There’s Only One Royal Baby…

… and his name is Jesus:

That’s just a sampling of what some Christians are saying on Twitter. The cringe levels are high on this one.

(via @StuffCCLikes)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • stop2wonder

    We live in America; where there are no royal babies.

    • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ TBJ

      nope, because in America we call them quarter pounder babies with cheese.

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        I have no words to describe how much I wish I had written this.

      • stop2wonder

        Pulp Fiction. One of my favorite quotable movies.

  • David Kopp

    I find it saddest that only one out of the 5 messages there is completely grammatically correct (some style points aside, capitalizing Royal, etc.).

    • Paula M Smolik

      People get lazy on their smart phones. A laptop keyboard is much easier.

  • Rain

    Wow, actual “royal baby envy”. How silly can people be? (Don’t answer that.)

    • Rain

      How silly can people be?

      They can be very silly, I assure you.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqhlQfXUk7w

    • Kingasaurus

      It’s nothing new.

      “Santa Claus envy” (from the same people) has been going gangbusters for quite a while now.

  • randomfactor

    “We’re bigger than Jesus.” –Another British citizen, quite a few years back now.

    • Buckley

      Later he sang: “god is a concept by which we measure our pain…”

  • MD

    This new royal baby, though, is absolutely real.

    • pagansister

      And I have a feeling he wasn’t immaculately conceived either! :-)

      • MD

        Fun point: making the baby’s the fun part.

        Pedantic point: Immaculate conception refers to the Virgin Mary being conceived without original sin.

        • pagansister

          So Mary’s parents never had sex? OK, that is as weird as Mary being made pregnant by Dad in heaven—incest?

          • MD

            Oh, Mary’s parents had sex, but her soul was born/created/placed without the stain if original sin. Original sin is disobedience and eating from the tree of the fruit of Knowledge, even after God told you not too. We are all born with the stain of something Adam and Eve did. Just not Mary, because God making himself be born of someone with original sin would be too weird.

            Catholicism isn’t supposed to make sense. Take it on faith.

  • Jason Hinchliffe

    Frankly, what’s cringe worthy is wasting the time to gather up some very predictable tweets so we can all obnoxiously laugh at other people. This is puerile crap.

    • Willy Occam

      You may have a point, in the same way that it’s unsportsmanlike to shoot fish out of a barrel. Just too easy of a target….

  • Susana Paço

    The thought of several really idiotic christians thinking “That stupid baby is filling out the news. They are not talking about my deity and rubbing my huge ego so i’m gonna cry about it.”
    A royal baby was born, unfortunately, many Christian “born again” adult babies are here to throw their temper tantrums everywhere.

  • Charles M Taylor

    Thankfully, their silliness is being drowned out by other silliness surrounding the birth.

  • http://www.everydayintheparkwithgeorge.com/ Matt Eggler

    OK, I have never cared a rat’s ass about the royals. Of course I have seen the headlines about the royal baby – if you care about actual, legitimate news you can’t avoid them – but I haven’t read a word of any of the articles or listened to any of the reports. I’ve never read any articles about royals in the past and probably never will. The notions of royalty and nobility are as absurd as religion.

    That said, what is with these people?!!?!?? Their need for one-upmanship is unbelievable! God forbid (no pun intended) that anyone should pay attention to any other unreasonably and artificially elevated and revered people but theirs. Seems they are a tad insecure.

    • allein

      The only reason I heard more than a couple minutes about the baby is because CNN was on the TV in the gym, and somebody turned up the volume (never mind the signs on each TV saying don’t touch ‘em). Also at lunch but that was in Spanish.

      And I would not have seen any tweet about it if not for this post. And I would have been blissfully unaware that there are such childish people out there.

  • apsalartoll

    Friend of a friend on facebook said “Its a shame this much publicity wasn’t available when baby Jesus was born.” I was just thinking, well then there definitely wouldn’t have been room at the inn. But seriously, even with actual Christian theology, part of the point is that Baby Jesus was born in humble circumstances and was raised in obscurity. Blah blah not an earthly king blah blah. Just another example of atheists knowing the religion better than the religionists do.

    • katiehippie

      They had angels and stuff, was god’s method not good enough for them?

      • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ TBJ

        Despite his alleged omni-this and that apparently he is impotent.

        • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ TBJ

          now I’m really going to hell.

          • The Other Weirdo

            Only just now? :)

      • Jeff

        Yeah, Jesus got a brand-spankin’-new STAR in the SKY. Twitter is small potatoes.

    • David Kopp

      If there had been this much publicity, would we have believed it?

    • jdm8

      I’ve heard the “no room at the inn” referred to being turned away because of the scandalous unwed pregnancy.

      • The Other Weirdo

        Christianity: one woman’s lie that got completely out of hand.

        • Stealth Avenue

          I prefer this one:

          Christianity: because you’re so awful, you made God kill himself.

          • The Other Weirdo

            I take my hat to you, sir. Your joke it superior to mine in every respect. :)

      • Degree in Religion

        Actually, back then it was not scandalous to become pregnant while engaged. The Xtns had to back-impose their prudishness on the birth fable to justify what they *thought* was a sin, also the reason the virgin birth myth came to be.

      • Kristi

        Huh. Indeed. I think Joseph more of a man just for taking on the prego one and marrying her anyway.

        • Stealth Avenue

          In all likelihood, the whole thing is fiction.

    • Jonas

      And part of what gives Jews pride is that they’re’s is a culture/religion from slaves. — Not Royalty. As for instance the Egyptian Kings and Queens were said to be descended directly from Gods.

    • Zugswang

      If there was that kind of publicity, there wouldn’t be any Christianity to speak of, because Herod would have straight-up murdered the kid.

  • Loic

    That’s kinda neat that the royals are naming their baby to pay tribute to Mexican-Americans, though! Oh, wait, that’s not what those tweets are saying…?

  • Jon Peterson

    On the other hand… why are we supposed to care about the birth of a new royal again?

    • Jen

      Well, I didn’t care…until I saw these idiotic tweets. Now, I’m delighted!

      • Kodie

        It’s just a different fairy tale.

    • Graham Martin-Royle

      So, some woman had a baby, big deal, lots of women had babies yesterday.

      • meekinheritance

        Yeah, it’s not like it’s a miracle or anything.

  • Stev84

    Every time you think Christians couldn’t get any more stupid, they prove you wrong.

  • Bob

    It’s weird how the same people who are so pro-democracy and all for ‘government by the people, for the people’ in this world see no problem with the next life being an autocracy, ruled by a king who is unelected, self-appointed, has no limits on his power or the time he can rule, who demands total obedience and sends those who disagree with him to be tortured forever. It’s quite a disconnect.

    Btw if you’re British and interested in changing our present system of government, check out Republic: http://www.republic.org.uk/

    • rufus_t

      I remember seeing something similar to your first paragraph from Bill Maher, I remember the last line was something along the lines of “the only difference is the Tower of London is closed”.
      I might be more tempted to be a republican if it meant that rather than a hereditary head of state whose job is basically to appear gracious, be nice to people whether they deserve it or not and make sure that the wheels stay on the proverbial bus, we’d be stuck with yet another politician.

      • Nick Gotts

        Why is a head of state needed at all? If they “make sure the wheels stay on the proverbial bus” they are, in fact, intervening in politics, and the rest of your job-description could be undertaken by a good-natured dog.

        • rufus_t

          Pretty much, but there are buildings to ceremonially open and visits to other countries to make, and they’re quite good for tourism…

    • Dave

      No ta.

  • Eric Keyte

    So stupid.

  • Joe_Z

    King of kings? What, did the Pahlavis have another kid?

  • http://superstitionfree.blogspot.com/ Robert Madewell

    Next time one of those fundies share a picture of their grandchildren on FB, I think I’ll say, “You know there was a baby born 2000 years ago.” The relevancy is about equal, I think.

  • Donna

    Yeah, well I’m not buy a commemorative plate and spoon with their Royal baby on it! So there!

  • Rain

    and had one Name JESUS

    How “naïve”. (I could think of several better words for it, but today is “nicy-nice day” over here in Rain-ville.)

    • allein

      You have your own -ville? I’m jealous.

    • Gus Snarp

      And his name wasn’t even Jesus. He had many names and titles, several used in the Bible, and Jesus is a horrible mistranslation.

  • GreenEyedLilo

    That’s when you roll your eyes and go “OK, I get it, you love Jesus, now can I please take an interest in current events without a sermon?”

  • Dromicosuchus

    As divine babies go, honestly ‘lil Zeus was a heck of a lot more impressive–and ‘lil Krishna even more so. ‘Lil YHWH was kinda boring for most of his tenure.

    • Spuddie

      Being regurgitated after being ripped from your mother’s womb and eaten is definitely a lot more interested than a normal delivery in a sheep shed.

  • Baby_Raptor

    They’ll steal anything and make it about themselves.

  • Dartland Lee D

    It was born in an effing stable! It smells of dung; how ROYAL is that?

  • Jeff St Clair Sr.

    Least important news event (Windsor baby) of the century so far.

    • Dave

      Less important than the new Kartrashian baby? I doubt it. The ‘royal baby’ will probably grow up to be a some kind of philanthropist like most British royals.

      The Kartrashian baby will grow up to be the child of Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian.

    • Gus Snarp

      Well, it’s minor, but there have been less important news events. At least the line of succession is secure, barring unforeseen disasters, so Harry is less likely to be King. Which is actually probably unfortunate, he seems like a decent chap now his youthful indiscretions are behind him (?).

      • Nick Gotts

        He does? Not that I’ve noticed.

    • Kodie

      At least it didn’t interrupt my soap opera.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    Hmm, it’s funny because one didn’t happen and one did and neither of them do I care about.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    …meh.

  • Rafael

    Why is it cringe worthy?

  • Don Gwinn

    Well, there *is* evidence that this birth took place, so . . . . there’s that.

    • Nick Gotts

      I suspect “Prince George” was smuggled in in a warming pan, to ensure that Harry – with his predilection for embarrassing states of dress (and undress) never gets to the throne. After all, ask yourself: why has Prince Philip still not seen George? I think he’s refusing to go along with the deception!

  • Robster

    Yeah but he’s dead, ashes to ashes etc. for the old baby jesus, the magic jew. Not magic enough it would appear if he had in fact appeared at all and there’s no evidence of that, anywhere. You’d think a god king would do better, this magic jew is/was/could have been a failure.

    • http://exploringthejungle.wordpress.com/ Kat

      “if he had in fact appeared at all and there’s no evidence of that, anywhere.”

      No evidence that he appeared at all, you say? You mean besides in grilled cheese, oil slicks, and bird shit? Well, fine then. I guess there’s just no pleasing some people.

  • Carpinions

    And Christians wonder why their public perception is tarnishing.

  • Julie Dugan

    HIGHLANDER BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now the baby Jesus has to come and cut the ‘other’ Royal Baby’s head off so he can gain his powers. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      OMCC, Fridge Horror ahoy!

      Being immortal is enough of a head-fuck, imagine being immortal and forever stuck as an infant.

      • Gus Snarp

        Wait, OMCC? What’s the CC stand for?

        • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

          Ceiling Cat, of course!

    • Katherine Hompes

      Cue awesome Queen music and ridiculous French/Scottish accents!

      • Gus Snarp

        Brian May’s guitar is swirling through my head as we speak.

  • Gordon Duffy

    Ok, I’m no monarchist, but this baby is clearly real. There are contemporary historical accounts and everything.

  • A3Kr0n

    Royal babies smothered in royal jelly. Hmmm….

    • MD

      Jelly babies? Mmmmmm.

      • Spuddie

        Where is Tom Baker when you need him?

  • Gus Snarp

    I love how it’s always got to be about them. No one can ever think about anything else except JESUS!!!11! I’ve seen some complaints about atheists who need to comment on all sorts of stories online to complain about religion. And some people go overboard with that. But at least the stories usually talk about religion and the comment is directly related. But here we have people who do linguistic cartwheels to make a birth announcement of someone who, barring a large and unlikely change in governmental system, illness, accident, or conversion to Catholicism, will one day actually be a king, for all its’ worth, into a chance to scream JESUS SAVES!!111!!! (at Walmart) at everyone.

  • GubbaBumpkin

    “… and had one name JESUS”

    But he’ll probably be nicknamed Emmanuel, right? I mean, people will call him that regularly. Right?

  • coljos

    As a Christian I would never tweet these things, as I think they do no good. I still find it interesting that in one breath the posters on this site are poking fun at Christians for saying the predictable things that Christians say, by saying the most cliche simplistic responses that Atheists always say. A few examples:

    “This new royal baby, though, is absolutely real.”

    “As divine babies go, honestly ‘lil Zeus was a heck of a lot more impressive–and ‘lil Krishna even more so. ‘Lil YHWH was kinda boring for most of his tenure.”

    “Hmm, it’s funny because one didn’t happen and one did and neither of them do I care about.”

    “Well, there *is* evidence that this birth took place, so . . . . there’s that.”

    “And Christians wonder why their public perception is tarnishing.”

    There is nothing profound on either side that has been shared. No one is closer to Faith and no one is losing their faith over the matter of this post. What’s the point?

    • Kodie

      They can’t be happy for someone else or they think it’s all about them? Jealousy? Compulsive need to keep reminding people they are Christians?

      So this post is not profound mostly because Christians fail to be profound. They are silly down to the most minute detail having nothing to do with them.

      • coljos

        I could say the same thing about Atheists by using the quotes above. A few Christian’s are being quoted to show the “silliness” of their view, while the majority of Christian’s like the majority of Atheists couldn’t care less about the Royal birth. As far as I can tell the strategy being implemented by this blog, is to choose the low hanging fruit, as a means to discredit a whole belief system. It seems that most people on this discussion are trying to remind everyone on here that they are smarter that Christians. Is this better than reminding everyone that you are a Christian?

        • Gus Snarp

          And here you are coming to an atheist blog to make judgments about atheists (the a is not capitalized as it is not a proper noun) for having a bit of lighthearted fun with the way some Christians choose to use any world event as an excuse to proselytize.

          It’s turtles all the way down.

          The difference is, we’re having a spot of fun. You and the Christians in those tweets appear to be serious.

          • coljos

            Oh great the grammar police… Spot of fun indeed. The seriousness comes from the fact that you find it amusing to generalize a very large group of people as stupid, based on the tweets of a few. I am guess you would have issues if I generalized all atheists as insult and hate filled, based on the comments of a few.

            I will freely admit that there are Christians that say foolish things, and throw judgments around more than they should. I just feel like any time we generalize a large group, it isn’t good.

            • Gus Snarp

              And yet here you seem to be doing just that. At least as much as we are. Like I said, turtles all the way down. We’re well aware that not every Christian acts like that. We’re making fun of the ones who do.

              • coljos

                Fair enough

  • Bruce

    how stupid are these people. there are hundreds of baby lying in hospital without attention . I thought “once upon a time ” is a way to start an old story . But the stupidity level of brits are higher than any body else in the world . KIng,queens and princess ?? gimme a break
    And satan kill those people who believe in all that pish

  • Oranje

    Really, it’s that writing style on Facebook when someone thinks they’re being really clever, even though they’re telegraphing the ending, then finishes with an “I pooped today” grin on their face. That’s what I picture with posts like this. And not just on this issue or from this perspective. Just bad writing.

  • pagansister

    My question is—for the Tweeter (Carl Martin) who mentioned that there was only one Jesus—has he ever met one of the many men who are named Jesus in the Hispanic community?

    • Mairianna

      He means Jesus CHRIST, of course. He’s just such good friends with him, he doesn’t need to use his last name. :)

      • Gus Snarp

        But he also said he only has one name…. ;-)

      • pagansister

        Gus Snarp had a good point—-Carl Martin did say above that HE only has one name—-but I guess we are suppose to know it was JC, and not one of the ordinary males named Jesus. :-)

  • the moother

    here’s a fun facebook page that needs a few more of us to help them along: https://www.facebook.com/OneNationUnderGodUSofA

  • Stealth Avenue

    It’s like they are a hive mind or something. Where are their talking points?

  • pagansister

    So, Little Prince George is IMO much more interesting than JC ever was AND I certainly hope he lives a lot longer!


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