Someone Has To Go See This Movie With Me…

You know a Christian movie is going to be good when a lesser Baldwin brother shouts out “This guy is the biggest drug trafficker in all of California which is exactly why we want to nail this guy.”

Wait, no, my new favorite line comes from the evil mob boss who tells drug dealer Ja Rule: “Oh, that’s Vanessa. She goes to Bible study every week with my wife.”

Wait, no! It’s when Ja Rule says to Vanessa, “Right now, I’m kinda in between churches.”

Wait, no! It’s when — oh, just watch the trailer:

I’m in Love with a Church Girl comes out in October.

(via The American Jesus)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Art_Vandelay

    Because what are the odds in this country that the person you fall in love with attends a church?

    • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

      Roughly 41%, depending greatly on how old you are and where you live in the US of course.

    • LutherW

      You commit a crime in this country, what are the odds you are religious?

      • GubbaBumpkin

        0%. The odds that I am religious is 0%. Now if you had asked about “some random person committed a crime,” instead of me, then the answer would be different.

        • Bill

          I always wonder about the statistics of “Christians” in prison since so many people tend to ‘find God’ there. I wonder how many atheists are making up those “Christian” numbers.

  • closetatheist

    I’ll go with you, but you’re in charge of bringing the rum into the theater. Being unable to stand up and walk out is presumably the only way I’ll be able to sit through this incredibly lame movie – though either way I’ll probably vomit.

  • flyb

    Wow. The acting is so bad in this thing, it looks like a fake Saturday Night Live trailer.

    • Gus Snarp

      When the acting is that bad across the board, including at least a couple of actors who have done better, I blame the direction and the writing first. I mean look how bad George Lucas made Liam Neeson and Samuel Jackson look.

      • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

        It’s difficult, bordering on impossible, for acting to exceed the writing. It’s why actors are always clamoring over the few truly great scripts that come along.

        • The Other Weirdo

          Which explains why Ben Kingsley was in BloodRayne. Or not.

          • Spuddie

            Its the Michael Caine Rule:

            Never turn down a check. You never know when the next one is going to come. If you are going to take the check, give them their money’s worth.

          • Gus Snarp

            Gotta make a living.

          • iamgog

            Or Lucky Number Slevin. Or The Dictator.

  • RuBall

    surprised the title didn’t begin with “Tyler Perry Presents”

  • Makoto

    “Are you that godly man?” – quickest way to know the relationship won’t work. It isn’t even about me being an atheist, it’s about the way the parents are looking to control who their daughter dates. She’s an adult, she can make her own choices.

    • The Other Weirdo

      Oh, no, sir, I am not. I am a Jew and an Atheist, but lately I have been leaning toward the Ancient, Evil Ones. When do you think your daughter will be ready for our date?

      • Wrich

        Is that you Abner Whately?

    • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

      “Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a godly man, you say “YES”!”

      Maybe, I’m getting my movies confused.

      • Matt

        Its like my number one rule of winning a reality gameshow. Anytime anybody asks if you are with them, the answer is always yes.

  • randomfactor

    So that’s what Rick Frothy-Substance has been up to.

  • LesterBallard

    “Lesser Baldwin brother” doesn’t really narrow it down.

    • b s

      “No True Baldwin” fallacy?

    • toth

      Technically, that only requires that some Baldwin is better than others, and I think Alec at very least fits that bill (though not by a huge amount).

      • LesterBallard

        And Alec played a young Jimmy Swaggart in Great Balls of Fire, with Dennis Quaid as Jerry Lee Lewis.

      • b s

        Adam was great in Chuck and Firefly, can’t think of anything else he was in though.

        • toth

          Angel, and I think Dollhouse as well.

          He’s not a Baldwin brother, though. Unrelated.

          Also, a huge right-winger. Blogs on Breitbart.

        • Gus Snarp

          Cohen and Tate. An odd movie I would never have seen if I hadn’t been helping a friend move with a pickup truck and it started raining between loads….

          The odd couple with hit men. Turns out it’s kind of brilliant.

          But I put Adam on the level of actors who can do one thing: play a variation on themselves and convey the emotions well. Basically, he lacks versatility and the ability to transform himself into someone completely different, which is what makes an actor truly great.

          And yeah, while named Baldwin, he is not “a Baldwin”.

        • Gus Snarp

          Also, Full Metal Jacket.

          • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

            Am I the only one old enough to remember My Bodyguard?

            • Gus Snarp

              I remember, I just didn’t think he was good in it. ;-)

  • LesterBallard

    “This is the best show on earth”. I think that says it all.

  • LesterBallard

    Wait. In theaters? Really? It’s not straight to DVD?

    • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

      There is a market for a movie like this and if it weren’t too expensive to produce (which I doubt) it should be quite profitable.

      • LesterBallard

        I can’t find what the budget was, so I’m guessing it was kinda low. Who had the largest payday, Pastore, Madsen, or little Stevie Baldwin?

  • TheG

    Ooooh. I love the part where the Ferrari pulls up to the megachurch.

    I really want to know, WWJD? (What Would Jesus Drive?) I bet it wouldn’t be something that costs double my annual salary! Yeah, the meek will inherit the Earth, but a Christian’s kid will inherit an Italian money suck to get to church 45 seconds before everyone else.

    Reminds me of this movie:

  • Pepe

    “Reverence Gospel Media”
    Damn!

  • JMM

    This is one the most hypocritical things about rappers, gagnsters, dope dealers, etc……. They kill, sell dope, sing about degrading woman, shooting people, and then pray to God. Oh, we’re going to be ;ate for church. Stupidity goes with being a believer I guess.

  • lisa

    You’ll have to report back! No way could I sit through that drivel! The trailer seemed LONG!!! Enjoy the show! :-)

  • The Other Weirdo

    It’s Genre is listed as Drama on IMDB. I would’ve thought Fiction and Comedy more appropriate.

    • GubbaBumpkin

      The best movies defy classification. Which has nothing to do with this movie.

  • Itsrealfunnythat

    I was hoping for a movie more like Saved!. Or even just a regular movie where a secular person meets a religions person and they learn to make it work. I think its too much to expect a movie where the religious person ends up Secular at the end.

    • Tainda

      The Ledge may be what you’re looking for.

      • Itsrealfunnythat

        It seems so serious though… Do they tackle the issues well?

        • Tainda

          It is very serious. They do some serious talking about religion vs atheism.

          I loved the movie but I’m a Hunnam fan so I’m biased lol

          • Itsrealfunnythat

            Seems very watchable… It will probably spark a lot of discussions.

            • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson

              I think people who criticize it miss the scene where the atheist prays, and the one where a theist doesn’t.

              • Itsrealfunnythat

                I will have to watch it…

        • http://squeakysoapbox.com/ Rich Wilson
          • Itsrealfunnythat

            LOL I like it, but Im afraid the atheist is going to come off as a smug douche to the theists…

  • http://www.holytape.etsy.com Holytape

    You would think that a good christian movie would want to avoid the lines “we want to nail this guy.” As Jesus wept in the fetal position.

    • allein

      My guess is they think it’s a great pun!

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        Trust Christians to ruin even the noble art of the Pun. That line makes me so cross.

        • allein

          It’s a thorny issue, to be sure.

          • C.L. Honeycutt

            You just have to love puns about the Crucifixion as you would any other puns. Love them with a passion.

          • GubbaBumpkin

            I thought it was funny. I split my sides laughing.

      • onamission5

        I’d venture you’re correct, but a pun about Jesus and not about sex. Which being the gutter brained heathen that I am was of course my first thought.

  • Matt Delemos

    *Nuclear Facepalm*

  • AceDiablo

    This is missing the phrase “Tyler Perry’s” in front of the title. And boy, have these folks sunk in their careers. Michael Madsen? From Kill Bill to this?

    • AceDiablo

      I should add that I don’t expect this to play anywhere near me. I remember when some Christian movie was in the news…forget which one…and someone online told me I should see it, and after looking it up, I found I’d have to take an 8-hour drive to do so. No thank you.

      • Mario Strada

        I think it’s going to be streaming quite soon.

  • Tainda

    You couldn’t pay me enough to go see that.

    • The Other Weirdo

      One billion kajillion dollars.

      • Tainda

        No way!

        And I pictured you as Dr. Evil just then. Please tell me you put your pinkie to your mouth.

        • The Other Weirdo

          Just because I like to be helpful:

          That’s me!

      • Mario Strada

        I’ll take that.

  • baal

    Doesn’t the punch line on the movie have to be Ja Rule finding god and that leads to his relationship working out and a free pass out of jail? I’m not thinking we’ll have a surprise ending where she converts to atheism and the prosecutor cuts the dealer a break for working to put away an even worse guy.

    • Gus Snarp

      From the IMDB synopsis:

      and finally the spiritual breakdown and one on one with God that brings Miles to his knees

      You know, in case we didn’t already know where this was going.

      Wait. Does that mean on his knees in prayer, or is this actually a completely different movie entirely….

  • Gus Snarp

    God that looks bad. Don’t they know a good movie from a bad one? Do they really want a bad movie to put their message across? Somewhere along the line a producer should have canned this because it was going to make them all look like idiots.

  • Gus Snarp

    Who wants to write the content advisory for parents on this for IMDB? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1618432/parentalguide?ref_=tt_stry_pg

  • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

    There used to be a circuit (maybe it still is…I’ve been out of the box office field for a long time) of plays marketed to the African American church crowd. This looks a lot like one of those. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if it weren’t one of them.

    • Spuddie

      Tyler Perry has built a media empire on that crowd.

  • Chris

    “Based on a true story – about a cult worshiping a fictional character”

    • LutherW

      True story: Not the bible part, but idiots part:
      Guy wants girl, girl goes to church and wants boys who do. Guy goes to church, does what girl says, gets sex. Goes straight so it makes a movie plot that gets lots of free advertising from religious. Played at churches as lesson for young people and adults. A few realize what bulloney it is.

  • pleasebereasonable

    Well at least Stephen Baldwin finally got a job

  • unclemike

    I like myself too much to watch this dreck.

  • StupidBJ

    1:28 “God doesn’t want somebody like me in His church.” I feel you, Ja. I wonder if they let him out of prison early to “act” in this amazing-looking film.

    • allein

      Community service?

  • Joe

    I’m an Athiest because I think god would never want someone like me. Yep, that’s the issue, therefore this movie must be for me. I love serious Baldwin pout-lip looks too.

  • BobaFuct

    Holy shit, Toby Mac!? Please tell me DCTalk is doing the soundtrack! And did I spot Sensei John “Sweep the leg” Kreese as well (at 1:16)?! This is definitely going in my Netflix queue.

  • http://www.travismamone.net/ Travis Mamone

    Hopefully it’s as good as “Fireproof!”

    • allein

      I went to my cousin’s daughter’s confirmation a couple years ago (service was almost 2 hours! I skipped the church part when her brother did it last year and just went to the lunch after). After the service they had a little reception upstairs at the church for all the kids and families, and on the way up I noticed a flier for Fireproof on a bulletin board next to the stairwell. They’re not even a Kirk Cameron-evangelical type church. :-/

  • ajginn

    Big Pussy should have stayed dead.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKlIilbuLjg

  • tnskeptic

    Vincent Pastore is one of my favorite character actors. He is the classic mob guy. I only hope he is in this because of the Michael Kane rule. Having said all that I still don’t think this thing has any chance of replacing “Plan 9 From Outer Space” as my favorite bad movie.

  • GabyYYZ

    It’s certainly one of the better produced ones.

    • GabyYYZ

      Wait…kissing BEFORE marriage!?!? Oh Lord…where’s my church fan?

  • Brian

    WHY WAS THERE A GUN IN YOUR CAR??!?!!!

    2nd Amendment, duh. This is ‘Murica.

  • DougI

    Poor guy runs in with the wrong crowd and gets involved with a dishonest criminal empire. He would have been better off sticking to dealing drugs.

  • islandbrewer

    There’s a scene towards the end, where the black man is staring at a lilly white Eurojesus hoping to be saved. Yup, never saw that before.

    See, if black people just trusted the white man more, everything would be all hunky dorey! [/specous racist religious dynamic]

  • mcrotk

    Anyone else flash back to Coming to America when he stuffed the wad of bills into the collection plate?

  • Azrael Kane

    No matter what the premise is of this movie that trailer (and most likely the whole movie) was god awful ; )

  • Foxhole Atheist

    this movie makes a spot-on observation…a guy will do ANYTHING to get into a girl’s bible!

  • Timothy R Alexander

    I’m surprised Kirk Camron didnt weasel his way into this some how.

  • arensb

    When will we see a movie about a storm that picks up Bibles and throws them at people inland, causing mass conversions and crappy special effects? I’d DVR that.


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