A Conspiracy Theory Flowchart… OR IS IT?

Crispian Jago has a helpful flowchart of the conspiracy theories they don’t want you to see. Turns out there are a bunch I didn’t even know existed!

Which only means The Man was keeping them from me:



About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke

    it’s sad. how quickly we’ve all forgotten Vince Foster’s untimely death. does no one remember the most important conspirators of all anymore? /shakes head sadly

    • Baby_Raptor

      Well, it does mention a “Clinton body count” so maybe he counts under that?

      • baal

        Just because no one has proved that there is a Clinton body count doesn’t mean that they have proved there isn’t one either! Also, space reptiles are real, time to wakey wakey people.

    • DougI

      Obama had Vince Foster killed because Vince had a copy of Obama’s birth certificate which proved his was a reptilian born in Kenya.

      • LesterBallard

        Obama had everyone killed; he is the Anti-Christ, ya know.

      • Anonymous Atheist

        Proof that we’re in a post-racism society: lizard people can control the government no matter what color of skin their disguise has. ;)

  • Hmm

    aspartame isn’t a conspiracy theory, just another example of the FDA’s poor judgment. that can happen, ya know? not as bs as anti-vaxxers.

    • Quintin van Zuijlen

      What’s wrong with aspartame anyway? Really, I don’t know what the fuss could be about.

      • Amakudari

        As far as anyone can tell, nothing. But the conspiracy theories came about due to the FDA granting approval, rescinding it, and then amid allegations of impropriety the FDA was investigated but nothing untoward was ever substantiated. That was decades ago, and aspartame has since been pretty extensively tested. Most efforts to have it removed from the food supply have been initiated by laypeople, and studies suggesting it’s carcinogenic have had big issues with methodology.

        The only reason I’d consider this less of an issue than anti-vaxxing is that not using aspartame doesn’t do much harm.

        • Quintin van Zuijlen

          Hmm, ok, so that’s the conspiracy supposed to be here. Thanks.

      • Baby_Raptor

        I can’t have it, but I’m allergic. I don’t think that counts as a conspiracy, though.

        • starskeptic

          Ah, but would you be allergic if there hadn’t been a conspiracy?

        • Quintin van Zuijlen

          Phenylketonuria isn’t it? Not much of a loss as far as I know, aspartame is gross after all and pretty much the only thing you have to look out for, but you’ll know a lot better than me.

        • Charles Honeycutt

          You aren’t allergic. That’s what THEY want you to think. Kevin Trudeau has the cure.

      • J-Rex

        I’ve heard that it actually makes you more likely to eat more later because your brain senses the sweetness and expects the energy boost, but it doesn’t come.
        It definitely doesn’t seem effective for weight loss, but that’s obviously not enough to make it banned.
        Plus it has a gross aftertaste…

        • Quintin van Zuijlen

          Hmm, I should have thought of that, but that’s not exactly a conspiracy now is it?

          • J-Rex

            No it’s not a conspiracy, but for the people who think it’s poisonous and causes cancer, then that could be. I avoid it, but I don’t think it’s bad enough to be banned.

        • Charles Honeycutt

          The related theory, difficult to confirm but intensely reasonable, is that it promotes diabetes. The sweetness causes the body to produce insulin in preparation for the oncoming sugar, but without sugar, there’s too much insulin in the bloodstream, which builds insulin resistance. Nasty.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1351473675 Matthew Baker

    This is the best flow chart I have seen in a long time. Its far more cohesive than any conspiracy theorist’s wall of crazy.

  • CelticWhisper

    This reminds me of the Stargate SG-1 episode “Point of No Return,” where a conspiracy nut calls the SGC and leaves a message for Gen. Hammond, ranting and raving about every conspiracy theory under the sun (including the Lizard People) before he finally hits pay dirt with the Stargate. Actually a pretty funny episode.

  • Sven2547

    Who was it that said something like:
    “When people suspect a conspiracy, it almost certainly doesn’t exist. When there really is a conspiracy, nobody is even aware of it.”

  • J-Rex

    One of the many things I hate about conspiracy theory believers is that literally everything is a conspiracy. If they were telling the truth about some attacks being planned, you would still expect to see some disasters and attacks by assholes, along with the ones planned by the government. But no. Every tragedy is planned now. There were two shooters in the Aurora theater! The Newtown shooting was to take our guns away! (I love how the government planned to take our guns away, but then they themselves voted against the background checks when the vast majority of Americans approved of them). The blast in Texas was caused by a drone!


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