The Most Inappropriate Song About Abstinence You’ll Hear All Day

There’s nothing safe for work about this song.

You hear me?

Not. Safe. For. Work.

But it’s Garfunkel and Oates so you know it’s hilarious. They sing about a loophole to abstinence that Jesus himself would surely approve of…:

A sampling of the lyrics:

Whatever you do, don’t touch my clitoris
If you ring Satan’s doorbell God can’t ignore this
And no prophylactics when you put it in
’Cause birth control’s for sluts and it’s a sin
I emptied my bowels
And laid out the towels
I’m ready for romance
Now I’m praying to the power that’s the highest
But of all of my holes this one’s the driest
And we can’t procreate if we anally copulate
And God’s okay with sodomy but only if you’re straight

(Thanks to Fred for the link!)

"So he’s unwittingly admitting that the “demonic forces” he believes in are more powerful than ..."

Christian Website Editor: “Stephen Hawking Was ..."
"I don't get why, if you're going to assume the flood and Noah's ark is ..."

IL Grade School Promotes Creationism at ..."
"Especially since the ill-fated renovation of Patheticos, whereupon they lied promised to fix the bugs ..."

Satanists Create Alternative “Chick Tracts” Promoting ..."
""Give credit for pushback to religious excess to religion."I think not."

Head of Christian College: When You ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment