This Is Why Christian Mingle Freaks Me Out

You have to read the rest of the strip for the punchline :)

The blog post underneath it is worth reading, too.

(via Happle Tea — Thanks to Julien for the link!)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • ErickaMJohnson

    It’s like he’s playing with Barbie dolls.

    • WallofSleep
      • ErickaMJohnson

        I really hope this post doesn’t end up being a trigger for someone recovering from the Quiverful Movement. ‘Cause I can see how it would be.

    • C Peterson

      Yeah, except Barbie dolls aren’t… intact. You can play around with them inappropriately and you don’t end up with a bunch of damaged little baby Barbies.

      • The Other Weirdo

        You can if you buy more dolls.

  • ortcutt

    Religious dating sites keep some of the crazies off of secular sites like OKCupid.

  • EllieMay

    This has always been one of my talking points (mostly in jest) for people doubting their faith. I like to point out that if they believe their loved ones have gone to heaven and can see everything going on in the world, then technically your grandmother might be watching you masturbate!

    • WallofSleep

      I have it on pretty good authority that my grandmother is indeed watching you masturbate. All of you.

      • Mario Strada

        My grandmother AND my grandfather are also watching all of you. They told me it wasn’t a pretty scene.

        • WallofSleep

          Aye. I forgot to mention that my grandmother is also silently judging you all while watching. She gave your last one a 6.4.

          • The Other Weirdo

            It’s not really “silently” if she’s told you.

      • phantomreader42

        Grandma’s pretty kinky, huh? :P

    • Laura D

      Thoughts like that totally freaked me out when I was still a believer. If you really believe that your family is watching over you, then they can see everything!

    • SeekerLancer

      There’s apparently nothing better to do in a land of eternal joy than spend all of that limitless that time watching living relatives masturbate.

      • Hat Stealer

        Really, if you were in heaven right now, what you would be doing? You’re stuck on a cloud, you can watch everything that everyone’s doing in the mortal realm… you’ve got all the time in the world…

        Yup, that’s right. You’d be watching people you know masturbate.

        • SeekerLancer

          Dammit, you’re on to me.

  • JET

    God is a yenta. Who knew?

  • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ Tanner B James

    1.5 millions singles are waiting to find you. “Cus you know gawd is too busy with famines, plagues, F5 tornado’s, various wars, and little Timmy’s soccer game, to set anyone up.

    • allein

      I still don’t understand why, if God has a perfect match for you, finding him or her requires spending money and trolling through 1.5 million profiles on the internet. Why can’t he just snap his fingers and put your match in your path?

      • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ Tanner B James

        Well first that would be 750,000 profiles unless you are bi-sexual and like I said “god” (giver of death) is pretty busy dishing out hate upon his little petri dish experiment.

        • allein

          D’oh! Sorry, not a mathy person. Maybe I need Hemant to tutor me.

      • The Other Weirdo

        Because the last time He tried that, He had ended up having to drown all of His children in a bathtub.

  • Mario Strada

    I thought Christian Mingle was one of the weirdest dating sites, then I saw the Farmer’s connection or something like that for farmers. While at least that one is secular I would think that it would be pretty hard for farmers in America, hundreds of miles away from each other, to have productive dates. Methinks a bunch of farm themed cybersex is going on there.

  • DougI

    It’s always a threesome with Jesus.

  • Space Cadet

    The first time God played matchmaker we all got turned into sinning sinners who sin. I think I’ll pass on any help, thanks.

    • WallofSleep

      Are you telling me you don’t want a spouse that takes advice from a talking snake? Jeez, you’re gonna be real lonely with standards like that.

      • Space Cadet

        Well, there’s that, sure, but I also don’t want to go down in history as the person who brought forth something even worse than original sin. I mean, what if I did something so horrible, like eating from the Taco of Truth, and God goes and bans all Mexican food?

    • SeekerLancer

      Christian Mingle hasn’t started a rib donation service to just have God fashion you a perfect mate yet. I’m sure they’re working on it.

    • JET

      And he doesn’t have a problem hooking you up with a sibling, parent, or other close relative. Ewwwww….

  • Art_Vandelay

    Christianmingle.com…avoiding those awkward moments when you find out the person you’re dating doesn’t believe in the redeeming powers of child sacrifice.

  • JA

    You know what freaks me out? The fact that I can’t tell if the line below the guy’s nose or the black slit in his throat is his mouth.

  • Matt Bowyer

    If there has ever been a commercial that makes me roll my eyes every time I see it, it’s the Christian Mingle commercials. “Find God’s match for you.” Yeah, ’cause making sure that you’re not Forever Alone is so important to the supposed creator of the universe.


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