NFL Punter Chris Kluwe Helpfully Explains Gay Marriage To A Bigot

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has voiced his support for gay marriage.  So yay!

The Good

Reverend and Democratic Maryland delegate  Emmett C. Burns Jr. does not support gay marriage.  And he was “appalled and aghast” at the gall of Ayanbadejo so much so that he sent owner of the Ravens, Steve Bisciotti, an official letter of outrage.  

That’s right, guys.  Mr. Burns is pissed.  Eeeexcellent.

I am requesting that you take the necessary action, as a National Football Franchise Owner, to inhibit such expressions from your employee and the he be ordered to cease and desist such injurious actions.

The Bad

And that is when my new hero stepped in.  Vikings punter Chris Kluwe (A.K.A. my new hero) wrote a magnificent (if NSFW) response:

Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland’s state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words)…

P.S. I’ve also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your “I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing” and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.

Read the whole thing. You know you want to read the whole thing.

The Awesome

Kluwe was a Poly-Sci major at UCLA and is a bassist in a rock band. I would not be mad if he was my new best friend.

(via Deadspin)

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • LesterBallard

    Yeah, I love that letter; ”
    narcissistic fromunda stain”; ”
     hot dong action”; ”
     lustful cockmonster”. 

  • Jonzee72

    Kluwe is pretty bosslike.

  • kaydenpat

    So Mr. Burns believes it’s okay to stop people from supporting gay rights just because he opposes marriage equality?  Such a bully.

    The Vikings owner is going to get a letter about Kluwe now, I guess.  Or maybe Mr. Burns will shut the hell up.

  • Barrettt15

    As a gay man let me add my opinion of Chris’ awesomeness, by this I refer to how handsome he is. As to that letter; no, I don’t want to click and read the whole thing! This is you hero? This is depressing. How did we get to the point where we can’t discuss things we disagree on in a civil manner? It’s just depressing, and you had me hoping for something constructive, not: “shove it in your close-minded, . . . piehole and choke on it. Asshole.”
    Gee, thanks. But we have to do so much better to resolve the serious problems and issues facing us. Forgive me if I sound holier-than-thou believe me I’ve made similar debate points in the past myself; that doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful to our society.

    • TheKevinBates

      Bigots don’t earn my respect, and the appropriate response to their increasingly outrageous behavior is not a civil “oh hey, maybe you’d like to please let us live in peace, please, if that’s okay?”

      That behavior is unacceptable, and I’m glad people are finally saying so.

    • Coyotenose

       Being extremely polite and respectful has always been the means by which any civil rights effort has worked.

      Those in power listen to oppressed minorities who are quiet and obedient.

      The meek win.

      • Sunda

         I disagree.  The efforts of the civil rights era in our country were defined — and ultimately successful — because of the countervailing strategies of both MLK and Malcom X.  One asked politely, the other demanded.  Ghandi was never quiet, and certainly obedience was the last thing he ever advocated; on the contrary — he lead the fight with repeated, flagrant, highly visible disobedience.  Feminists have repeatedly stated and demonstrated in our own country and others that asking politely is not always the most effective or desirable strategy; in fact, part of playing out your own powerlessness is agreeing to never raise your voice or make a scene. 

        While I am a huge believer in civil discourse, I also firmly believe that there is a time and a place for loudness, rudeness, and ugly words.  I also believe that Mr. Burns’ words were no less ugly than Kluwe’s despite their appearing on official letterhead and the absence of vulgar terms.  At least Kluwe was honest.

        • Banana

          I’m pretty sure coyotenose was being sarcastic.  

          • Sunda

            Yup, you right.   Haha — totally did not see the sarcasm until the second reading.  My sarcasm detector clearly needs tuning. :)  Carry on, carry on people — nothing to see here!

        • http://terraposse.myopenid.com/ TerraPosse

          I sense some treacle-like sarcasm in Coyotenose post…

    • Chris Calato

      Here is his response to those who do not like the tone and a SFW version of the letter. The more I hear from him the more I like.

      • Amakudari

        narcissistic fromunda stain => BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE SPARKLEPONY

        Nice save.

      • http://twitter.com/m_ethaniel Mistletoe Ethaniel

        Gotta get me some of that DELICIOUS STATE FAIR HOTDOG!
        That’s awesome.  Holy crap.

    • Baby_Raptor

      Really? Fucking really?

      A Congresscritter goes and tries to forcefully silence someone, a blatant violation of the First Amendment, and your complaint is that a responder said a few not nice words?

      I don’t mean this in a rude way, but…Priorities, dude. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=682343122 Liz Muia Frost

      Actually, if you read the letter, he makes many educated arguments.  It’s not just a rant.  He is saying excellent stuff in an angry tone.

    • beijingrrl

       I agree that the use of profanity takes away from his response.  I was just explaining to my kids the other day how using profanity in an argument just gives the other person an excuse to ignore what you’re saying. 

      • Baby_Raptor

        Why? Because you personally dislike the words? 

        “Bad” words are bad for no other reason than the fact that we’re taught to dislike them. That’s it. They aren’t different than “good” words in any other way.

        It’s really past time for society to get over the idea that swearing is somehow bad. Words are just sounds people use to get across ideas since we can’t read each others’ minds. “Swear” words don’t say anything about the people using them except that they happen to like the word “Fuck.” (Or whatever word they’re using.) And if you honestly think that swearing means someone has a low IQ, or is in any other way questionable, then you’re just looking for a reason to judge people. 

      • http://twitter.com/SerafineLaveaux Serafine Laveaux

        Actually I tend to pay more attention when the swearing starts, because I know the speaker is done playing around.

      • http://profiles.google.com/julielada Julie Lada

         It does give people an excuse to ignore what you’re saying, but only because they’re intellectually dishonest cowards who are waiting for the first f-bomb to drop so they can say, “Uh oh! You used a naughty word! I’m not playing anymore!”

      • http://terraposse.myopenid.com/ TerraPosse

        You’ll be doing a lot of ‘ignoring’ then should you ever visit Ireland.

  • Rich Lane

    I learned a new word–
    Fromunda.

  • TheKevinBates

    It’s SO worth the read.  Just open the link, and read the title.  It’s the best, and it only gets better from there.

  • Baby_Raptor

    Again, it’s the Liberals that try to shut opposing views up! (snark)

    • David

      You hypocrite. Both sides do the same thing. At least I’ve never heard of a liberal who has said that rounding up a group of people, in this instance gays, and putting them behing a fence so they die off would be a good thing. I did hear that from one of the people you obviously admire. How would you like it if someone suggested the same about you? That is an opinion that deserves to be shut up.

      • Emtbcbfddmw

        Seriously?

  • LesterBallard

    “narcissistic fromunda stain”; “hot dong action”; “lustful cockmonster”. I love that letter

    • LesterBallard

      I think those would be great band names.

      ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Hot Dong Action!

      Lustful Cockmonster; All Cock World Tour 2013

      Hot on the heels of their new release Head Cheese and Anal Warts, give it up for Narcissistic Fromunda Stain

      • Aguz

        The post above me is made of gold. 

  • kraken17

    Extra points for “lustful cockmonster”. Great letter.

  • http://northierthanthou.com/ northierthanthou

    What’s the word I am looking for? Oh yeah, it’s AWESOME!!!

  • ImRike

    Wow! I might turn into a football fan yet.

  • Renshia

    Nice, very nice.

  • http://twitter.com/tkmlac Katie

    I’m glad players are coming out in support of same sex marriage, but we need the NFL organization to speak up more. With such a “tough guy” image, it could do a lot to change people’s minds about stereotypes about LGBT issues and equality. 

    Also, just to plug my favorite team, I’ll leave you with a link to the 49er’s It Gets Better video. :) http://blog.sfgate.com/49ers/2012/08/24/49ers-are-the-first-nfl-team-to-create-a-it-gets-better-video/

  • PJB863

    What I find inconceivable is that this idiot Burns actually put this request on House of Delegates stationery.  If the Baltimore Ravens had done it on their own, i.e. threatened to fire Ayambadejo or even actually done so, it would not have been a first amendment violation.  However, since Burns is a legislator, it  IS a first amendment violation and he should be at a minimum censured or a maximum impeached.  Ayambadejo also has very solid grounds for a lawsuit against Burns and the State of Maryland.  

    Elected officials trying to squelch someone’s free speech is a whole different ballgame from an employer attempting to silence an employee.

    Kluwe is awesome!

  • Rich Lane

    And let’s not lose 
    Brendon Ayanbadejo in the chaos.  He wasn’t as charismatic in how he supported equal rights, but his stance was every bit as important as Kluwe’s.

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement.

    For some reason, I can’t find any record of Mr. Burns having sent a letter of equal outrage to the management of the New York Jets protesting Tim Tebow’s behavior during this sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement.

    • http://twitter.com/m_ethaniel Mistletoe Ethaniel

      I really wish I had more thumbs so I could like this more times.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ateista.sveta Ateista Sveta
  • Emtbcbfddmw
  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke, who listens

    the gay blog i read regularly is totally have a field day with this quote. we love straight allies like this. way to go, Chris. thank you. 

    • http://twitter.com/TychaBrahe TychaBrahe

      How dare you post this without providing a link?

  • http://profiles.google.com/julielada Julie Lada

    “How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If
    gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll
    start thinking about penis? “Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta
    get me some of that hot dong action!” … I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster.”

    I… think I may love him.


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