He Said He Wants to Throw His Support to a Conservative Think Tank Instead

Jesus is finally leaving the GOP, says new website Factual:

GOP commentators have been quick to suggest that Jesus was withdrawing his support of the party itself but not individual politicians, however the Holy One has since clarified that he did indeed mean both the party and every individual member of it. In response, Rush Limbaugh has denounced Jesus as being just another scheming jew out to get your money to pay for the abortions of whores too lazy to get jobs, moments before being killed by a bolt of lightning.

The Son of God brushed aside criticisms that he was being a fair-weather friend to the GOP. “No, it’s more than that. Among other things, I finally got around to reading the Republican party platform. Have any of you actually taken a look through this? It’s like the Old Testament, for My sake. People always ask ‘What Would Jesus Do?,’ and I’ll tell you what I’d do: I’d dump these turkeys.”

If it’s on the Internet, it must be true!

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • http://www.facebook.com/DocMonkey Mick Wright

    Republican Jesus looks a bit like a horse.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.spencer.1671 Sarah Spencer

    He needs to shave…

  • Bonnyblue

    The eyes should be dark brown.

  • Godlesspanther

    I prefer the traditional hippie Jesus. 

    I must be getting old. 

  • mikespeir

     Jesus was Murcan when Murcan wasn’t cool.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke

    “…for My Sake.” snort. 

  • DigitalAtheist

    they misspelled his name. The actual spelling is Jim DeMint. However, due to translation errors and the like, Jesus is probably as close as you can get.

  • DigitalAtheist

    is that Murkan or Merkin? one being a pubic wig…

  • mikespeir

     You know, Murcan!  Like a citizen of the good ol’ U. S. of A.!  We all know that Murca is the culmination of God’s plan for this world.

  • KeithCollyer


  • Mark W.

     Not in a god fearing christian world he shouldn’t be!  You must be one of those Jihad Atheist Communazi’s for even suggesting it.