Pat Robertson: Atheists Are Miserable Grinches!

Buckle up, guys, because we still have a month of “War on Christmas” stories to go, and I am just getting warmed up.

As always, 700 Club host Pat Robertson is bravely on the front lines of his imaginary battles:

This may be my favorite P-Rob video (and, believe you me, it was a tough choice), because of the picture he draws with his words:

Well, Christmas all over again.  Um, the Grinch is trying to steal our holiday.  It’s been so beautiful, the nation comes together, we sing Christmas carols, we give gifts to each other, we have, uh, lighted trees, it’s just a beautiful thing.

It is a beautiful thing, Pat.

I sure hope no one tries to stomp all over your Rockwellian image of this beautiful holiday!

Atheists don’t like our happiness! They don’t want you to be happy!  They want you to be miserable!  They’re miserable, so they want you to be miserable, so they want to steal your holiday away from you.

Busted!  You’re right, Pat. I am so miserable and cranky and Grinch-y all of the time and I just hate hate hate seeing other people happy so I roll in on my metaphorical sled of blogs and snark and ruin everyone else’s fun.  I ruin it by asking that religious symbols are kept to private property and I don’t get mad when people say, “Happy Holidays.” and… well, you get the idea.

Pictured: Me last December

My favorite part about all of this “War on Christmas” stuff is that I am an atheist who freaking loves Christmas.  I love Christmas music, I love buying presents, I love how Michigan Ave. looks all lit up, I love seeing my family, and I love Christmas music.  Oh and Christmas music.  Did I mention how much I love Christmas music?  Because I do. Carol of the Bells?  Yup.  All I Want For Christmas Is You?  You bet.  O Holy Night?  You’d better believe it.

In fact, I love Christmas music so much, that I hereby challenge Pat Robertson to a Christmas Music Sing-Off.

I will show him who is miserable when I beat him to the ground with my beautiful gift of song.

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.