Pastor Mark Driscoll: The New Twilight Movie is a Threat to Children’s Well-Being!

The best thing you’ll read all day. Pastor Mark Driscoll has a warning to parents whose children might be seeing the new Twilight this weekend: Don’t let them do it! They’ll pretend they’re vampires and turn to Satan and drink each other’s blood!

This weekend, millions will flock to movie theaters for the final installment of the teen vampire saga. Tragically, many will be driven by their parents, including some cougar moms encouraging and joining their daughters’ obsession with handsome young males.

Overreaction? Tell that to the kids biting, cutting, drinking blood — sometimes while having sex — and sinking deeper into the occult

… we do not treat things like movies, books, and TV shows as harmless entertainment, but rather a potential threat to [our daughter's] well-being to be aware of so she can walk in wisdom by God’s grace.

It’s ironic that someone who preaches the Bible doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of the word “fiction.”

Yes, some crazy teenagers take this shit too seriously. Most see it as harmless entertainment. It takes a person like Driscoll, though, to believe it’s part of some evil plan to turn kids away from Jesus. (Because that’s what the filmmakers had in mind…)

Damn those cougar moms with their blood-drinking children! They’ve screwed us over for the last time!

By the way, no one let Driscoll know the books were written by a devout Mormon. He’ll go insane.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • http://twitter.com/nicoleintrovert Nicole Introvert

    Eh… it’s not the handsome young males.  It’s the emotional abuse and even sexual assault they should be actually worried about.   I’m actually surprised they aren’t in support of a controlling husband and a weak woman who should have had an abortion because her life was in danger.   The series has Mormon all over it.  

    • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

       Apparently, Mormons are allergic to something called plot and action.   How messed up is your vampire movie, when the height of action in the first movie is a baseball game?

      • Pisk_A_Dausen

        I watched the first movie (because a friend wanted to watch rifftrax with me), and yes, it was incredibly dull with a spattering of creepy (not good creepy, needy stalker romantic lead creepy). Then I saw the trailer for the latest movie recently. Looks like they’re trying to compensate, it was heavy on the action, from mountain lion wrestling to massive hand-to-hand combat. I almost wanted to watch it. Then I remembered that the main characters make me want to eat my own eyeballs. :

  • Melia

    I’m Christian and I think Twilight is a threat to children’s wellbeing, but perhaps not quite in the same way Mr Driscoll thinks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1351473675 Matthew Baker

    Yes worry about the movie turning kids away from baby Jesus– lets not worry about exposing them to bad acting, a piss poor plot or the fact that this movie was broken into two parts just so they can milk another ~ 16 bucks out of the suckers that have watched the 1st 3 movies. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=123400843 Stu Minnis

    They pose a threat to my daughter’s aesthetic sensibilities, but nothing more.

  • Sindigo

    Hey, I agree with his conclusion; Twilight is a terrible influence on children. It’s just his reasoning that I disagree with.

  • http://twitter.com/enuma enuma

    Exactly.  The supernatural stuff doesn’t bother me.  It’s the part where stalking, controlling behavior, and abuse are treated as romantic.  You don’t marry the who guy spies on you while you’re out, who breaks into your house to watch you without your knowledge at night, or who constantly warns you that he might kill you.  You get a restraining order against him.

    • Roger

       But those are good Christian values! All of those actions are explicitly described in the Wholly Babble as what Gowd does to his followers.

    • http://twitter.com/rabidsi Simon Cooper

      Hah! My first thought on seeing this headline was that, quite frankly, me and Pastor Mark o’Drivel actually agree. It’s just the reason and the extent that differs.

      The twilight books are pretty terrible in terms of presenting preachy themes and a main character that teens and younger seem to consider a (t)role model and aspire to be.

    • advancedatheist

      You don’t marry the who guy spies on you while you’re out, who breaks into your house to watch you without your knowledge at night, or who constantly warns you that he might kill you. 

      That abusive boyfriend differs from the U.S. Government how? 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001627228091 Alexander Ryan

    I find it funny they’re making a bigger deal over a sparkling vampire than say Van Helsing from… what, 2004?

  • Guest

    well, he’s wrong with the consequences but he’s right with the conclusion. Twilight is terrible. Children will believe that’s what literature is supposed to be. Everyone knows vampires don’t sparkle. 
    (Also, I think believing in the bible and having problems distinguishing fact from fiction makes perfectly sense)

  • http://www.facebook.com/deb.fohringer Deb Fohringer

    I was a Christian at one time (Lutheran), and I seem to remember “the blood of Christ and the body of Christ are given for thee” during Communion, while I drank wine and had a wafer stuck to the roof of my mouth.  It seems to me Christianity was not only trying to teach me to be a vampire, but also a cannibal.  Fiction all the way.

  • Baby_Raptor

    As someone who actually practices self-injury, this is kinda insulting. It’s not done because the person thinks it’s cool or sexy. And most people don’t just decide to start hurting themselves because they saw it in a movie or a book. 

    I’ll spare the long rant unless someone is actually interested, but self-injury isn’t just some emo thing. It’s classified as a mental illness. 

    And people who do it aren’t crazy.

    • Hilary

      B_R

      I have a cousin and friend with self-inflicted scars on their arms.  They both went through crap that no one should ever have to deal with in life, and the only way to express their pain was to literally carve it into their bodies.  I’m sorry you most likely did too (I say that because I don’t know your life story and am not making any assumptions).  Cutting is not cool, it’s not sexy or some trendy thing from a movie.  It’s deep pain with nowhere else to go.  I hope you now have friends and support for what you need.  Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself: you should always give to yourself the same love, care, and patience you would to a best friend you love if they were going through what you’re dealing with. 

      My cousin is now working on a busness venture with some other friends, and my friend has been engaged to a man who loves her and is very good for her (and she is good for him) for several years now.  She’s also pregnant, but marriage is going to be a carefull thing to work out since he’s unemployed looking for a teaching job and she is on SSI for mental disability.  I’ve known her for 10 years, and she is in the best emotional place I’ve ever seen her and is set to give her child a better upbringing then she herself had. 

      What I’ve learned from my cousin and friend: you never lose your scars, but you don’t have to live a life trapped and defined by them. 

      Cool on line name, BTW. 

      Hilary

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Seconded, because glorifying mental illnesses isn’t, you know, of the good.

  • http://www.laughinginpurgatory.com/ Andrew Hall

    I have concerns about Twilight for other reasons. I suggest a Buffy marathon for those interested in undead critters.

    • CelticWhisper

      Also Legacy of Kain, Vampire Hunter D, True Blood (still more appropriate for small children than Twilight), or just cut to the chase and go Stoker.  Or, well, here: Vampire Fiction.  (WARNING: TVTropes link.  Kiss your free time goodbye if you click that.)

      Still, I can’t help but think there’s better stuff out there than Buffy.  Granted Buffy is superior to Twilight, but it’s not exactly high art.

  • Cecelia Baines

    I agree with him, with the exception of the reasons.

    Twilight is bad for kids because it is a big steaming pile of cliche, drivel, dreck and base level “drama” written for the lowest common denominator.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6OE7LEYELE4MZTVXGZUSVTBFUI julie

    I completely hate Twilight for all the abusive relationship issues already mentioned here.
    I remember watching a video of his a few years ago (when I was still Christian) about Twilight and I was expecting him to mention all the harmful things in it and he said stuff like “It shows a way to live forever that’s not through faith in Jesus.” “They have a half-human, half-vampire baby!” “He’s 108 years old!”
    He ignores all the obvious, harmful effects of Twilight and instead proves to everyone that he knows absolutely nothing about the fantasy genre. I actually think that if he could get past all the “demonic” aspects of it, he would really love the books. They fit very nicely with his view of men and women.
    One thing I’ve always hated about Christians is that they can’t detach themselves in any way from their faith. I remember my sister saying that the one thing she didn’t like about the Lord of the Rings is that it never made it clear whether God existed in Middle Earth. Really?

  • http://exconvert.blogspot.com/ Kacy

    Couger moms….drinking blood while having sex…. Why is Driscoll thinking about these things?  I’m reminded of the many preachers who loudly condemn homosexuality and are later discovered with their boy-lovers.   I think Driscoll is really hiding something, a weird kinky fetish, perhaps.  

    • RobMcCune

      It’s nothing kinky, Driscoll just wants a man like Jacob.

      • Antinomian

        Really? I figured Driscoll as a team Edward type.

    • http://www.flickr.com/groups/invisiblepinkunicorn Anna

      I’m just waiting for him to get caught with his pants down. Seriously, the way Driscoll goes on and on about masculinity and young, virile men, something’s got to be up!

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

        *wink wink, nudge nudge*

  • walkamungus

    Hey, as a cougar-age non-mom, I feed my obsession with handsome young males by watching rodeo. Cowboys beat the crap out of vampires any day!

    • Pisk_A_Dausen

      Well, vampires don’t put up much of a fight during the day. :D

      • walkamungus

        This is true. I’ll add “and every night, too,” since we are rapidly approaching the National Finals Rodeo. It must be the hats. Yeah. That’s what it is. Not the chaps, or the cowboy butts…

    • Marco Conti

      There is an idea: Cowboy vampires! 

  • Bix

    And the funny thing is, it seems like they could equally well support it for its message of abstinence until marriage and maternal sacrifice in the face of a dangerous pregnancy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1306655921 Rolf Boettger

    This sort of over-reaction happens in the “rational” world too.  I grew up in Germany during the 60′s and 70′s and experienced the cancellation of “Looney Tunes” because child psychologists thought young children wouldn’t be able to distinguish between cartoon violence and the real thing.  They were worried kids would start hitting each other with hammers and dropping anvils on someones head.  The naked women in the shower during the soap commercial was okay though.  At least something.

  • RobertoTheChi

    Ahahaha! He is such a fucking dork!

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    “Overreaction? Tell that to the kids biting, cutting, drinking
    blood — sometimes while having sex — and sinking deeper into the occult…”

    I can haz citation?

    • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

      Driscoll might be drawing upon this authority:

      One fine night, they leave the pool hall, theater, Headin’ for the dance at the Arm’ry! Libertine men and Scarlet women! And Rag-time, shameless music!

      That’ll grab your son and your daughter With the arms of a jungle animal instinct! Mass-staria! Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground – Trouble!
      –Professor Harold Hill, addressing the citizens of River City

  • kaydenpat

    Isn’t this the 5th and last Twilight film?  Why did he wait so long to kick up a fuss?  Too late, Pastor.  The kids have already been corrupted!

  • Jinx

    Apparently, Mr. Driscoll and I do not hate Twilight for the same reasons……..

    I hate Twilight because:

    1. It is unoriginal; many famous authors (such as Stephen King and J.K. Rowling) allege that Stephanie Myers took themes and ideas from their books yet passed them as her own.

    2. It does not fit clearly into any particular genre. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with slice of life films; unfortunately, Twilight tries to be many things that it is not. It attempts to be a drama, but its drama is very silly and cheesy; it tries to be a love story, but at times the romance between Bella and Edward is very disturbing to all of us concerned about feminism and women in abusive relationships.

    3. It makes a fairly unsubtle attempt to stuff Christian (and Mormon) themes into the moral message of the movie.

  • CoboWowbo

    Everyone pray to FSM for me… my wife is forcing me to go with her tonight to see it.

  • Willy Occam

    Hey, it’s just a fucking movie, people… with farfetched fictional characters, ridiculous supernatural behavior, and an unbelievable plot.  Kind of like “Passion of the Christ.”

  • Robster

    Hang on, drinking blood is a roman catholic thing isn’t it? They do more than just drink blood, they munch on tasty tender bits of the dead jesus too if I remember correctly.

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    Funny how if a professional movie critic pans a flick, that can basically kill it at the box office, but if a religious organization says, “Don’t go see it!” the ticket sales go way up. I’m sure the producers of Twilight have sent Driscoll a nice thank you card.

  • http://www.facebook.com/scott.spears.7921 Scott Spears

    Seriously this is the dumbest thing I have ever seen… Luckily I had enough time between all the blood sucking, satan worshiping, and sex…. Retards


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