The Most Inappropriate Song About Abstinence You’ll Hear All Day

There’s nothing safe for work about this song.

You hear me?

Not. Safe. For. Work.

But it’s Garfunkel and Oates so you know it’s hilarious. They sing about a loophole to abstinence that Jesus himself would surely approve of…:

A sampling of the lyrics:

Whatever you do, don’t touch my clitoris
If you ring Satan’s doorbell God can’t ignore this
And no prophylactics when you put it in
’Cause birth control’s for sluts and it’s a sin
I emptied my bowels
And laid out the towels
I’m ready for romance
Now I’m praying to the power that’s the highest
But of all of my holes this one’s the driest
And we can’t procreate if we anally copulate
And God’s okay with sodomy but only if you’re straight

(Thanks to Fred for the link!)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.


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