It’s the Catholics, Lutherans, and Presbyterians in Orlando, FL!
Bishop John Noonan thinks that insurance covering contraception and sterilization is an “affront to [their] religious beliefs”:
The payment of our insurance premiums will also subsidize abortion inducing drugs even though we do not believe in this culture of death.
*Cue thunder clap* Culture of death?! Oh my, these are big words from a group that symbolically drinks blood every Sunday. (P.S. Plan B isn’t the abortion pill. We shouldn’t have to keep telling you this.)
He then announced a two week period of prayer (it’s called Fortnight for Freedom, which is both alliterative and super hip) that will come to a head on July Fourth when they will have a mega-mass to… I don’t know… pray even harder about the issue? Anyway, it’s all about protecting their freedom of conscience from us sluts who dare to take care of our bodies and choose when we do and do not want children.
I don’t know how I sleep at night from all the guilt I have.
Listen, guys. I am not pro war, but some (!) of my tax money goes to fund our various wartime activities despite the fact that no one asked me. Maybe I am anti-Viagra, but some of my insurance premiums go to provide it for gentlemen who need a hand… so to speak. The EPA thinks manatees are worth protecting even if I friggin’ hate them. (Though, seriously, who can hate manatees?)
So when you are all through praying for Jesus to zap women in the uterus or whatever it is you are praying for, we’re all still going to be all whining like, “Heeey, I want to have control over my body!” and “Waahhhh, I want access to medically prescribed contraception that can not only help me with family planning, but also can help relive cramps and premenstrual symptoms, regulate my period, clear my skin as well as offer protection against pelvic inflammatory disease, ectopic pregnancy, and certain types of infections and cancers. WAHHH!”
I know. Women are such babies. We should just go back to the kitchen where we belong.