Victoria Jackson Is A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Human Being

Dear Seven-year-old Me,

Don’t get older.  Because the people you thought were cool also get older and, invariably, crazier.

Walker, Texas Ranger hates gay people.

Mike Seaver hates science (and also gay people).

And Victoria Jackson is not only certifiably insane but the worst kind of vicious.  You will never ride in a car with her and Toonces the Driving Cat with Phil Hartman narrating (Phil Hartman is a whole other heartbreak).  NEVER!

Love,

Adult Me

Ugh, Victoria Jackson.  The hours and hours I spent after junior high watching SNL reruns from the 80s and 90s are now tainted. What I had naïvely mistook for quirkiness was just thinly-veiled legitimate lunacy.

I first became aware of Jackson’s utter insanity when she appeared on Showbiz Tonight bashing Glee for “shoving the gay thing down our throats.” (It was for featuring two gay characters smooching.  Each other. I know. The nerve.)

That was disappointing and aggravating.  And weird.  And immature.  And weird. (Did I mention weird?)

But what she said at last week’s Republican National Convention somehow puts everything else to shame. She was being interviewed by Mike Signorile for his SiriusXM OutQ program when she said the following:

“The Todd Akin thing was so blown out of proportion — it’s a joke… How many times do people get pregnant from rape? It’s point zero zero one percent. It’s a joke. I read lots of articles. I know people, because I’m 53. I’ve know a lot of people, and I’ve actually never known anyone who got pregnant from being raped.”

“And guess what?… If I got raped, I would have the baby. And if I didn’t want to keep it because I had these [mocking tone] horrible nightmares, I would adopt it out. But I think that God can turn a bad thing into a good thing. And that, if I got raped and a beautiful baby who was innocent was born out of it, that would be a blessing. The DNA of a baby is individual. It’s not the mother’s DNA. It’s not the father’s DNA. And that’s why I believe abortion is murder, because it’s not the woman’s body. It has it’s own DNA. If there’s a boy baby inside of me, he has a penis. That’s not my body.”

Let’s start with the first paragraph.  

We keep hearing those faulty numbers like “0.001% of women get pregnant from being raped” even though there is no way to possibly get an actual accurate statistic due to the fact that fewer than half of rapes actually get reported (and that’s a generous estimate) so we have no clue exactly how many women become pregnant after being raped. The agreed upon figure in the medical community is 5%.  If a woman is raped, there is a 5% chance that she will become pregnant.

And, Victoria, I think we can we all agree that no one gives a crap whether you’ve ever met anyone who has gotten pregnant after being raped?  Like, not even the tiniest little shred of a crap.  I don’t care how many people you’ve met in your 53 years.

I think the most rage-inducing part for me was the “horrible nightmares” part. How dare you downplay someone else’s trauma?  Are you utterly heartless? Have you ever met another human being?  Honestly, do you literally have no sense of empathy?

If you get raped and end up pregnant and decide to keep the baby because “God has a plan!” then fine.  I couldn’t care less.  Justify it any way you see fit, but do what you want to do.  Personally, I am really sick of crazy anti-science people using science to justify their crazy stances, but whatever.

Stop mocking and trivializing other peoples experiences.  Stop doing it.  Just stop.

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • http://www.alise-write.com Alise Wright

    I’m so with you. I just want to cry every time I see Victoria pop up in my news feed. She was in my favorite seasons of SNL and now I don’t feel like I can ever watch any of them again. 

    Victoria, please go back to advertisements for the Love Toilet, instead of the shitter you’re sitting on now.

  • jdm8

    If Akin’s comment was supposed to be a joke, that’s a very sick and twisted joke. That the Akin supporters keep talking and saying things that are as bad or worse makes the joke claim even more suspect.

    • Dcroe05

      In all fairness I think she was saying the way it was blown out of proportion was a joke.

  • The Other Weirdo

    Take a chill pill, Jessica. There’s no reason to work yourself up into a frothy lather over the things said by people known for saying them in the past. You’ll drive yourself into an early grave if you keep taking everything so close to heart. Sure, they’re horrible people who’ve said stupid and terrible stuff, but there’s your own health to consider.

    • http://www.diannaeanderson.net/ Dianna

       Well that’s condescending as all get out.

      • The Other Weirdo

        I am sincerely sorry.

    • Mel

       Wow. Really? Dianna is right, that was condescending as hell. It’s a pat on the head and a “there there little lady, no need to get all worked up about things.”

    • CelticWhisper

      We all have things that piss us off…probably beyond a degree that is healthy.  Mine is the TSA – I haven’t set foot in an airport in over 2 years and don’t intend to until the agency is gone.  My girlfriend’s is bigoted hypocrisy (which we hear in spades from church demagogues).  Jessica’s seems to be the matter of the misuse of science to justify nonscientific or antiscientific opinions.  If I’m misinterpreting what angers her, it doesn’t change the fact that something about what Jackson said is pushing her Berserk Button and I know what that feels like.

      Yes, getting this bent out of shape is probably unhealthy.  To control the response, though, is not an easy thing.  Something to strive for, as skeptics?  Certainly.  But easy?  Not by a long shot.

    • Drew M.

       I wasn’t aware this is what a “frothy lather” is like.

      Can you provide some other examples for us? I’ve never seen an actual case of “the vapours” or a bonafide “tizzy.”

      • CelticWhisper

         I hear Rick Santorum is the best person to ask about frothy things.

  • Kari_Lynn27

    She can fuck right off. Don’t tell me what I feel.

    • http://twitter.com/RothAnim Jonathan Roth

      Between her and Michael Richards, I worry about the rest of the UHF cast going mad. At least Wierd Al Yancovich is entertainingly mad, rather than horrifyingly mad. 

      • http://mittenatheist.blogspot.com/ Kari Lynn

        Weird Al’s a pretty cool guy. He’s pretty normal as far as famous people who are in the spotlight go. He has also made the very smart decision of staying out of politics, which has helped his career.

      • Boryder73

        And then there was Anthony Geary!

    • Gabriel

      I know. I’ve taken to skipping ahead whenever she shows up in UHF. Thankfully she isn’t in that many scenes.

  • DougI

    She’s an awesome actress, she has such a wide range of acting experience.  She’s played a ditzy blonde and, and, and….um….never mind.

    • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

      She has had a great acting career.  Who can forget her role as Nurse Grabatit, in the movie Stoogemania or as  Race track model #1 in Double Exposure?   Or her oscar worthy performances is “Casual Sex?” and in “A Perry Manson Mystery: The Case of the Jealous Jokester.” 

      (In full disclosure I had to check the IMDb database.   She’s been in a lot of bad movies. Excluding UHF which is great.) 

      • DougI

        Loved UHF, but she played a ditzy blonde in that too.  Maybe it’s just her voice, I can’t believe that’s her real voice.

      • Robertfrank54

        As Dorothy Parker once said, “She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.”

  • anon

    Not that I would advocate in favor of forcibly granting it… but right there is a person who really needs to understand the horror of rape. It’s too bad that matrix-like virtual reality doesn’t exist yet.

    • onamission5

      No. Nobody needs to be subjected to corrective rape fantasies, I don’t care how ridiculous or abhorrent their opinions are.

      • Coyotenose

         He was wishing for a tool that they could voluntarily use, not a tool to be used upon them.

        Unfortunately, immersive VR devices would almost instantly be converted into torture devices…

  • Tainda

    She has ruined my memories too lol  She was one of my favorites on SNL as well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nick.matthaes Nick Matthaes

    I don’t really think that the people that you’ve listed are horrible human beings, but the three  of them  share a common thread.  They are truly ignorant, celebrated and rewarded for their ignorance.  I have a greater problem with people who are intelligent and maliciously target others.  This is not to say that I’m not disappointed for her recent behavior, but I can take solace in the fact that Julia Sweeney is still out there doing her thing (albeit under the radar of general media).

    • http://mittenatheist.blogspot.com/ Kari Lynn

      I respectfully disagree. When someone minimizes rape and the emotional roller coaster that happens after the fact, they are a horrible human being.

      • http://www.everydayintheparkwithgeorge.com/ Matt E

        Nail, head, Kari Lynn hitting it.

    • RobMcCune

      Whatever the cause, they lack empathy for other human beings, and value their ideology over the suffering of others. That is horrible.

  • Gus Snarp

    Sometimes it’s really hard not to think that Jackson is in the midst of pulling the ultimate Poe.

    • Brian Westley

      Only if she’s Andy Kaufman in drag.  Which I estimate at .001%

    • Earl G.

      That’s what I thought the first time I heard one of her rants, years ago.  But it’s just gone on too long now.

  • Michael

    I think the number is claiming to be the percentage of the population who get pregnant from being raped. Not that it’s at all relevant. After all, what percentage of the population would be hurt if we dropped an elephant on Victoria Jackson from a high building? Less than 0.0000001%, far lower than the percentage of elephants.

  • LesterBallard
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363057411 Nicole Gendics

    Just…wow. There are no kind words that seem appropriate here. And you know what your mother always said…

    • Where Are My Beets?

      “If you can’t say anything nice, say it often.” Or was that Ed The Sock?

  • http://www.facebook.com/gregm766 Gregory Marshall

    Well, if you would have been an adult like I was when she was on SNL, you would have realized that even back then she was not funny and a loon.

  • TrinainUS

    What’s very telling is that Jackson says that Akin’s infamous statement was a joke, but then promptly goes on to agree with what he said.   Aside from the rest of her lunacy, that is.

    • Ellentann

      I don’t think she’s saying Akin was joking.  She’s saying that what she claims is the ridiculously low # of pregnancies resulting from rape is a joke – that is, the risk is so infinitesimally small it’s laughable anyone would be concerned about the issue.

  • nakedanthropologist

    “The Todd Akin thing was so blown out of proportion — it’s a joke… How many times do people get pregnant from rape? It’s point zero zero one percent. It’s a joke.”

    This.  This is one the most vile things I’ve ever heard.  Thank you, Victoria Jackson for reminding me why rape awareness and women’s rights activism are still so important.  Because of sick and twisted people like you who think that rape is a joke.  For treating not only myself but all other women like their wants and human rights are non-existant, especially in the wake of horrifying trauma.  Rape is never a joke.  I hope you never have to experience the absolute horror of rape, as so many men, women, and children do.  You are  an abhorrent excuse for a human being, and utterly despicable.  But I will keep fighting the good fight for victims’ rights and rape awareness, because some of us don’t have the luxury of living in a bubble wherein we ourselves nor none of our friends have never been raped.  Senator Akin is despicable – just like you,  Victoria Jackson.  Rape is never a joke.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paul-Little/565071363 Paul Little

    My feed reader shortened your title to, “Victoria Jackson is a Terrible, Ho…”

    • 00001000_bit

      Don’t do that. Words like “ho” exist to slut-shame and denigrate women. It’s not a catch-all insult.

    • Jessica

      Well that would just be bad grammar on my part.  It would be “Victoria Jackson is a Terrible Ho”!
      I hope you did not think less of me.

    • Dave Carroll

      That’s sexist

  • GabyYYZ

    To be fair, some great alumni from 80′s and 90′s SNL…Julia Sweeney (surprising atheist) and All Franken (surprisingly measured Senator)

  • The Captain

    Sorry Jessica but once again you fell for the bait. Sure the rape crap, and the nightmare stuff is offensive, but the real problem is the assertion that just because something has DNA it’s a “baby”. Stop falling into the same trap all the pro-choice pundits do are argue about “rape” when the real bullshit is that it’s a “baby” in the first place!

    (cue Rwlawoffice to show up and yell “baby” ”baby” ”baby” ”baby” ”baby” ”baby” ”baby”)

    • snoozn

      Yes, you are right on about that! I’ve always felt the people who favor banning abortions except in rape/incest cases have the least tenable position of all. Either the fetus is a baby or it is not a baby. The way the fetus got there has nothing to do with whether it is human. Yet those on the far right want to tell us that a clump of cells is the same thing as a human being and deserves protection. While those on the far left say that the fetus is not a human deserving of any protection up until the  moment of birth even though a fetus is just as human as the mother by sometime in the second trimester. Pregnancy is such a strange thing that it is impossible to treat everyone involved in a pregnancy (baby, mother, father) with complete fairness. 

      • Victoria

         I mostly agree with you, especially your last sentence. But:

        1. “no abortions except in cases of rape and incest” is not a terribly fringe, or even FAR right position in terms of its popularity (and shows that the real issue in those folks’ minds isn’t “it’s a baby!” so much as “if women have sex they deserve to be punished!”)

        2. There are people who believe there should be no restrictions on abortion until birth, but that is a fringe position. And where it exists it’s not based on the idea that the fetus is or is not a baby, but rather that the mother’s right to bodily autonomy trumps any rights the fetus may have.

        3. I personally hew to the position that the earliest time at which a fetus can be said to be a human being is the time when the anatomy that allows higher cranial functions comes online — so, like you said, somewhere in the 20-26 week range. But that’s not a universal position. There’s some decent evidence that nothing we would normally call consciousness is present until after birth, as the fetus exists in more or less a sedated state.

  • RebeccaSparks

    Another childhood found out later to be homophobic – Orson Scott Card.

    • amycas

       That was a sad day for me too.

  • Fargofan

    There’s a Bible story (wait, hear me out, lol) where David had a soldier killed, so he could marry the widow. The woman, Bathsheba, got pregnant. But God was angry over this and “the Lord struck the child.” The baby then died.

    This is right out of 2 Samuel and I think about it when conservatives say god can bring goodness out of something evil, e.g. rape. Here is a story in their own Bible where God himself struck a baby so that he died, because of the sin of his parent. And this baby was out of the womb, btw.

    • Pascale Laviolette

      God HAAAATES babies, especially live ones.

  • http://twitter.com/FelyxLeiter Felyx Leiter

    “I’ve know a lot of people, and I’ve actually never known anyone who got pregnant from being raped.”

    Yeah?  I’ve known a lot of people too, and I’ve never actually known anyone who’s been shot in a robbery.  Or killed in a plane crash.  Or lost more than one limb in a freak accident.  That doesn’t mean I outright disbelieve these occurences actually happen, and deny people services to care for themselves if they find themselves unlucky enough to fall victim to these scenarios.  What a quack.

    • onamission5

      What, you don’t subscribe to the ultra-conservative platform of “The only experiences that have any merit are the ones I experience myself, so I will carefully sequester myself away here in my castle as to not have to acknowledge or validate or try to alleviate anyone else’s suffering or hardship?”

      Aka, Why Do You Hate Our Freedom (to oppress you)?

      • 3lemenope

        “The only experiences that have any merit are the ones I experience myself, so I will carefully sequester myself away here in my castle as to not have to acknowledge or validate or try to alleviate anyone else’s suffering or hardship?”

        That’s hardly only a conservative sin. It’s perhaps the most common disease of humanity.

        • onamission5

          I agree with you there. The current incarnation of the US GOP seems to be the primary organisation in the US whose entire political platform  is built upon  the concept of “My uber-privilege is the only valid reality,” though.

          • 3lemenope

            On that we certainly agree. The GOP has rotted thoroughly.

    • Michael

      Sorry, but saying you’ve never met anybody killed in a plane crash made me giggle.  I totally understand and agree with your point, but that was hilarious!  Back to work…

      • Michael

        …sorry.  Reread and you said “known”, not “met”.  Makes more sense that way.  Not nearly as funny, but… I digress!

    • http://www.allourlives.org/ TooManyJens

       I know that if I had been pregnant as a result of rape, the first person I’d tell would be a judgmental right-winger who does things like mock post-traumatic stress as “ooh, horrible nightmares!”

  • Kaoru Negisa

    “Honestly, do you literally have no sense of empathy?”

    Considering she’s a conservative evangelical…well, I’d say the answer to that one is pretty obvious. Hard to care about other people when you’re commanded to hate everything in this world and love your imaginary friend first and foremost.

  • Guest

    Bad person.  Translation: Secular leftist term for those who fail to conform to the infallible dogmas of the left and embrace the groupthink demanded by freethinking liberals.  How, oh how can we not hate people who fail to conform to liberalism’s dogmatic definitions of diversity?  Oh how?  Heh.  Sometimes the post-modern secular left parodies itself without even knowing it.   By the way, where was all the outrage back when endless numbers of pundits were arguing about just what kinds of rapes there really were when it involved bringing Mr. Polanski back into the limelight?

    • Vizbones

      Translation: Troll, don’t feed.

    • RobMcCune

      Translation troll can’t translate english into english. 

    • Jim_Lahey

      I’m game! What groupthink is this you speak of? Disgust at repulsive comments is almost universal. The few whack jobs that endorse these comments, or commenters deserve to be reviled by the rest of socially evolved society!

    • Patterrssonn

      Freethinking groupthink?

    • Gus Snarp

      I’m sorry, there was plenty of outrage over Palanski from the “secular left”. Just because some of his Hollywood friends defended him, does not mean you can’t find plenty of atheists and assorted leftists who loudly proclaimed him a rapist and his defenders as rape apologists.

    • Antinomian

      Who are you? God’s William Safire? Or just its projectionist?

    • thorny264

      Do you have any idea what these words mean? I looked through some of your other comments and lets just say they suggest you have no clue what you on about.

  • Troy Truchon

    When Daniel Tosh makes a low-brow rape joke its a joke (maybe not a funny one, but its clearly intended as humor) When a Republican Representative says in a television interview that Pregnancy from Rape is impossible so long as the Rape is “Legitimate” (whatever the hell that means) I don’t see any sort of punchline. I’m really starting to wonder one of two things, either A) Victoria jackson was never a comedian and we all just laughed at a mentally ill person being paraded around for our enjoyment, or B) She’s subsequently lost it. (or C this is all a joke intended to make Conservatives look bad that has totally gone off the rails)

    • Tainda

      I think mainly because Tosh does it on purpose to get people pissed.  Jackson really believes what she is saying.

      Not that a crap ton of people didn’t get pissed at Tosh too, liberals included.

  • Michael Brice

    She says “But I think that God can turn a bad thing into a good thing.”
    But why did her god do the ‘bad thing’,  (send the rapist) in the first place?

    I don’t understand god’s majestic plan…..oh well, mysterious ways and all that.

  • Anon

    I’ve never met Jesus therefore he doesn’t exist.

  • Margy

    Ms. Jackson may not know anyone who became pregnant after being raped, but she certainly knows OF someone who did–Jaycee Dugard. In fact, Ms. Dugard became pregnant twice  by the pedophile rapist who kidnapped her and held her prisoner for 18 years. Doesn’t Ms. Jackson watch the news? How could anyone have missed this huge, horrifying story?

  • http://twitter.com/scotankhamen scotankhamen

    “If I got raped and a beautiful baby who was innocent was born out of it, that would be a blessing.”

    She’d keep it because it’s her one big chance to have a kid, since no one is stupid and/or crazy enough to do the nasty with her in the first place.

    • Dave Carroll

      Do the nasty?

  • Octoberfurst

    Victoria Jackson is a horrible person and an absolute lunatic. Why she get ANY air time is beyond me.  With her vacant eyes, little girl voice and that absurdly huge bow in her hair she comes across as a deranged 5 yr old.

  • Trickster Goddess

    I like how comedian W. Kamau Bell on Totally Biased put it:

    If a woman can’t get pregnant from rape, then how do you explain all those light skinned black people in Alabama?

  • BenofSoCal

     Ok, I hate to point out the obvious, but is it any wonder that Vikki can’t empathize with a rape victim?  I’m mean c’mon – look at her.  With that combination of physical traits and personality, she’s gotta have a hard enough time finding consensual DINNER partners – much less…

    • Ouigui

      If you truly “hate to point out the obvious,” please do us all a favor and keep your obnoxious dudebro comments to yourself.

      There’s plenty to attack in Jackson’s warped views, without making desperately unfunny, rape-trivializing jokes about her.

    • amycas

       This comment, and others like it, insulting her for her looks or “fuckability” are disgusting. She’s a terrible person who says terrible things; we don’t need to insult her for anything more than the terrible things she does and says.

  • http://twitter.com/that1geekygirl Becca C.

    That is a disgusting opinion. 

  • Venture Free

    I was convinced for far longer than I should have been that it was some kind of over the top character that she was playing. You know, some kind of awful Poe similar too, but much less artfully done than Colbert’s republican character. I wanted that to be true so bad.

  • TimothyWells

    Let’s tear down Jackson without being ableist about it please.
    http://whatprivilege.com/replacing-crazy-for-ableism-and-preciseness-of-language/

  • Earl G.

    Is anyone going to complain about Jackson’s genetics fail?  ”It’s not the mother’s DNA.  It’s not the father’s DNA.”  It’s both!

  • kaydenpat

    What Jackson said is reflected in the GOP platform.  No abortion allowed, even for rape or incest.  I cannot imagine living in a country where rape victims are forced by the government to give birth. 

  • indignant99

    “had mistook” ??? That error must have been written by your “seven-year-old self.”