Why Should We Listen To The Pope?

Need a giggle?  Check out this 2009 video from YoungCatholicMinute.com:

Adam is shoving some foodstuffs into the washing machine.

Guy B: Adam!  What are you doing?

A: I’m trying to wash my groceries, but I think it’s broken!

B: Yeah, because you put your groceries in you wa–

A: Don’t you try tell me how to use my washing machine!  It’s mine.  What do you know, anyways?

B: Well, the repairman told me–

A: Oh the repairman! He’s nothing special.  Just another human trying to get in between me and my washer.  And who does he think he is anyways trying to tell me how to run my washing machine.  I am completely happy.

B: Yeah, but now it’s broken.

A: That’s okay.  I can fix it.  I have a deep personal relationship with my washing machine.  And that’s all I really have to go by.  What, do you think, there’s someone else who knows my washing machine better than I do?

B: Adam, the repairman does.  That’s his purpose!

So, to break this down, in this video the repairman is the Pope and the washing machine is God.  And the groceries are… our misguided attempts to try to make an antiquated religion fit into our modern lives?

Don’t worry everyone!  They have an explanation!

Now, while our relationship with our washing machine and our local repairman is substantially different than our relationship with God and his church, there is a point here.  

If we try to figure out what’s morally right and wrong or what the Bible really means based solely on our experiences of God, we’re leaving out one of the most precious gift that God has given us.  A living church built on the rock of the papacy.  God left us the popes to speak for him.  And it’s a good thing he did. Because otherwise our teachings, which have stayed constant ever since Christ gave them to us in the beginning, could have gotten corrupted and changed. We need the popes to remind us of what the truth really is in the face of ever-changing cultural opinion.  Even the worst popes, you know, those who you’ve heard about who were murderers or had mistresses or ate ice cream in bed have never altered church teaching in the least. How is that possible?  Because while he may not be personally holy, Christ has made their position holy and guards them from teaching in error.  That way his Church will always be like him.  True.

Well, I officially do not understand Catholicism.

First of all, you really can’t make murdering and having mistresses playful by adding the “ice cream in bed” bit.  Because ice cream in bed is the awesomest thing ever and murdering people is the complete opposite of that.

And let’s not just breeze past the whole nonsense about the “teachings have remained constant since Christ.”  Yeah?  Do you think Benedict has the same moral views and teachings on… oh, let’s say slavery as Paul III who affirmed the rights of Roman citizens to hold slaves?

Yeah, we certainly wouldn’t want the Catholic Church to be corrupted by people using their own morals to make good decisions.

Thank goodness for the Pope!

(Thanks to The Good Atheist for the link!)

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • Mblow0t5

    Murdering, fornicating, eating ice cream in bed. Yeah, that all sounds like it’s on the same level.

  • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

    What does this have to do with atheism?

    • Mr_Nobody

      showing the problem with religion’s arguments and its irelevence to the subject

    • http://yetanotheratheist.com/ TerranRich

      For a split-second, I was about to fucking LOSE it. LOL

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Leithiser/593361421 Chris Leithiser

       We should listen to the Pope because he’s the world’s leading producer of atheists.

  • cipher

    You absolutely cannot make this shit up.

    Their website says these spots are now airing on EWTN. I don’t know if they’re part of the network, but if they are, that would explain a lot.

  • Mr_Nobody

    if the washing machine is god… does that make the drier satan? he heats stuff, so it must be true! thank you washmachine analogy! 

  • Epe

    That would be great advice if I had an imaginary washer.

    • Randomfactor

      The God Washer–perfect for the Emperor’s new clothes!

  • Baby_Raptor

    So…If I’m understanding this correctly, they’re basically claiming that you shouldn’t rely on your own relationship with God to help you translate the bible, you should rely on this other man’s. Because he got elected to a position that is apparently really close to God.

    Just say “because he has a pointy hat.” Makes about as much sense. 

  • http://yetanotheratheist.com/ TerranRich

    But… what if I, I dunno, read the damn user manual?

    • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

      Nope. It is the job of the Repairman to interpret the User Manual. Such important work can’t be left to the unwashed.

      • http://yetanotheratheist.com/ TerranRich

        Unwashed! What you did there? I see it.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6OE7LEYELE4MZTVXGZUSVTBFUI julie

    “Even the worst popes…have never altered church teaching in the least.” 
    …Really? How can they say that and leave out the most famous example? Indulgences, anyone? Or is it still customary to buy your way into heaven?

    • Randomfactor
      • Randomfactor

        And you can trust that, since the Pope is infallible.  Ever since 1870.

    • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

      I’m sure that Giordano Bruno feels good knowing the immutability of Church teachings. Oh wait… he doesn’t, because he’s frackin’ dead, burned at the stake by Pope Clement VIII for arguing- against Church teachings- that the Sun is a star.

      Maybe the Vatican astronomers should be investing in fireproof robes.

    • gwen

       Inquisition, slavery…and on and on and on.. Methinks this idiot has not EVER read the ‘Good Book’ he espouses!

  • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

    Personally, I always listen to what His Assholiness has to say, since in all likelihood it will provide excellent guidance for what not to think and how not to act.

  • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

    Why does his washing machine, which he apparently owns, have a coin slot?

    • observer

      Tithing?

  • Deven Kale

    What he says starting at 2:06 is probably one of the worst attempts at humor I have ever heard in my life!

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    So the church teachings have never changed?

    In addition to their change in teachings about slavery that Jessica cited, and the change in teachings about indulgences that julie mentioned in the comments, off the top of my head I can think of a couple:

    The Church changed its teaching that the Earth is the center of the Solar System by dropping their ban on books and texts describing the heliocentric model in 1758, 125 years after the Inquisition’s conviction of  Galileo for heresy. They still insisted that it must be presented only as a hypothesis and not as fact for another 62 years until 1820. This was followed by the equally prompt formal apology in 2000, 358 years after Galileo’s death. (“Sorreeeey.”) I don’t think the apology mentioned the misery he suffered for the last years of his life by being denied medical attention during his 9-year-long house arrest.  Interestingly, Pope Benedict, when he was still Cardinal Ratzinger, was opposed to the apology that Pope John Paul II delivered.

    In 1950, in a blindingly fast turnaround, the Church officially permitted the study of evolution, 91 years after the publishing of On the Origin of Species.

    One thing you can say about the way the Church makes changes is it’s quick.  These guys don’t dilly-dally around.

    I suppose some RCC defenders who have two neurons to rub together will try to rationalize the patently idiotic statement that the teachings have never changed by saying, “Welllll, there’s the Church teachings, and there’s what the Church teaches. Sorta. You see, the real stuff is this, this, and this, and all that other sciencey kinda stuff is sorta, well, peripheral teachings, not the central teachings.”

    Uh huh. There are “peripheral” teachings that the Church apparently thought were central enough to ruin people’s lives over, and even to kill them over. So it would seem to me that the Church considered those teachings to be essential.

  • http://twitter.com/KevinSagui Kevin Sagui

    Huh, and at first I thought the analogy was going to be that trying to use religion to solve everything was silly, and that you should use the proper tools in the proper areas.  That would have kind of made sense, even if it was still a tortured analogy.

  • dantresomi

    hilarious! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/don.gwinn Don Gwinn

    The bible changes . . . . papal law changes . . . . but this video will be on the internet FOREVER, kids.   I suggest you start claiming it was satire.  The longer you wait, the less convincing that will be.

    I’m going to have ice cream in bed tonight.

  • Wwlarson

    Why is guy B leaning on Adam’s shoulder while he’s trying to piss (1:20)? And did Adam do a big fucking bong hit at the end of the video, or what? (2:35)

  • allein

    I have a book on my desk at work, called “Unholy Popes” or something like that…I’ll have to take a look tomorrow and see if the index mentions anything about ice cream…

  • alt+3

    I’ve actually discussed papal infallibility with a few Catholics before. Apparently there are rules about exactly what can be considered an “infallible” statement. As you might expect, those rules essentially boil down “only unfalsifiable statements are allowed to be called infallible.”

    • The Other Weirdo

       That’s a bit chickenshit of them, isn’t it? At least Harold Camping had the guts to come right out and put a falsifiable date to his apocalypse.

  • Blanc_Slate

    Hell, and here I was thinking that the position EVERY religious leader, besides the pope, had was suppose to be free from teaching “error.” So in short, every minister or the like, who isn’t the pope, may teach their distorted version of scripture without the consequence of “eternal torment.” On the bright side, at least the kids in the video were half-way towards true skepticism. 


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