Bryan Fischer is Todd Akin’s Knight In Shining Armor

Readers, friends, let’s talk.  With all of this talk about what is and isn’t a “legitimate” rape, I think we’ve lost sight of who the real victim is:

Todd Akin.

I mean the poor guy has one slip of the tongue, and the whole country’s all over him!

Wait… wait hold on, I’m sorry. I got that wrong.  Akin actually has quite a history of douche-baggery, and his comments are not only infuriating, but they speak to the larger, nationwide issue of men who are making laws from an uneducated and callous position.

But don’t you worry!  He’s got a buddy in his horrible, bigoted corner!

Religious Right leader Bryan Fischer is here to save the day!

On Tuesday, Fischer went on his show Focal Point to discuss his poor, poor buddy Todd:

Dennis Prager wants him out, Charles Krauthammer wants him out, Hugh Hewitt wants him out, Ann Coulter wants him out, The National Review editorial board wants him out, The Wall Street Journal editorial board wants him out, the Tea Party Express wants him out.  So virtually nobody other than The Family Research Council and yours truly — even Rush apparently now is out saying he oughta step aside – so everybody is gang tackling Todd Akin.

You talk about a forcible situation. You talk about somebody being a victim of kind of forcible assault… that would be Todd Akin.

Yeah!  You know what’s worse than a man assaulting you, forcibly inserting his penis into you, and leaving you pregnant and traumatized, while a bunch of men imply that you must have really wanted to get fucked because otherwise your body’s magical, anti-pregnancy elves would have kicked into action?  

All of your GOP friends being mean to you!  Can you imagine?  Even Rush isn’t on your side anymore!  The horror!

But this is a mindless, it is a freakish, it is a frenzied forcible assault [Editor's Note: Remember that phrase from our last encounter?!] on one of their own!  Not only by the GOP Poobahs, but also by their allies in the conservative punditocracy.   And they’re just gonna hand this thing over to Claire McCaskill.  

I submit to you that if Todd Akin loses this race, it’s not gonna be his fault, it’s going to be the fault of the Republican Party elites and their surprising allies in the conservative punditocracy. I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity.  

Now Akin has been pilloried by members of his own party for suggesting that, in cases of forcible rape, the trauma of the event might interfere with conception. Now, unfortunately for the nattering nabobs of negativism who have dog-piled Todd Akin, it turns out that the London Daily Mail has a story today.

“Stress can make women infertile, research has revealed.  Scientists have found that those with high levels of stress hormone stop ovulating and therefore are unable to conceive.”  

Now The Mail article goes on: “The research was presented yesterday at the Annual Conference of the European Society for Human Reproduction and Embryology in Prauge.”  

Now I’m going with Todd Akin on this one, I’m going with the European Society for Human Reproduction.  How ’bout you?  How ’bout you, Sean Hannity?  How ’bout you, Rush Limbaugh?  How ’bout you, Mark Levin?  How ’bout you, Sarah Palin? Are you going to side with Todd Akin and modern science?

Or are you going to side with the jackals who are trying to put Akin out of the Democrats’ misery.

I don’t even know where to begin.  I’m not even sure if it’s worth deconstructing his “argument.”  Here’s the article that he was referencing, if you’re interested.  Reading it, it seems to me that the study found that women with a long-term pattern of stress in their lives had trouble conceiving, and I’m not comfortable applying that to the present conversation.  Regardless, 31,000 pregnancies happen as a result of rape every year, so it appears that Fischer is calling 31,000 women per year liars (which, if we’re being honest with ourselves, he might be).

This guy is just the worst.

In fact, it’s taking all of my professional control to not put up a picture of him with devil horns crudely drawn onto a screen grab…

Oh, what the heck.

Hey there, low road! I haven’t seen you in a while!

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.