Being Christian: A Book by K. C. Boyd

This is an excerpt from Being Christian by K. C. Boyd (Rebel Island Press, 2012). Reprinted by permission of the publisher.

Being Christian is the fictional story of John Christian Hillcox, a man who “overcomes an abusive childhood to become the founding pastor of a Texas mega-church.”

In the passage below, Hillcox meets with a U.S. senator and two congressmen in a Washington, D.C. restaurant to discuss a little business…

Congressman Dyson stepped onto the verbal tightrope cautiously. “Pastor, uh, we asked you here tonight to discuss a highly sensitive matter. Knowing we share significantly overlapping concerns and issues regarding the Middle East, it is our hope you might be willing to work with us — well, not exactly with us — but, shall we say, on your own, but with like goals in mind. Call it something of a silent partnership.”

“Gentlemen I am intrigued. Do go on,” Christian urged.

“It is our hope that you might agree to — and here’s the operative word — independently devise a long-term strategy to point Christian voters in the right direction. Before we go any further, we need your God-fearing promise that whatever is said tonight stays among the four of us. I’ll tell you now, if any of us are ever questioned as to whether this conversation even took place, the three of us will categorically deny it, as well as any relationship between us, lest we have the secularist mobs at our throats. Not to mention we’d find ourselves in the midst of a political firestorm. I hope this doesn’t offend you.”

“Congressmen, Senator, first let me say how honored I am that you place this kind of trust in me. As God is my witness, you have my word that whatever is said here tonight will remain among us. If there is another person alive on God’s green Earth more aware of the delicacy and importance of what we’re about to discuss, I’ve yet to meet him. As you know, up until recently, I have stayed on the fringes of party politics. Sure, I go to the inaugurations and have my share of friends who are politicians, but for the most part, I accomplish my goals from the pulpit and through my TV show. However, I no longer think that’s enough. It has become eminently clear to me that as true Christians, we can no longer afford to stand on the political sidelines if there is to be any hope of saving today’s diseased world. Holding our tongues in the public square is what has brought us to this level of disgrace — this time of shame in which we live — this world littered with depravity and immorality beyond imagination.

“I had already decided on my own that as a Christian, I will be silent no more. Gentlemen, I accepted your invitation tonight in hopes of offering myself to you in any capacity possible because I have come to realize that in your own way, you too, are doing God’s work. I don’t know how much you already know, but the Christian-based strategy you’re alludin’ to is well in place. It has taken decades for the godly to get to where we are today, but I am happy to announce that in an institutional sense, we are so far ahead of the enemy we can’t even see them in our rearview mirror. The Christian political machine that has long been in the makin’ — in fact, ever since the Goldwater fiasco — is armed and ready for battle. We’re organized, we have reach, we know how to communicate, an’ we have the funds to back it all up.”

The three men exchanged deeply satisfied glances, their enthusiasm evident.

“Today’s secular world hasn’t a clue as to how deep our pockets really are. If they did, they’d be shittin’ bricks — pardon my French — or at the very least, trottin’ out their liberal shills screamin’ First Amendment. But because we are finally in place to genuinely influence elections by demandin’ our leaders take on a Christian worldview, they’re beginnin’ to realize they’ve much to fear, if only because of the strength of our numbers.

“Senator, Congressmen, I am here today to assure you that there is indeed a vast right-­wing conspiracy, praise Jesus.”

The men were mesmerized as much by Christian’s political knowledge as by his zeal. Each was contemplating the enormity of what was always topmost in their minds — guaranteeing their reelection through Christian’s ability to direct votes. What he had just said was nothing short of revolutionary, and the excitement and concomitant power of hitching their careers to his wagon was exhilarating.

Being Christian is now available at Amazon.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • AJKamper

    I’m sorry. I love making fun of radical Christians as much as the next guy, but that was nearly unreadable. It’s horrible. Christian’s voice is a hackneyed stereotype, and the expository stuff is clunky beyond belief. 

    Who wrote the Amazon reviews? Sock puppets or close relatives?

    • Ryan Penn

      Well…it is in the eye of the reviewer I suppose. I read it and couldn’t put it down – mostly because this character represents the reality of so many of these con-artists who call themselves men of God. This is not about making fun of Christians…quite the opposite. It is about pointing out a sect that has co-opted Christianity and gives mainstream Christians a black eye. 

      Christian Dominionism is alive and flourishing in America and has handily steeple-jacked the Republican Party. Anyone who denies this has blinders on, especially on the heels of this past election. 

      The reason there are “hackneyed stereotypes is for the very reason that they exist. As a walkaway from this scripture-twisted bible-based cult I have seen too many “Christian Hilcox’s” over the years.

  • ganner918

    Presented without comment? That’s odd…

  • Jim

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Planettouched

    Seriously, this reads like the “real world” Christian fiction I used to read, but with the sides reversed.

    • Chris

       Reminds me of the “Left Behind” style. This is not a compliment.

      • http://www.flickr.com/groups/invisiblepinkunicorn Anna

        I’ve noticed that a lot of books mentioned on this blog are self published. The quality of these books is almost universally poor. IMO, we should save reviews for titles released by actual publishers. There are plenty of mainstream books to go around.

  • The Godless Monster

    Great idea, very poor execution. Nobody speaks like that, unless they are giving a speech.

  • nakedanthropologist

    I had trouble reading this.  From this small exerpt, I think this is supposed to be criticism, but I fear that the hard-liners will take it as the opposite.  The above paragraphs are clunky (in part due to the sanctimonious language and poor attempt at regional dialect), which makes it hard to distinguish the underlying meaning(s).  However, that could just be due to the length of the featurette above. 

    I suppose that this also bothers me not so much because of the prose itself, but rather the situational context that I find myself reading it in.  I live in Tennessee (a very red state) and people were “shocked” that Romney lost – they thought he was going to win overwhelmingly.  A great deal of the rhetoric I observe while at work can sometimes be similar to the proposed ideological mindset in the featurette – forced theocratical dominionism.  It can be a bit much at times (like when my coworkers were patting themselves on the back about Chik-fil-a and their parts in discrimination).

  • Dfg52

    As interesting as your associate bloggers’ political posts.  Thank you for posting the excerpt, now I know I don’t have to buy the book.

  • Indiana

    I have read this entire book, not just the excerpt.  It is a sharp and incisive harpoon launched into the belly of the far religious right.  The whole point is to highlight how hypocritical, hackneyed and just plain tired these people are. Some of the writing reflects that on purpose.  This may not have been the best excerpt to pull for readers to understand that this is the Elmer Gantry of the Twenty-First Century. Do yourselves a favor and read the whole book. As far as I am aware, no one else out there is making a serious attempt in the fiction medium to call attention to the horrorshow that is the far religious right of today.


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