Jesus is finally leaving the GOP, says new website Factual:
GOP commentators have been quick to suggest that Jesus was withdrawing his support of the party itself but not individual politicians, however the Holy One has since clarified that he did indeed mean both the party and every individual member of it. In response, Rush Limbaugh has denounced Jesus as being just another scheming jew out to get your money to pay for the abortions of whores too lazy to get jobs, moments before being killed by a bolt of lightning.
The Son of God brushed aside criticisms that he was being a fair-weather friend to the GOP. “No, it’s more than that. Among other things, I finally got around to reading the Republican party platform. Have any of you actually taken a look through this? It’s like the Old Testament, for My sake. People always ask ‘What Would Jesus Do?,’ and I’ll tell you what I’d do: I’d dump these turkeys.”
If it’s on the Internet, it must be true!