The Road to Hell is Paved with Everybody Else

David Hayward writes:

Of course, the word “Christian” can be replaced with pretty much any of the other labels from the left. And the word “heaven” can be replaced with “reward for being right”. It’s all the same. We are all within the large square. It’s called “life” or “the world”. And all those words we play with are sometimes convenient but frequently divisive labels that help us feel significant in the midst of chaos and fear.

Agreed on all counts. I would suggest an alternative punchline, though. Forget Heaven and Hell. Just have those two arrows point to the exact same place: Nowhere.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Jonni

    That’s gorgeous. Sums up the “otherness” mentality perfectly.

  • Katherine Lorraine

    I would’ve added “Wrong Type of Christian” to the left side, but it works.

    • viaten

      Or “True Christian” on the right. And “True Convert”. And of course backsliders were never true Christians until if and when the convert back.

      • chicago dyke

        i love that old joke. the one that depending on the comedian can go on as long as the ‘aristocrats’ joke.

  • The Other Weirdo

    Who are the ‘Lukewarms’? What kind of sect is that?

  • jose

    I think you mean “born into a southern methodist episcopalian church”, sir. I hope you’re not including those heretical catholics in the way to Heaven.

  • alanwil2

    I would like to go to Hell sometime but I don’t know where it is. Oh, well.

    • Sindigo

      Apparently it’s here.

      • fsm

        Hell looks cold.

        • Sindigo

          But nice and secular. From the wiki:

          “In 2005, a survey conducted by Gallup International in sixty-five countries indicated that Norway was the least religious country in Western Europe, with 29% counting themselves as believing in a church or deity, 26% as being atheists, and 45% not being entirely certain.”

          Which is weird, I would have thought being condemned to eternal, perfect suffering would have made believers of us all. ;)

        • A3Kr0n

          I bet it has Lutefisk!

      • Hanna

        I’ve been to Hell, it’s not that great :P

      • Tor

        So, Hell has actually frozen over.

    • Feminerd

      “If I owned Texas and Hell, I’d rent out Texas and live in Hell” -Gen. Sheridan

      So I don’t know where Hell is, but apparently where I live is worse, so you can get a taste of it if you wanted! And then when you died, you’d go to Hell and it wouldn’t be so bad, plus the company would be waaay better (we have Rick Perry and Ted Cruz and George W. Bush, sorry nation).

    • allein

      There’s always Hell, Michigan. :),_Michigan

  • Claude

    There exists a Christian blogger who has arrived at the conclusion that everyone is going to Heaven. Why, I don’t know, but as one of the damned I appreciate the sentiment.

    • Erp

      It is called universalism and is considered by many Christian denominations to be a heresy; however, it has long roots. Rob Bell, a popular evangelist, has been accused of it.

      • Claude

        Ah! Thanks for that.

    • Foster

      Yes. Catholic theology does not allow the population of hell to be an empty set, but at the same time does not fit into the categories of the cartoon above since righteous pagans and other sincere but incorrect believers of other faiths probably will still be saved, what with God being perfectly just and all.

  • observer

    Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

  • Jeff P

    I’ve known Southern Baptists that believed that all the other Christian denominations were destined to go to Hell. I’ve also known “lukewarm” Christians that didn’t make lists of categories of people and where they will go because they thought it was up to God where He sent people.

    If there is such a place as heaven and hell, then I think only those that make lists about who goes where will go to hell. Ooops, I just condemned myself to hell!

  • Edward Tarte

    Local Catholic priest TJ has said that I may turn out to be the only person in hell. For more information on this, at YouTube you can search Edward Tarte only person in hell:)