Malaysian Education Ministry Offers Guidelines To Tell If Your Kid Has the Gay

Suppose you’re a parent in Malaysia and you’re thinking to yourself, “I really think my kid might be gay, but I have no handy checklist to assist me in my prognosis! What will I do?”

Worry no more!  The Malaysian Education Ministry has come to the rescue!

They have released a helpful “How-To” guide to help you identify the homosexuals:

I have a couple questions, as I feel like their guide is far from comprehensive.  

First of all, how the hell is “Attracted to men” lower on the list than “Prefer tight and light-coloured clothes”?

Wait…”light-coloured clothes”?  I don’t… what does… any guy who wears a white or yellow shirt is gay?  And v-neck shirts?  

I think I need to have a serious talk with my boyfriend. (Thanks, Malaysian Education Ministry!)

And it sounds like their image of a lesbian is a woman who hates other woman except for her special lady friend… and also hates all men.  So… what, lesbians only ever interact with their significant other?  Poor, lonely lesbians!

Oh, and there’s a seminar!

The seminar on “Parenting in addressing the issue of LGBTs (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders)” was organised by Yayasan Guru Malaysia Bhd and officiated by Deputy Education Minister Mohd Puad Zarkashi.

Penang is the fourth state to hold such a seminar, after Selangor, the Federal Territory of Kuala Lumpur and Perak, and yesterday’s seminar in Penang was the 10th in the country.

Puad is quoted by Sinar Harian today as saying that the exposure of symptoms of gays and lesbians was the best approach to address the spread of such unhealthy phenomenon among students.

Youths are easily influenced by websites and blogs relating to LGBT groups. This can also spread among their friends. We are worried that this happens during schooling time,” Puad told some 1,500 teachers and parents.

The guidelines were distributed to all those who attended the seminar.

Shoot, they’re onto us!  We here at Friendly Atheist have been promoting the “phenomenon” of LGBT rights for a while now… and it turns out it spreads easily.

You should probably get yourself tested.

(Thanks to Katie for the link!)

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • Mick Wright

    I think the thing that springs out as the weirdest part of all this is the handbag one. What the screaming arse is that all about? Big handbags?

    Does anyone else get the feeling they’re getting these ‘symptoms’ from badly-scripted rom-com films?

  • allein

    Wow, good thing the internet wasn’t around when I was a kid. Most of my friends were girls… I might have turned out to be a lesbian! We even had meals and sleepovers and stuff!

    What does it say about me as a straight (as far as I can tell, at least..after reading this list I’m a little concerned) woman that I don’t carry an oversized handbag? I have a rather unisex canvas messenger bag to carry my crap to work, but other than that I carry only a moderately-sized purse. That gay list seems to imply that as a woman I should have something bigger…

  • Mark

    I know this list is laughable, but my sister-in-law exhibits all the lesbian”traits” listed and is, indeed, a lesbian. 

  • Alexander Ryan

    That, or the porn industry is getting really elaborate.

  • vexorian

     That’s the reason anecdotal evidence has such a bad reputation.

  • vexorian

    Wow, I am a lesbian!

    Wait, I am a man, and I have affection towards myself. Since I have some affection towards some men then I am not a lesbian. Ok.

  • jdm8

    Groan. Why not just throw in  a whole basket’s worth of stereotypes while you’re at it?

    And the “corrective measurements” line. Can a tape measure fix teh gay? Ouch!

  • Pisk_A_Dausen

    Is the “risk” higher the more things you can check on that list? “Hm, looks like my son is attracted to men, according to this that means he might be gay. But I should probably check his wardrobe first to be sure.”

    I’d like more men to use big handbags. I’m tired of carrying their stuff in mine.

  • Nazani14

    I thought that a nice Muslim girl wasn’t supposed to hang out with or have meals with men.  

  • Silo Mowbray

    I used to have a muscular body, and I liked wearing form-fitting, tailored shirts. Some even with V-necks.

    I’ve gone a bit soft and have since opted for crew neck tees and regular dress shirts.

    Does that I mean I used to be gay, but now I’m not?

  • Baby_Raptor

    Apparently you recovered. You should be proud of yourself! /snark

  • Baby_Raptor

    I’m Bi, with a tendency towards women, and that list does NOT fit me at all. Well, other than the “attracted to women” part. I don’t mind having female friends, but most of my close friends are males. 

    Oh, and I rarely use a purse; and the one I own is small. I mainly use it to carry electronics when I know I’ll be waiting somewhere for awhile.

  • Stev84

    Stereotypes aren’t necessarily false. They just don’t apply to all people in a group.

  • Pisk_A_Dausen

    You probably performed the corrective measurements in time. (Corrective measurements: Be lazier, change style.) Good timing, you were almost at the “attracted to men” step, which is more difficult to correct.

  • Michael

    None of my gay friends are muscular. I, however, am and I’m straight.

  • Anonymous Atheist

    Obviously the big concern isn’t “white or yellow shirts”, it’s *pastel* shirts! ;)

  • CoboWowbo

    How many times do I have to tell people?! It’s a SATCHEL! :)

  • DougI

    Does this mean all the guys on Jersey Shore are gay?

  • Coyotenose

     According to Progressive Insurance, it’s a European Shoulderbag!

  • GloomCookie613

    That was my first thought too.

  • Edmond

    I… I don’t get how any of this applies to children.  When are children “muscular”?  Aren’t most children’s wardrobes and accessories supplied by their parents?  If children are old enough to be showing sexual interest in a particular gender, then frankly it’s too late.

    This is not quaint or humorous.  This is frightening.  Does the larger community take all this seriously?  What will they inflict on their kids, both gay AND straight, as a result of all this misinformation?  Will anyone with some BRAINS be there, to oppose this and inject some REAL education to these fools?  This kind of crap only adds to the struggle and burden that vulnerable children (CHILDREN!) have to contend with.  Some of them don’t MAKE it out of childhood, because they see nothing but hatred and scorn coming from their community and supposed “loved ones”.  This “guide” and seminar will cause lasting damage.

  • Richard Wade

    This IDIOCY is endorsed by the Malaysian Education Ministry? Does that say something significant about the quality of education in Malaysia? This should be embarrassing to the whole country.

    They forgot to include far more important “symptoms,” such as:

    Knowing more than six words for colors.  If a guy says “mauve” or “crimson,” he’s gotta have caught the gay.

    Enjoying broadway musicals and knowing the lyrics to show tunes. If a guy can sing any song from “Cats,” then he’s gotta have caught the gay.

    What, nothing about limp wrists, swishing, or lisping??  These “symptoms” are as important for a diagnosis of the gay as a high fever is for the flu!

    The statement about taking “early corrective measurements,” meaning corrective measures, is chilling. That probably will amount to beating them to within an inch of their lives, and if that doesn’t cure them of the infection, forcing their siblings to kill them.

  • Toast4122

    Yes a little.

  • Ian Reide

    If laughter is a defence mechanism against the stupidity and evil in the world I feel like laughing now. The retards running the world.

  • Anonymous Atheist

    They must be talking about teenagers, who can potentially get muscular, and can earn money at part-time jobs (and/or receive allowances from their parents) to spend on whatever style of clothing they choose.

    If they were talking about young children, we’d probably be seeing a list that includes gay ‘warning signs’ like ‘wants to play with dolls’, ‘likes girly cartoons’, etc, instead.

  • Anonymous Atheist

    One word: caning. :(

  • That Guy

    You have got to stop Richard. I already felt like the gay-man-left-out while reading this to a few friends (None who are gay) who ACTUALLY hit almost all the points on that list (really all but attraction to men, but apparently that isn’t too important in Malaysia). Adding your points to that list, I actually come in dead last with only 3 points (Attraction to men, Knowing many colors, and my occasional dying wrist that just refuses to stay up unless I flick it).

    All jokes and list aside, I’m also scared for the kids/teens over there who might actually have parents who actually believe in this crap! Seriously, corrective measurements? What the hell do they have to correct?! This just points out that not all bigots have to be from the US.

  • Larry Meredith

    Strange that the “symptoms” for lesbians are all behaviours, while 3 of 4 symptoms for gays are clothing and accessory interests.

  • Michael Brice

    Not a ‘murse’?

  • Richard Wade

    I’ve had the very same experience, Guy, where my gay friends have fewer of these stupid stereotype traits than my straight friends.

    I’m getting so tired of this disease of homophobic bigotry, this insane prejudice that hurt four wonderful members of my family, and still hurts many of my friends. When I see religions promoting it, I’m torn about how I feel. Religions around the world are what keep it going, but I think this particular form of hate is a major reason why religion will decline, especially in the U.S. I hope that I can live long enough to see homophobia significantly fade, and that my daughter can live to see it go extinct. I hope that she can also live long enough to see religion significantly fade, and that her child or her grandchild can live to see religion go extinct.

  • Richard Wade

    That’s an interesting observation. Perhaps the so-called  “symptoms” for women don’t include dress and accessory interests because in Malaysia, the Islamic culture, which has always been very conservative for women’s dress became much more restrictive under a law enacted in 2008. It “banned women from dressing in a masculine way, specifically in men’s, or
    men’s-inspired clothing… The
    reasoning behind the law is that such styles of dressing denied a
    woman’s femininity was a violation of human nature and encourage

    An astonishing example of legislated social superstition.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    i’m a gay male

    1) i prefer dark colors like blacks or dark red, don’t care about the tightness
    2) don’t have a muscular body and i hate v-necks
    3) definitely attracted to men 
    4) does a laptop bag count as a large handbag?

    So according to Malaysia I’m only 25% gay.  Really, though, do they actually believe that every day man has six-pack or washboard abs? It sounds like they’ve been watching way too much porn. 

  • Larry Meredith

     so why aren’t they outlawing v-necks, tight clothes, vibrant coloured clothing, or handbags from men for the same exact reasons? Men are legally allowed to dress in ways that deny their “masculinity”? Why is that not considered just as much a violation of human nature?

  • Richard Wade

    I think the pervasive double standard we see in these laws and social rules stems from the assumption that women must be prevented from deviating from the norm, while men must be corrected (punished) only if they do deviate from the norm. 

  • Dharleyman

    Minor quibble.  I think you mean diagnosis rather than prognosis.

  • PietPuk

     Indiana Jones has one.

  • PietPuk

    A lot of lesbians I know are some of the most outgoing people I know. And they hang out with everyone.

  • ophu

    I know how to fix this: Let the gay men in Malaysia all wear something that’s sterotypically staight, so that the homophobes have to switch to wearing something else. Let it happen again and again. When the homophobes have nothing left to wear, when their homophobia forces them to wander the streets in their bathrobes and sandals, maybe they’ll be forced to rethink this idea.

    BTW, I think I read somewhere that deep v-necks have gone somewhat out of style for gays in the U.S.

  • nakedanthropologist

    Malaysia is about 60% Islamic, and you’re absolutely right – some kids will probably get damage from this.  But, this also speaks to how absolutely absurd the people who endorse this shit are.  V-necks, large handbags and muscles?  Yeah, good luck with that Malaysia.  There is a plus to this – young people will probably be told about this “guide” and therefore be able to censor their behavior so as not to cause suspicion.  I’m not saying that suppressing their sexuality is positive, but in some cases that might enable a person under their parents’ control to avoid harm.  In the meantime, the best thing we can do is raise awareness and keep an eye on the issue – is it horrible and frustrating?  Absolutely.  However, I’m not sure about what we can do in this instance; I’m definitely going to do a little research on the topic and see what’s what.