Forget the Lottery; Pat Robertson’s Gonna Give Me a Million Dollars!

I know times are tough right now. There are lots of people out there unemployed or underemployed, many of whom are struggling to make ends meet.

It would take a special kind of Christian to exploit those who are living hand-to-mouth, right?

God is going to supply a million dollars, somebody is praying right now, right this second, you’re praying for a million dollars, and God said, “I have heard your prayer, I know your need, and I’m going to supply the need that you’ve requested.” It’s done, in Jesus’ name.

Aww, thanks for stepping up and taking on that role, Pat Robertson!

A million dollars?! I would love a million dollars! Do you think God is thinking about me?

Does this remind anyone else of when David Cassidy would have an interview in Tiger Beat and say something like, “I’m just looking for that special girl who can make me laugh and likes to snuggle on lazy Sunday mornings,” and every 15-year-old girl in 1972 just knew he was talking about her?

Or maybe it reminds you of adults living in the suburbs who spent a little too much over Christmas and really need to pay down those credit card bills and assume God cares more about their mild debt than the 25,000 people who will starve to death today?

Anyway, I hope someone does get a million dollars, but it turns out to be like the Monkey’s Paw and the money is cursed!  And Pat Robertson will use that person’s tragedy as a teaching moment to not ask God for stuff!  And then when people pray, they’ll be afraid to ask for anything specific because now they think God is a super passive-aggressive jerk and don’t know how to treat him anymore.

Or, more likely, no one is going to get a million dollars by praying. Because it doesn’t work.

Unless you’re Pat Robertson, of course.

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.


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