March 31, 2013: ‘Jesus, Take The Wheel’ Day

Whoever created this Facebook Event is a genius.

An evil, dangerous, you’re-gonna-get-us-all-killed-you-brilliant-bastard kind of genius.

Can Darwin Awards be given out en masse? I’m sure there will be a huge ceremony the next day :)

Let’s hope everyone is an organ donor, too.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • Silver_fox-trot

    Well, it will certainly make for an interesting birthday present, thats for sure. Nothing says ‘happy birthday!’ like the mass suicides of Christains…..

    • 0xabad1dea

      It’s my birthday too! What an unlikely coincidence! God must have — *cough* sorry. 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6OE7LEYELE4MZTVXGZUSVTBFUI julie

        Mine too!

    • Bob Becker

      It’s a satirical piece, certainly, but presuming not, the results would not be only mass suicide of xians.  I drive the public highways too. The problem would be how many unwilling participants would their modern day auto da fe take with them?

      • Ray Panunn

        Auto da fe, what’s an auto da fe? (It’s what you oughtn’t do but you do anyway.) Look, I hope it doesn’t happen, but let’s shoot for something positive if it does. Like we’ll make a deal – you do your Jesus take the wheel thing, and if it doesn’t work, we get to proclaim organized religion to be bullshit and let logic and reason dictate our lives from now on.

        • Bob Becker

          Auto da fe ["act of faith"] was a term the Inquisition used for the penance those condemned by it were offered shortly before they were burned at the stake for heresy. I was making a pun on the word “auto” since the whackaloon suggestion we’re commenting on involved xians driving cars blind, that’s all.

        • Frackle

          You win all the internets with that.

  • Pedro Lemos

    I dare to say the guy who created this is not religious, just someone trying to do a funny anthropological experience or simply trolling.
    But well, if the Christians want to kill themselves, who am I to stop them.
    The problem is, if some of them take this seriously they could end up hurting or killing other people by hitting them with their cars. And I wouldn´t doubt the most fanatics would take their whole family in the car with them to test their faiths, resulting in more innocent people killed in the name of religion…

  • Ed L.

    How the heck is he gonna be able to hold the wheel properly with those holes in his hands?

    • sunburned

      Tie wraps….

      • Ed L.

        Thanks. That takes care of one ridiculous problem. But if Jesus is driving, and it rains or freezes, do you still need a plastic Jesus on the dashboard of your car?
        I’m ascared!

        • sunburned

           In short no.  You don’t really need a plastic jesus on the dashboard of Jesus is driving.   You would of course have to change the obligatory bumper sticker to “I’m my own Co-Pilot”.

    • Guest

      Scratch that. Where did he get a driving license?

  • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

    Let’s hope they load up their entire families, and the rest of us stay off the roads that day. Could there be a better way to simultaneously do some deep cleaning of both the human gene pool and meme pool, all in one easy day?

    • http://twitter.com/silo_mowbray Silo Mowbray

      Could we at least leave the children out of it, and anyone who is unable to reason for themselves? While I found the point of the post hysterically funny I’m not sure “deep cleaning” that involves little kids is much of a knee-slapper.

      • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

        That’s a matter of opinion.

        • http://yetanotheratheist.com/ TerranRich

          If your opinion is that children should be involved in some sort of mass suicide, then you can fuck off.

          • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

            And a pleasant day to you, as well! :)

          • http://twitter.com/Outcast_Kyle Edgar

             Tolerant atheist is tolerant.

            • Rabid

              Yes, because finding people who advocate the mass-death of entire groups of people and their families and children disgusting is “intolerance”.

              • http://twitter.com/Outcast_Kyle Edgar

                 If they’re stupid enough to try something as crazy as that, maybe they deserve whatever they get. It’s not like someone is shooting them. They are willingly doing it.

                • Rabid

                  So what you are saying is that kids deserve to die because their parents are stupid? And the inevitable sideline in bystander casualties? They deserve it too, right?

                  Seriously, just shut the fuck up.

                • http://twitter.com/Outcast_Kyle Edgar

                  Any kid with at least a little brain would be smart enough to not get inside the car or at least dress like a football player before going on a fated trip. As for the bystander I suggest not going out that day. So yeah, It’s pretty nice to see how you tolerate people who don’t share your opinions. I like the way you want to silence other. Way to go!

                • http://yetanotheratheist.com/ TerranRich

                  You’re damn right I don’t tolerate the opinion that children should die for their parents’ idoicy. And I’m proud of that.

                  There is nothing that says we have to be tolerant of dangerous opinions. there is nothing that says we have to be tolerant of those who think it’s perfectly fine for children to suffer for something they themselves have not done.

                  Any kid with at least a little brain would be smart enough to not get inside the car or at least dress like a football player before going on a fated trip.

                  You… you’re joking… right? So children of ALL ages should be perfectly capable of this kind of foresight, right? Do you even have ANY experience dealing with children? At all? If not, I suggest you stay as far away from them as possible.

                • Ken

                  Except we do tolerate people who put their children at risk every day.  The brainwashing that goes on in church leads to deaths, but we tolerate it in the name of freedom.  Unfit mothers, addict parents, alcoholic parents, and on and on…

                • http://twitter.com/JohnInSteveston John In Steveston

                  Edgar, you’re a sick little fuckhead.

                  Are 2-year olds smart enough to not get inside a car with their parents on that fateful day?

                  Fuck you and your kind. Go learn some empathy, asshole.

                • http://twitter.com/Outcast_Kyle Edgar

                   Oh! calling names. That’s so smart oh mighty high one.

                • 82eman

                  You’re all talking like Jesus won’t take protect them for 5 measly minutes. Now come on

                • Guest

                  He Can’t. He doesn’t exist for a start, and if he did then I doubt he has a driving license. :P

                • Capn_planet

                  This reply indentation nonsense is getting out of hand…

                • http://twitter.com/silo_mowbray Silo Mowbray

                  Edgar: Little kids deserve to die because their parents make an idiotic choice? Really?

                • http://twitter.com/Outcast_Kyle Edgar

                   No, they don’t. But we can’t protect everyone form everything all the time. It would be sad, but that happens all the time.

                • Kodie

                   In reality, most kids are the same little shitheads their parents are. Even if they could change, could grow out of it, I’m a little more horrified by a lot of people doing stupid things for stupid reasons and dying than I am for someone not exempting children. If you believe Jesus is correct and in control, you’re not going to think, well, just in case, I better leave my kids home – you’re all going to heaven and they won’t be parentless. It’s making a conditions on the whole “faith” thing.

                  In reality, this will never happen OR it’s happening daily. I’m not like most people, I gather, I don’t think children are extremely special that stupidity, if they’re unlucky enough to be born in it, shouldn’t harm them. It’s gross that it should harm anyone, but statistically, they are going to be these grown-ups someday anyway. I don’t feel anything more for poor innocent unformed children than I do for the adults who act like children if this is how the cycle perpetuates.

                  And in the hypothetical, as if this will ever really happen, it would be great. A mass Christian hysteria in which children were harmed or killed, as unfortunate as it would be, would be quite a startling event. Would people then maybe get some idea what is wrong with a little harmless religion finally?

                  -We’ve generated a community of believers so stupid as to think Jesus actually could drive their car, then why do car manufacturers put steering wheels in them anyway?

                  -Maybe people would reassess their own beliefs and how magical they feel and how realistically applicable they aren’t.

                  -Of course this will never happen and it would be a national tragedy if it did. Perhaps as a thought experiment, it could occur to people that that’s not how it works and they could reassess their beliefs without actual tragic consequences.

        • Rabid

          Hey, I’ve got a better idea. Let’s load them into trains and send them off to be gassed just to be sure.

          Seriously, this particular window into you mind makes you look like a fucking disgusting piece of sub-human filth. Do us all a favour and either make an effort to change yourself or just crawl under a rock and keep your interaction with society at large to a minimum.

          • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

            If nothing else, observations like mine do a fine job of filtering out the atheists on this group who are no smarter and no more rational than theists. Who use invective to shut down discussion before it ever occurs.

            • https://me.yahoo.com/by_proxer#d8791 Proxer

              Is that a fancy way of saying “Why yes I AM a troll.”?

              • NickDB

                 No it’s a fancy way of saying that people no matter the belief, often use emotion to argue and resort to vulgarity and or violence when their opinion is challenged or they disagree with something.

              • Sharley

                I was thinking the same thing myself. Doesn’t anyone know you can’t take anyone on the internet seriously these days? Tsk, tsk. 

            • Rabid

              The way you respond to irrational, sick suggestions that the deaths of children who don’t actually have any accountability for the event itself is a good thing is to make it clear that either A.) it’s a completely unacceptable position to hold or that B.) you are a pathetic troll.

              There is no “rational” discussion to be had. You are not serving a function. Fuck off is the best you’re going to get.

              At least it serves to filter out the fuckwads who can’t handle the harsh truth.

    • Isilzha

      We could call it…The Rapture!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=638420413 Abagail L. Jacobsen

        Or natural selection…either way you view it

    • http://www.facebook.com/mark.dexter.9 Mark Dexter

      Wow, the people that are saying that children should be involved in this are idiots. Maybe you should be the ones that are ‘deep-cleaned’ from the human gene pool you fucking morons. Seriously?

  • Ggsillars

    This, if taken seriously, is even worse than snake handling.  With snake handling, only the person who’s deluded enough try it is in danger.   This has the potential to take out not-so-crazy believers and innocent atheists.  It’s also illegal:  failure to maintain control of a motor vehicle.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      I say let them do it.

      Then arrest the surviving Christ-bots for child endangerment, failure to control a motor vehicle, and attempted murder.

  • Marguerite

    This is surely a Poe, but really a rather dangerous one. If some people are dumb enough to handle snakes and believe God will save their children from appendicitis, then some of them are also dumb enough to take this seriously. I don’t think it will seem quite as funny if some moron actually tries this and kills his family, or someone else’s, in the process.

    • Kenneth Gould

       It was invented on Reddit, it seems, and was meant as a joke.

      • Marguerite

        I have no doubt it was intended as a joke. I just worry someone might take it seriously. Hopefully people are too smart for that, but sometimes I do wonder.

  • The Other Weirdo

    You mean, put Christian beliefs to an empirical test? Jesus did tell them that with enough faith, nothing would be beyond them. They could move mountains. Maybe he was being metaphorical when he said it.

    • http://v1car.wordpress.com/ The Vicar

      The only way they’ll be able to move mountains is if enough of their cars go out of control in the same direction on the 31st.

      • Pooder

         I thought it was Mohammad who said that people would be able to move mountains . . . if they had enough faith.

        • The Vicar

          Nope; it’s in the book of Matthew. (Specifically, book 17 verse 20: “And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”)

  • Lamocla

    Since the god of the bible has fail at everything he got involve in, definitly staying off the road on that day.

  • http://twitter.com/anatman jerry anning

    something similar to this one happened to me. i was riding with a woman (who had known psychiatric problems) when she abruptly decided that ‘the elves’ wanted to steer the car and sat on her hands. i had to reach over and steer from the passenger seat until i could talk her into stopping. i guess i must be an  elf.

  • http://www.imagesandmeanings.com/ Gary Hill

    A Poe I hope… considering that there are undoubtedly Christians stupid enough to actually do this and innocent people like me drive too.

    On the other hand, these guys may be onto something – it may be what god actually wants. I went to a church wedding once where the priest told us that when we die god won’t be so much interested in what good works we’ve done but in how many others we’ve brought with us!

  • Olisahjude

    this indeed is crazy, this is not how to put your faith in God, what you all will be doing is testing him, just as the devil did on Mount Olives, and that is not acceptable. do this and you all will be seriously wounded if not dead.

  • Wild Rumpus

    Definitely a Poe – troll level 2. The funniest thing is the confused Christians and Atheists in the comments who have a hard time figuring this parody out (and possibly even people in these comments)!  LMAO

  • I_Claudia

    Yes an obvious Poe, but I can’t say I approve.

    Of course the vast majority of Christians will either A- recognize it for the satire it is and deride or ignore the message or B- Not recognize it for the satire it is and condemn the message and/or plead with their perceived brethren to reconsider.

    However there is a minority that is far enough gone that in the heat of the moment they might think that it’s not satire and furthermore it’s a great idea. I’m very uncomfortable with something that might push a slightly unstable fundamentalist to such ends. They could have their children with them. They could crash into another car, perhaps into yours or a loved ones.

    I’m all for making fun of the “there are no theists in hospital waiting rooms” meme, as long as it’s done with a measure of taste, but this strikes me as being just a tad too convincing to not be risky.

  • Indypundit

    How about commercial airline pilots or air traffic controllers?

  • Michael Corry

    There’s a bridge on Dartmoor in SW England where drivers have claimed that a pair of hairy hands appears and takes over the wheel.
    But then there’s a lot of strange stories on Dartmoor.

    • Sindigo

      And a lot of hairy hands….

    • LesterBallard

      When I was growing up hairy hands, or at least palms, meant excessive masturbation. But I found out it wasn’t true.

  • SJH

    I have to admit, this is pretty insane. A few questions for them:

    If God has chosen to not prove his existence yet, why do you think you would be able to force his hand and make him prove it by this action.

    If faith is as you define it and you have that faith then why just five minutes, why not 20 mins or perhaps one hour?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6OE7LEYELE4MZTVXGZUSVTBFUI julie

    So that’s how I die. Some idiot Christian crashes into me on my 21st birthday while I’m on my way to a bar.

    • http://twitter.com/KayeMariev kaye mariev

       That’s my birthday too, and just what I was thinking.

  • Kodie

    I still think most Christians would not be stupid enough to risk this. It’s a pretty dangerous dare, but I think Christians will prove they are too chicken to do it. 

  • Pir8slie4me

    Report it through Facebook, as a “credible threat of violence”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=315207 Kayla Kuretich

    Wait – I thought the world was ending before this? I’m so confused…

  • Koren

    Why does the vast majority of the internet Atheist community have to consist of assholes? Fuck everyone who thinks the death of ANYONE is funny, and fuck the Darwin Awards.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Your concern has been noted.

  • Thomas Farrell

    I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the damned christians doing this, because I might be the guy they run over. Or one of my friends or family might be. So to whoever is starting this, a hearty “fuck you!”

  • Lori F – MN

    Guess they are planning their own rapture.  Think I’ll stay home that day.

  • Seladora

    5 minutes?? Pussies. I have so much faith in Jesus, I’m going to take my hand off the wheel all day! 

  • Anon

    So it’s a national day to listen to a crappy Carrie Underwood song?

  • Emmy

    Willingly let go of the wheel for five minutes on the highway? No big deal! You’re doing it for Jesus so Jesus shall save you. Let go of the wheel to pick up the coffee you spilled over? Reach over really quickly to text your friends that you’re on the way to their house? OMG HOW STUPID OF YOU. YOU’RE MORE AT RISK OF GETTING INTO A CAR ACCIDENT. HAVEN’T YOU SEEN THOSE COMMERCIALS?!?! 

  • Isilzha

    According to the Bible and Jeebus it should work!

     “And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say
    unto you, If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you shall say
    unto this mountain, Remove from here to yonder place; and it shall
    remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.” (Matthew 17:20)
     

    • A Cl4rk

      I’ve never been good at understanding the bible, but what that little excerpt says to me is that if I put mustard seeds on a mountain and shout at it, it will move else where

  • Ken

    Absolutely staggering how some people cannot perceive a joke.  It’s like they work at being tight-assed  literalists. I’d feel sorry for them if they weren’t constantly whining and trying to control how everyone else thinks.

  • Hibernia86

    Really bad idea. If for no other reason than I have to drive on those roads too. I don’t want to have to trust them all to get the time right so they don’t ram into me when I’m driving at a different time, thinking I’ve avoided them.

  • Lemondrop128

    Did anyone else notice that the scheduled date is the day before April Fools? o.O

  • http://www.facebook.com/chriswarr78 Chris Warren

    Observations during my daily commute informs me that many people have already let ‘Jesus take the wheel’ on a regular basis. His driving skills are on par from what I would expect of a 
    2000 year old zombified Palestinian cult leader. I also believe he blatantly ignores the distracted driving laws. Jesus is a menace to the streets, and his collective demerits have no doubt earned him a license suspension. He must be stopped. 

  • Rapatt95

    See, I wouldn’t mind atheists if there just weren’t so many who walk around acting like they’re smarter because they don’t believe in Christ. I’m a Christian, but I’m not gonna bash and troll.

  • Avatar0527

    Hey, here’s an idea: So you don’t endanger the lives of innocent people on the highways that day, why don’t you all change it to “Jesus, Take The Ripcord” Day and all go skydiving? That way the doubters among you won’t kill any innocent children in other vehicles.

    • Firefly Nerd

      Bet you anything a Christian falls on you.

  • Nospam

    No way this is real guys, we all mock Christians for being so stupid for believing in god, people who think this is real aren’t much different. You are simply believing it because you want it to be true because that makes us look smarter than them but don’t fall into that trap. And dont get so bloody worked up about such a stupid thing.

    • Kodie

       I think it’s a great thought experiment for the Christians. Get any Christian to explain why they know Jesus won’t drive their car if they take their hands off the wheel.

  • http://www.facebook.com/AndreBarciella Andre Marques Barciella

    People saying that those families should get themselves killed should take a second and think how many friends (and famous atheists) where has delusional has this poor saps.

  • Ee3177

    Hemant’s initial comments, and then the discussed that followed, seemed really disturbing.  I was actually legitimately surprised.  Are Christians really that great of enemies?  I guess maybe they can present themselves that way, which is really, really shitty.    This post demonstrates to me a weird lack of understanding all around. 

    It’s also another instance where I question the name of this blog.

  • Supershane35

    Ok i have faith that Jesus Christ the Savior of man is on my side and that have will be there in my corner on my day of judgement. However i am not disillusioned enough to expect him to appear in my car and drive for me. He is my protector but he doesn’t protect us from blind stupidity..

    • Kodie

      Could you explain how that works? 

  • Dicksinmymouth

    Wow a lot of you are sensitive. I do hope these people do let the wheel go. I doubt it because most don’t really have faith, most don’t practice what they preach, and largely “interpret” their bible as so to fit they’re fragile world view. I hope they don’t drag their children along with them but they seem to do that in all other aspects of life (oh noes you are making a generalization-get over it you feel its true). I am the child of a catholic family and yet I came out different. Children need to have the chance to come into their own. If you disagree and spout some bs about children deserving to die with their ignorant parents then you’ve only displayed how flawed your rationalizing is and how although you didn’t fall for religions, you still have pitfalls in your intellect. Maybe you think you are edgy but I assure you, there are far darker things out there…and they’re not contrived!

  • Janijaakko

    FUCK ALL EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS AND THEIR DUMBASS DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR! SEND ‘EM TO THE PYSCHE WARD! JESUS IS ALIVE AND HE WANTS YOU! TO FORFEIT YOUR LIFE FOR A REPLICATED PAGAN FAITH THAT’S BEEN ALTERED TO FIT THE TIME PERIOD AND PAST DOWN THROUGH THE GENERATIONS LIKE A CANCEROUS WHORE! ALL RELIGION DOES IS START CONFLICT AND WAR! IT’S A CRUTCH FOR THE WEAK! GET THE FUCK OUT! AND RAPE THE POPE! HAHAHAHA!

  • http://www.thinkprogress.org Who Knew

    I bet the insurance companies are gonna love this day!

    What a bunch of idiots!!!

  • Matthew Simoneau

    lul look at how butthurt everyone is about Christians. Keep getting mad kiddos, shows your maturity by decades, huh?

    Anything else you could teach the human race besides what not to be?

  • http://twitter.com/DavidMSchell David Schell

    Dear God I hope that’s fake. I don’t wanna be on the highway that day.

  • http://www.savedbyfaithinchrist.wordpress.com/ leon maiolo

    It seems that most atheist blogs  find the most ridiculous and outlandish things that Christian’s do and talk about them, like this is normal? This could be done by any group to another.  Hitler was one of the best at it.   

  • Futeballfreak1

    It is written, “Do no put the Lord your God to the test.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/paulo.pincaro Paulo Pincaro

    See, that’s the definition of faith to an atheist. You don’t test faith, doing so implies lack of it.

    BTW: Since your life has no significant purpose since you believe in nothing, death is your friend. :)

  • Justin Davis

    Jesus says to not test the Lord your God.


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