God Causes Three Super-Amazing Miracles on the Set of ‘The Bible’

Guys! Thanks to the crack reporting/content repurposing of Glenn Beck‘s The Blaze, we now know that gen-yoo-ine miracles occurred during the production of the History Channel’s Bible docu-drama-thing.

Allow me to round them up for you:

No, really. That’s it.

The Blaze tags its post with:

What do you think — mere coincidences or evidence of God’s intervention? You decide.

Oh, I have.

About Paul Fidalgo

Paul is communications director for the Center for Inquiry, as well as an actor and musician. His blog is iMortal, and he tweets as @paulfidalgo, and the blog tweets as @iMortal_blog.
The opinions expressed on this blog are personal to Paul and do not necessarily represent the views of the Center for Inquiry.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001627228091 Alexander Ryan

    I feel like a little kid on Halloween. These guys just keep giving us freebies…

  • http://twitter.com/auldshaman Robert Klauka

    The desperate reaching into the ridiculous to bolster the insanity of the delusion.

  • NotThatGreg

    “irreplaceable costume”. Red flag for BS right there. They made this costume; they surely made several. Any competently run production has backup for the main character’s costumes.

    • http://twitter.com/Don_Gwinn Don_Gwinn

      Right. Seriously, if the costume is irreplaceable, where did it come from? It looks like your basic set of “Standard Bible-epic Robes, Type II, Mark1.”

      As for the 48 poisonous snakes, have they ruled out the possibility that some minor desert god was displeased that they were filming there without making a sacrifice? Maybe they should have burnt a couple of PAs on an altar just in case. That sounds more like WOMOSH THE SNAKE GOD than JEHOVAH, doesn’t it?

  • Octoberfurst

    After reading about those “miracles” I am now a hard-core believer in God. I mean, how else can anyone explain the wind picking up at just the right moment, a kid returning a lost article or a snake wrangler being able to find a lot of snakes for a scene? It couldn’t be coincidence/luck. Heavens no! Those were miracles by golly!

    Seriously, religious people find “miracles” in the dumbest things. “I got a parking spot right in front of the mall! Praise God for that miracle!” “I prayed and found that watch I had lost! It’s a miracle!” It makes my head spin. There are far too many gullible rubes in this country and sites like “The Blaze” cater to them.

  • indorri

    Man, the comments in that article are ridiculous.

    • Miss_Beara

      I want to read the comments, but I don’t. Oh the conflict…

      • Bad_homonym

        Couldn’t help myself. Wow. All I can say. Wow. It’s neat to read one whack-job telling another their reading the book wrong. Had to get out before I made troll like comments. Very hard hold back in front of such a buffet of dumb!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=13709847 Bryan Johnson

      I looooooove reading Blaze comments. My favorite from this article is the guy (The-Monk) who claims that in his youth he could control the wind on command. Of course, he can’t do it any more, and he moved from that place 20 years ago, so no one who would have seen him do it is still around…

      Coincidence?

  • A hangman on tyre

    So let’s see:

    Miracle 1: It’s a miracle because they obviously did not experience any other wind at any other time during their shoot. And god had nothing better to do in Africa than create a breeze during one of their takes of that scene

    Miracle 2: Not sure why this is a miracle. More poisonous snakes showed up near the set than usual? Wouldn’t that be a bad thing? Also, a large group of people stomping around in the wilderness where people generally aren’t stomping around would never stir up animals? Maybe the miracle is no one was bitten?

    Miracle 3: They only had 1 costume and it floated away? The miracle here is that the costume designer wasn’t fired for not planning better. And the mysterious boy who brought it back because he was compelled to? Likely news that rich Americans were in the neighbourhood had spread around and the kid thought he might get some money for returning it.

  • koseighty

    “… and gust of wind as strong as Boeing 747.”

    The average cruising speed of a 747 is 652 mph. If there had been gusts of wind that strong anywhere in the world, I’m sure I would have read about it.

    But I’ll admit, a movie set surviving wind gusts of 652 mph would be a miracle.

  • koseighty

    My brother-in-law is convinced that the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent creator of all things regularly takes time out to help him (my bro-in-law) find his car keys.

    I’m thinking rather than bothering the Ultimate Item Locator Deity, my bro-in-law should just get in the habit of putting his keys in the same place every time he puts them down. But what do I know?

    • Pattrsn

      Perhaps he just wants to give God something to do.

  • Darwin’s Dagger

    I watched about an hour of this thing. The real miracle will be if any of the cast ever get another acting job.

  • Melody Hollis

    Well, when I was a Christian, I remember thanking God because I found a parking spot that was sort of close. Better to be on the safe side, than to seem ungrateful.

  • Brian Hogg

    All three of these miracles seemed to be attempts by god to kill the production of the mini-series:

    A strong gust of wind that threatened to damage sets?

    Sending in 48 snakes to kill the cast and crew?

    Stealing irreplaceable costumes?

    My question is: Why didn’t he want this mini-series to be made? What’s he hiding?

    • Xuuths

      Clearly, you have NOT read the bible — it is chock full of incest (starting with the first people created), sexual perversion, genocide by direct order of god, theft directly ordered by god, slavery specifically okayed by god, murder specifically ordered by god, adultery okayed by god, polygamy specifically okayed by god, child abuse specifically ordered by god, and I could go on an on.

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

        I watched part II of The Bible last night and it was 2 hours of killing and beating the shit out of people. Was really cool when David killed Goliath, then he cut off his head and showed it to everyone.

        • romad20000

          I like how they ducked the foreskin bit

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

            I was disappointed they left that out too. They showed a severed head, Saul pissing in a cave, a man telling a married woman he won’t tell anyone if she sleeps with him after she rejects his advances but the use of the word foreskin was just to much.

          • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

            One of the most common objections to The Brick Bible seems to be Brendan’s use of lego foreskins.http://www.bricktestament.com/david_vs_saul/david_mutilates_200_gets_married/1s18_27b.html

            • allein

              That’s awesome. I was at Barnes & Noble last week and they had the Brick Bibles (Old and New Testament) on the Easter table along with CS Lewis and Joel Osteen and the (now former) Pope. I spent some time flipping through them but I guess I missed that page…

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    First thought that popped into my mind when I went over to the blaze: why the hell is jesus so white in this series? I thought they were going for “historical accuracy.”

    • http://twitter.com/JasonOfTerra PhiloKGB

      The actor appears to be Hispanic, which everyone knows is brown, which is therefore the same thing as Middle-Eastern.

    • Reginald Selkirk

      It’s another miracle.

    • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

      It’s on History channel… what in the world makes you think they give a flying fig leaf about historical accuracy? They haven’t cared about accuracy in years!

  • http://twitter.com/Grrrowler Todd

    Even if these were miracles, they’re so disappointing. What happened to bringing people back from the dead, parting a sea, and turning water into booze (although any moonshiner can do that)? Now all we get is a kid with a costume, some snakes in the desert (how unusual!), and their god passing wind. Miracles used to be SO much more interesting.

  • A3Kr0n

    Do I see three mini-series in the making? Why yes, I do see that.

  • Tainda

    It’s a mirajickle! I couldn’t hit the back button to get away from that article to get back here!

  • liu

    …What a coincidence, because I happen to worship the god of wind, snakes, and prop stealing (Wherearemydamglovesism if you must know.)

    I take these events as a sign of divine intervention, as well as undeniable proof that Wherearemydamglovesism is the one true religion.

  • Baby_Raptor

    Those are miracles? Really?

  • http://twitter.com/Don_Gwinn Don_Gwinn

    The world’s going to hell, I tell you. In the old days, Yahweh wanted to show you a miracle snake, one of his guys would throw a staff on the ground and then BOOM! Snake. ‘Course, all the heathen wizards could do that back then, too. It was a different time.
    Nowadays he just sort of shoos a lot of snakes toward your general vicinity and says, “Eh. Good enough.” It’s shoddy, is what it is.

    • Pattrsn

      He’s basically just phoning it in these days. I don’t think his hearts in it anymore.

  • McAtheist

    I heard that the devil kept screwing with the cast by mixing up their Starbuck’s low fat caramel macchiatos with the soy milk cappucinos, god was obviously just levelling the playing field.

  • McAtheist

    It’s just marketing, they are touting their ‘god endorsement’ for their movie. Best part is they don’t have to pay for their ‘celebrity endorsement’.

    I note that they suppressed the rumour that the devil was also on set mixing up the stars Starbuck’s low fat caramel macchiatos with the soy milk cappucinos.

    • McAtheist

      ‘stars’….I mean actors, D’oh!

  • Mario Strada

    Clearly miracles. That’s it. I will stop reading this blog from now on and switch to the “The Braze”. Glen Beck and the Mormon God are obviously at work here.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

      I visit The Blaze every couple of days just to read the comments.

      • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

        I knew you were a masochist.

  • Miss_Beara

    God intervenes with a gust of wind, snakes and a kid, but not natural disasters, disease, war and poverty.

    I kind of want to read the comments to this non-story, but I already have a headache. I don’t want to develop an aneurysm.

  • http://twitter.com/maxbingman1 Max Bingman

    I see the usual “if you don’t believe in miracles there’s something wrong with you” deflection-type comments.

  • John_in_Vegas

    Is anyone watching this series? Besides the obvious, biblical fiction presented as truth, it seems to portray the Israelites as a overly sadistic, self righteous, and extremely violent, unlikeable and exaggerated to near comical proportions. Am I missing something or are we being set up for a sappy, love-fest with Christianity? I wouldn’t be surprised as I read that Joel Osteen had a hand in the development. I feel guilty wasting my time watching this, but I derive some pleasure as I DVR it and zap out the sponsors.

  • WallofSleep

    Wait a sec, is Beck a Juggalo now?

  • Sunny Day

    Best comment in the original article:
    “Supposedly in the days of the Bible they got handfuls of bread feeding hundreds, if not thousands, Walking on water, The blind seeing. lepurs being cured and the dead rising from the grave.

    Now we get “OH MY GOD, IT’S WIND!” and we’re supposed to be fascinated?
    Deluded individuals seeking confirmation for their choices.”

  • Parse

    Miracles I would be more likely to accept:

    – When they set up the refreshments table, it was bottled water; when they checked again, it was bottled wine.

    – The caterers brought an eight pack of hamburger rolls and a small meat tray, yet everybody went away stuffed with doggie bags.

    – The leading actor was accidentally killed on set, and three days after being prepped and buried, he’s up and walking around again.

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    Money tends to inflate, losing its value. Apparently, miracles are losing their value too. Less and less impressive events, less and less unique experiences are being called miracles.

    As the trivializing of the concept of “miracle” continues, perhaps the concepts of gods and religion will also become trivialized. One way to make something disappear is to have it everywhere. Things that we’re exposed to constantly we begin to ignore. Ignoring is the beginning of complete loss of interest, as in the growing number of the “nones” in the U.S. Apathy can be a powerful force for change when given enough time.

  • Derrik Pates

    Worst. Miracles. Ever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ben.tousey Ben Tousey

    How is it that god can create wind, wrangle snakes, and return props, but he can’t feed hungry children, heal breast cancer, help women get away from abusive partners, prevent child abuse, or keep guns out the hands of criminals.
    Clearly god’s priorities are really messed up.


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