I Suppose It’s Not Surprising They Oppose ‘Tasting the Rainbow’…

Guys, watch out.  One Million Moms is angry again!

This time it’s about a Skittles commercial!

For those of you who can’t watch videos or are too afraid of the moral repercussions of subjecting yourself to something so depraved that One Million Moms finally had to speak up, I shall break it down for you.

By the way, it’s a weird commercial.

White Girl #1: [On the couch smooching a walrus.  A giant, huge walrus.]
White Girl #2: [Enters apartment.]  What are you doing?!
WG 1: I’m not making out with your boyfriend!  It just looks like Bobby, but he said he’s not Bobby.  It’s like these Skittles. [enter Skittles pitch here]
WG 2: Oh.
WG 1: [Some creepy sexy-talk to walrus and resumes smooching.]

Listen, I’m not saying it’s a good ad.  But, check out the OMM response:

We are not sure of Skittles’ thought process behind their new ad, but if they are attempting to offend customers, they have succeeded. Skittles’ newest “Walrus” commercial includes a teen girl making out with a walrus. The two are on a sofa in an apartment kissing on the mouth when her shocked roommate walks in on them. Parents find this type of advertising inappropriate and unnecessary. Does Skittles’ have our children’s best interest in mind? Skittles candies are for all ages, but their target market is children.

Skittles Marketing Team may have thought this was humorous, but not only is it disgusting, it is taking lightly the act of bestiality. Let Skittles know their new ad is irresponsible.

It is taking lightly the act of beastiality!

Listen, Moms.  If all it takes is one weird commercial from Skittles to make your kids want to go bang a walrus, then maybe you have some bigger issues to deal with.

And let us not forget, Skittles is trying to get your kids to eat little fruit-flavored sugar pellets.  I think if they had your children’s “best interest in mind” they would be selling bran muffins or grapes or something.

In closing, here is a picture of a young woman making out with a walrus:

Please try to contain yourselves.

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • Tainda

    Great!  First I had to worry about my daughter touching a human boys naughty bits, now I have to worry about my daughter getting it on with a walrus?    I don’t have time for this!  Dirty, nasty walruses. 

  • http://yetanotheratheist.com/ TerranRich

    You know what my children would do if they saw this ad? Laugh their heads off. And they’re 4 and 5 years old. OMM is nothing but a fear-mongering, slippery-slope generating hate machine.

    • The Other Weirdo

       You know, for all their irrational screeching and bizzarro worldview, they’re sometimes right because the laws of chance say they’ll be right eventually. A few years back, some woman married a dolphin. http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/woman-marries-dolphin/2006/01/01/1136050339590.html

      • Pascale Laviolette

        They’d point to that dolphin-human marriage as an abomination and insult to Christian values… but a dude murders a doctor for providing abortions?  *crickets*

  • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

    Question is how do we know that’s a male walrus?  

    • Michael Brice

      Female walrus (cows) do not have moustaches and tusks……so she is apparently straight. I beleive it is merely more proof of the awesome power of sexual attraction that resides within the moustache.

      • Travelingstu

        Mmmmm, I’m a bit dubious on the whole gender thing. Just because a walrus has a mustache or tusks doesn’t mean it’s a male. It could easily be a fake mustache and tusks on a female walrus, meaning this commercial is promoting transgender-lesbian/bestial relationships and that is unacceptable. 

      • CelticWhisper

         Well duh.  I mean, have you SEEN Mythbusters?

        • http://www.facebook.com/abb3w Arthur Byrne

           It’s a nigh-certainty Adam Savage has started leaving packs of skittles on Jamie Hyneman’s desk over this.

    • Artor
  • Conspirator

    I find that commercial to be pretty weird.  I can’t figure out what the point of it is.  Why is one girl asking the other if that’s her boyfriend?  It seems to me that the ad company is bigoted against walruses because they are saying all walruses look alike.  Isn’t that more less the same as saying “all Asian people look alike”?

    • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

      The walrus/boyfriend lied to the friend by saying he only looks like the boyfriend (but isn’t). It’s basically saying both women are stupid and fell for some BS backed up by the idea that because the candy looks red doesn’t mean it’s cherry. Walrus/boyfriend is a cheating manwhore and liar. It’s an obnoxious advert, but that’s the basic gist I think you missed.

      • Conspirator

        Ah I see, you are one of those radical humanists who always blames the other species for your problems.  No, it can never be your species.  But of course if someone points out that the humans are at fault you’ll jump all over that person for being anti-humanist.  You automatically assume that the humans aren’t to blame and that it’s the walrus who is deceiving them instead of accepting the fact they simply can’t spot the differences in another species.  

        • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

          Ah, I see. You ask questions and then act like a tool when someone gives you an answer. Classy. :p

      • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

        I believe all internet arguments should end with “but the Walrus/boyfriend is a cheating manwhore and liar.” 

  • farnsworth

    Those women don’t look at all like teens to me.  They look like twenty-somethings.  And the dark-haired one is carrying a bag of groceries.  Not at all what I would expect a teen to be carrying.

    So, faux outrage, combined with deception.  Is that the message OMM wants to be sending?

    • Coyotenose

       OOM is blowing a dogwhistle here. “Unmarried and female = not an adult.”

      • amycas

         I was thinking the same thing.

  • http://twitter.com/m_ethaniel Mistletoe Ethaniel

    Well it’s good to see that the PMRC found something new to do with themselves 25 years later.

    • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

      And we call ourselves a democracy.

  • houndies

    *sigh* unfortunately this isn’t a real shocker coming from these over the top  fundies. when i was growing up (70′s) my mom was this exact same way. we quit using proctor and gamble products for a while because someone somewhere decided their little man-in-the-moon emblem was satanic. somehow the stars spelled out something evil.  she also banned me from using rainbows because my aunt told her that the rainbow was tied into amnesty international and she (my aunt) was sure that amnesty international was tied to the anti-christ. i am NOT making that up. that’s the crazy stuff i was subjected to in my fundy household! oh, and i used to have some toys by playschool called “the village people” it was a little set of plastic figurines with various accessories: horses, boats, cars and so on. anyway, when my mom found out about the music group “the village people” being gay she almost made me toss my totally unrelated and different time frame “village people toys” out! she relented and just told me not to call them the village people. really.  

    • Tainda


      we quit using proctor and gamble products for a while because someone somewhere decided their little man-in-the-moon emblem was satanic”

      I remember that! lol  Wow, people are insane

      • http://www.everydayintheparkwithgeorge.com/ Matt E

        Well, you know, Jesus doesn’t want you brushing your teeth or anything…

        • Tainda

          Pray the plaque away!

      • Artor

        Because the logo was so much worse than the toxic shock problems they had…

      • houndies

        i would imagine that the whole skittles-rainbow-walrus-kissing bit would have surely sent us into a bomb shelter somewhere to await the return of jeezuz!

      • snoofle

         It’s still going on, believe me.  I know people who are convinced of this stupid sort of shite, and the more logic you try to use to explain to them the reality of the situation, the worse, it seems. 

    • Patterrssonn

      It’s horrible that gays and amnesty international have taken something beautiful, the weapon that god used to destroy almost all life on the earth, and turn it into something ugly, a symbol of pride, freedom and peace.

    • Gus Snarp

      Here in Cincinnati we have the corporate headquarters of Procter and Gamble. It’s two rather ugly, identical buildings on the edge of downtown that have these big blank circles in the tops that, as the story is told here, were supposed to contain the logo until local Christian groups complained about it and so instead they have ugly blank grey circles for no apparent reason.

      • Glasofruix

        I had to look up their logo, and my jaw just dropped when i saw all those pictures explaining how the stars just look like “666″, i mean i can connect bubble holes on a concrete wall to make a lot of 666ses, should we take those walls down?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6OE7LEYELE4MZTVXGZUSVTBFUI julie

      My parents didn’t let us draw peace signs or ying yangs because they were pretty sure that they had to do with cults. Plus, a piece sign sort of looks like an upside-down, bent up cross.
      And one time when I was like 14, my mom walked in the room right when someone said “sexy” on tv and she told me that this show was inappropriate for me to watch.

      • amycas

         I was told the same thing about ying-yangs and peace signs.

      • houndies

        ha! julie, it sounds like we grew up in the same house! i got the same thing about ying yangs. i couldnt take karate either. yoga is evil as well.

        • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

          Yeah, you might take that strength and flexibility and… I dunno, do something naughty with it? Every yoga class I’ve had was 100% secular in nature.

    • Marco

      This reminded me of the nickname P&G has among those that work in the CPG (Consumer Packaged Goods) industry. Apparently P&G is so huge and so despotic as far as their products, who do they sell them to and how they have to be displayed, promoted, etc., that they are known colloquially as “Procter & God”

  • http://twitter.com/FelyxLeiter Felyx Leiter

    “Listen, Moms. If all it takes is one weird commercial from Skittles to make your kids want to go bang a walrus, then maybe you have some bigger issues to deal with.”

    QFT.  And thanks for the laugh, Jessica.

  • Denis

    Just like all skittles commercials, it’s idiotic. But it certainly is more intelligent than the so-called “One Million Moms”…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-De-Fleuriot/611844223 Mike De Fleuriot

    I love Americans, you so funny.
     

  • http://twitter.com/nicoleintrovert Nicole Introvert

    Great… my 8 year old niece was eating a bag of that type of Skittles the other day.  What am I going to do!?  She’s clearly going to try to marry her cat now.

    • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

      Give them a nice litterbox as a wedding gift?

  • http://www.facebook.com/gwydionfrost Daniel Parker

    That no one mentions that the walrus has the largest penis of all land mammals, and it is THAT subliminal message that gets the OMM off, surprises me.

  • Xeon2000

    Hot. Brb, I gotta go do something private…

    • Coyotenose

       …I’ll be in my bunk.

      /JayneCobb

      • Tainda

        Ahhh The Hero of Canton

  • Ddunnrn

    What I want to know is, how did they ever get Chris Christie to be in that commercial? Talk about typecasting!

  • Brian Westley

    goo goo ga joob

    • John Purcell

       But…but…the Walrus was Paul!

  • http://profiles.google.com/davydd.norris David Philip Norris

    These people have clearly not studied art or film history. This could be taken straight out of the French avant-garde or German surrealism, but then they might have known that if they watched anything other than the Hallmark channel or CBN.

    We should always take statements from ultra-conservatives like “Parents find this type of advertising inappropriate and unnecessary” to mean “Ewwww! That’s gross! Make it stop!”

    • The Other Weirdo

       Yeah, I remember a French  movie an ex-girlfriend once made me watch because French movies were so cool, she said, and not that crazy violence-obsessed crap that comes out of Hollywood. It had a scene in it where a woman had her friend the chef prepare and bake her dead lover and then made her husband, who actually killed him, eat him. Then she called him a cannibal and shot him in the head. I was so traumatized I wasn’t able to watch another French film for years.

      • http://profiles.google.com/davydd.norris David Philip Norris

        Oh, I’m talking about even weirder stuff, like the experimental “Un Chien Andalou.” Complete breaks with reality.

        • Glasofruix

          Even french people don’t watch that kind of crap…

          • http://profiles.google.com/davydd.norris David Philip Norris

             No, that was back in the day before we knew better.

    • http://northierthanthou.com/ northierthanthou

       French avant-garde? German surrealism? What God-fearing American would know about such things? This can only lead to yoga!

      • http://profiles.google.com/davydd.norris David Philip Norris

         Yoga!? NOOOOOOOO!!

        • Tainda

          Breathing is a sin now?

          • http://profiles.google.com/davydd.norris David Philip Norris

            Only if you’re doing it in the wrong way. To be fair, she was using some yogic breathing techniques, which is just about breathing fully and deeply. The Bible doesn’t talk about breathing in any special way, so I guess if you aren’t hyperventilating or hypopneating, you’re living in sin.

        • amycas

           My mom warned me about taking that yoga class my first semester in college…and now I’m an atheist. I guess I should have listened to her…

          • http://profiles.google.com/davydd.norris David Philip Norris

            There you have it. Exercise leads to atheism. Better keep an eye on all those skinny Christians who like to run, bike and ski…

        • RobertoTheChi

          How dare she tell them to breathe! Doesn’t she know that taking a breath is like holding hands with the devil?

          • http://profiles.google.com/davydd.norris David Philip Norris

            Satan may as well be giving those ballet students mouth-to-mouth, damning their little souls to the fiery eternal torments of Hell. Who would’ve thought nitrogen and oxygen could be so diabolical?

            • RobertoTheChi

              I for one will not let my daughter breathe in deeply. She is only allowed short, shallow breaths and that is all. When I do catch her gasping, I beat her with a large stick from our backyard. I will not have my little one inhaling the devil and his minions.

              • http://profiles.google.com/davydd.norris David Philip Norris

                Just be sure the stick is no wider than your thumb. Then it’s not abuse.

      • Glasofruix

        Wait, wait, why is the yoga bad according to fundie standards again?

  • Martin

    Didn’t know teens lived in very swanky apartments with room-mates on their own.  Those girls are obviously in their 20s.  

    • Bird_of_Space

      Yeah that was my first thought after reading the OMM response. 

  • http://bunnystuff.wordpress.com/ Jaimie

    Weird commercial. But it is effective because people are talking about it. I am a little concerned for the girl because the walrus looks like a pedophile to me. Must be the mustache or something.

  • Matthew McAlister

    Hipster twentysomething girls liked walruses before walruses were cool.

    • Coyotenose

       Hipster walruses liked human girl lovin’s before there WERE hipsters.

  • Dianna

    Does skittles have our children’s best interest in mind? NO! It’s CANDY!
    Those don’t even look like teens to me.
    And noboby’s gonna go walrus-sexual because of this.

    • The Other Weirdo

       The correct term is walrusexual, I’ll thank you to remember that in the future. That other… term is offensive to all those who love walrusi.

      • http://www.facebook.com/mankysteve Stephen Rowley

         It would be Odobenus rosmarusphile

    • chanceofrainne

      Oh, I totally did.  I want me some walrus-loving, MMMMMM-mmmmm.

    • http://northierthanthou.com/ northierthanthou

       I dunno, Walruses have really big penises. Once you go pinniped…

  • http://northierthanthou.com/ northierthanthou

    Does Skittles have our children’s best interest in mind?

    They are selling them candy, you idiots! The answer is NO!

  • The Other Weirdo

    What was good enough for Princess Leia is good enough for some random teenage girl. And she went on to make out with some Ewoks. Umm… Wait, that’s not right.

    Of course, look what happened to her in the last few years, forced to peddle her family history for the entertainment of the masses. That’s what comes of kissing walruses(walrusi?) and giant animated slugs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/naseem.rayyan Naseem Rayyan

    I find it funny and delightfully weird.  I doubt any young girls are going to go try to make out with a walrus after this, and if they do, well, it’s not exactly a loss to society, just another Darwin award.

  • chanceofrainne

    OH MY GOD. I WATCHED THAT COMMERCIAL AND NOW I AM PATHOLOGICALLY HUNGERING FOR SOME WALRUS-LOVE.

    WHERE CAN I GET A WALRUS IN TENNESSEE?!  DO THEY HAVE THEM ON CRAIGSLIST?!

    • nakedanthropologist

      Just go the aquarium in Gatlinburg – slip Mikey the “fish man” a twenty and have yourself a delightfully *wet* night out. 

      • chanceofrainne

        Oh, you’re *filthy*.  I like it.  ^_^

  • Trickster Goddes

    If kissing an animal is bestiality, then all those cat and dog owners…

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/FDGYHBEWVNGUG763L5X4TON3JQ Nazani14

       Exactly, we get smoochies all the time.  One Dozen Moms are just size queens.

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

        Might explain furries?

        /kidding!
        //*points at self* Furry

        • Coyotenose

           *Furry High Fives*

          Y’know, I’ve never seen a walrus suiter…

          • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

            I’d do it ONLY for the opportunity to go around singing “I Am The Walrus”.

        • Jett Perrobone

           Me too!  Gimme paw! :3

          • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

            *hi-paw*

  • Gus Snarp

    Can you imagine what walrus breath smells like?

  • DataJack

    OMG this commercial, OMM’s bizzare response, and especially ths post are all hillarious.

  • Skizzle

    I, for one, am glad to see that Jamie is finally getting some television work outside of Mythbusters.

    • Tainda

      I laughed out loud in my cubicle

      • http://twitter.com/_mikeweber Mike Weber

        Same thing just happened to me. Damn you, Skizzle! ;)

        • Skizzle

          Yay!  I’m relevant!

    • Drew M.

      Absolutely hilarious!

    • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

      I award you a shiny slightly used Internet.

      Now, if you will just send me new keyboard as a ‘processing fee’.

      Mine has hot chocolate on it now.

    • The Captain

      You sir!

      Family Guy – Ostrich Laugh – YouTube

  • Marco

    When I first saw the commercial, I thought it was very weird. Probably their intention. The last thing that crossed my mind was having sex with a walrus. 

    The first thing that crossed my mind was that skittles is not known as a breath freshener and that this commercial would have been more appropriate for a mint of some sort.

    Of course, One Million Moms immediately thought of the sex. It figures.

    PS: bought a bag of skittles. I didn’t recall the fishy flavor…

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    OMM is right to be concerned. If we allow women to have sex with/marry walruses, what’s next? Having sex with/marrying each other?? (cue “Psycho” schreeching sound)  NOOOOOOO! Think of the children!

    …Wait, there wouldn’t be any children in either case.  Well, still this is clearly one of the signs of the End Times. “There shall be walruses and roomers with walruses.”

  • The Captain

    Quick someone tell them about American Pie!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1334880071 Max Hirsch

    Since when do teen women own apartments?

  • Walrus

    Psssht, this ad is SO unrealistic. In real life this situation would result in a threesome.

  • RobertoTheChi

    One Million Assholes is at it again…

  • OregoniAn

    Making out with a walrus is wrong on so many levels.. Especially when there are so many handsome mudsharks out there.

  • stop2wonder

    I once heard the walrus has the largest junk, relatively speaking, in the animal kingdom.  I’m too lazy (and scared) to actually Google it though.  

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    Commercials are certainly getting stranger…


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