Rick Santorum, Thank You For Making My Job Easier

Oh, Rick Santorum, I was at once giddy about and terrified by your run for the presidency.

While the prospect of having a President Santorum was shudder-inducing, you just kept coming up with just the silliest, most stereotypically clueless nonsense.

Highlights include:

One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country… Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s okay, contraception is okay. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.

President Obama wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob … 

“Earlier in my political career, I had the opportunity to read the speech, and I almost threw up.” (on JFK’s 1960 speech about the importance of separation of church and state)

I’ve been getting a little bummed out with my weekly dose of Santorum man-on-dog nonsense, but then he came Rick-roaring back!

“Gay marriage is like 9-11!”

“We will never have the media on our side, ever, in this country,” Santorum, a former Pennsylvania senator, told the audience at the Omni Shoreham hotel. “We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.”

Santorum also criticized the libertarian wing of the Republican party for not supporting what he sees as the pillars of conservatism: religion and family.

“When it comes to conservatism libertarian types can say, oh, well you know, we don’t want to talk about social issues,” Santorum said. “Without the church and the family, there is no conservative movement, there is no basic values of America.”

No smart people in the conservative movement?  No values of America without the chuch?

Welcome back, Rick!

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • jdm8

    He was lying about Obama’s speech about higher education too. He tried to imply that Obama only said college, but Obama also mentioned trade schools, apprenticeships and other continuing education, in the same or next sentence. Then Santorum went on to repeat those other options as if Obama never said them.

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    I’m waiting for his speech titled, “Why Stupidity is a Virtue, and Ignorance is a Core American Value.”

    • Grizzz

      No, it would be a scratch-N-sniff…..

      • Coyotenose

         Let’s not go there. It’s too easy for that imagery to intersect with the definition of his name.

        Gyuck!

        • Glasofruix

           Thank you very much for the mental image…

      • Octoberfurst

         Nahh it would be a pop-up or coloring book.   :-)

    • http://www.facebook.com/DocMonkey Mick Wright

       He might have his name on it, but it won’t be written by him unless the publisher is okay with accepting submissions in crayon.

    • MyScienceCanBeatUpYourGod

      Comic book readers (AKA geeks) tend to be a lot of the smart people he’s talking about that will never be on his side.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-De-Fleuriot/611844223 Mike De Fleuriot

      Maybe The Onion will publish his book..

  • Pauzhaan

    Religion is not compatible with libertarianism. Period.
    Santorum is a flaming idiot.
    It’s astonishing and terrifying that anyone would vote for him for anything.

    • jdm8

      Don’t you mean more specifically that theocracy is not compatible with libertarianism? I don’t think religious belief is necessarily incompatible, but religious control of government certainly goes against libertarianism.

      I agree that he’s pretty scary.

      • Ibis3

         Libertarianism is a faith-based ideology, i.e. a religion. It has two main  denominations: theistic and atheistic.

  • C Peterson

    “We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.”

    Can’t find anything wrong with that assessment. (To be clear, “his side” isn’t conservatives in general, but the wingnut extreme right.)

    • TheBlackCat

       Which are the ones in control of the part right now.

      • C Peterson

        Generally true. I just didn’t want to suggest that there aren’t smart or intellectual conservatives. They’re just the ones that the Santorums of the world call socialists.

  • RobMcCune

    We will never have the elite, smart people on our side. Because they should have the power to tell you what to do.

    The conservative definition of elitist is someone whose authority comes from knowledge rather than power.

    Here’s the video.

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/santorum-we-will-never-have-elite-smart-people-our-side

  • Grizzz

    Yes, I read this on Huff Post this morning, and my thoughts were:

    “Truer words Rickie, truer words” have never been spoken.

    No one with a brain or self-respect/intelligence will ever align themselves with that bunch of freakish whackadoos.

    • Glasofruix

      Unles they have some monetary interests this idiot could provide to them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=700851737 Sam Kay

    Seriously. This guy is a whole collection of crazy. And sadly, I think he might just be crazy enough to say what many republicans are thinking. Is it too close to the election to switch my party affiliation (yep, I’m a registered Republican, but just because I agree with the fiscal policies)?

    • TheBlackCat

      Switching your affiliation is pointless after the primary, since all it really does is give you the opportunity to vote in the primary. 

      But you don’t have to vote with your part affiliation if you don’t want to.  There is no law that a registered Republican can’t vote for a Democrat and vice versus.  Nor could they pass such a law if they wanted to since it is a secret ballot vote.

    • http://twitter.com/iml3g3nd Aman Dhaliwal

      Just one sort of Policies is not enough to numb down your common sense and humanity and vote Republic. 

    • Baby_Raptor

      The fiscal policies of…What? The Conservatives’ fiscal policies have repeatedly been shown to be utter failures. Why would you agree with that?

  • Renshia

     Rick Santorum you are a douche bag,

    • Coyotenose

       Actually, he’s a frothy mix of… er, never mind. Google it. No wait don’t Google it!

  • MargueriteF

    I kinda miss Rick too. When he was running, you could always count on going to CNN and seeing that he’d said something goofy and absurd. Which would have been amusing, except that (as someone above said) I strongly suspect that the ridiculous crap he says is exactly what the rest of the far right is thinking, only some of them have enough verbal filters not to utter it.

  • Octoberfurst

     I don’t know what it is about modern conservatism that find buffoons like Santorum, Bachmann and Cain so appealing.  They’re all undeniably crazy—and super religious. So my question is were they nuts BEFORE they became right-wing Christians or did becoming right-wing Christians make them nuts? (It’s the whole chicken vs egg thing.)
      From personal experience I have noticed that crazy people tend towards fundamentalism and that fundamentalism makes people crazy. I have known several people in my life who were normal human beings until they got involved in fundamentalist/evangelical churches and are now batshit crazy—paranoid, bigoted, judgmental and impervious to logic. Sad but true.  

    • http://www.agnostic-library.com/ma/ PsiCop

      Re: “I don’t know what it is about modern conservatism that find buffoons like Santorum, Bachmann and Cain so appealing.”

      Rigid ideologies — which includes conservatism, as well as others — exist to tell people what to think. As such, they attract people who prefer not to think for themselves.

      In other words, ideologies like Rightism are — by design — buffoon magnets.

      Now, buffoons tend to be attracted to other buffoons. Hence, conservatives like hearing these idiots jabber like morons. They can hardly fail to do so, since the ideology to which they adhere, has been specifically constructed that way. The people who now command the Rightist ideology actually want an army of clueless buffoonish automatons behind them.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    “We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.”

    At least he got something right.

  • http://www.facebook.com/AnonymousBoy Larry Meredith

    I think it’s cheap to attack him for saying “smart” people. It’s obviously not what he meant, and in context, it’s clear he was talking about the stereotype of urban sophisticated people.

    I do find it hilarious though that republicans like him and those on Fox News are attacking “elitism” in this election season. Their presidential candidate is worth more than the previous eight presidents combined. Feeling stressed? They buy a horse and claim a $77,000 tax deduction to make it dance for their amusement. If that’s not elitist, I don’t know what is.

    • Coyotenose

       They mock institutions of learning. They’re anti-intellectuals. It’s not what he meant right at that moment, but they push their garbage narrative, so they need to be held accountable for the consequences of said narrative.

  • http://www.agnostic-library.com/ma/ PsiCop

    Re: “We will never have the media on our side, ever, in this country,” Santorum … told the audience….”

    … except for Fox News, the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Times, etc. Typical Rightist paranoid delusion: “They’re all out to get us!!!” The poor little things are just so persecuted … within the cavernous, empty vaults of their own minds.

    • http://www.facebook.com/gwydionfrost Daniel Parker

      …yet, the Clear Channel mega-corp, along with News Corp, and practically every other media outlet they’ve purchased over the last couple of decades… those don’t exist or are on their side…? I’m beginning to think that “the liberal media” is defined as anyone who doesn’t broadcast or publish the official “conservative” line, regardless of the story or facts in question.

  • Keulan

    “We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.” That line just has me laughing so much. Does Rick Santorum realize he just insulted himself? Just too funny.

  • Jesusdoppelganger

    “we will never have the elite smart people on our side”

    And yet he never takes that thought to its logical conclusion. That is, why *do* so many educated people disagree with you?

    It’s completely strategic on his part; by devaluing the importance of expertise, knowledge and a liberal education he creates a vacuum that can be filled by religious nonsense. The same sort of nonsense from which he draws support and inspiration.


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