Dissecting a Conversation Between the Two Most Misogynistic Christian Radio Hosts You’ve Ever Heard

Sometimes, I hear a conversation so awful that I just don’t know how to respond. This is one of those times. But I’m going to try, anyway.

Here is a clip of two idiotic, misogynistic, small-minded numbskulls who (because the world just isn’t fair) have a radio show of their very own with, I guess, people who listen to it:

YouTube Preview Image

The only reason I would recommend actually listening to it is, if you read the transcription — and yes, I painstakingly and painfully transcribed the whole damn thing — and think, “Well, Jessica is making crap up again; Clearly no one could be this dumb!” you’ll realize the error of your ways. Truth is stupider than fiction.

I’m going to go ahead and walk you though the crazy:

Kevin Swanson: And remember the goal is that these women have to be independent.

So, off to a strong start here. “The goal is that these women have to be independent”… I guess that’s fine, right? Independence is great! Even though he said it with quite a bit of snark, I am all for independent ladies!

The goal is lots and lots of birth control. The goal is lots and lots and lots of fornication. The goal is abortion. The day after pill will help, and will help a lot.

Wow. Okay, um, I guess the birth control goal is sort of close to true, right? I mean, I’m usually into quality birth control over quantity. (Same for fornication.)

But… the abortion thing? What? The goal is abortion? And if that’s the goal, the morning-after pill will not be too helpful at all.

So, if you’re keeping score, here are the feminists’ goals so far:

  1. Independence
  2. Lots and lots of birth control
  3. Lots and lots and lots of fornication
  4. Abortion

We continue:

Remember, the goal is to get that girl a job because she needs no stinkin’ husband; she’s got the fascist corporation and government-mandated insurance programs and socialist welfare that will take care of her, womb to tomb. Who needs a cotton-pickin’ husband?! Who needs a family? That’s pretty much the worldview that’s dominating, my friends. That’s what the college is all about.

So, as a woman, I want a job so that I don’t need a husband so that a corporation with government-mandated insurance and welfare will take care of me.

So I need a job… so I can get welfare? And if I did have a husband and went on his insurance plan, how would that make the corporation less fascist?

And that, my friends, is what The CollegeTM is all about!

Dave Buehner: Because her feminist professors have told her [that] her husband will abuse her; she will be like a slave to him. Instead, she will just go to the slave market and sell herself, at least sell her body to the highest bidder. See, that’s much, much better.

What classes is this Fictitious Feminist gal taking? I kinda want in on it.

So instead of getting married, all of us single feminist ladies are going out and literally prostituting ourselves. Seriously, I barely ever missed classes in college. I cannot believe I missed the entire “Your Husband Will Hold You In Slavery” unit.

Swanson: And, Dave, you talk about the two kinds of feminists now. This is your new division; you say there’s two kinds of feminists

Buehner: There are.

Swanson: All of them want to be free from the family. They want to be free from the husband — who needs a stinkin’ husband? — who wants to be submitting to a husband and find her security in the family when she can find her security in the state? Or a sugar-daddy for the four years that she needs to get through college?

Damn, these men get mad about women not wanting to get married. Like, super mad! Also, there seems to be some confusion that if a woman has a job and isn’t married, she is also on welfare. I know that the gender gap is still 70 cents on the dollar, but does that really qualify me for welfare?

And the sugar daddy thing?! I have to ask again: What college is this? I had no such sugar daddy! What magical world do these men live in that women collect money just for not having penises?

Anyway, yes, two kinds of feminists.  Do go on…

Buehner: Right. And, actually, you’re talking about, perhaps, even a third stream of feminism. There is the Sarah Palin-kind of feminism that wants to have a husband, just not one to submit to.

Sure. Feminist symbol Sarah Palin gets her own brand of feminism.

Swanson: But talk about the two forms of feminism you see that are rising today.

Yeah! Jesus, Dave, get back to the point! Two types of feminism! GO!

Buehner: Right, there are two forms of feminism. And it largely has to do with a division of how attractive a woman is.

Of. Course. It. Does.

So you have the group that is very attractive: They’re in the sororities; they’re going to be in the beauty contests. they’re actually going to get the good jobs. They’re going to be able to leverage their attractiveness in the marketplace because it has a market value. Marketing, you know! It helps market who you are. They are going to proceed.  Now, they will, probably, some of them, going to become the Sarah Palin-style feminists: They’ll get themselves a husband, but they’ll never be dependent on the husband. They’ll never submit to the husband. In fact, they will use their power, probably, to make their husband submit to them.

Yup. Only pretty women in the work force. (How do you think I landed this gig?) And you should come down to my office some time. It’s like the freaking Miss Universe pageant around here!

Pictured: My coworkers and me just waiting for the elevator on casual Friday.

Minus Donald Trump, of course, cause he’s a d-bag and would not fit in with our pretty, feminist values.

Also, it is clear that marriage is a competition to these guys. Either he’s in charge or he is submitting to his wife’s every whim.

Swanson: Okay, so you have the “Cute Feminists”… Well, now, who are the others?

Yes, Dave!  Who are the others?

Buehner: Well, the other ones are those, we should say are, um, “attractive-deficient”… and, um, they have…

Swanson: That’s nicely put… “Attractively-challenged.”

Buehner: “Attractively-challenged,” uhhh… “Optically-challenged,” um, these are the kinds that will look for careers, most likely, in academia.

Swanson: Just say “They’re ugly.” They’re the Feminazis that Rush Limbaugh likes to refer to.

Oh, sure. The uggos have no place in the business world. And, yeah, you really want to link yourself with Rush Limbaugh. He’s a freaking gem.

Buehner: Right, and they’re generally very angry about it because their attractive — or lack of attractiveness — has not given them access to power that they wanted in the marketplace.

Swanson: And they’re certainly not going to get a lot of power, sexually.

Buehner: No, but they can get jobs in the government bureaucracy, they can work as a FDA… administrator or it turns out you can actually run the EPA if you want, or academia. Academia is the best place because you can be angry, ugly, and you can also get tenure! It’s great! It’s, like, the big trifecta!

THIS IS SO SPECIFIC!

If you are deemed unattractive by the Attractive Police, you can either be an administrator for the FDA, the administrator of the EPA, or work in academia. That’s it. Or get married. But wait, you can’t get married because you don’t get a lot of power, you know, sexually. Whatever the hell that means.

I know, I know, I said it before, but what college is this?!?!?! What weird vision of higher education do they have? Because I, for one, had amazing professors. Wonderful, smart women (and men! Do you have to be an ugly, angry man to be a college prof?) who were passionate about their subjects and about educating. This image of old crones bitterly scaring women in a lecture is so absurd, it really is laughable.

Swanson: You’re going to make some people mad about what you’ve just said. There will be some very angry feminists.

Yeah, Kevin. That’s what pushed us over the edge.

Buehner: You mean there will be some angrier feminists.

Swanson: Angrier angry feminists are going to come at you from what you just said, probably from our listening audience, because if we tick anybody off, we’re ticking two different folks off: The feminists and the homosexuals. They can’t stand this kind of stuff.

Something tells me that “the feminists and the homosexuals” do not make up your largest fan-base.

Buehner: Neither one of them have a high regard for the family or for the word of God.

Amen.

Swanson: That’s true, yeah, you’re right, you’re right, you’re right, you’re right. And they’re the one’s who are destroying society.

Buehner: They are.

YEAH! We’re destroying society! We feminists are Godzilla and the gays are Mothra and we are just stomping the shit out of the Tokyo that is family values!

Or, I don’t know, did Godzilla and Mothra fight each other or team up? Maybe we’re like the Emperor and Darth Vader and family values is Alderaan?

No! I got it! We’re Sauron and the gays are Sauramon and family values is Middle Earth and these two guys are Frodo and Sam and are trying to save the Shire (or, the Bible belt, if you will) and birth control is the Orks and abortion is the Uruk-hai.

*self-high-five*

Sorry, what was I talking about?

BuehnerThey systems we are living in are coming down before our very eyes.  The fiat currency won’t last, the corporate economies, they are gonna collapse. What will last will be those who go back to a Biblical worldview.  I believe that history will look back on this period of time and will look at feminism and they’ll say, “There was a time in which women lost the love of their children. They no longer cared about having children, they no longer loved their children, they no longer loved their husbands.” Where, for all of history, women very much cared about protecting the family. Now, they only cared about themselves. They were riled up into a froth about how they were victims of society, of patriarchal society, and they decided to become selfish, narcissistic, family-destroying whores.

Saying feminists don’t care about having children is one thing.   A lot of feminists may chose not to have children, which is fine by me.

However, the implication that a someone who believes that women deserve every opportunity that a man gets suddenly hates her children is just vile.

Selfish?

Family-destroying whores?

I’m the one who thinks that your daughter has as much a right to happiness and independence as your son. I am the one who doesn’t think someone’s gender dictates her role in society. I am the one who thinks that a battered woman should be able to leave her husband. I am the one who thinks that a teenager who gets raped and impregnated shouldn’t be forced to marry her rapist.  Are those anti-family values? Does that mean I hate children, in your eyes?

If so, I’m perfectly fine with that.

(Via Christian Nightmares)

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

    The goal is lots and lots and lots of fornication. – Wait, I thought that was the stereotypical view of what guys want. So not only are the angriest angier angry feminis takin’ ur jobs un destroyen America, they takin’ our stereotypes! America.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=773692362 Jansen Waddell

    For the sake of my own sanity and faith in fellow humans, I’m gonna go right ahead and dismiss this video as fake. No one is that monumentally stupid, right?… Right?

    • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

      It does form a paradox, doesn’t it. In order to spout this kind of nonsense, one would assume that their intellectual deficiency is so great that the complexity of operating a door knob would be the equivalency of a normal human trying to build a working TARDIS. And yet they have somehow managed to, not only get inside the radio studio, but they actually managed to record, what passes for thoughts for them.

      My only conclusion is that this radio show happened by complete accident. They probably wandered into the studio after trying to catch their own shadows. Once inside the room, they lacked the mental capacity to navigate out of the room, despite the door still being open. The bright lights on the control panel must of frighten them, and they must have lashed out and started smashing buttons. Thus, turning on the equipment. I think that is the only explanation.

      This has to be the case because, I don’t really want to live on this planet anymore, if enough people thought that these two guys were worth the effort of giving them a radio show, and worth the time it takes to listen to them.

      • nakedanthropologist

        Huh, I think you’re right. Have you ever seen the movie “Zoolander”? There’s a great scene where two of the characters have to get to the files that are “in the computer”. I’m thinking that something similar must have occurred here, because as many here have commented, who on earth could be so mind-boggling stupid?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=773692362 Jansen Waddell

        I had arrived at a similar conclusion, then convinced myself it couldn’t possibly be true.

    • Jan Kafka

      You haven’t visited many Christian forums, have you?

      • Ibis3

        Nor all the atheist ones. Sadly, the religious don’t have a monopoly on misogynist attitudes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1351473675 Matthew Baker

    This is the word vomit you get when you realize that no one is listening to your radio show who doesn’t already think like you.

  • eric

    Well, I learned three things from that rant. First, taking lots of birth control leads to lots of abortions. Who knew. Second: getting a job is a form of welfare. Again, who knew. Third: the FDA, EPA, and academia do not hire based on looks. Good for them.

    • Gringa123

      So that’s why they always want to shut down the EPA – now I get it!

    • allein

      The problem is, there’s “lots and lots and lots” of fornication, but only “lots and lots” of birth control. Abortions must make up for the gap. Simple math, really.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1077437890 Sarah Nash

        I find it really hard to pick a favourite between abortion and birth control, so I tend to alternate. I don’t even really like sex that much, but…damn, I just love those abortions.

  • ggsillars

    Wow, these guys have achieved complete idiocy. What an accomplishment.

  • http://twitter.com/GreenEyedLilo Jayelle

    Wow, where *would* any woman get the idea that there are hateful, abusive men who want to hold her back?

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    Or a sugar-daddy for the four years that she needs to get through college?

    Actually, if I remember it correctly I can’t find the article, there are more guys with sugar daddies and turning tricks to pay their way through college which just shows how bad the financial situations are.

    I love the comparison of feminists being Sauron and the gays are Sauramon. Though I prefer this one: feminists are morgoth and gays are sauron. It just raises things up the fictional middle-earth evil ladder.

    • Antinomian

      Beat them, whip them, make them write bad checks for tithing.

  • Msironen

    “I know that the gender gap is still 70 cents on the dollar”

    So you took the worst-sounding number bandied around these days (77%, which doesn’t control for frankly anything) and then just rounded it down, or…?

    • Pattrsn

      I was just going to comment how refreshingly whiner free this thread is. Oh well.

  • Pedro Lemos

    “Instead, she will just go to the slave market and sell herself, at least sell her body to the highest bidder.”

    You mean, like men have already been doing for centuries? I guess every men in the marketplace can also be considered a prostitute then.

    “There was a time in which women lost the love of their
    children. They no longer cared about having children, they no longer
    loved their children, they no longer loved their husbands.”

    It´s funny how these guys tend to confuse love with submission. But only regarding women. If a man loves his family and wife he must show it by subduing and controlling them.

  • WoodyTanaka

    Anyone who complains about feminism is saying that my daughters can’t be what they want to be on life. My response to that is: go fuck yourself. Then drop dead. Please.

  • RebeccaSparks

    I have found find these in-depth, angry take-downs of blatant stupidity easier to take with amusing animated gifts of eye-rolling and face-palming.

  • Meronne

    Well, I guess these two guys (and any man who agrees with them) just became “attractive-deficient” to sensible single women.

    • C Peterson

      But since “sensible” in women is a synonym for “attractive-deficient”, I guess those men don’t care.

  • http://twitter.com/InMyUnbelief TCC

    You gave these clowns more attention than they deserved, Jessica, but nice takedown. (Hardly necessary for those of us with a functioning brain, but well done nonetheless.)

  • rhodent

    tl;dr — I don’t mean “Too long; didn’t read”, I mean “Too ludicrous; didn’t read”. Or more accurately, “Too ludicrous; couldn’t finish reading because it’s hard to read when you can’t stop shaking your head.” I tried to get all the way through this. I really did. I just couldn’t do it. I don’t have that kind of stamina.

  • Bengie

    Great post Jessica, you had me rolling on the floor with that Godzilla/Mothra analogy!

  • Sami Hawkins

    The really ludicrous thing is these idiots and their fanbase would probabl

  • C Peterson

    It’s an indicator of how far feminism still has to go that these guys can say this at all. Imagine if they spent this much time ranting about really crude stereotypes of black people- they’d be off the air, no matter how conservative the radio station. But somehow, women are still fair game. Most people will shake their heads at the inanity of it, but there’s not much real outrage.

    Remember what Don Imus said, and what happened to him? He was talking about women, insulting women, but the consequences of his comments were because of the perceived racial implications, not the sexist ones.

    • Random_acct

      Of course, we wouldn’t want to mention the fact that our current occupier of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has been known to hang around misogynistic hip hop “artists”. Nah.

      • Blasphemous_Kansan

        Don’t feed it, and it will go away.

        • Random_acct

          Just because you don’t like that inconvenient fact doesn’t make it any less relevant.

          • RobMcCune

            No the fact it’s irrelevant makes it irrelevant.

            • nakedanthropologist

              Cite your sources.

              • Pattrsn

                You want him to cite your comment?

                • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

                  WTF are you guys smoking?

                • Pattrsn

                  ?.

            • Random_acct

              Of course, everything about what Obama has done is irrelavent.

              • RobMcCune

                Even worse Obama met with the crown prince of saudia arabia, probably the worst country on earth for women that is not in a state of civil war. As President he meets with people, so yes the right’s attempt to smear him by associating him with “the black gangster rap” is irrelevant. And stupid. And racist.

  • DKeane123

    I don’t think these two have ever been to college or I don’t remember the course “Women are slaves to their husbands”. – Which (if I remember correctly) is what the OT says.

  • Jennifer

    I am scared that these people inhabit the same planet I am stuck on and no doubt the have produced offspring….Humanity is doomed!

  • Chris B.

    “Maybe we’re like the Emperor and Darth Vader and family values is Alderaan?”

    I think that family values are Yavin 4, Luke Skywalker is Jesus (R2-D2 is the Holy Spirit obviously), and regressive laws are the photon torpedoes that destroy the Death Star of equality.

    • Chris B.

      Just to clarify this is the misogynists’ vision of reality, not the real world itself.

  • Helanna

    Jessica, thank you for transcribing this and interspersing it with mockery. I know it must have been really hard, because without your commentary, there’s no way I could have made it through the whole thing without having a rage-induced aneurysm or something. I guess anything I could say about the actual content would be redundant and/or obvious, so I’ll just stick with congratulations on keeping your cool better than I could have.

  • NoYourGod

    Well geez, little lady… just don’t you worry your pretty little head about this stuff. Leave the heaving thinking to men-folks – they’re better equipped to handle deep thinking.

    {end snark}

    • NoYourGod

      …and better equipped to use spell-check, I suppose….

      *heavy (not heaving)

      • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

        Oh, I liked it better the first way. Men use heaving thinking- they see heaving bosoms, they stop thinking!

        /snark

  • Megan

    Great post, Jessica! I’m very sorry you had to transcribe that conversation. It’s very interesting (and telling) that these men see women as always dependent, whether or not they’re a feminist. If you’re married, you’re dependent on your man. If you’re a frothing at the mouth feminist, you’re dependent on the state, welfare, sugar daddies. And, god forbid, if you’re “ugly,” you’re dependent on the EPA. Anyways, thanks for the laughs! And, as a fellow Ball State graduate, I can also attest to the great profs. Chirp chirp!

    • Jessica

      Yay BSU! What year?

      • Megan

        I graduated in 2004 with a BS in Visual Arts Ed. I saw that your degree is in literature. Did you ever have Dr. Dennis Hoilman as a prof? I’m pretty sure he was in the lit department. He was the most amazing professor I ever had the honor of studying under.

        • Jessica

          That name seems familiar but I don’t think I took a class from him. I did have some really remarkable professors, though, and a really great academic experience.
          Unfortunately, I was class of 2008, so it was pretty unlikely that our paths may have crossed!

  • Question Everything

    “Pictured: My coworkers and me just waiting for the elevator on casual Friday.” – that made my morning. Thank you!

    (I’d comment about the post itself, but.. well, you nailed it. There’s not much more to say other than keep on doing what you do, as you do it awesomely)

  • Random_acct

    Sometimes, I read an article so awful that I just don’t know how to respond. This is one of those times. I’m not going to try, either.

    • John (not McCain)

      And yet you have two responses so far on this thread. What a shock – an anti-American scumbag who is also a liar.

    • RobMcCune

      Which means you have nothing of substance to say, but will pretend like you do.

  • Guest

    WTF. “The College?” How old are these guys? That sounds like something my 82 year old Grandfather would say. This kind of stupid hurts my brain.

  • reebism

    Here via Libby Anne…and my reaction is pretty much this: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FlatWhat

    Also, I want to buy you some morning-after pills for having to transcribe that. After all, that’s what you want, right? All feminists do!

    • Jessica

      Yes I would prefer an arrangement of BC pills, morning after pills, condoms, etc. Thanks for thinking of me ;)

      • Ibis3

        The abortions are in the mail.

        • amycas

          Those can be mailed?!

  • http://agmmusings.blogspot.com/ Alessia Lane

    My head AND my uterus just exploded simultaneously….

  • Gus Snarp

    What. The. Actual. Fuck!?

    People actually think like this? And they have listeners, who presumably agree with them? My faith in humanity is pretty much destroyed for the day.

  • pparf

    And sadly, they worked into their absurd comments the built in “If you disagree, it’s not because you have a reasonable, logical position supported by reality and solid evidence, but because you are angry.” So any attempt to have a reasonable discussion gets cut off by that disclaimer. *Sigh*

  • Gus Snarp

    I can find no evidence that this radio show is actually broadcast as radio anywhere. I hope that’s true, because I don’t think children should stumble across filth like this on the radio dial. Hopefully they’re just a podcast, and I will assume they have far fewer listeners than the Skeptics Guide to the Universe, because otherwise the human race is doomed.

  • aoscott

    Classic example of guys who never learned how to talk to girls and so lash out at them because of their own shortcomings. It’s a lot easier to behave this way than it is to do some introspection.

  • The Captain

    Any woman who has sex with these men should either be publicly scorned, or whisked of into a rescue shelter. I guess it depends on why they would have done it.

  • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

    That’s a critical mass of stupid.

  • http://www.facebook.com/crystalwheel Crystal Bandy Thomas

    That first guy is literally panting with hatred for women…I could hear the spit…I would hate for any woman to be alone in a room with either of those lunatics..AND if either of them are married…I’ll bet they have UGLY wives! 8-)

    • amycas

      “I’ll bet they have UGLY wives!”

      Really?

  • FlightedChemist

    Can I just say that I’m actually somewhat amused? I’m a woman in academia. I’m going to forward this to my ugly, angry academic women friends, who are for the most part happily settled or married and planning for children. I can guaran-damn-tee that we’d all much rather be classified as ugly, angry, tenured feminazis than Sarah Palin feminists.

    I feel like these dudes probably never set foot in a college lecture. I’ve met more than my share of sexy angry tenured academics.

    There’s so much wrong with the mindset of these two that I’m not entirely sure it’s worth trying to pick apart. Suffice to say though, that these two have it backwards about the kind of systems that are going to collapse in short order. The more women who get a great education and open themselves up to truly egalitarian relationships, the less of a leg these kooks will have to stand on. When all the “proper” women are gone, these guys won’t have anywhere to turn to release their years of pent up sexual frustration and meat-head aggression. It’ll be a funny self-destruction to watch though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jen.frankel Jen Frankel

    And the worst part is these boys actually consider themselves knights of Christianity… Jesus retched.

    • Baby_Raptor

      These people perpetuate rape culture, abuse women, teach others to abuse women, and generally scream “Fuck civility,” but the worst thing to you is that they don’t fit your image of your god?

      Get a Fucking reality check, woman. These idiots are doing real damage! Your mental picture of god doesn’t matter!

  • Gus Snarp

    So apparently they have some specific problem with Lisa Jackson? Why this obvious personal attack on one particular woman within the general attack on all women? Is there some known beef with Jackson among the religious right, or did she just turn one of them down at some point when they were younger?

  • Antinomian

    Nothing like two handsome fellows (because their mothers said so) judging women on their level of attractiveness. I’ve watched countless socially awkward guys like this in clubs, bars, and at events as well as every day life. To a one, they come off as desparate and needy without one iota that most women can smell ‘em coming from a mile away. The hilarious thing to me is the sense of entitlement thay have in their expectations of what women should have to offer them when they offer nothing in return. Not even mildy interesting conversation. Then when the inevitable rejection comes, they stalk away saying “she’s just a whore”. I think they get this from all the ‘Pick-up Artist’ material I swear they must subscribe to, on top of the generally misogynistic christian faith they practice.

    • Sergio Castro

      Guys like this are one step away from being rapists imo. They dehumanize and devalue women and aggrandize their pathetic selves to the point that reality isn’t a factor in their decision-making. When they walk away from the “attractive-challenged” woman who just rejected them, thinking she’s just a whore who should have submitted to them, what’s to stop them from just forcing her to give them what they want?

      • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

        Indeed. One of the hallmarks of rapists is their dismissive attitude towards women, seeing them as merely sexual objects. Another is anger towards women who have dared to deny teh menz access to their ladybits. I see both attitudes coming out loud and clear in this little segment.

        Although I have no reason to believe the two radio hosts are rapists, they have empowered and legitimized the rapists among their audience. Remember, ~6% of men are rapists and I’m guessing the ratio in their audience is significantly higher than that.

        [url]http://www.wcsap.org/sites/www.wcsap.org/files/uploads/webinars/SV%20on%20Campus/Repeat%20Rape.pdf[/url]

      • Jen

        Speaking of rape, Kevin Swanson also wants to decriminalize marital rape. He views marital rape laws as a travesty. I wish I were joking, but I’m not.

    • Octoberfurst

      I’ve seen these kind of guys too. They’re basically pathetic losers who think they’re studs and when women don’t give them the attention they think they deserve they call them gold-digging whores and sluts. “They can’t handle a REAL man” is what they tell themselves when they are rejected.

      Of course it makes it even worse if you are a fundie Christian like these two. You see, women are supposed to SUBMIT to a man & if they don’t they are not being “a Godly woman.” (Note how they brought up submission several times.) So it lets the guy feel superior and righteous.

      Frankly I get the feeling that those two didn’t date much and probably ended up having their moms as prom dates. So I can understand the bitterness. LOL.

  • peter g

    Dating problems in high school, eh boy’s.
    peter g

  • http://www.lara-thinkingoutloud.blogspot.com/ Lara

    If they are married I am so so so sad for their wives. This is what it looks like to me: They have so little ability to love that they are terrified. If marriage can’t be held together by power and authority anymore, then they lose their ability to have sex. They will be required to love women and have relationship with them to have sex. It seems to me they don’t know how to do that, so they are freakin’ terrified.
    This is so sad for them too.
    Dear Kevin and Dave,
    Women are actually really cool. You’d like us if you gave us a chance. We’re smart and kind and funny and interesting and talented. We make good friends. You should try having a female friend sometime. I think you’ll be really surprised at how much better your life is. Really we’re pretty awesome. But, you are going to have to stop accusing us of not loving our children and judging us by our looks. Because at this point no one wants to be your friend. Even guys who like women don’t want to be your friend anymore. And thankfully, because of the feminist movement, we don’t need you anymore, so you’re gonna have to do the work to be wanted and desired instead of needed. And I know that’s hard for you, but it’s so amazing to be desired by someone. It pretty much sucks to be needed but unloved. We feminists don’t want that anymore and really I don’t think you want that either. So find someone who can teach you to be friendly, kind, and generous. Find someone who will help you see the intrinsic beauty in all people. You’ll be much happier. I promise. And all those angry feminists won’t be angry anymore. We laugh and smile when we’re away from people like you. It’s just you we’re angry at.
    Sincerely,
    Lara

  • Feministmom

    I am a happily married mother of 7, yes 7, 4 of whom are adopted and I consider myself a feminist. The “right” in this country has gone so far to the right they have fallen off the edge and gone back to the dark edges. Men like this have no idea that we are living in the 21st century and do not want to know. Women do not have to be financially dependent on a man to love him and their children and build a family. In today’s economy that is almost impossible unless you are willing to live near the poverty line or marry someone that makes an extremely good income. What frightens me is that these people actually believe their rants and others listen to them. Our country has many problems that many, like these men, do not want to address. Feminists and homosexuals are NOT the problem. It is people like these who want to revert back to a way of life that never worked in the first place.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Thank you for adopting~!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004210483267 Jason M. Wester

    Thanks for this. I needed a good laugh.

  • ZenDruid

    Well guys, there are places in Europe that would manufacture a woman to suit your specifications. Two drawbacks though: they won’t fetch you a beer or clean up after you; and they probably cost more than you can afford.

  • Phil Cleaver

    Absolutely the funniest article and responses I have ever read on
    Friendly Atheist. This is some great humour. Maybe you could repost
    this on cracked.com or something. Too bad Swansong and Boner won’t get to read it.
    Might conflict with their world view and make their tiny heads explode! Also 1 Timothy 2:12…

  • Elaine_A

    So, this desire for independence that is destroying everything these guys hold dear results in them losing power and women no longer submitting to them? Funny, that.

    • BruceMcGlory

      . . yeah, I’m struggling to see the downside here. . . . .

      • nakedanthropologist

        Exactly. Not only is there not a downside to the world becoming more equalized for women and men, there is the added upside that people will no longer passively accept the gender roles of our past. Case in point: my brother is a bit of a homebody, and absolutely brilliant with both computers and plants. He’s currently absorbed in a project where he’s growing a very rare type of aquatic plant, that is very difficult to start and quite finicky about its growing conditions. My brother has been able to successfully grow this from a cutting, and sell the more mature plants to local aquarium stores (for no small amount of money either). His girlfriend, on the other hand, is an athletic trainer and physical therapist for a major university sports team. She’s more outgoing, social, and earns more money. He works from home and takes care of the house. They’re happy because they both do what they love and have each other. But the two unsocialized twerps from the article would see this as a harrowing and horrifying example of feminism – its not just that they fear women, sex, and female sexuality – they fear equality as an ideal. They were probably raised to think that they’re super-special just because they are male, and not necessarily for any talents and/or other contributions that really make a person special. So they hate what they fear most: anyone who contradicts their definition of superiority.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rich-Rodgers/1621390164 Rich Rodgers

    They’re not anti woman. They both own one.

  • nakedanthropologist

    “We’re Sauron and the gays are Sauramon and family values is Middle Earth and these two guys are Frodo and Sam and are trying to save the Shire (or, the Bible belt, if you will) and birth control is the Orks and abortion is the Uruk-hai.” – I love you for this!
    These guys are so deluded its laughable. Of course, they’re completely vile family-destroying man-whores. One day, we’re going to look back at this period in time and say, “See, my beloved children, this was a tipping point for our society and culture. There were those of us who knew and believed that all people are equal to each other, and deserve dignity and respect. Of course, each of us has our own special gifts that we bring to the world. But as we see in this example, some people firmly believed that certain people (who had crosses on their bellies) that some people were better than other people – because of things like gender and skin color; some people even hated others because they loved a certain type of person!. Women were hated for embracing their talents! It was a very odd time. Let us learn more….”
    As a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover, a feminist, and above all a human being: fuck you Beuhner and Swanson. Get used to being lonely, because your kind is finally dying out.

  • Miss_Beara

    I hope these cavemen don’t have wives or daughters. I would look it up myself but I am afraid to read more of their bile.

  • Carmelita Spats

    These guys are the peerless example of male beauty?Christians-in-chains and not much fun at parties, they are more like Beavis and
    Butthead with a microphone…Men who think like this corner themselves into the
    creepiest subgroup of the “Christian Mingle” dating sites: the
    glorious 40-year-Old-Male-Virgin-Market. It’s obvious…The women they would
    LIKE to impregnate are earning college degrees, enjoying a healthy sex life, working and postponing marriage/kids. These male virgins believe in “sexual purity” as per their holy book so the only alternative is to squeeze the chastity belt until well
    into their mid-thirties…just like Jesus. Yes, you can giggle. It’s TRUE. Hell,
    we all know they limit themselves to chaperoned dating until the age of 21!

    My advice for these two idiots: If you have not had a
    nightly emission before your date, make certain that you take extra precaution.
    Use an ace bandage or knitting yarn to tie your penis back against your stomach
    or underneath your hiney. If you tuck instead of tie, make sure that the tip of
    your penis does not curl back far enough to enter the hole in your hiney where
    you go poopy out of – otherwise you might accidentally sodomize yourself and
    inadvertently become a homosexual. Praise!

  • Aguz

    “YEAH! We’re destroying society! We feminists are Godzilla and the gays are Mothra and we are just stomping the shit out of the Tokyo that is family values!”

    Oh man, lost it right there. Maybe your finest piece of work to date Jessica.

    On other news, are this guys so horrified by women in general that the single idea of the two partners in a relationship being equals just doesn’t cross their minds?

  • Anon

    Sure, I’m the one ruining families.

    Not men who don’t want anything to do with their kids. Not people who abuse their children.

    Nope. Me.
    With my perverse desires to (GASP) have my own life, (GASP) not have children, (GASP) want to have sex with people and, (DOUBLE GASP) not want to get married.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more families to go and ruin.

  • ImRike

    I’m not surprised these bozos think women don’t want to get married. Who in their right mind would want to marry either one or them?

  • allein

    The only daddy that paid for my college education is my actual daddy…and he (and mommy) only paid about half. I paid for the rest with student loans and work study, and then I went and got a, what’sitcalled…oh yeah, a job and used some of the money I made there to pay back the bank. And now all these [mumble] years later I live in my little condo, paid for by my oh so generous mortgage company that lets me pay them back at a monthly rate for the next 30 years, which I do by going to that, that thing, oh yeah, job, five days a week, because well, I guess I just haven’t found the right owner to adopt me yet. Hey, I bet I can get birth control with my insurance, too…

  • blackbeltatheist

    “We’re Sauron and the gays are Sauramon and family values is Middle Earth and these two guys are Frodo and Sam and are trying to save the Shire (or, the Bible belt, if you will) and birth control is the Orks and abortion is the Uruk-hai.”

    Somebody please put this on an inappropriately long bumper sticker. Best. Analogy. Ever.

  • http://www.wideopenground.com/ Lana

    Back in the day, I heard Kevin Swanson speak. A lot of people listen to him — those who are homeschooled and in Christian Patriarchy. Part of his style is to exaggerate everything. All I can do to these guys now is just laugh. Its too outrageous to even take seriously.

  • pete084

    Wow, you have such a wide selection of radio stations in America, you have different genres of music, talk stations, religion too, but until today I didn’t know you had specialist ignorance stations spreading the ignorance to all the dumb-fucks. I suppose Faux News must be the television version then!?


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