The (Abstinence) Loophole by Garfunkel and Oates

Earlier this year, I posted a live clip of the hilarious duo Garfunkel and Oates singing about a loophole to abstinence that Jesus would undoubtedly approve of…

Well, the official video is out today (needless to say, the lyrics and video are NSFW):

A sampling of the lyrics:

Whatever you do, don’t touch my clitoris
If you ring Satan’s doorbell God can’t ignore this
And no prophylactics when you put it in
’Cause birth control’s for sluts and it’s a sin
I emptied my bowels
And laid out the towels
I’m ready for romance
Now I’m praying to the power that’s the highest
But of all of my holes this one’s the driest
And we can’t procreate if we anally copulate
And God’s okay with sodomy but only if you’re straight

Gotta love abstinence anthems.

"Now, I’m not stupid. I may be a woo-woo, crystal-worshiping homosexual, but I know that ..."

New York Times Essay Calls for ..."
"Crikey, it's too bad Jeffress doesn't belong to a religion that prohibits lying.Thou shalt not ..."

“America Is a Christian Nation” Billboards ..."
"Bill and Ted could tell you without invoking a god."

As Non-Religious Numbers Grow, More Parents ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment