God Will Cry if You Play with That Toy

The good stuff begins at the 0:52 mark:

One YouTube commenter says it best:

The moral of the story is, it is better to rob your child of the simple joys of childhood than to disappoint your imaginary friend.

(via OnKneesforJesus4)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Georgina

    Had she at least suggested returning the toy, I might have had some sympathy for this evil women. However, throwing it away was baaaaad! Shame on her.

    • Janice Clanfield

      Wow. That was just sad. The moms manipulation was pretty slick though. Looks like ‘merika really is raising a generation of godbots.

  • Graham Martin-Royle

    This is just so sick, that there are people out there who are so into this sad mind frame that they’ll not even let their kids be kids.

    • J. J.

      It’s so sick I can’t make jokes about it. I find that cartoon completely appalling. It’s child abuse.

  • Greg G.

    Because if you realize that the warrior wizard’s magic is imaginary, you’ll learn to distinguish between the imaginary world and the real world.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor


      • Tainda

        Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!

        • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

          Sadly, I get that joke. I shouldn’t say sadly but not many people get it.

          • Tainda

            Aw come on, embrace your inner nerdy lol

  • Cyanmoon1

    That poor kid looks so sad, conflicted and depressed… I see years of expensive therapy in his future

    • Intelligent Donkey

      Just send the bills to that filthy rich megachurch they go to.

    • Miss_Beara

      He just has to pray harder. Therapy is from the devil.

  • skinnercitycyclist

    Norman Bates, the early years…

  • L.Long

    Typical religious BS forced onto others.

    I like ‘who likes magic….’ I challenge any xtian to show me where in the buyBull Satan used magic, you know like turning staffs into snakes, rivers into blood, or water into wine, you know gawd would never use magic.

  • deliriouslab

    WTF… The RECYCLE BIN???!??!11

    Seriously, of all this the recycle bin is the most disturbing thing. What’s going to happen to the magic in this wizard? Best case scenario, some triage plant worker finds the toy and gives it to his already-unsaved child. Worst case, the wizard gets melted and some fraction of it goes into hundreds of milk containers, and half the country gets infected with Satan-contaminated milk. Zombie apocalypse soon follows.

    What happened to good old-fashioned wizard burning? This would have been good training for the kid – after all, he should grow up to burn real, live witches later.

    • Oranje

      And here I was concerned that the wizard would be a number 5 or 6 plastic, or something else that community doesn’t recycle.

      • wesvvv

        1st world hipster Witness problems, can’t recycle kid’s evil toy…

    • wesvvv

      That would be an excellent sequel. Mom could tell her son all about the thousands of women burned alive by religious zealots just like her.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    This cartoon has me again asking what is the difference between magic and miracles. Really though, the mom won’t let her kid play with a fictional character because he has magic powers? She acts as if the toy has real magical powers.

    • Intelligent Donkey

      Now pay attention. Magic is bad (Satan), miracles are good (God). This is not difficult!

      I’m amazed how much Christians actually believe in magic. I don’t believe in magic, and I’m a big fan of Harry Potter. Perhaps that’s why I’m an atheist? Because I read more than just “Carefully Selected Highlights from The Most Holy Bible”?

      No, that couldn’t be it?

      • TrickQuestion

        I had a long ongoing discussion with a co-worker (like, months) and every time he said “miracle” or “god’s power” i corrected with “magic”. I asked him to explain the difference between magic and miracle power and he did the christian sidestep to another subject, every time.

        • RG

          It’s all the same, but only God is supposed to have the power. Anyone else using it obviously got the power from satan.^

          In case you didn’t know ^ denotes sarcasm in text.

          • wesvvv

            All power comes from God, therefore Satan’s power comes from God.

            Check and mate.

            • trj

              Almighty God could swat Satan like a fly, but he doesn’t because, er… free will or something. It’s complicated. Also, despite God being omnipotent he has to have a tremendous battle with Satan’s forces, even though he could just snap his fingers and be done with it.

              If there’s one thing you can say about God, it’s that he never takes the easy way out. Everything he does has to be needlessly supercomplicated.

              • busterggi

                That’s because god has a plan.

                A ridiculously convoluted nonsensical pointless plan that Rube Goldberg designed for him.
                And the fact that the universe was around for billions of years before Goldberg was born is just part of that plan.

              • C.L. Honeycutt

                Hey, he made Pharaoh act even worse than he naturally would have for no other plausible reason than to make things more dramatic. The deity has a sense of theater at least.

          • IDP

            That was exactly the argument I was given for why He-Man was “bad” back in the 80′s. He-Man got his power from a magic sword and not from God. Thankfully, my folks were religious but sane, and let me watch all the He-man I wanted, and also DuckTales, which “glorifies greed.” I’m pretty sure I would have been inconsolable for days if I had to throw a beloved toy that was a gift from a friend in the trash bin. I took a My Little Pony with me during a fire drill despite being told to leave the room immediately and not take anything with.

            • IDP

              …and can’t you just imagine how (not) awesome He-Man would have been if done the godly way? “By the power of the Bible! God…has…the…powerrrrrrr!”

              • C.L. Honeycutt

                Well, he was a blue-eyed, blonde-haired, proclaimed “Master of the Universe” who wore an iron cross on his chest. One would kind of assume he was Christian, really.

  • http://snigsfoot.blogspot.com/ Rob Crompton

    This is from the Watch Tower Society – the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The folk amongst whom stories circulated at one time of Smurf dolls coming to life and attacking kids.

    • MarkTemporis

      They appear to be making actually-earnest versions of the wonderful cartoon “Morel Orel”. It would be fun to swap the two.

      • ShoeUnited

        Which is kind of a satirized version of Davey and Goliath.

    • http://stevebowen58.blogspot.co.uk/ Steve Bowen

      La la -la la la la -la la la I’m coming to get you la la…

    • allein

      Oh come on, everyone knows the toys only come to life when the kid is out of the room. Haven’t they seen that documentary from a few years back… Toy Story I think it was called…?!

      • allein

        (Did Toy Story have Smurfs at all? I don’t recall from the first 2 and I never saw the third.)

        • Christopher Borum

          No Smurfs, but there was a Troll doll.

          • allein

            I remember the Troll doll.

            • busterggi

              I dated a troll doll back in the ’90′s but I don’t have enough energy anymore.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

      LOL! WUT?

  • RG

    Ugh. I know that kid’s look. It gave me flashbacks. It’s the look I made when I was forced to get rid of my star wars toy collection in the 80s because a televangelist convinced my mom they were based on real demons that George Lucas saw while on drugs.

    Also, telling your kids that magic (the devil version) is real, is only going to make it more appealing.

    • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

      My heart felt condolences.

  • Guest

    This is what a belief in a god does to people: terror, absolute, unthinking terror. Of hell, of god, of the devil, none of which have the slightest evidence that they exist. These people are convinced that there is a boogeyman out there who commands legions of lesser boogeymen, a boogeyman who demands absolute obedience, without question, without thought. It’s a mental slavery more profound than the slavery of the American South, and it’s made worse by the fact that the very slaves perpetuate their own enslavement. In fact, they demand that their enslavement be spread to others and rush headlong into enslaving their own children at the earliest possible age. It’s a perversion of the mind.

    • wesvvv

      The way you describe that is scarier than any scary movie I’ve ever seen.

  • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

    The epilog of the story is that they walk past the mothers dresser drawer, and it starts to make a buzzing sound. It ends with a sad Mommy throwing her toy that makes Jehovah cry into the recycle bin under the watchful eye of her son. (Yes, the sequel to this film is about 25 years of therapy.)

    • Spuddie

      Sometimes Mommy keeps her cellphone in the dresser. ;)

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        Mommy has lots of friends all over the world. In order to talk, they have to call her all night long!

  • Łukasz Jezierski

    And do you know, what Jehowa does to people who make him sad?

    • The Other Weirdo

      We know. It’s the sort of a thing a demon would think up. Or a petulant child who hadn’t been taught better manners.

    • Oranje

      Funny how said creature never actually tells us. There isn’t a status update for “that plastic wizard toy makes me sad.” Sounds like EmoJehowa, actually.

  • onamission5

    Yeah. This actually happens.

    I was disallowed from going to see the movie E.T. when it came out because, and I am paraphrasing here, Satan influenced Spielberg to make demons looks cute and cuddly so that we’d accept them with open arms when they came to earth for the Tribulation; movies with aliens are movies about demons.

    Welcome to my childhood, where my sister and I had to hide our shared Hulk comics lest our parents burn them along with their non-Christian books and records. It wasn’t like that all the time but we could never tell just when our folks were going to get a bug up their ass about being too worldly and host a bonfire.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

      My dad and I snuck into the drive in to watch E.T. when I was 12. He lived right next door and there was a big hole in the fence. Just bring a blanket and sit next to a speaker but I did cry at the end. I was sad E.T. had to go home.

      • onamission5

        I didn’t get to see E.T. until I was in my mid 20′s when I watched it with my own kid.

        • Spuddie

          I hope it was at least the original version and not that Director’s cut nonsense.

          • onamission5

            Heh, it was in the mid 90′s, so I dunno? Was the director’s cut out on video then?

            • Spuddie

              Thankfully no. That came in 2002.

            • C.L. Honeycutt

              In case you’re not familiar with that particular blasphemy, as an example, they edited out the federal agents’ guns and replaced them with walkie-talkies held at bizarre angles.

              • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

                I know you are being serious but that is really fucked up.

    • allein

      I was only disallowed from seeing movies that my parents knew would have me sleeping in their bed. Even at 11, Stand by Me and The Lost Boys (both rated R) were fine. But at 7, I was not allowed to watch Poltergeist (PG, for some reason) with my brother and cousins only because my parents weren’t stupid and knew I would never sleep (my brother was 9 at the time and my cousins were older). (And then I wound up with an ear infection and had to go to the hospital and they gave me lollipops which I then had to share with the other kids. Not a happy Christmas for me. ;-) )

      I’ve still never seen Poltergeist…

      • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

        Wouldn’t bother with Poltergeist. Yeah, it’s a classic, but it’s… really not all that great.

        • allein

          Yeah, not really planning to. I’m still not really a horror fan, anyway.

  • beatonfam

    Does anyone else think the mother’s eyebrows looked diabolical? Something about the way she moved them up and down made her look like she was possessed.

    • Oranje

      I got the “what other bullshit can I sell my kid?” look from them.

  • GeekyMonkey

    Yea, this could have been a scene from my childhood in the JWs too. I remember when I was 5 and one of my parents friends at a party asked me “What do you want to be when you grow up”. I was 5, and thought Speed Racer was the coolest. I said I wanted to be a race car driver. They all got a very stern look and sat me down and explained that Jehovah wouldn’t be happy if I did something that would endanger my life. I remember thinking to myself “Are these people for real!?, I’ve a long time before I decide what my job is going to be, and race car driver probably isn’t even a realistic choice”. It was that day that I learned an important lesson – I would have to lie to adults from then on to avoid this sort of idiotic conversation.

  • b s

    Unable to listen at work, used the closed captioning. I am not sure what was actually said, but this is some of what I got.

    0:14 skip scandals active yeah it’s hard

    0:38 you look pretty excited about death why don’t you come over here and get your snack

    1:23 no day getaway jail for and he had very sad

    I think their captioning needs a little work.

    • allein

      lol, I can’t watch at all at work but this has gotten my hopes up for later ;)

  • Tainda

    Holy crapballs! Adam and Eve are old!

    Poor kid :( Imagination is DANGEROUS! And I never heard the word “hate” so much in one little cartoon.

  • Ryan Hite

    Christianity is ruining childhoods and self esteem.

  • Sacks Romana

    I find this video fascinating. Is it intended to be viewed by children to teach them not to play with evil toys? Or is it intended as an instructional for adults on how to talk to their children about the subject of evil toys?

    Seeing this with no context, I initially thought it was a parody video made by atheists. Not because I can’t see this situation playing out in real life among the ultra-religious, but because the direction, animation, and voice-acting clearly makes the mom the villain. I’m not sure they could have made the mom sound any more condescending and manipulative with, “Oh, your “friend” gave this to you.”, “Do you “really” want to play with something Jehovah hates?”, and “So what do you think “you” should do with this toy?” Basic cinematic vocabulary (and body language) indicates that the mom is lying and being deceitful. Meanwhile the musical cues, until the very very end, identify with the child’s sadness at losing a toy. But why should he be sad if the toy is evil or if he believes it’s evil? His deadpan, rote answer of “Satan”, along with visible regret for thoughtlessly responding “mmmhmm” to the magical toy question in the first place, show that he clearly understands the toy isn’t actually magical or evil. Basically, the omniscient cues of this video are contradictory to its intended message.

    All of this reinforces my belief that nothing is healthier for a young mind than tons of science fiction (even if it isn’t always kind to the adolescent body).

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      Indeed, the animation and voicework are bizarrely tone-deaf. I can only guess that the people involved really aren’t familiar with “worldly” storytelling. Which. come to think of it, is the only excuse for how anyone could call any part of the Bible “The Greatest Story Ever Told”. Even Lucas wrote more believable dialogue. :P

  • http://www.everydayintheparkwithgeorge.com/ Matt Eggler

    I’m just surprised she didn’t get stoned for saying “Jehova” ; )


    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      *throws stone*

  • C.L. Honeycutt

    Right, Jehovah completely hates magic. That’s why he didn’t allow Moses to perform any magic spells miracles.

    Note her telling the kid that God loves him for obeying him. It’s another notch on the side of the board that reads “God loves humans like a child loves his toys”… which makes the whole video a near-perfect metaphor, actually, right down to throwing the loved one in a trash bin for committing the sin of existing as designed.

  • Mira

    The mom looks creepy and like she’s being super conniving the whole time, in my opinion…

    • busterggi

      Kinda like the ‘Other Mother’ from Coraline, eh?

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        Holy shit you’re right.

  • busterggi

    So are we supposed to believe that Jehovah (and why is Yahweh calling himself that?) has a comprehesive developement lab where he scientically creates universes & such rather than just using his magic powers to do so?

  • Matthew Baker

    Its good to know that the all powerful creator of the universe gets upset over a lump of painted plastic and not the stifling of creative imaginative play (that could lead to a lifetime of wonder and amazement) by an over zealous mother who feels she has enough hubris to determine said deity’s will.

  • Matt

    Holy crap that is the worst thing ever. The poor kid looked so crushed

  • Brian

    So apparently children’s tears make Jehovah happy. What a sadistic asshole.

  • Robster

    Is this Jehovah the same as that god stating with “Y” and all the other ones? He sounds like a real nasty piece of work, out to make wee kiddies all sad, crying and deprived. The child’s mother should be considered suspect, teaching her poor kid, the one that had no input into its own indoctrination, this absurdly silly stuff. He might grow up believing its true or something and we can’t have that.

  • Keane Sanders

    This is so disgusting I can’t even.

    And flashbacks to my childhood.

  • Sk3ptec

    Just for clarification… There’s no source referenced for this video. I mean, who made it? The caption on the blog entry says “Jehovah’s Witness video for children”, but I have a hard time believing the video was actually made by them. It’s just too stupid to be a legitimate video. But hey… I could be wrong. Source anybody?

  • Alee

    And in Part 2 the reanimated toy climbs out of the trash can and seeks his bloody revenge!!!!!

    Or more likely, the kid just sneaks back out to the trash can and collects the toy and places him in a spot he knows his mom won’t check. That way everyone wins. Except Jehova, I guess. Rats for Jehova.

  • Mark

    Did mommy give up her battery operated plastic toy?