Nicolas Cage to Star in ‘Left Behind’ Movie

In my wildest dreams, I never could have imagined this.

Nicolas Cage is signed on to star in Arclight Films’ reboot of Left Behind, the best-selling Christian book series written by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins to, I assume, scare the crap out of 13-year-old Christian kids.

“YOU are going to want to see this shit, man.”

The series was originally brought to life by everyone’s favorite 80s-sitcom-star-turned-crazy-Christian, Kirk Cameron.

But enough about that.

GUYS.  Nicolas Cage, possibly the best worst actor of all time, is going to be in what is going to invariably be a movie worthy of our mockery.

Unfortunately, the IMDB page for the movie is pretty sparse, but it looks like Vic Armostrong, who has had an insane stunt career, is signed on to direct.  It appears to be his first venture into the director’s chair, but the man was Harrison Ford‘s stunt double in the Indiana Jones films for godssake, so I am willing to get on board for that particular choice.

It’s slated to release in 2014.  So… Friendly Atheist Watch Party, yes?

Let’s just hope there will be some of this caliber of acting in the film:

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About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • Pawel Samson

    Ugh, I can’t stand Cage, but I saw the first two Left Behind movies, and they were awesome.  Like MST3K awesome.
    I do think the reboot is worrisome though, as they’re clearly trying to go mainsteam with this one.  The addition of Cage to the cast is also going to give it some legitimacy.  That’s true of that upcoming 9/11 truther movie that stars Martin Sheen and Woody Harrelson too.  Why are these actors willing to associate themselves with material like this?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1025224665 Matthew Crocker

    Nicholas Cage, ever since Bernie Madoff drained his accounts, has been willing to sign on to ANY movie he’ll be paid for.

    • Reginald Selkirk

       His selection of projects was questionable even before Madoff.

  • Octoberfurst

     Personally I like Nicholas Cage. I thought the movie “Raising Arizona” was hilarious.  But why on earth would he sign up to be part of such a crappy movie like “Left Behind”?  Is he desperate for money?  (I was just as shocked when I heard Russell Crowe signed on to do a Noah’s Ark movie.)  I’m sure the fundie Christians will love it.  As for the rest of us—I’m sure it will give us a good laugh.

  • RobMcCune

    Wow, christian movies with Nicholas Cage, I’m not sure he’ll fit in since he’ll be the only actor who can emote.

    Oh, and I nominate Tommy Wiseau to play the antichrist, you know they’re going to pick a long haired foreigner anyway.

    • Gus Snarp

      They don’t tell us who Cage is going to play. I assumed he would be the antichrist.

      • RobMcCune

        Press release says Cage is the star, but you might be right. I’d be disappointed if he only has a walk on role.

  • C Peterson

    He’s a master of insane eyes, crazy language, and rampages with personal weapons of mass destruction. Perfect casting, if you ask me, especially if he’s gonna play Jesus…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=779414011 Olivia Ochoa

    I am SO watching this movie. I love films that badly exploit the fears of the viewer, and since that describes the book series I am sure I will be equally as satisfied by a movie adaption. 

    Add Nicolas Cage to the equation? The prospect just got all that more sweet. 

    • http://twitter.com/Freemage69 Freemage

      There was a comedy sketch–I think it was MadTV, but it might’ve been SNL–that featured a fictional version of Nick’s agent, on the phone with him, desperately trying to get him to NOT sign onto increasingly worse projects, and Cage just saying, “I’m in!  Get me the script!  What else you got?”  Finally, it goes down to this exchange (working from memory here, so exact wording may not be correct):

      Agent (sarcastically): “Uh… next we’ve got  Buttman.  You’d play a talking ass that fights crime.”
      Cage: “Alright!  Sounds great!  Send me the contract!”
      Agent: “No, I can’t send you the [bleepin'] contract because it doesn’t exist, it’s a crap idea and yo–”
      Cage: “It doesn’t exist?  That’s fantastic!  That means I can produce it, too!  Let’s get some writers on it right away!”

      After a cut-fade, we see the near-suicidal agent, talking on the phone and sitting beneath a poster for “Buttman!  Starring, Nicholas Cage”.

      Found it: It was actually on College Humor (Warning: Link should be considered NSFW):

      http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6305300/nicolas-cages-agent

  • Aaronlane

    I would be careful with this one. During AFM (American Film Market, where films are sold to distributors for release) some studios try to do “Publicity by Press Release” and this sounds like a press release.

    While it does seem like Nic Cage will take any role he’s offered, he’s already signed to do “Joe” and “I am wrath” and recently wrapped “The frozen ground.”

    If someone successfully scooped Nikki Finke on this one, I would be surprised.

  • Andrew L

    I think we should help them dream cast the rest of the movie.  I’ll start . . . Tommy Lee Jones as Carpathia.

  • RobMcCune

    This will be an interesting, I wonder how many christians will be inspired, uplifted, transformed, etc. by this movie no matter how bad it is.

  • Dave

    The funny part will be a double feature with “Knowing”, which Nic Cage plays a sympathetically depicted atheist college professor who discovers the world is ending.  (spoiler: it does)  (spoiler: praying doesn’t change anything)

  • http://www.facebook.com/chris.hallquist Chris Hallquist

    Here’s seconding Fred Clark’s hopes that Cage is cast as the antichrist.

  • AxeGrrl

    Oooh, the hosts of the podcast “How Did This Get Made?” (dedicated to so-bad-they’re-entertaining films) are going to LOVE this development!

    They adore Nick Cage for his wtf? acting and body of work of wtf? movies :)

  • KeithCollyer

    why are they making a movie? don’t they know the rapture has already happened and they didn’t get picked? (last I heard it was just one kid in Karachi)

    • The Other Weirdo

       Not even him. He left his clothes in a pile on the floor, stole other clothes, emigrated to the US to do computer work, and then got outsourced to India. Sorry, but it’s True(tm).

    • Coyotenose

       Well, Revelations was a metaphor for the political climate of when it was written, a way to criticize the Romans in code and thus avoid punishment. So it already happened almost two thousand years ago. Darn, I guess I wasn’t picked to be metaphorically sucked out of my underwear.

  • Baal

    I watched ~2 Nicolas Cage movies and then started a 3rd…I had a moment of enlightenment (and revulsion) and haven’t seen one since.

  • Patterrssonn

    I think Cage can be great in full on camp mode, as long as the movie can keep up. Unfortunately his default mode is half assed camp which is just unpleasant.

  • Serb

    I have to disagree with Cage being the best worst actor of all time. That title clearly belongs to Mr. Tommy Wiseau.

    • brianmacker

      I don’t know if he counts as a actor, but Adam Sandler. Obviously Wiseau doesn’t count.

    • Kristin

      “YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!!”

    • Raising_Rlyeh

      You’re tearing me apart, Serb. 

  • The Dread Pirate Rodgers

    Nicolas Cage isn’t the worst actor ever. He’s at least better than, oh, Kirk Cameron. Or Vin Diesel, or The Rock (or whatever his name is). That said, he’s not a good, or even decent, actor by any stretch of the imagination. And I hated Left Behind. Almost every other line seemed to be “(S)He was so happy that (s)he accept Jesus into their life!” I wish that Christian writers and directors would focus more on the work being good, and then add Christianity in as an essential plot point instead of beating the work over the head with a cross until it sucks as a story.

    • brianmacker

      Maybe I’m screwed in the head but in some of his roles Cage was more believable than De Niro in some of his. Are we supposed to judge by the very worst the very best, and average. I never really understood. Also does a Italian acting like an Italian stereotype count as “acting”. Like De Nero or Academy Award nominated Sylvester Stallone. I sort of recall Some supposedly great actors in famous roles had me laughing when it was supposed to be a touchstone of their careers, like Brando in Apocalipse Now. I have watched several Cage movies where he was able to keep me in a state of belief that he was the character, so I’m not voting for him being the worst.

  • Gus Snarp

    I liked him in Raising Arizona.

    • Reginald Selkirk

       So did I. I think he has talent; the problem lies in his selection of material.

  • Gus Snarp

    Has anybody seen any of these movies or read the books? Who’s the hero supposed to be? Is the antichrist actually in the movie, or revealed as such? The IMDB entry for Cameron’s version has him playing television journalist Buck Williams, but there’s also some guy I never heard of playing airline pilot Rayford Steele (Buck Williams? Rayford Steele? Who comes up with names like that and doesn’t realize they’re a hack?). Is one of them the hero? Is there a hero? As far as I can tell, the rapture happens at the very beginning or before the story, so none of the characters made it… maybe they all die horrible deaths in the end? Dying a horrible death is Cage’s cinematic strong suit…. Anyway, I don’t know enough to know what the roles are actually like to figure out where Cage fits in. And I don’t want to go get first hand knowledge, so if anyone cares to fill me in, don’t worry about spoilers.

    • http://twitter.com/InMyUnbelief TCC

      Having read the books a number of years ago (time I really wish I had back now), I think it’s possible that Cage could either be Rayford Steele or Nicolae Carpathia, and I agree with the earlier suggestion that Carpathia would be a good role. Then again, they might have chosen him for Steele (if these reports are accurate) in hopes that he can pull off the philandering airline pilot racked with guilt.

      • Gus Snarp

        So Carpathia is the antichrist? Is Steele the hero, or Williams? 

        Honestly, I just can’t get over these ridiculous character names. Are we sure the books aren’t meant to be funny?

        • Randall M

           “Is Steele the hero, or Williams? ”

          Yes.

          For some analysis of the books, try going here:

          http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/category/left-behind/

          but be warned:  there’s a lot of writing there.

        • Coyotenose

           Steele and Williams are the protagonists. They’re thinly veiled avatars for the authors. And the authors, LaHaye and Jenkins, are very serious. They believe that Revelations is literal, and the Left Behind series uses every single line of it somewhere. And every single time, it makes the story worse.

          I’ve read the first eight books. The authors are such twits that they don’t understand how guns work. That is not an exaggeration. They actually had a character craft a custom concealable handgun so powerful that a bullet fired from it would tear flesh off of someone just by passing near them. And that isn’t the worst idea they’ve had.

          They’re such shitty writers that they got to the part of Revelations where a worldwide horde of little insect monsters is supposed to sting everyone on Earth who isn’t a Christian and put them in constant agony for three months (such love that Jesus bloke has…), and they wrote it as a throwaway event. It took up maybe a page of an epic-length series. Something that would destroy the world’s economy and lead to hundreds of millions of deaths, and traumatize every person alive beyond what we can imagine, and they glossed over it because it didn’t fit in with THEIR OWN THEME about God being good.

          The material that they are obligated to use is so bizarrely stupid that it wouldn’t be possible to write it well. One of the events leading up to the appearance of the Antichrist is supposed to be the failed invasion of Israel by a great country from the north. The invaders are wiped out, leaving enough fuel brought with them to keep the Israelites warm for like three or seven years. LaHaye and Jenkins decided this invader was Russia (because Cold War fetishism and Fundamentalism go hand in hand), and wrote that the Russian military all died coming in… and that they were for some reason carrying enough fuel to run a modern nation for years. Overland.

    • kaydenpat

      My friend tricked me into reading one of the Left Behind books way back in the late 1990′s.  The only thing I can remember about it was that it was anti-abortion to the max, and generally anti anything remotely liberal/progressive.  Other than that, I’ve erased it from my mind. 

    • Cgsprague

      He’s the Antichrist dummy. Think what else could he be?

  • nakedanthropologist

    There’s no way I’m going to see this film unless I illegally download it.  That’s harsh and I wrong, but there it is.  I  cannot in good conscience respect this movie in any way (unless there’s full supporting evidence to the contrary).  Especially after just reading about B-suckit on the next page.  *sigh* – I can’t go through with it.  Oh well, there’s always Netflix. On the other hand, if they added MST3K commentary then I could probably make an exception.

    • The Other Weirdo

       Or full-frontal female nudity. And sex. Or, you know what? Just make it a porn movie about the rapture.

  • Barb Schaarschmidt

    I read a bunch of the books. I was completely unaware of the whole “rapture” as a real thing, and thought it was just a great religious themed science fiction series. I really enjoyed it. Then I was completely floored to find that there are people who take this seriously. That’s not the first time this has happened to me.

  • Barb Schaarschmidt

    I read a bunch of the books. I was completely unaware of the whole “rapture” as a real thing, and thought it was just a great religious themed science fiction series. I really enjoyed it. Then I was completely floored to find that there are people who take this seriously. That’s not the first time this has happened to me.

    • The Other Weirdo

       Harold Camping didn’t spring immediately to mind when you read about rapture? He managed to convince whole swathes of people to sell all they owned, give him the money and then sit in a basement, fearfully clutching each other, crying, “It’s almost here, it’s almost here.”

  • GregFromCos

    The rapture makes for a great story! Is it any different than a movie based on mythology? The problem comes when people think it’s real…

    • Cgsprague

      Why I’d.that a problem if it doesn’t concern you

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    WTF Cage? It’s a crappy movie based on even worse source material. 

  • brianmacker

    “In my wildest dreams, I never could have imagined this.”

    Please elaborate. Not sure what you mean. Are you aware he was in a movie about the devil creating a motorcycle riding skeleton demon that sends people to hell? Doesn’t National Treasure tell you something about his taste in movies?

    Watch party when the movie is released? Absolutely not. I watch garbage movies all the time including Nick Cage ones, but I won’t pay for religious propaganda. Maybe, a month after the movie is in theaters because I figure that’s how long it will be till it is free on cable.

  • http://twitter.com/yjmbobllns Yojimbo Billions

    Worst and also best.

  • SphericalBunny

    I can’t believe you did a post featuring Nic Cage, and didn’t take the opportunity to feature the below video. Possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen on the internet. (NSFW)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP1-oquwoL8

    • GeorgeLocke

      everyone MUST WATCH this video.  if you have any appreciation for bad movies, you will not be disappointed.

  • http://twitter.com/catdumpling Cat MacKinnon

    crazy is as crazy does.

    but if Cage wears cowboy boots and a smarmy leather blazer over a white t-shirt (ie, his wardrobe in every film ever), and does his “shitty Vegas Elvis” thing (aka, the total sum of his acting ability), i’m TOTALLY going to see it!

  • Ski

    High Praise, indeed!

  • Coyotenose

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP1-oquwoL8

    You’ll get the idea almost instantly, but keep watching. Repetition is what makes it entertaining. I laughed so hard. Nicolas Cage is GREAT, no matter the haters.

  • Mark W.

    I disagree with him being the worst actor ever.  If you have a movie where  Nick Cage is playing the character of Nick Cage… it’s not bad.  But if you want any character except Nick Cage, then you’re screwed

  • kaydenpat

    The title of this post and that photo were enough to reduce me to laughing fits.  Poor Cage. I’ve heard he’s in terrible debt so I can understand him taking this role.  Not my type of film though.

  • Abington42

    Sad to say, this may be the one upcoming movie i am most excited about. i HAVE to get all my friends together to watch and mock it.

  • pfehrman

    Scientists are known for not believing in God and yet they tell us that everything in the universe, including ourselves, show an intelligent design. So if your stance is that you don’t believe in God, then how do you explain the “intelligent design” of all that exists? Even scientists agree that it couldn’t have been happenstance.


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