Playing Dungeons & Dragons Leads to Suicide, Says Pat Robertson

Two months ago, Pat Robertson talked about why kids needed to stay away from those hip “magic”-laden games like “Dungeons & Dragons”:

Today, on a show in which he discussed suicide, Robertson talked about the reasons children are at risk. There’s bulimia. And anorexia. And “Dungeons & Dragons.”

Not on Robertson’s list of factors leading to suicide? The Christian Right’s demonizing of LGBT youth.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

    He was always nuts. That’s not so much an observation on his religious beliefs but on his rather obvious lack of sanity. He has been making dead wrong predictions since at least the mid 1970s. And he still has the money pouring in and someone somewhere appears to take him seriously. I would think that even Evangelicals would be embarrassed by the crap he says.

  • ortcutt

    This is nothing new at all. The Christian Right has been going crazy about D&D for more than three decades now. Patricia Pulling founded B.A.D.D. (Bothered About Dungeons and Dragons) in 1982.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_Pulling

    Needless to say, the Centers for Disease Control has found no causal connection between role-playing games and suicide.

    Addendum: Here’s a video of the 1985 60 Minutes report documenting the 1980′s moral panic.

    http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=445_1232224067

    • David S.

      It’s nothing new, but most people gave up on blaming D&D. It’s like complaining about KISS; get with the times, dude!

  • Ahab

    Oh, Pat . . . fundamentalists bashing Dungeons & Dragons is SO thirty years ago. And why is it always Dungeons & Dragons? Why is it that fundamentalists never go after Warhammer 40,000, or any of the Old World of Darkness games?

    • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

      They don’t know those exist? I’m sure the idea of Vampire, Mage, and Exalted (both tabletop and LARP) would blow their minds! Or, of course, space marines and chaos demons and the God-Emperor and such in a world where there are absolutely no good guys.

      • Michael

        One common interpretation of 40K is that, with mankind abandoning all belief in the supernatural, the four lords of chaos had free reign to consolidate their powers until they reached a level of influence where there were no good guys after all and we did it to ourselves.

        But let’s hope they never figure that out or they’ll be using 40K as a proselytizing tool. Believe in God or face a dark future where there is only war.

        • Ahab

          I’m getting a mental image of televangelists incorporating Warhammer 40K themes in their preaching now.

          “Ending school prayer and teaching evolution will turn this country away from God! It can only have one result! The birth of Slaanesh, who will tear a fissure in the fabric of reality itself and eat our souls when we die!”

          • WallofSleep

            Shit, they already do to some extent.

            “Blessed is the mind too small for doubt.”

            “An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded.”

            “There is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt.”

            “A small mind is easily filled with faith.”

            • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

              Indeed. One of the fun/scary things about 40k is reading all the Inquisitorial quotations … and realizing you hear shit like that IRL.

            • Ahab

              “There is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt.” = “We are all wretched sinners”, anyone?

          • baal

            It’s too bad they don’t. That’d be more interesting then the endless focus on SSM or how they are being oppressed for having to live like other people exist.

        • The_Emperor

          Actually, the 4 Chaos Gods are different aspects of Christianity.
          Khorne is the typical Christian, willing to spill blood in the name of a God of ‘Peace’
          Tzeentch is the aspect of the Christians who believe in conspiracies and complex plots to be able to control the masses
          Nurgle is the aspect of the decrepit hierarchs of the Christian Right. The fools who refuse to evolve with the rest of society and thus become diseased and grotesque to all others
          Finally, Slaanesh is the aspect most people follow in that the repression causes us to experiment with ‘vice and sin’ however the suckers find shame in it while the intelligent people realize that the Christian Coalition is Full of shit.

      • Ahab

        Heh heh. Werewolf The Apocalypse would leave them hysterical, with the Triat, spirits, and Gaia-worship!

        • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

          I kinda want to know what they’d think of the new Shadowrun, with Internet spirits …

      • randomfactor

        It’s not that THEY don’t know newer games exist. The suckers they feed upon don’t know–and won’t send money.

    • WallofSleep

      “Why is it that fundamentalists never go after Warhammer 40,000, or any of the Old World of Darkness games?”

      Because Jack Chick never covered any of that?

      http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.ASP

      • SeekerLancer

        You’d think having someone in his comic SUCCESSFULLY CAST MAGIC would turn more people on to D&D and away from Jesus. I mean, when does God ever deliver the goods like that?

        The suicide thing in that comic doesn’t even make sense either. There doesn’t seem to be anything demonic about it. It just seemed like the girl had some screws loose and was unhealthily attached to her character. He could’ve at least shown demons tormenting her or something.

        Very lazy Jack, very lazy.

      • Yoav

        Was there some fundi comicon recently that got them all thinking of old Chick tracts these last few days, I wander which one they will be acting next?

      • Gus Snarp

        Oh that’s good stuff. Jack Chick could almost be the ultimate Poe. What I really don’t get though, aside from actually believing witches cast magic spells far more effective from any prayer, is what’s up with Christians and book burning? Do they not see the historical connection?

    • Alice

      Because they would have to do research to learn about the big scary world outside the fundie cloister, and you know they’re deathly allergic to that.

    • Michael W Busch

      Send them to learn about Wraith. That one was creepy…

      • Ahab

        But don’t tell them about Demon The Fallen! We’d never hear the end of it.

        • Michael W Busch

          How about Call of Cthulhu?

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      Seriously, World of Darkness! Why NOT go after that? I never ERPed in D&D, but sometimes it was practically a requirement in Vampire.

      Or Werewolf.

      Or Changeling.

      Or Mage.

      Or Mummy.

      Or Street Fighter. >.>

      • WallofSleep

        Ok, my geek-fu is not as strong as I thought. What does “ERP” mean?

        • SeekerLancer

          *cough* Erotic Roleplaying *cough*

          • WallofSleep

            *sigh* I had to ask.

            • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

              Don’t feel bad. I didn’t learn what that meant until I started playing WoW. You learn what that means pretty damn quick when just riding through Goldshire :/

              • C.L. Honeycutt

                *facepalms* I just left a dead realm I’ve been on for years and joined a strong RP server that is part of a CRZ triad of Goldshire badness. 150+ people, all sitting in the inn, 95% of them on female toons with no clothes on, doing dance emotes for four to six hours a day, every day.

                Teh horruh. Teh horruh.

                And even that makes sense compared to the people constantly recruiting for modern “family” and “college” RP groups.

                • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

                  Oh you poor, poor soul. You joined an RP realm. That was your first mistake …

                • C.L. Honeycutt

                  I was invited by a really cool friend. She’s a total furvert. So there. :P

                  Actually, I was previously on an RPPVP realm, but neither one ever occurred. I kid you not, it was so dead that if not for CRZ, I would see maybe as many as two other people in all of the Vale and the Shrine of Seven Stars.

            • C.L. Honeycutt

              Yes, yes you did :P

              Mind you, “erotic role playing” is not the same thing as “roleplaying sex” (except in World of Warcraft, where it’s a terrible idea anyway, because the other person might turn out to be like fourteen.) Roleplaying sex face to face in that context is not a great idea anyway.

              At its best, it’s just acting with intensity and passion. At its worst, or, well, even its usual, it is not so great as that.

        • C.L. Honeycutt

          *coughs*

          Erotic Role Playing.

          >.>

    • SeekerLancer

      Those just never ended up in the media I suppose. Fundies aren’t exactly renowned for their research. They don’t even actually know what D&D is beyond what they imagine it to be.

    • Discordia

      Or the game Call Of Cthulhu? Like…. damn, dude. There is a game involving Ancient Evil and people going batshyt crazy and all the numby fundies can complain about is D&D? Really?

    • The_Emperor

      Pray that Patty doesn’t sit down and actually read the Warhammer 40K books and denounce the game as blasphemy and paganism once he finds out that Christianity is a dead religion with the more brutal and effective (in Christian eyes) worship of the God Emperor (and it isn’t Jesus..oh God the humanity)

  • onamission5

    Hey Pat, don’t forget rock-n-roll music and that backwards masking, those are leading our kids to downfall, too.
    (does this need a sarcasm tag? hmmm.)

    • Ahab

      I say we all listen to vintage Judas Priest tonight, just to make Pat Robertson mad.

  • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

    Oh the humanity, look at the horror in this picture.

    • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

      What convention is this at and when? It’s clearly an RPGA event (I can see the guy filling out the AR).

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

        No clue, I pulled it from the intertubes.

        • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

          :(

          • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

            Sorry about that. I just wanted to show how depressed these people truly are. Look how sad they appear to be.

            • Hat Stealer

              They’re roleplaying. The paladin just died.

              • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

                Sadly a lot of people don’t know that role playing is all they are doing.

              • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

                Heh. No, the game just ended and they’re concentrating on filling out the paperwork afterwards. Filling those out takes math, thus the concentrating faces.

                Plus if it’s a late-con game, they’re all sleep deprived messes.

            • C.L. Honeycutt

              Even as a gamer, it always amused me how everyone looked sad or pissed off while having a great time. It’s like how with my family, when one of us is really enjoying a book, we look like we want to strangle the book. :P

              • Michael

                That’s because if you smile everybody assumes you’re the mole.

                • C.L. Honeycutt

                  Ahhhh, the one reality show I ever found to be not stupid… until everyone figured out how to play it.

    • griffox

      I can see the evil in that woman’s eyes. The others must be praying to satan; they’ve all got their heads bowed.

      • Spuddie

        A woman playing D&D?

        That’s like finding a unicorn carrying the Holy Grail while frolicking with Bigfoot.

    • Ted Thompson

      I never played. Always wanted to, never did.

    • The_Emperor

      Yup. They certainly look like a evil group of satan worshipers. OMG, are those aborted fetuses on the table? And are the fetuses surrounding an Altar? OMG they are going to be sacrificed to the BEAST! Someone call Pat Robertson or Chris Santorum! This is the BIG BREAK and PROOF they need to Prove D&D is Satan Worship!

  • jdm8

    Groan. This man is decades out of date.

    • Alice

      Wow, you’ve met fundies that aren’t? :)

  • flyb
  • JWH

    The icosahedron is the devil’s plaything.

  • https://www.facebook.com/GentleGiantDK GentleGiant

    There’s also a movie in the making addressing this very issue!
    http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jrralls/rpgs-are-evil-dark-dungeons-the-movie

    (yes, it’s a spoof/comedy movie)

    Based on the Chick Tracts, especially the Dark Dungeons one:
    http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.ASP

  • JoseValdes

    It’s truly some kind of amazing statistical anomaly that all of my friends and I (who are all right around 40 years old and have been playing D&D since the early 1980′s) have all managed to, despite our hobby:

    1. Grow up without killing ourselves in a frenzy of whatever they think goes on in D&D games.

    2. Get married to 100% normal, non-Satanic spouses – most of whom don’t share our hobby.

    3. Raise kids (about 20% of us are non-breeders… the rest of them have kids who like hiding the dice and play with our expensive miniatures in the pool).

    4. Become law-abiding, productive members of society.

    I think the only thing that Pat Robertson and his ilk are right about is that D&D teaches critical thinking skills… so yeah, most of us are atheist.

    • anniewhoo

      I just thought of all of the kids that I used to play D&D with in the 80s. Every single one of them is a productive member of society. But of course, this is just anecdotal evidence. I don’t have access to the scientific research that Pat Robertson surely utilized before making this claim.

      • Gus Snarp

        Of the people I played with and still know, I’m the only productive member of society, but I’m certain the D&D was not the cause.

    • WallofSleep

      “… my friends and I… have all managed to… Get married to 100% normal, non-Satanic spouses…”

      Dear lord. How horrible for y’all. I am truly sorry to hear that. :P

      • Psychotic Atheist

        It should be pointed out that he is using ‘normal’ in the context of being a roleplayer :D

        • JoseValdes

          Very true.

          I’m sure my wife would be completely abnormal in the opinion of people like Pat. She is mid-way through a full-sleeve Star Wars tattoo featuring primarily Sith and bounty hunters, collects Todd MacFarlane action figures and strange perfume oils, and loves music festivals.

          Another friend’s wife is a ghost hunter who has written several books debunking shoddy methodology and crapping all over the over-hyped Florida “haunts.”

          Another is a nutritionist for an assisted-living facility and doesn’t like coming over while we’re gaming because, “you guys are way too damn loud.”

    • Gus Snarp

      I thought D&D was exceptionally good at demonstrating the made up nature of religions.

  • WallofSleep

    Pat, the ’80s called. They want their baseless hysteria back.

    • SeekerLancer

      That’s if Pat even realizes what decade he’s in anymore.

    • Antinomian

      The 1180′s?

  • cary_w

    OMG!!! According to him I should be so dead right now!!!

    • cary_w

      Oooo….. And I think my son has been playing all those other games he’s never heard of!

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

      You can’t use OMG, you’re an atheist.

      • WallofSleep

        How about OYG?

        Oh Your God!!!

        No? Give me a minute, I’ll think of something.

        • C.L. Honeycutt

          OFFS!

        • Space Cadet

          Oh Missing God!

      • cary_w

        I live in Utah, around here OMG means “Oh my gosh!” :-P

      • Artor

        Sez the guy using the FSM as his avatar…

        • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

          It’s a joke. Some asshat said this the other day.

          http://amarillo.com/opinion/editorial/2013-06-07/editorial-atheist-group-mocks-freedom-religion

          Do atheists use the phrase “OMG?”

          Lord only knows why they would.

          • Discordia

            To be nitpicky, when one says “oh my god” they are referring to THEIR specific god and not one god in particular. So the G in OMG could very easily refer to the FSM, may Pesto be with us all. It is merely the Christian that assumes the word “god” refers to THEIR god ALL THE TIME.

            And, Jesus Christ, I will say OMG if I want to and if they don’t like it, they can lump it.

      • Michael W Busch

        OFSM ?

        • Spuddie

          OMLOG (Oh my lack of god)?

    • http://springygoddess.blogspot.com/ Astreja

      And *I* should’ve keeled over after that all-night dungeon crawl in 1985.

      Pat, grow the fuck up or I’m *so* rolling for initiative. :-D

      • Discordia

        You should get a +4 bonus because he obviously got a critical miss on a Knowledge check.

  • anniewhoo

    “I think many of these automobile accidents are actually death by cars.”

    What the what what??

    • griffox

      I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who picked up on that. What’s next? being killed to death?

    • SeekerLancer

      I think he was trying to say that he thinks a lot of teenage auto-accidents are actually disguised suicides but the way he said it was hilarious.

      • anniewhoo

        I’m sure that’s what he meant… but the way he jumbled it made absolutely no sense, just like everything else Pat Robertson says.

  • WallofSleep

    Pat, it’s pernicious pricks like you that prevented me from being able to wear all the kick ass metal t-shirts in high school that all my friends had. Please, just retire to some place so fucking pleasant that we never hear from you again.

  • wanderer

    I like how in the first clip the host lady keeps whispering “yeah” as if her heart is broken.

  • Frank Key

    We must not overlook: the 700 Club demographic does not include people with a wide knowledge of the secular world. Adults are overwhelmingly concerned with providing basic needs for the family while learning the fundamentals of “right” and “wrong” from “godly principled” people like Robertson. I have some relatives that fit in this group – and, gee, it is sad to see. They see my atheism and college education as “proof” of how too much knowledge will “lead one astray from the word of God”. That simplistic world view and its use to condemn those they do not understand is the norm for too many otherwise decent folks.

    Sadly, Robertson and CBN have gotten ridiculously wealthy off the huge number of $10.00 monthly donations their mail in. As long as the $$$$ keep pouring in, we’ll keep seeing more and more of these type clips.

    • WallofSleep

      This is the kind of shit I heard all the time from the adults in my family when I was growing up. Let me tell you, it’s pretty fucking depressing when a young kid learns he’s smarter than the “grown-ups” charged with raising him.

    • griffox

      Yes. My family was talking about how incredible the internet is and how much knowledge is available nowadays and my dear grandmother very sweetly said, “I think you can learn too much for your own good.” I just smiled and nodded, but the greater implication was that we’re better off ignorant so we can follow the Bible and not ask too many questions that will lead to more doubt.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Harrison/23417637 Michael Harrison

        I remember a checkout line conversation I was in. I mentioned I’m a huge bibliophile, and she suggested a book I should really read: the Bible. Which taken on its surface I guess indicates that literacy is an automatic sign of heathenism.

  • LesterBallard

    People still play D&D?

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      LOTS. And respect the game! Do you have any idea how many movies, books, and video games owe their existence to D&D?

      …as it owes its existence to wargaming and LotR, admittedly.

      • LesterBallard

        I respect your right to play and enjoy the game, but I don’t respect the game itself ;-) .

        • C.L. Honeycutt

          Oh, so you just pretend to “tolerate” it, do ya, you inconsistent atheist! Hate site! HATE SITE!

          …Ugh. Even making fun of those (that?) guys’ Stupid makes me throw up a little.

  • Belaam

    I wasn’t happy with 4th edition rules, but suicide seems extreme.

  • Jasper

    It’s only suicide to split the party

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      For the characters AND the GM.

  • Embrace Reason

    Played D&D for years and never contemplated suicide because of it. The only time I DID think about killing myself was when Pat Robertson came in 2nd in the Iowa caucus.

  • Matt Bowyer

    People still worry about D&D? I thought it was video games these days that were bad?

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    So just to make sure I have the complete list of things that dungeon & dragons causes

    1) demonic possession
    2) deals with the devil
    3) joining a cult/ practicing witchcraft/ becoming wiccan
    4) you lose all sense of reality and kill your best friends
    5) satanic powers to make your parents buy you figurines
    6) And finally depression and suicide

    Who knew that you got so many things when you started to play the game?

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      I always thought the fucking game just made you broke. Good to know I (eventually) nipped that demonic possession thing in the bud.

      • Michael W Busch

        These days, DnD is free as long as you have internet access for d20 SRD. Unless you want to have miniatures. That can get expensive (although on-demand 3D printing makes custom miniatures affordable if you’re willing to spend the time designing).

        • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

          I still buy books, because I support people making the products and if I don’t give them money, they’ll stop making them.

          • Michael W Busch

            Modules and campaign settings I will buy, if I or whoever is running the campaign for my group at the time doesn’t want to write one – but for our last three campaigns we’ve been using our own material (based off of the old WoD and Traveller rulebooks). My point applied only to the DnD core ruleset, at least for 3.5.

            • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

              Ah. Then yeah, that totally works. You can’t even get the 3.5 PHB and DMG anymore, unless you get lucky in a Half Price Books or on Ebay.

              • David S.

                Actually they released new collector’s editions of the 3.5 PHB, DMG and MM, along with a bunch of the other 3.5, 2ed and 1st edition books. You can buy it new on Amazon for about $35 now.

                • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

                  Oh so? Cool.

        • C.L. Honeycutt

          Yeah, but playing with books on a laptop and individual pages printed out simply isn’t fun. It’s a bit of a conundrum, since I dislike giving Wizards of the Coast money after they abused Magic: the Gathering (seven total sets in its first four years, then seven more sets in its fifth year), put out the same product for D&D over and over and over (admittedly TSR was edging that way and damaging the game anyway), and then bought and immediately buried the very promising SLA Industries game, and who knows how many others.

  • WallofSleep

    D&D doesn’t kill people. Dungeon Masters kill people.

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      ALL the people. Fuck it, rocks fall…

  • islandbrewer

    D&D, really? I thought it was listening to Stairway and Ozzy.

  • Sadaq

    Crap, I’ve been playing D&D (and other tabletops) for YEARS. Better go throw myself off Mount Baker!

  • WallofSleep

    I was more of a Steve Jackson geek when it came to table top games. Car Wars FTW!!!

  • http://timbrannan.blogspot.com/ Timothy Brannan

    I need to get Pat to rant about my D&D book I published a few months back. I could use the sales bump!

    • WallofSleep

      No shit. You couldn’t pay for better publicity. D&D may well have just died a quiet death some time in the ’80s if not for all these fundie yahoos yammering on about it.

  • pagansister

    My children played D&D games growing up and they are both in their 40′s now. They haven’t committed suicide or done terrible things. Both are married and one has a child. Jeez, Pat, guess you are wrong yet again. The man is loopy but then that isn’t news to anyone.

  • Heathen Mike

    Ahhh Pat. Same shit, different day. He’s the same paranoid lunatic he’s always been, only he just gets gradually more doddering. What I am more disturbed by than his lunacy is the fact that he continues to have a quite large fan base to hang on his every word like it’s straight from God, which he often suggests it is.

    My dearly departed mother was one of those people. She literally would read from his written drivel to “us,” the captive family, around dinner in the mid-1970s. She voted for Pat in the Republican primary back in …when was it? 1988? He actually won my home state’s primary! I’m “so proud.”

    Mom swore she saw angels and demons on a recurrent basis. She also had it on good authority at various points that the rapture was going to happen in 1982, then when that failed…1986, then 1988; then she mysteriously did not recall ever having predicted such a thing. She and her equally off-balance best friend convinced themselves that they were end time prophets from the Book of Revelations.
    Mom was finally diagnosed with bipolar I disorder in her 50s and put on meds, which helped a lot. Funny thing about that is that the mental health diagnostic manual actually gives a pass to delusional thinking people so long as their delusions are commonly shared by whatever subculture to which they belong (an offshoot of Pentecostalism in Mom’s case). Think about that. You might be somewhat psychotic and be mistaken for, and respected for, just being religiously devout. Wow! My older brother’s declared atheism at age 10 just proved to Mom that Satan was hard at work.
    I picture the typical Pat Robertson devotee as someone like Mom, an under-educated frustrated housewife, whose life is unfortunately disappointing and who therefore feels the irresistible urge to embellish life with religious fantasy. Prime sitting ducks for the likes of Pat Robertson’s fund-raising machinery. Thanks, Pat! Thanks a lot!

    • Ahab

      Sadly, this kind of delusional thinking is common among the more fundamentalist Charismatics and Apostolics. Preachers like Lou Engle and Cindy Jacobs fancy themselves prophets, as do many preachers with far smaller fan bases.

      About your mother’s prophesy (which she later denied), I have a similar story. After attending a concert in Philadelphia, a former friend who converted to Apostolic Christianity “prophesied” that he would return to Philadelphia, whereas I would never go to the city again. I’ve been to Philadelphia seven or eight times since then, and he has conveniently forgotten his “prophesy”.

      I think extreme forms of religion not only cover up delusional thinking, but exacerbate it. Fundamentalist churches can put a lot of unhealthy ideas in the heads of unwell people.

  • WallofSleep

    Speaking of RPGs, I’ve recently been playing Skyrim for the first time (I know, I know), and I’ve come to a few conclusions:

    1. If my follower yawns one more fucking time, I’m gonna bust their lip.
    2. Dogs and horses are haters who won’t let me get my sneak on.
    3. The archers of the realm are unethical knee shooters.
    4. Holy shit!!! Goats are amphibious?!?!
    5. One minute, you can slay a dragon like a super-badass. The next, you can get your ass handed to you by a common fucking bear.
    6. Carrying enough hardware to supply a small militia? Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. But pick one more goddamn flower…

  • http://boldquestions.wordpress.com/ Ubi Dubium

    I’m laughing at the question about video games where the characters “actually cast magic”. (Oooh, scary!) For some reason the game that keeps popping into my mind is Lego Harry Potter. Adorable little demonic Legos. Next thing you know he’ll be going after our Ponies. I’m told Friendship is Magic, so we’d better not be having any of that friendship stuff either, too dangerous.

    • Spuddie

      Not the ponies!!!

    • Ahab

      If Pat Robertson is smart, he won’t make enemies out of the Bronies and Pegasisters! I’m serious!

  • Gus Snarp

    Wait, this is current? Pat’s still on about D&D? That was old news when I was a teenager playing AD&D 2e.

    I’m becoming fascinated by the media consumed by old people. That’s the only audience for Pat (and most of Fox News), right? But is Pat smart enough to know he’s playing to an old and out of touch audience, or his he just completely senile and honestly doesn’t remember the last thirty years and that happens to work because his audience doesn’t either? Because I’d really feel bad if I was making fun of a guy with Alzheimer’s.

  • Warren

    I didn’t know I was dead. I missed my own suicide damn!

  • Guest

    Ah yes, more wisdom from the reigning King of Derp.

  • Discordia

    So…. no one committed suicide until D&D came out? What about when people really WERE running around in chain mail and swinging swords and using bows and hunting witches? Back in them days there were castles and dungeons and warlords and hordes and traveling monks and clerics and so forth. There were tales of dragons and sea monsters and unicorns. Was suicide an issue back then?

  • Discordia

    Besides… role playing games are nothing more than the childhood beta games of Let’s Pretend updated for adults to include rule books. Table top miniature games are just Toy Soldiers with rules. Just shows that we are all kids at heart. Except for those poor souls who have never had a childhood or who don’t have a heart.

  • Guest

    I personally think all the worlds problems are caused by a combination of rock-and-roll music, especially heavy metal, social networking, video games, the internet, television, movies and most importantly, that pesky Constitution of ours which allows all these tools of the Devil to permeate our Christian society. What this country needs is a national religion, preferably some type of fundamentalist/evangelical Christianity, more prayer and rule under Biblical law. We also need to deport all them dirty illegals that come here and try to shove their culture and beliefs into our purely Christian society. Pat, you’re so fu–ing smart you should be appointed as High Priest of our theocracy and live in a palace made of gold and ivory to reflect your piousness. Hallelujah!

    • Spuddie

      Cute post. Sign on. We need more Poe’s law generators.

  • Nick

    This reminds me of the time my brother and I were kids and he came home from the Catholic School he went to and brought home a flyer telling parents of the dangers of Pokemon (This was late 90′s), which GASP! could lead to D & D!! It also talked about how Brock was a skirt chaser and not a good role model for boys, it was filled with facepalm statements like that. My family had a pretty good laugh about it.

  • Anna

    Does anyone under the age of 60 actually watch The 700 Club? I can’t imagine younger evangelicals hopping on board Pat Robertson’s crazy train, not that the alternatives (Mark Driscoll, etc.) are any better.


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X