Compass.

  • Lisalb165

    I just felt like my own selfish desire led me this way…

  • A Hangman on Tyre

    There is no Science but science, and (insert scientist name here) is its prophet.

    • A Hangman on Tyre

      Ok – I know that’s not Christian……but I was trying to be inclusive

    • eonL5

      Tesla. Definitely Tesla. Except for teh crazy.

  • Natily

    Oh, it’s easy to be a Christian when life is easy, but you’ll see, when things get difficult, reality will always be there for you and you’ll see the truth.

    Compass!

  • Eric González

    I know because the evidence says so
    Compass

  • Joe Geiger

    The tides come in then they go out — We CAN explain that!

    (Next to obligatory Silverman bewilderment meme face of course)

    Compass 

  • Erin

    “Oh my Science!” 

    “Don’t use the name of Science in vain!” 

    Compass

  • Sware

    Are you ready for a rare occurrence that can be logically explained???!!
     
    Oh isn’t this cool?  I see an image of Hitchen’s in my grilled cheese.  But don’t go telling everyone, I wouldn’t want people to think I was mad.

    Compass

  • Culebra007

    I am a child of Random Selection.

    • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

      I can see Dawkins cringe, “natural selection, it’s the very opposite of ‘random’!”

  • http://twitter.com/silo_mowbray Silo Mowbray

    You can’t disprove Reason.

    Compass

  • Saul H

    There will be fire and brimstone, and Earth will be destroyed… in 5 billion years when the Sun goes red giant

  • Culebra007

    I can’t explain Gravity – I just know that it exists.

  • Joe Geiger

    Not only can science tell us how the water in the kettle boils, it can also explain why I am thirsty!

  • JesseVega

    This should really be entitled “if atheists talked like the most annoying Christians.” I assure you, many of us do not. However, if simple self-congratulatory snarking is what your about, then good job. Here’s a list of Christian scientists throughout history. Of course, the post-enlightenment people are the ones we would normally think of when we use the term “scientist.”
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Christian_thinkers_in_science#2001.E2.80.93today_.2821st_century.29

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZDWSFDW7RQFH4EEKAK6T7CIP5A DennisW

       Most maybe where you live…

    • http://profiles.google.com/statueofmike Michael S

      Snark: the most annoying part of science.

    • Onamission5

      Some of us live in the US bible belt, and encounters like we describe happen on a daily basis. Don’t fault us for highlighting the bad behavior of your club members! We’re just the messengers.

    • Coyotenose

      We’re calling out the vocal Christians who dominate the conversation with gibberish. Complaining about us doing that is like calling it “kidnapping” when the justice system incarcerates a murderer.

      Why are you more concerned with our tone in response to nonsense that you are with the nonsense itself? It’s a rhetorical question by the way, we already know why, and so do you.

      The same basic logic we’ve referenced over and over just on this thread should lead you to the obvious conclusions that A) Of COURSE many Western scientists were Christians, given that most PEOPLE were Christians and those who weren’t terrified of being found out, and B) being a follower of reason doesn’t automatically make one rational about everything.

      Also: http://xkcd.com/774/

      Also: “you’re”.

      • Coyotenose

        Correction:  “…those who weren’t were terrified of being found out.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/robcurry Rob Curry

    You may not believe in evolution, but evolution is working through you!

  • Onamission5

    I’m going on vacation next week, cause and effect forbid anything bad happen between now and then…

    Compass

  • Joe Geiger

    You shouldn’t paint us all with the same brush.  While some of us are rigid in their reliance on reason and logic, many of us are able to find room for evidence-based concepts as well for things we really, really want to be true.

    • Coyotenose

      Jesus, that one is so good I thought it was real for a second.

      • Bubba Tarandfeathered

         If you look carefully you will see his name is Joe.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZDWSFDW7RQFH4EEKAK6T7CIP5A DennisW

    Have a Reasoned Day.

  • Darkpassener

    “You Theist study the bible more than believers! you
    must be a non-believer!”#IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristiansCompass

  • treedweller

    “you’re a christian? But you seem so smart!”

    “evolution has been going on over a billion years and nobody else complained.”

    “I’m not superior–just evolved!”

    Compass

  • http://profiles.google.com/statueofmike Michael S

    I don’t know that it’s true, but in my heart I feel that it is true …due to this vast array of measuring equipment and resulting data.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=714214638 Barry Taylor

    For Science so loved the world that it gave its only begotten penicillin, that whosoever partaketh of it should not perish, but have a longer life.

    Compass.

  • T-Rex

    “I knocked on your front door today so that I can share with you a book that has all the answers to all of the questions you’ve ever wanted to ask. Are you familiar with the Farmer’s Almanac?”

    Compass

  • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

    Hail Marinara,
    Full of sauce,
    The Noodle is with you.

    Blessed are you among sauces,
    And blessed is the fruit of the tomato.
    Holy Marinara,
    Mother of sauce,
    Pray for our dinners.
    Now and at the hour of our Noms.
    Ramen.

    ——————————–
    Our noodle,
    That art in the kitchen.
    Hallowed be thine strain.

    Give us, this day, our daily breadsticks,
    And forgive those who would bogart our carbs
    As we forgive those who empty the basket.
    Lead us not into the kid’s menu,
    But deliver us the wine list.

    For thine is the noodle,
    And the sauce,
    And the appetizers,
    Forever and ever…
    Ramen.

    ————————————
    Going to church EVERY Sunday?  That just sounds unnatural.

    *knock knock*  *door opens*  Have you found rationality?

    Let me tell you the good news!  *opens newspaper and begins to read*

    Faith?  I don’t need faith!  I have logic!

    YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED! CTRL+S!

    (#ifAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians #Compass)

    Aaaaand I’m spent.

    • Pegheaney001

      Jesus saves, and so should you!!!!!

      • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

         I used to have a bumper sticker that said, “Jesus saves.  Moses invests.”

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Leithiser/593361421 Chris Leithiser

          “But only Buddha pays dividends.”

          • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

            Niiiice!

      • http://volunteer11.blogspot.com/ VollyfromtheBlog

        Oldie from the 1970s: Jesus saves, Espo bangs home the rebound.

    • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

      No, it’s “Hail Alfredo”! Time for a schism! (My neighbor is in the Pesto cult- not a real Pastafarian, so I’m thinking about killing him…)

      • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

         Nah, just stake a page from your recipe book to his door with a butter knife.  He’ll get the message.

        • brianmacker

          Butter knife you heretic?

  • http://southernhumanist.wordpress.com/ R. Lee Bays

    And Australopithecus begot Homo Erectus who begot Homo Sapien, and their numbers were many

    • Krystal

      As an anthropology I love this!

      • Krystal

        *Anthropology Major

  • http://southernhumanist.wordpress.com/ R. Lee Bays

    Everything happens for a reason, for the Standard Model tells me so

    #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

  • NogahdzNoughmasters

    If you believe there is no god and you are right then you just live a life free of superstition and dogma.  If you are WRONG, however, you are gonna spend eternity away from an obvious jerk.  It’s a common sense wager!

    Compass

  • http://twitter.com/UrbanGeekDad Brian

    Our Science, who’s evidence art experimentally verifiable, hallowed be thy results…

  • Coyotenose

    Darwin 3:16!

    “We will now discuss in a little more detail the struggle for existence.”

    Compass.

    • Coyotenose

       Okay, ignore this spam. I have no idea why my posts were taking insane amounts of time to show up for me. Is it the new site?

  • Jesus Follower

    I guess y’all will find out when you are standing in front of your maker.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZDWSFDW7RQFH4EEKAK6T7CIP5A DennisW

      Mom?

    • Onamission5

      My “makers” live in two different states on opposite sides of the country.

      Biology works in readily knowable ways.

    • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

       They’re next door, shall I go stand in their doorway and see what happens?

    • http://www.facebook.com/rogerinhawaii Roger Garrett

      See? You read but you do not understand. You’re letting your faith blind you to the reality.

  • http://twitter.com/TruthByTrial TruthByTrial

    Darwin’s wager: Because evolutionary theory cannot be proved without unifying an overarching framework that makes sense of otherwise disconnected observations, there is much to be gained from wagering that evolution exists and little to be gained from wagering that it doesn’t exist, a
    rational person should simply wager that evolution exists and live
    accordingly.

    I’m doing a bunch of these.  I hope it trends!

    #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

    Keep’m coming people, these are fantastic, LOL.

    Compass ;)

  • http://somewhatabnormal.blogspot.com/ Robert Oerter

    I’m not perfect, just evolved.

    The electrons in my brain led me to your door today to tell you about Science….

    Compass

  • Darkpassener

    And I Quote! Sagan 1:1 (Cosmic Ocean Episode 1): “We’re made of star-stuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself”

  • Blahblahhh

     Evolution is love

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dooby-T-Cat/1232064093 Dooby T. Cat

    This is what happens when you take science out of the classroom.

    Compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1068326917 Geanine Stanford

    For Science so loved the world, that it gave us Logic & Reason, that
    whosoever believeth in them should not perish, but have everlasting understanding.

    Compass

  • Stacey S

    Therefore go and make thinkers of all people, teaching them in the name of reason, science, and the search for truth. 
    Lead us not into belief, but deliver us from ignorance.Compass.

  • http://godlessandsouthern.wordpress.com/ MattyP

    1. In the beginning, [no one in particular] created the [universe]. 2. Now the [universe] was [a super-heated and dense singularity], darkness was over the surface of the [singularity], and [nothing] was hovering over the [singularity].

    3. And [no one was around to have] said, “Let there be [a rapid expansion of mass-energy],” [but] there was [a rapid expansion of mass-energy anyways].

  • http://twitter.com/beckietweets Beckie O’Beckie

    Reason is the reason for the season!

    Compass!

  • Floydthethird

    There is only ONE TRUE SCIENCE. And when the scientific revolution comes, ALL those who embrace a pseudo-science will be condemned forever to the depths of OBSCURITY.

  • Mej

    Why do you hate reality?  It’s pointless to rebel against something as powerful as reality. 

    Compass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Leithiser/593361421 Chris Leithiser

    I believe in the Holy Trinity, the Father, the Son and the Parity Bit.

    Compass.

  • Sware

    Wow.  Did you know that the average sneeze travels at about 100 miles per hour and can send 100,000 germs into the air?  Thank you for covering your mouth.  
     
    This is my body.  But if you are going to eat it be sure to cook it to well done (160 degrees internal temp) in order to make it safe for consumption.  I’m not just grain fed you know. 
     
    This is my blood.  Well, it’s just best that you don’t drink this.
     
    (P.s  This is the funnest thread I’ve been on in a while!)
     
    Compass

  • Alex Curling

    If it wasn’t for random chance, life would seem so pointless somehow….

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    An inertial guidance system with triplicated microprocessors, redundant computers, software design diversity, zero-zero height-visibility minimums, and GPS error correction is my co-pilot.

    (alternate)

    My co-pilot is my co-pilot. 

    compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/mvahowe Mark Howe

    What Would Blind Chance Plus Lots Of Time Do? (WWBCPLOTD)

    Compass?

  • Scout

    I’m sorry for your loss; she’s in the ground, now.

    Compass

  • Ringo Ruth

    Chance is the truth, the way, and the life.

    compass

  • Annie

    “My child isn’t dying for lack of my taking her to the doctor. It’s just science’s will.

  • Coyotenose

    *holds up sign*

    Darwin 3:16! We will now discuss in a little more detail the struggle for existence.

    Compass

  • Saved by Grace

    As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZDWSFDW7RQFH4EEKAK6T7CIP5A DennisW

      At my house we serve food.

      • Onamission5

        Snork!

        We serve babby-que.

    • pagansister

      Which Lord would that be, SBG?    Seriously, whatever gets if for you, but I was just wondering which one it is—as there are several still in England, Scotland etc.

    • http://www.facebook.com/rogerinhawaii Roger Garrett

      So, you’ve decided on a Lord (I’m guessing you mean Jesus), and then imposed that belief on the rest of the people in your house. How about just letting each member of “your house” examine all the possibilities objectively, without your authority over them having any influence, and decide for themselves what they want to believe? Seems to me that would be the fair thing to do.

    • Bubba Tarandfeathered

       I will meditate for you so that the soles of thy shoes shall be saved from wear and thou will come to the to see the light of the rising sun, that thou shall one day see the evolutionary truth behind the adaption of thought and communication, that you will feel the calling to our fellowship of herding species, and that one day thou shall fully embrace the absurd ridiculousness of thine existence.

      In the name of Darwin, Smelly cheeses, and the elusive Higgs boson; Religious Memetic I command thee to leave this human’s consciousness!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/keithacollyer Keith Collyer

       I’m partial to deep-fried lord in batter with a side order of fries

  • Sam B

    I don’t kill, rape, assault or kidnap because I’m afraid of what will happen to me after I go to jail.

    Compass

    • http://www.facebook.com/keithacollyer Keith Collyer

       I don’t do those things because they would be wrong

  • rhodent

    As a devout atheist, you should be tithing ten percent of your income to the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry!

    The United States was founded as an atheist nation!

    I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands: one nation, under absolutely nothing whatsoever, with liberty and justice for all.

    Oh, by the way:
    Compass

  • Lisalb165

    I’m so happy for Sally, she’s marrying a good heathen boy!

    Compass

  • CanadianNihilist

    Have you tried not being delusional?

    • WillBell

      I hope you meant to enter a “compass” because that could deserve the win.

      • CanadianNihilist

         For you WillBell, I will.

  • Duncan King

    “It’s all nonsense, this I know, for the evidence tells me so.”

  • Duncan King

     It’s all nonsense, this I know, for the evidence tells me so.”

    Compass

  • Sam B

    On the Thurs Day he shall rise again. At 6am. For that is the hour his girlfriend set the alarm to sound.

  • ZA

    If we were made in his image, why aren’t we invisible?

  • Rene Caron

    Come out of the darkness of belief into the light of reason

  • pagansister

    Who Made Me?  My Parents Made Me.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1467176690 Matthew Wayne Rogers

    Why do Christians only pick on physicists? You never see them complaining about them biologists! 

    Compass

    • Bubba Tarandfeathered

       and they superstitiously won’t complain about Engineers.

  • AntieQ

    Gods are just too complex to not have been created!
     

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Gos-Blank/100003544656040 Gos Blank

    “If you don’t believe in our Science and do what we say, then you will be burned alive.”

    (Oh wait — they DO talk like that, don’t they?)

  • Swimmadude66

    What a fine young god-doubting man! #ifatheiststalkedlikechristians

    and Compass.

  • GoldenAquilegia

     

    From the Book of Neil   (My brother-in-law has a new pizza oven)

    In the beginning there
    was the oven

    And there was
    Neil.

     

    Neil created the
    dough and He formed the dough

    And He flattened
    the dough

     

    And the oven did
    burn hot.

     

    Neil spread the
    sauce and added the seasonings

    And put the pizza into
    the oven.

     

    The pizza did
    cook.

     

    A sprinkling of
    rosemary, and the pizza was ready to feed the multitudes

     

    And He saw that it
    was good.

    Compass

    • ZA

      You totally left out the blessed cheesemongers.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001463521196 Scott La

    There — but for the chance of genetics — go I

  • Trickster Goddess

    Science is in your life, even if you don’t believe in Science.

    Compass

  • http://southernhumanist.wordpress.com/ R. Lee Bays

    Speech: “I’d like to thank my mother and and father for passing their outstanding genetic code on to me. I’d also like to thank them for paying for my access to and training in this sport. Finally I’d like to point out that my hard work, sacrifice, and the thousands of hours of intense training that I have dedicated, have gotten me where I am today. Thank you!”

  • EvilStellar

     Click “LIKE” if you <3 Darwin… keep scrolling for something bad. 90% are TOO SCARED TO REPOST

    Compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/rogerinhawaii Roger Garrett

    Science doesn’t need your praise or worship or for you to bow down to it. Science just IS.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trotts-MGotts/881380062 Trotts M’Gotts

    And Todd said,  “Let there be light,” (so I flipped the light switch)  and there was light.

    I don’t need any proof to believe in the provable.  I just know.  If you disagree, prove otherwise!

    The Flying Spaghetti Monster exists because Bobby Henderson said so in his letter.

    How can humans be so perfect? The Earth is only ~5 Billion years old.  It’s too unlikely we just evolved this way due to millions of years of selection pressures.

    Compass

  • Wanderingjoe72

    Jesus is my Co-pilot.  He just moved here from Mexico and has a lot of experience.
    #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

  • Ida Know

    [after being the sole survivor of a horrific plane crash in which over 200 men, women, and children died] I would like to thank physics and sheer dumb luck.

    Compass.

  • Gregg Rieker

    Thinking helps those who think for themselves.

  • Gregg Rieker

    oh and compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sam-Salerno/1468204658 Sam Salerno

    You can’t prove Atheism isn’t real.   Compass

  • Gregg Rieker

    Dont drive faster than your engineer can validate….compass

  • hoverFrog

    I understand that you’re going through a phase and deep down you really do believe in the scientific method.

    Compass

  • hoverFrog

    You just haven’t visited the right natural history museum.

    Compass

  • Lisalb165

    Peace, perfect peace, is the knowledge that I’ll never have to see my in-laws again after they die.

    Compass

  • Eszett

    Science hates Idiots

  • hoverFrog

    I hate biology, but love Darwin.

    Compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trotts-MGotts/881380062 Trotts M’Gotts

    And don’t worry about Grandma, she’s in a better place now.  I didn’t like  having her on the bookshelf, seemed too cluttered.  We’re going to display her on the mantle above the fireplace, since that urn she’s in is actually quite pretty and should be viewed easily by guests.

  • Wrex

    Reason save us all.

    compass

  • http://evolutionguide.wordpress.com/ William Bell

    A man looked back on his life like foot prints in the sand, hoping see the footprints of a saviour, he saw the footprints of his son, his wife, his parents, his childhood and adult friends, his enemies, and many others, but no supernatural guidance, he fell into depression and died a couple years later.

    Compass

  • Marsha in TN

    These are all great!  Thank you! You’ve made my day.

  • WillBell

    You forgot compass, oh wait, you were being serious *chuckle*.  Please read parent themed sentiments expressed in other comments.

  • WillBell

    I always set aside time to marvel at the natural creations of natural selection.

    Compass!

  • WillBell

    Praise the empirical nature of science!

    Compass.

  • WillBell

    When I first told my daughter that some people believed in a god she asked “Then from whence cometh evil?”  Is it amazing how even the innocence of a child can see through theist rhetoric?

    Compass (I don’t have a kid :) )

  • http://www.facebook.com/BalRoger Roger Glover

    Theism is really just a form of atheism, because theists “don’t believe” atheism. Thus they are unbelievers just like the rest of us.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomtrue Thomas True

    Lonely? Try reality.

    The Universe forgives all your sin.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomtrue Thomas True

    “What library do you go to?”

    “My kids go to Camp Quest every summer”

    “You don’t act like a Christian. You’re nice.”

    “All I need is a little more learning in my life.”

    “Trust Reality”

    “Reality”

    “Vote Reason”

    “I made my own purpose in life.”

    COMPASS

  • Bubba Tarandfeathered

    “Have you felt the power of Reason in your life?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomtrue Thomas True

     Out father who is called, Kevin.
    How’d you get that cane,
    The Klingons come,
    their will be done,

  • Bubba Tarandfeathered

    I don’t know him from Atom.

  • Bubba Tarandfeathered

    Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh Darwin! Oh Darwin! Oh Yes Darwin! Yes! Oh Yes Darwin!

  • Stant13666

    How’s this for paradox.  “God loves you, but God will kill you if you don’t believe it.

    Compass

  • Bubba Tarandfeathered

    In the beginning there was nothing and it was disturbed.

  • SphericalBunny

    ‘The fool hath said in his heart; there is no Logic.’

    ‘And ye shall know them by asking, and hoping they’re honest.’

    ‘For to me to live is Biology, and to die is natural.’

    ‘And ye shall know the Science and Economy, and the Science and Economy shall giveth you options from which ye shall make the best of it.’

    ‘The quote is actually ‘Suffer little children to come unto me’, not the other way round. And in case you forget, humankind created the law courts. And we saw that they were good.’
    Compass.

  • Aunty Venom

    Another human being with a pilot’s license is my co-pilot.

  • Mark Zima

    Evolution has a special plan for you.

  • Mark Zima

    Well, those atheists were not TRUE atheists.

  • http://twitter.com/Teletheus Jerry H.

    It’s just disgusting how these God-fearing Christians are trying to take the Mole out of Mole Day! Pretty soon we won’t even be able to mention Avogadro’s name in public anymore!

    Compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=571895132 John Browning

    you just don’t understand science because science hasn’t saved you yet!

  • Shawneg1987

    Excuse me ma’am but I would like to talk to you about Darwin

  • mwchase

    One hand holding a test tube is better than a thousand clasped in prayer.

    If somebody tells you something amazing happened, ask them this simple question: “Do you have peer-reviewed evidence for your assertion, as well as falsification of competing hypotheses?”

    If evolution wanted us to kill each other, it wouldn’t have given us mirror neurons.

    Hey, Steve!  Science, man.

    I was a creationist, too, when I was your age.

    Thomas Aquinas recanted on his deathbed, you know.

    Compass

  • Sulris Campbell

    “In the begining, were not quite sure what happened, or that there was a begining…
    Then there was light! but, nobody was around to judge the quality of that light…” (genesis 1-1)

    “Then moses raised his staf high into the air and the red sea… pretty much stayed right were it was.  And the egyptians did fall upon them for stealing all the jewelry of their egyptian masters, it was not pretty” “exodus 22:14″

    “thou shalt not affirm the consequent!” (from the 8,201 commandments )

    “As govenor of the great state of Texas i have a solution to our state wide drought!  i will  invite everyone to a thinking rally so that we may all think really really hard for it to rain.  this could also be used to solve financial problems”

    “this is not the pedophile you are looking for” * waves hand before eyes of proper law enforcement offical.

    “ladies and gentlemen, as the collection plate passes, i want each an everyone of you to look deep into your brains and ask yourselves this question: what is the exact percentage of your income within four decimal places that could reasonably be donated to this museum?”

    “and though the noob, through his ignorance did wipe the entire raid; Einstein stood before the gamers and said unto them: “Let he who knows everything post the first flame.”  and slowly the gamers did take their hands from their keyboards in shame” Mathew 3:18

    What Would Einstein Do?

    “Neil DeGrasse, recently corronated as the pope of science, claims that he remains fallible.”

    “in breaking news; Members of the Westboro library are picketing the AACP today with signs reading “Darwin hated many Minorities”

    “Dear Richard, we are a multi-reasoned family,  While I currently adhere to Newtonian Physics my Husband is a devout Aristotelian.  Were constantly fighting about under which Physics we should raise our two children. I want to tell them that F=MA but my husband insists that the element fire is lighter than elemental air.    I want to make sure my children don’t become confused and end up in some string theory cult when they grow up… what should i do?”

    COMPASS

  • traffician

    Hold on and hold to the scientific method.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/GodVlogger/featured GodVlogger (on YouTube)

    When I am faced with a tough decision in life, I just ask myself “WWHD” (what would Hemant do).
     
    Compass

  • FitzyandDizzy

    Because our evolutionary ancestors died, we Homo Sapiens now live.
    Compass.
     

  • http://skepticalpoet.blogspot.com/ SkepticalPoet

    #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians then an atheist scientists might say “the data made me do it” Compass

  • Fsq

    As I have had to ask RW”Law” numerous times, why do you hate reason? Who hurt you to turn you from rationality?

  • Hungry Toad

    For Reason is so loved by the reasoners that they gave their one and only life to it, so that they know whomsoever reasons shall perish like everybody else no matter what invisible friend they believe in or not.

  • Paul Vigneux

    If I could have a moment of your time I’d like to tell you about the gift of reason.

    I’m wondering if you’ve read the good book, On The Origin of Species.

    You’re a creationist! This is a home of reason! There will be no god worshiping allowed in it!

    Compass

  • clevertitania

    Because Leon Lederman said so, and as we all know, Leon Lederman is infallible. #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians

    compass

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/GodVlogger/featured GodVlogger (on YouTube)

    I’m a teacher at The One True Science Lab.

    (P.S.: our textbook tells us to kill everyone who learns in any different science lab, since they are not true scientists.)

    Compass.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/GodVlogger/featured GodVlogger (on YouTube)

    Whhhaaat? “Tax the science labs?!?!” That’s blasphemy!

    Compass

  • Matt McCaskey

    The God Delusion is true because the The God Delusion says it is true!

    Compass

  • http://boldquestions.wordpress.com/ Ubi Dubium

    The Pineapple is the theists nightmare!  It’s the most wonderful fruit in the world, but it’s too large to conveniently hold in your hand.  It has a prickly hard-to-remove peel, an inedible core, and spiny leaves that will poke your eye out if you don’t remove them.  It’s either evidence of unintelligent design or god saying “PBBBFGHTTT on you humans!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508714621 Alex Mechev

    OH. MY. GOD. The second law of thermodynamics appeared on my toast!!

    Compass

  • asky

    I thought and thought and thought, and my thoughts were rewarded with an answer.

    Compass

  • hoverFrog

    Fine, you believe in Jesus and the resurrection, heaven and hell but at least you aren’t one of those Christians.

    Compass

  • iservenomaster

     “You keep the faith…I’ll wear my seat belt!”

    …Compass :)

  • Drakk

    “If evolution is a lie, why do things evolve?

    Atheists: 1
    Christians: 0.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Fogey/603297781 Joe Fogey

    Hate the faith – love the faithful!

    Compass

  • EvoBiologist

    The fool hath said in his heart, There is no evolution.

    Compass

  • magnus08

    Reason be with you (as opposed to “Peace be with you.”).
    Random chance bless you!

  • Palfreyman

    Do not multiply entities needlessly, particularly logically inconsistent ones like the omnipotent omnibenevolent fantasies that are responsible for the evil in this world.

    Compass

  • Markfortuna2008

    Reason is just alright by me, Reason is just alright oh yeah
    Resaon is just alrigh by me,  Reason is just alright

  • Bryan Schear

    Dawkins made me do it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rick.raubenheimer Rick Raubenheimer

    It must be true –it’s in “The God Delusion”!

    (Compass)

  • duraz0rz

    Praise Darwin! Their child turned out to be just like his mother and father!

  • crichter

    ….They would sound exactly like Richard Dawkins.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joe-Fogey/603297781 Joe Fogey

    When did you last go to Skeptics in the Pub?

    Compass

    Blessed are the skeptical, for they will not see gods.

    Compass

    all things bright and beautiful
    all creatures of all kinds
    were shaped by evolution
    which also made our minds

    Compass

  • Gregg Peter Farah

    very fun! thank you from one Christian tired of Christianese.

  • brianmacker

    Hemant this is the best thing you have done evar. LOL!  … and I love the wheels you have set in motion.

  • bobdabuilder

    If you jsut believe in Cheeses it will give you oower over skin and death.

  • brianmacker

    Christian sneezes “Ah Ah Achoo”   …. atheist replies “Darwin explains you”
     
    Atheist slams finger with hammer and exclaims “Charles R. Darwin” while grasping finger and hopping about in pain.
     
    Atheist having sex,  “Oh, Darwin.  Ooooh Darwin.”
     
    Have you heard the good news?  There is no hell.
     
    Sorry, I’m married to reason.
     
    If you’re wrong and I fail to believe the I only have to suffer fools like you in this life, but if you’re right and I believe then I’d have to be around you forever.
     
    I don’t know it’s true just because it is written in a book.
     
    Life must be so meaningless when you know it’s only some unfathomable test.
     
    How can you live when your only purpose is to worship vanity?
     
    Isn’t Christianity depressing?
     
    There are no theists in science class.
     
    Yeah, but without the Stalinists there wouldn’t be all those great statues and art.
     
    How atheist of you.
    Without human suffering there’d be no human suffering.
     
    Notice the banana peel.  The way it lays on the ground due to gravity.  It friction free surface coincidentally allowing it to slip up Man.
     
    Why are theists so obsessed with atheists?
     
    Stop playing natural selection.
     
    I hope natural selection gives you what you deserve.
     
    On paper currency:  “In fiat we trust”.
     
    My team won, and they literally didn’t have a prayer.
     
    It’s a 1/100,000,000 event out of 100,000,000 events that he survived, unlike the other 99,999,999.  Proof there is math.
     
    Why risk eternal nothingness when you can go to the doctor?
     
    Cleanliness is next to godlessness.
     
    If it’s not good enough for me then it isn’t good enough for my father.
     
    Who are you to serve god’s judgement?
     
    If there is no natural selection then how did life evolve?
     
    If you don’t believe in evolution then why do you talk about it so much?
     
    If there is a god then nothing you do matters.

    Your ONLY motivation for believing what you do is your greed for eternal life.
     
    I was a Christian once and then I found science.

    Belief never hurt anyone, except a sick Christian Scientist.

    If you just have faith you’re probably making a mistake.

    The tides go in, the tides go out.  I can explain that.

    • Piet Puk

       brilliant!

      • brianmacker

        Thank you. I think of it as reason’s gift.

        I just look around at all the beauty in the world the trees, the stars, the sky, and I know it is not the product of a god.

  • Sware

     
    Actual Boy Scout Law  vs. (My proposed revision)
     
     
    On my honor, I will do my best    (You have my word I will do my best)
    To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law;   (To act in good stewardship of my country and recognize the equality of all of its citizens)
    To help other people at all times;    (To be supportive and promote humanitarian endeavors )
    To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.    (To care for myself physically, intellectually and to be a positive example to others .)

  • Unholy_holly

    The Queen’s not dead! Doc saved the Queen!

  • Chasebanta82

    I just know that I know that I don’t know. Compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Fruben-Deschrevel/1259748935 Fruben Deschrevel

    “I love you darling !! I’m so glad natural selection brought you to me !!”
    Compass

  • Scarletvirago

    Praying for my lost soul? Okay, I’ll do the Pythagorean Theorem for your lost intellect!

  • Taserwulf

    “I have faith in the ability of numbers and science to guide my life.  With my faith, I can build machines and move mountains with them.”

    I want those shirts. Compass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1078659518 Lionel Goulet

    This was a GREAT idea until it de-volved into a science vs. theism debate. WHY do otherwise intelligent people waste SO much time arguing un-resolvable issues?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1078659518 Lionel Goulet

    Peace be with you, and with your pre-frontal cortex.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1078659518 Lionel Goulet

    Compass

  • Asdimd

     In the beginning of everything, we’re pretty confident a “big bang” spewed forth the universe, but future evidence could possibly refute this theory, in which case we will give up our current thinking and adopt the new, more suitable approach to understanding the origins of existence.

  • Krociech

    Why do you call it good? Nothing is good except Theory of Everything alone.

  • http://slrman.wordpress.com James Smith

    Why do you hate reason?

    Compass

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000135991521 Steph Bazzle

    There’s only one reality. All the others are false. Believe them if you want, but you’ll suffer. People who try to get you to believe them just want company in their misery. #ifatheiststalkedlikeChristians

    Compass. Please Compass.

  • Henrik Rohde

    Atheist Pascal’s wager:

    1: If you believe in science and science does exist, you will be rewarded with reason in life; thus an infinite gain.
    2: If you do not believe in science and science does exist, you will be condemned to remain in idiocy forever; thus an infinite loss.
    3: If you believe in science and science does not exist, you will not be rewarded; thus a finite loss.
    4: If you do not believe in science and science does not exist, you will not be rewarded, but you have lived your own life; thus a finite gain. 

    Compas

  • http://twitter.com/NoahSinking Noah O’Connell

    If it’s not p(B) = p(A1) · p(B|A1) + p(A2) · p(B|A2 ) + … + p(An) · p(B|An ) what else can it be??
    #IfAtheistsTalkedLikeChristians (would make a great compass tshirt)

  • http://twitter.com/CyniSister CyniSister

    WWARPD?  What Would AnyReasonablePerson Do?

  • kmuzu

    “May the scientists and doctors watch over you and help you through your recovery.” 

  • Cheor

    Thank you impoverished laborers for providing us with this meal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/adam.vavrick Adam Vavrick

    There are no Christians in wormholes.

  • bobm

    Let their be light speed.

  • Heather Wilson

    Our family purposes to follow Reason!

    Compass

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/EE3VPPF3U3C4JNM4UZGIEQ27MA Jocelynn

    I don’t know if that person has a moral compass, but I know I do, it’s the atheist way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/guy.sisemore Guy Sisemore

    I could see myself saying something similar to a few of these. The first three especially maybe not in their wishy washy language but the sentiment would be the same. In fact I think I’m gonna start saying “thank random chance” that’s awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.kim.39545464 Jonathan Kim

    ” If those of faith really want to put their money where their mouth is, they
    should leave the USA. I mean, the founding fathers wanted there to be a clear separation of state and religion. They may attempt to add every reference of God to the
    inauguration, and unfortunately made it so the bible “binds” the new president to his oath,
    and the money in the pockets of all Americans states their trust in their so-called God. Creationism is a theory and requires belief. You cannot believe in God and
    creation and also believe in evolution, unless of course you are like a
    fish and flip flop in the sand. Things mutate through random chance, and only some of the mutations survive. Because human beings have used their brainpower to invent and
    create and that has led to where we are means we can see that we evolved – it
    means we’ve achieved our current position through evolution. Can anybody really stand at the Grand Canyon and
    believe it was anything but a rift valley caused by an earthquake? Can anyone really look at
    a spectacular city line and think that humans always built their dwellings that way? It was
    created by talented people, who gained their knowledge through social evolution. At the birth of a child and the biology of it, you can see the drive to continue the species. If you believe in religion I guess
    you would be just as happy if your child shared your biases because
    that would be easy?” – directly taken and adapted from Funny Things Christians Say (http://funnythingschristianssay.tumblr.com/)

    • http://www.facebook.com/jonathan.kim.39545464 Jonathan Kim

      Since we can discredit Genesis, we have gone a long way toward
      discrediting some other concepts our modern world would like to be rid
      of, such as: One man and one woman married for life and, “In the
      beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

  • http://thaumaturgical.com/author/admin/ The Righteous Atheist

    I didn’t become and atheist – I came to reason.

  • Revolt.Future

    What if, throughout evolution at one point there were Dinosaurs and their fossils were kept so later species could develop studies to not only prove their existence but study their way of life.

    Compass.

    My answer to the age old “God planted Dinosaur bones to test our faith.” That comment makes me want to shoot the beholder of that thought.

  • Cliften Bowers

    Wow that ceiling fan almost fell on me, good thing the Universe caused me to move out of the way. Thanks Universe :)

  • Drew Spencer

    Some things are false whether you believe in them or not.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lktaylor1 Lauren Kathrine Taylor

    You just gotta have facts.

  • katie

    What would Sam Harris do?

  • http://www.facebook.com/Martin.ODonoghue765 Martin O’Donoghue

    reasons greetings!

  • Douglas

    We may be from different gallexy, but we are from the same Big Bang. Cause there was only One Big Bang!

  • Douglas

    We may be from different gallexy, but we are all from the same Big Bang. Cause there was only One Big Bang!


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