This Is (Probably) What Happens When Rick Santorum Heads Up a Movie Studio

If you haven’t heard yet, one-time Presidential hopeful and long-time frothy mixture Rick Santorum is now the CEO of EchoLight Studios, “a faith-based film company.”

Fred Clark summarizes what the company is:

Pretty much what you might guess: A low-budget studio producing aggressively “wholesome,” mostly direct-to-DVD films featuring struggling former TV actors who further struggle trying to transcend material that also couldn’t cut it on TV.

Jack Vance has his own ideas, too:

I figured that [Santorum] getting his hands on a film company would result in several classic Hollywood films being remade with terrible production values, awful Christian music (yes, that was redundant), and Chuck Norris cast in the leading role no matter what.

(Though Jack goes on to say that he agrees with Santorum; most Christian movies are pretty damn cheesy.)

Funny or Die has already gotten ahold of the trailer for what I can only assume is an upcoming EchoLight movie:

The movie studio’s name — EchoLight — makes perfect sense, too. So few people will ever watch these films that they won’t ever be talked about. Hence, the echo will be light. Brilliant.

But everyone’s missing the best part of this news: Rick Santorum running a movie studio means no Rick Santorum running for office and no Rick Santorum ever winning another election, even in a conservative stronghold.

If he can convince his fellow conservatives to join him on this new endeavor, he might actually make a positive contribution to our national discourse.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Jennie

    Anyone else see the headline and immediately think that Santorum had joined the gay porn industry?

    • Hat Stealer

      You mean he hasn’t already?

      I must have been watching the wrong kinds of gay porn.

    • sk3ptik0n

      What I am really surprised is that no one has come up with a brand name for lube that’s “santorum” sounding like. “Sandorum lube! It facilidade pleasure”
      Or something like that.

  • Tobias2772

    Please god, starring (and time-consuming) roles for Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, Lindsey Graham, etc. ad infinitum.

  • Art_Vandelay

    I don’t understand how people call Dawkins the world’s most famous atheist. Doesn’t Brad Pitt completely dwarf him?

    • 3lemenope

      Jackie Chan and Jet Li are both Buddhists of an atheistic sort, and I’m pretty sure they’d be the top competition for most recognizable person in the world, never mind most recognizable non-theist.

      • Art_Vandelay

        Eh…I don’t buy into that “buddhists are atheists” thing. The Dalai Lama claims to be a naturalist but if you read about the birth of Buddha, it makes the Jebeezus virgin thing look perfectly reasonable.

        • Oranje

          I don’t know. I mean, I follow it as a philosophy and rather beautiful metaphor. The idea of reincarnation being the best traits about you, your best acts, being carried on by others: I like that. I like the meditative aspects. The peaceful aspects. Do I believe in divinity and personality cults and a literal soul? No. But I do find it to be a very compatible philosophy for me living my life.

          Of course, there are literalists who would probably burn down my house for those views, so there’s that.

    • peter

      I might agree with you – but who the hell is Brad Pitt?

      • Art_Vandelay

        Isn’t that Brad Pitt in that video that Hemant posted?

      • John (not McCain)

        He’s a former Playgirl model who’s been in a popular movie or two.

  • http://nomadwarriormonk.blogspot.com/ Cyrus Palmer

    That’s some funny shit right there.

  • Matthew Baker

    Isn’t there a general rule that entertaining and heavy-handed moralizing are kind of incompatible?

    • sane37

      no touch BDSM?

  • Brian Westley

    “If you’ve got a message, send a telegram” — Sam Goldwyn

  • Bryan Sebeck

    There’s a heck of a lot of amusement in their list of films.

    http://www.echolight.com/films/

    Notice how many feature Corbin Bernsen, the kind of terrible actor who is best known for playing the dad on Psych.

    • duke_of_omnium

      Not true. His best-known role was Arnie Becker on L.A. Law. Or possibly that balding guy in Major League

      • Bryan Sebeck

        Meh. I’m under 30. So, please forgive if I don’t recognize the importance of a show that I’ve never heard of which hasn’t been on air in nearly 20 years.

        • duke_of_omnium

          Point taken

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1353603101 Joe Montoto

    Well, at least this will keep Kirk Cameron off the welfare line!

  • Jason Hinchliffe

    http://www.echolight.com/beyondtheheavens/

    Here’s my personal favourite. The description of the film is comic gold.

  • duke_of_omnium

    “Coming to theaters” it says. That seems awfully optimistic!

  • DougI

    Finally, another outlet for D list actors to get some work.

    • Matthew Baker

      I always wondered what happened to Crystal Bernard from Wings now we know.

  • sk3ptik0n

    I looked at their film list (most of them with good production values, I must say) and I discovered that not only they have all these films made, but potentially there dozen more they can produce by just taking the existing screenplays and cutting and pasting the various acts of different films into new ones. It’s quite amazing.

    As I said, the production values are quite high, as opposed to their writing abilities. It’s very fortunate that they are unable to be less heavy handed in their story treatments. If they ever learn to be a bit more subtle instead of using religion as a sledgehammer, I can see many of these films passing muster with regular audiences.

    Let’s hope they never learn. Once before I was fooled by a free kindle novel and read about halfway only to discover that the whole novel was about these christian secret agents struggling with their attraction but not wanting to compromise their virginity. It’s like the first part of the novel was written by a normal guy and the rest was finished by his pastor I never want to see the film equivalent of that.

  • WallofSleep

    Rick Santorum is a miserable piece of… well, I could go on for days about all the reasons that asshole is deserving of contempt. But, the “frothy mixture” meme has to be on the list of my all time least favorite memes. Blech.

    • Nikita

      It isn’t a meme; it’s a definition. :)

  • duke_of_omnium

    I keep watching the video, partly (I think) because I saw the movie just last night. I think this movie would be better than the real one.

  • Robster

    Wouldn’t be much of an investment.

  • David Mock

    from Beyond the Heavens, “Science has limits that only faith can answer.” Ha.

  • grindstone

    Wait…. Didn’t EchoLight just release Man of Steel?

    (That’s sarcasm. I know they didn’t. But the sheer weight of religious imagery in that awful film gave me eye-roll fatigue .)

  • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

    Santorum – The film. One man, foaming at the mouth with righteousness must stand against the deluge mortal sin. Society has force some hard sin down his throat and he just isn’t going to take more before he explodes.

    It just kind of writes itself, now doesn’t it?

    Santorum II – The Quickening. (Exactly like the first, but with a prelude of tacos, beans and beer.”

  • randomfactor

    I think it’s e-Cho-light, like an e-coli infection but non life-threatening (usually…)


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