Christian Rapping is Exactly As Awesome/Awful As You Think

Just when you think that the Internet is running out of amazing stuff, Tamara Lowe pops up with this:

If you have the misfortune (or good fortune, however you would like to look at it) to not be able to watch this video, here are the lyrics. Go ahead. Rap along.

To be a survivor in this Amazing Race with the need for speed you need God’s Grace and if your desperate like housewives watching days of our lives, you can’t cope without hope and that is not on a soap. If you’re looking to Oprah or Dr. Phil you can shop non-stop or pop a pill, but the void won’t fill and the pain won’t kill until you love the one that hung on a hill.

Kicking back in your lazy boy easy chair watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, nah you’re not gonna find it there. No American Idol or Council Tribal has the final answer that will satisfy ya. C. S. I. ain’t got a clue. S.V.U. don’t know what to do Not the E R or the OC not those seen on a CD TV DVD or MP3 can save you and me. CNN has got no Good News here’s a headline you must choose. It’s not a simple life Paris Hilton, It’s treading on thin ice living in sin.

You can be an apprentice for Donald Trump or eat Fear Factor fast food from a dump. You can be a heavy hitter or wheel of fortune winner or a Fox news no spin spinner or flat out sinner but you better check this life that you’re livin’ and make sure your sins are forgiven. I bet ya 50 cent Elvis done come and went, and eventually every Black-eyed-pea, Gwen Stefani, P-Diddy and Britney. Every wanna-be on MTV with their Icy Bling, every Dixie Chick that Sings, they all gonna see the king of kings. I don’t care if you’re J-Lo, Leno or Bono. One thing you gotta know. Some day you’re gonna die, Bro. Then Where are you gonna go?

Hey, i’m not talking some punk junk that is irrelevant. Like your Grandma’s church from way back when. It’s not some preacher feature on T B N. that you need to be liking or listening. The real superstar is Jesus Christ. He’s the way, He’s the truth and the life. One day he’s gonna split the sky. He is the brightest light and the highest high and so what I came to say and what I’m telling you is don’t buy that stupid stuff they be selling ya. it’s all designed to fill your head and waste your space until your dead.

Here’s the bottom line in my rhyme. Give your life to God while there’s still time.

…I just don’t have words.  I am, to be frank, impressed at the sheer number of pop-culture references she manages to cram into that rap… thing. Too bad it lacks any sort of actual coherence.

I can’t decide if it’s sadder that a self-proclaimed “middle-aged white girl” is rapping or that the commenters on YouTube seem to have nothing but adoration for her.

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.