Heathen Holiday Card of the Day! (12/14)

Today’s card comes from Barry Grennan at BartonTees.com!

While it isn’t necessarily a “Holiday Card,” per se, he says he’s been selling quite a few as we creep closer to Christmas, so I think we should all be equally delighted that someone somewhere is going to get this as their Christmas card:

I have to tell you, this one got me.  Luckily, my coworkers have gotten used to me laughing/crying quietly to myself at my desk, so they didn’t ask.

Don’t forget, you can submit your favorite Heathen Holiday Cards at HeathenHolidayCards@gmail.com and see the full collection here!

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/GodVlogger?feature=mhee GodVlogger (on YouTube)

    I am going to run with this Meme and start telling everyone that the “Founding Fathers” were all professional wrestlers!

  • Sven2547

    Funny, but the light blue on bright red is hard on the eyes.

  • Hoohoou

    Ok, I’m a Christian and have comments and questions.

    1. Not biblical, but some do it because an us vs them narrative elicits more emotion and that’s good for number, ie tithe, ie money.

    2. Not Biblical, but way too true in most Christian circles.

    3. Of course.

    4. Don’t understand that one.

    5. Is this the whole, “He protests to much” idea? Homosexuality has been greatly mishandled. See #1.

    6. Yep. See “Instead of a Show” by Jon foreman.

    7. I think God prefers mullets.

    8. True

    9. That’s funny, but not snakes. Snakes are scary scary creatures.

    10. Depends on what they take serious. Those that take the traditions too seriously are dangerous. No side can talk sense into them. They know the bible well enough to defend their zeal to more balanced Christians and are to stubborn to ever take to heart sane dialog from non-Christians. I don’t think someone who takes the grace and forgiveness offered by the cross serious will ever be dangerous. No one even hears about these people. While the mega churches protest and have prop 8 rallies, they are busy doing the actual work of the Church, which helping the helpless and bringing hope to the hopeless.

  • Danny

    You don’t get 4? Seriously? Think real hard. Did Jesus have any miraculous comebacks?

  • Alan E.

    The best part I like is that “Flair for pageantry and drama” is separate from and does not refer to “latent homosexuality.”

  • JohnnieCanuck

    Moonies will tell you He has had two, so far. They had Him for a while, but He’s left them for some reason.

  • Hoohoou

    Wow, shouldn’t have had to think that hard.

  • Guest

    Is your mind opened enough to recognize him if he had?

  • Guest

    All religions included this time? Some of the statements such as popular in the southern states and Sunday big events are fallacies then. Just say Christianity if that is what you mean. The world knows that you have no guts to attack other religions.

  • Coyotenose

     I’m sorry that, like all religionists that come here to whine, you have a persecution complex that makes you incompetent to grasp the concept that Christianity is the religion that causes well over 99% of problems for those in the U.S.

    It must be very hard on you to be that stupid. I offer you my sympathy, and my hopes that you’ll recover enough to be first, be able to add two and two, and second, notice that atheists criticize other myths all the time and not just yours, Dipshit.

  • Coyotenose

     I’m sure that being snotty and unable to provide an actual argument makes Jesus love you more, but in the real world it just makes you look kind of petulant and ignorant.

  • http://www.bartontees.com/ Barton Tees

    All,  Barry/Barton here. Glad at least some of you enjoy this!

    1. Colour scheme suggestions will be taken under

    2. yep, admittedly some of the points apply only
    to christianity or more specifically catholicism (see rule 2 re:
    changeability), but in my defence, I’m Irish, they put catholicism in
    the water here, it’s only natural I’d take it as synonymous with
    religion :p, but I think at least some of the other points are
    applicable to all religions (e.g. 1,3 and 10) so I felt no need to

    To Explain number 4 to the person who didn’t get it….It’s a
    reference to the crucifixion and resurrection of Hulk Hogan at every
    Wrestlemania from I to IX

  • pharaby

    Number 7 definitely refers to Christianity.  Maybe it should refer to the popularity of religion among the intellectually challenged rather than Southerners.  I am from the South, and I know some pretty smart people– Jewish, Christian, and Atheist.  Come to think of it, however;  I don’t know any stupid, dumb, or ignorant Atheists.