Christian Woman Shares Story of Being Raised by Loving Lesbian Mothers… Who Are Totally Going to Hell

Stephanie Singer was raised by “two lesbian mothers and a Christian father.” More specifically, she had a mother and a father who divorced when Stephanie was two. When she was four, her mother moved in with her lesbian partner.

Her dad, a Christian, would tell Stephanie “that my mothers and my gay uncle were all going to hell for being homosexuals.”

It made no sense to her since her mothers “had done nothing but love me, protect me and really let me do or think anything I wanted.”

Stephanie is now thanking her mothers by condemning their homosexuality-driven “brokenness”:

Her website is full of loving, factual wisdom, too… like in this pamphlet (PDF):

There can be many factors as to why someone may lean towards the homosexual lifestyle including rejection, abuse, molestation and other factors. There is not one reason that causes it. The one thing that remains true, is that from the beginning of time, the devil has been stealing identities in order to kill and destroy lives. If the devil can convince someone they are gay at a young age then he doesn’t have to work so hard to take that person out as an adult.

Jesus must love those faith-based lies.

(via Good As You)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Mario Strada

    I’d love to hear from her parents. Especially the mothers.

    • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

      They probably love her too much to air the family’s dirty laundry the way she has.

  • http://www.everydayintheparkwithgeorge.com/ Matt Eggler

    Here is a person seriously in need of a dope slap. From her website :

    “Externally I was a very happy child, but internally there was a lot of confusion and hidden pain. Even though I thought I was normal, other children in school would often remind me that my family was different.”

    So other people made her feel miserable and caused her pain because she had two lesbian mothers, and who does she blame for this? Her mothers. Listen hear Stephanie, it wasn’t God or homosexuality that caused you that pain, it was bigoted, ignorant intolerance like yours. So nice to see you working so hard so that other children can experience the same pain and misery you did. Fortunately, society is rapidly outgrowing its petty close-mindedness regarding the LGBT community and your efforts will most likely be for naught.

    • Stev84

      Same with the way she blames them for the church making her feel uncomfortable.

    • Buckley

      I’m sure it started with her father, who remained a Christian, and was instilling the Christian propaganda into her head. This is one sad, conflicted woman that has been destroyed by Fundy Christians.

  • onamission5

    Her poor moms. I have to wonder what they think of all this.

  • HQ

    How depressing. This must be heartbreaking for the mothers, having their daughter poisoned against them by despicable Liars for Jesus. They must feel so betrayed.

    God must be SO pleased.

  • DougI

    I can only imagine how self-loathing this woman is to hate her parents for nothing that they’ve done but for who they are. If her parents had been abusive in some way then, sure, speaking out against a horrible upbringing would be understandable. However, it’s obvious she never had a problem with her upbringing, just a hatred of her moms solely because of religious indoctrination.

    The Bible was right about one thing, Jesus said you had to hate your parents in order to be one of his disciples. Just another example of how religion breeds hatred. Worse yet, she hates out of profit (judging by the look of that church, greed is something encouraged). She sounds like a loathsome human being.

    • Anna

      Well, according to her testimony, both her parents were addicts:

      My father was the one who drove me to every practice and every game. He wanted to give me the world but was dealing with his own problems overcoming alcoholism and in the midst of it he was physically and mentally abusive. He used to yell at me and tell me that my mothers and my gay uncle were all going to hell for being homosexuals.

      During this same time my mother was dealing with alcoholism, drug addiction and a gambling addiction. She truly wanted to be a good mom, but she was consumed by her addictions. As a child I could not understand the addictions. I often wondered why I wasn’t enough for my mom. I wondered why she couldn’t just say no to the things that were destroying her. Sometimes she would come home drunk or high and would come into my room while I pretended to be asleep, but inside it tore me to pieces. When she would leave my room I would cry myself to sleep. Anger and sadness would rush over me. I just wanted a mom who could mother me.

      I’m not quite clear why she thinks this had anything to do with homosexuality, or why she thinks her mothers’ orientation was the problem. After all, her father is presumably straight, yet he was also an alcoholic, and an abusive one to boot.

      • jdm8

        OK, so she had terrible parents all around, it seems silly to reject one terrible parent and embrace the other, esp. the one that beat you while talking about how great their religion is. I’m curious if there’s some Stockholm syndrome going on here.

        • Anna

          I think being exposed to the guilt, shaming, and extreme homophobia of her father and his church must have had something to do with it. I can’t imagine what it would be like growing up with one parent telling you your other parent was evil. It must make for a very divided existence, and I wonder if her psyche just couldn’t handle that.

      • Baby_Raptor

        I wouldn’t believe that unless I heard it from one of the women.

        This…being…has proven that she has no qualms about lying her tail off, and also about elaborating the “good” parts of her story.

        • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

          Christians reward each other for having ostentatiously awesome testimonies. The awesomer, the bigger the reward. The more broken the pre-conversion person was, the more miraculous the conversion and the more divine grace the post-conversion person is seen to have. In short, she gets a lot of social cred for talking like this.

          When I was a Christian, I was married to a preacher who claimed that he’d been demon-possessed, sold pornography to schoolchildren, did crazy amounts of drugs, and was a Satanic Wiccan high priest (yes, yes, *I* know and *you* probably know, but *he* clearly didn’t). I’d been with him since his teens and knew not a word of that was true. He was our church’s golden boy for some time because of his incredible story; nobody even questioned it. Mike Warnke was quite literally his inspiration–and if you haven’t ever read about how a Christian magazine destroyed that man’s “ministry” of lies, you should; it’s hilarious. It’s vanishingly rare to hear about anybody fact-checking a testimony or calling out a confirmed lie, and Christians tend to believe absolutely anything they hear from anybody who claims to be Christian (in fact they’ll defend vigorously anybody who does get exposed as a deceiver–even Mike Warnke still has devoted followers who have rationalized away even his most outrageous lies), so a liar can feel perfectly safe in making claims like the one in the OP’s video. It’s okay to lie, my preacher ex told me, if it gets people closer to God. Anybody who objected to him lying for Jesus was just acting as a tool for the Devil.

    • Sideshow Billybob

      The father going about telling their child that her moms and uncle are going to hell is no way to treat a kid who has divorced parents. You never trash talk the other parent to the child.

      • Buckley

        That is so correct. I will never trash talk my ex wife in front of my kids despite how she cheated and broke up the marriage. Someday, when they are older they can ask me any questions they want. But, in the meantime they have to grow up enjoying their parents. She’s a good mom so there is no need to bash her behavior while we were married to them.

      • raerants

        My mother constantly (and still to this day) bad-mouths my father, not merely in front of me, but directly to me. They’re still married. I’m so glad I don’t live with them anymore.

      • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

        Is that a rule now because it seems to me that divorced parents badmouth each other in front of their children all the time. They shouldn’t but I suspect the vast majority of them do.

        • clevertitania

          Actually statistics say that it’s not the vast majority, because statistically, the vast majority of divorces end in amicable custody arrangements without a lot of animosity. It’s something we don’t hear about in the family court system, but which is documented, because the ones screaming are the women being forced to maintain a relationship with their abuser, because children need father’s no matter what kind of father they are, or the father being pushed out of the equation because women are supposedly more natural parents than fathers. Eitehr way, It’s the unfortunately biased judges, making arbitrary decisions based on their own particular prejudices about parenting, that are the arbiters of the cases, we hear all the screaming about – and depending on which way their prejudices run, one gender of parenting is taking the beatings for it. But just like not all judges are biased, those situations are not the norm.

          And it was always the rule, just like cheating on a monogamous relationship has always been unacceptable behavior – but plenty of people still did/do/will do it. The PROPER thing was always not to talk smack about the other parent, but not enough people follow it.

          My ex was constantly accusing me of trying to poison my son against him, while telling my son that I didn’t really care about him and was just using him to punish his father for leaving me while I was pregnant (the latter part my 17 year old just told me recently). Meanwhile, I kept my mouth shut, and ONLY told him things he NEEDED to hear, like, “Well I understand your father insisted he would never try to take you away from me, but the reason we’re going to talk to a judge right now, is because he’s suing me for custody of you.” The worst stuff my son now knows (which isn’t even the tip of the iceberg), I’ve told him in the last year or two, because he ASKS. Now that he’s decided he wants limited contact with his father, he wants to understand more about his past, to get an understanding of the psychology behind his behavior, and not fall into the cycle of abusers.

          But I don’t let the sad nature of my co-parenting experiences cloud my views – most do not end up like mine.

          • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

            I hope you are right and that what I see and hear with my own eyes is the exception and not the rule. Most of my relatives are not exactly class acts, so perhaps they are atypical of divorced couples today. I certainly hope so.

            • clevertitania

              Dude, of my four grandfather’s, two were pedophiles with serious mental defects, one was a deadbeat and the last once called me a Satan worshipper (I’m a lapsed Wiccan). I am dumb lucky that my parents were both fairly rational people, considering how they were raised – hell my favorite grandmother turned out to be a closeted racist, which I only discovered a few years before she died.

              Believe me, if you’ve got a messed up family, you have to be careful not to make the whole world out to be like them. If I let my past cloud my view of everyone I meet, I’d be the Man/Christian hating bitch my ex liked to claim I was. :)

        • Baby_Raptor

          It can get the shit-talker in trouble in court.

          I have a friend from my Army days whose exhusband ran her into the ground around their son constantly while she was deployed. When she came back, her son basically hated her, and refused to leave his dad because he was afraid she would do all sorts of horrible things to him.

          So she got the court involved. CPS inspected the dad’s home, then spent time monitoring her. And the dad ended up losing what little custody he had over it, because the only charge of his that they could verify was that she swore around the child, and that’s nowhere near enough to make you lose a kid.

          Plus the kid called one of the CPS workers a slut, and then when asked where he heard the word claimed that the dad used it about the mom all the time.

  • Anna

    Hoo-boy. Read her whole story:

    http://willnotministries.org/my-testimony/

    It’s just one thing after another. Assuming she’s being honest about everything, it’s another example of religion causing people to feel terrible about their own and others’ sexual orientation. There were obviously a ton of problems in her family, but homosexuality wasn’t one of them.

    • KMR

      What a heartbreaking testimony. Poor baby. She thinks she’s “healed” but it reads like all she’s found is outside control which gives her the illusion of emotional stability. She needs some really good counseling preferably from an unbiased counselor (meaning secular).

    • smrnda

      Churches are predators. They look for hurting, vulnerable people and then try to ‘save’ them so they can become their Propaganda Ministers. If you’re having a lot of emotional issues, get a real counselor.

  • sam

    “There can be many factors as to why someone may lean towards the _fundamentalist christian_ lifestyle including rejection, abuse, molestation and other factors. There is not one reason that causes it. The one thing that remains true, is that from the beginning of time, _ignorant people have_ been stealing identities in order to kill and destroy lives. If _ignorant people_ can convince someone they are _christian_ at a young age then _they don’t_ have to work so hard to take that person out as an adult.”
    Proofreading is all finished, Stephanie. You’re welcome.

    • Randay

      On Stephen Colbert, I think, there was a report on the favorite book of “high-value” prisoners at Guantanamo. It is Fifty Shades of Grey. So I looked and sure enough a reporter from Reuters had checked at the library and it was true.

      In one church, any one, in America there are at least fifty shades of stupid, and they all come from one book about bondage, torture, and sado-masochism. Hint, it is not the one they read at Gitmo.

      • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

        …. just how big is the library there and what were the other choices available?!?

        • Randay

          I have no idea, and the article mentioned some other books, like the Odyssey.

        • Matthew Anthony Virasami

          lol dont forget about the free healthcare they get there as well

  • LesterBallard

    I fucking love religion! We need more! Now!

  • Stev84

    I just have to laugh at how every idiot with a website can have a “ministry” these days. American-style Christianity is such a joke.

    • A Ford

      What kind isn’t?

      • Stev84

        Some are more of a joke than others :)

    • RJ (TO)

      Also gotta laugh at how every idiot with a bible thinks that makes them an authority on all matters pertaining to sex, politics, sociology, science. Ugh.

  • TheG

    The gay community wasn’t “stolen” from Christian churches. It was beaten, abused psychologically, shamed, and left on the curb for the trash collectors. And then it was blamed for its own feelings of being treated like trash.

    • XakirTatsu

      All the up votes.

  • Obazervazi

    I… do not comprehend how her faith could cause her to abandon her family.
    This is not an acceptable state of affairs. We need to do something…

    • Rab Simpson

      “I… do not comprehend how her faith could cause her to abandon her family.”

      You’re joking, right? Welcome to the Internet.

      • Obazervazi

        I mean her, specifically. Her whole story sounded like a lead-up to “and that’s why I left the church.” But she never said that. Instead, it ended with “and that’s why I abandoned everyone I love.”
        WHAT THE HELL!?

    • randomfactor
    • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

      I wish there was something anybody could do. About all there is, is what we’re already doing. One day she may see this blog post and these comments and see what “normal” people think of her acting this hatefully toward her own parents and abandoning them over religion.

    • Baby_Raptor

      My grandparents disowned me because I “refused to stop being rebellious” and magically become straight.

      It happens way more often than one would believe.

  • Dorothy

    i’d like to revisit this story in 10 years to see if she still feels the same way. she sounds young and conflicted, no wonder, growing up with all that animosity. give her time

    • Anna

      Especially given what she says about her own sexuality. No wonder there’s so much inner conflict. I hope she eventually breaks away from this type of fundamentalism.

  • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ TBJ

    I’m betting she has parted her red…and since she is getting so much sects from the church fellows, she is feeling mass guilt, so now she has transubstantiated that guilt into false judgements against her mothers.

    • Helix Luco

      As rotten as Singer’s words and actions might be, /nothing/ makes her sex life an acceptable target. women get more than enough policing of our sexualities from the religious nuts, aren’t you supposed to be better than that? slut-shaming has no place in this discussion.

      • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ TBJ

        You read far more into what I wrote than what I wrote. Perhaps you should look into that.

  • WingedBeast

    It strikes me how even in her story, she says she was “loved away from the church”. Namely, her family and these lesbian people accepted her for who she was and didn’t make her feel ashamed for being herself… and that was bad?

    That wasn’t, say, a lesson that morality and homosexuality aren’t mutually exclusive or that religion didn’t have a lock on morality? No, no, it was, apparently, a lesson in how the loving, accepting people who don’t wish anybody any harm can be the evil ones ’cause God ‘n all.

    • smrnda

      From my experience, churches teach people to be wary of anyone nice who isn’t a Christian. They don’t need to warn you about mean non-Christian people, but they know that if you find out you can get love without the judgment and hocus pocus ,you won’t sit in a church.

  • jdm8

    The worst thing the Devil has done is convince us that he exists.

  • Artor

    Sharper than a serpent’s tooth…

  • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ TBJ

    Just to clear things up a bit, xians by their own admittance are created beings and thus lack the advantages of millions of years of evolutionary adaptation that gave rise to emotions such as sympathy and empathy.

  • Garret Shane Brown

    One of the first things it says on her site is “Partnering with churches, schools and families to minister to those living a homosexual lifestyle or struggling with same sex attraction.”
    They better not be spreading this homophobic crap in schools…

  • mywall

    “loved back into wholeness”
    Damn, she’s got a way with words. It takes skill to make hateful lies sound that sweet.

    • randomfactor

      I suspect her dad taught her well.

  • Baby_Raptor

    Liars for Jesus. Gotta love them!

  • Rab Simpson

    Why do these brain dead idiots keep repeating that their imaginary friend is ‘good’?

    The sheer level of delusion here is unimaginable.

  • Aaron Browne

    The bias is obvious from the start – “I was raised by lesbian mothers and a Christian father”. Is lesbian a new religion? Is Christian a sexual orientation? The comparison is bizarre but it seems obvious that Christianity has done her more damage than being raised by lesbians. Christianity – providing her with her daily dose of hatred and intolerance towards others.

  • Kay

    Sounds like she has had such disappointing role models, alcoholism, addicts, abusers, etc, that she just desperately wants to be a part of a family and isn’t that what these new “feel good” churches are great at – making you feel like a part of the family. As long as you sign on your support, your 10% and your positive reflection of the Word and blind support of the church leaders, life at church is euphoric. She is conflicted, but not by sexuality, her own or her mothers. She is suffering because she feels she hasn’t been parented correctly. A lot of children feel like their parents screwed up, sometimes they do. Of course, this is her story, not the complete story, so I can’t speak to how bad she had it growing up in an unconventional family. It would have been a nice change to see her church family love her despite her “sinful” mothers. What a difference that could have made for everyone. If the mother is truly suffering through addictions, I think the big 2 commandments of the New Testament would demand they help. Being saved by religion, yet abandoning the broken, how very, very un-Christ like of you. Wouldn’t it be great if Christians really, really practiced what their New Testament Christ preached?

    • James_Jarvis

      Forgive me for saying this but Amen, sister!

    • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

      I think this is very true, what you wrote. She’ll find out just how much of a “family” she’s signed on for when she begins questioning any of the dogma she’s been fed. Most of us ex-Christians find that out in a hurry.

  • James_Jarvis

    This makes me sad. Stephanie is a very damaged young women. I feel compassion for her. I however feel nothing but contempt for the church that damaged her. I makes no difference to me whether you are a believer or an atheist. What matter is how you treat others. So rail away at the church that damaged her but have some compassion for Stephanie.

  • randomfactor

    Well, at least she’s found someone she can blame her own broken empty life on. That’s gotta count for…something.

  • RhubarbTheBear

    She’s a ministry of one, and she wants donations. I think her business model is going to fail. Let’s see if she interprets low income as “a sign from God”.

    • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

      If you get rich, it’s a blessing. If you don’t, then the Devil is attacking you. Unless it’s someone else not getting rich. Then it’s a sign from God.

  • Mick

    Is this Four Square Church the one started by Aimee Semple McPherson? She was a bit of scallywag in her day, with her secret boyfriends, hoax kidnappings, and spectacular reappearance in the desert.

  • luke

    so, she already had complete, unconditional love and support from her own flesh and blood?! Makes sense to abandon it to look for conditional love from strangers…

  • Shiny

    ‘There can be many factors as to why someone may lean towards the homosexual lifestyle including rejection, abuse, molestation and other factors.’
    Rejection – Nope
    Abuse – Nope
    Molestation – Nope
    In fact, the only ‘other factor’ I can think of that makes me ‘lean towards’ a ‘homosexual lifestyle’ is that I like women.
    No dramatic background, no Freudian excuse. I like women. I also happen to be one.
    So far this has killed…erm let me count…well nobody plus nobody equals nobody. I also haven’t destroyed any lives lately either.
    So either she’s spouting bullshit, or I’m a REALLY bad lesbian.

    • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

      Same here. Rejection? By women? Ummm, nope. Wasn’t abused. Wasn’t molested. Still love the men. Woof.

    • XakirTatsu

      Remember, these are the same people who count hate as morally equivalent as murder.

      • XakirTatsu

        If that was the case, I would have body count as high as Dexter, good thing our legal system is based on the Bible.

        //sarcasm mode

  • busterggi

    “the devil has been stealing identities in order to kill and destroy lives. ”
    i particularly like his posing as a guy named Jesus.

  • DrumminD21311

    What happened to the fifth commandment?

    • Gus Snarp

      I didn’t watch the whole thing, where was murder involved?

      Oh, you don’t mean in the Catholic or Lutheran version? It’s so confusing, I always wonder whose version they use in front of court houses, and if the Calvinists fight with the Catholics over it…

  • Gus Snarp

    I think belief in Satan as a real actor is probably one of the worst things about Christianity. When you can blame anything you want on Satan’s influence, you can at once label whatever you want as the worst kind of evil and let yourself and god off the hook for it. It’s very convenient.

    The belief in the Revelation as an actual prophecy is almost as bad.

  • Gus Snarp

    This poor woman. The damage done to her by churches is just palpable.

    I was loved straight out of the church

    It’s a pity that wasn’t the end of the story.

  • Frank

    Keep telling the truth Stephanie!

  • Carpinions

    Pathetic. How did any of that relate to loving homosexuals? None of it did.

    How stupid do you have to be to recognize the obvious, yet still think you’re the problem and need to re-commit to conforming to bigoted stupidity? Most of us have all likely been in a situation like this at a young age and made the wrong choice, especially where religious indoctrination was involved, but as an adult, come the F on.

    If her lesbian mothers were a better model for love than this church she claims to have been a part of the sweeping majority of her life, I would think that means she’s kind of obligated to think that says something about her damn church and how much better her mothers were than it. Confusion? Pain? It’s coming from the church. She only had to accept the love and return it to those who showed it to her. What did that church do for her? Instead she chose a corporatized superstition. So excuse us critics while we show your mothers – whoever they are – the sympathy and respect they deserve.

    This is how wrong bigoted superstition is on its face. Then you add in the scientific evidence around this issue? Pff. Get out of my face.

    Totally unrelated tangent: How big is that place that they need 2 massive video feeds of her, right next to her? Usually that’s done in a truly massive auditorium, with one feed at one end, and so on. Just another example of why people are leaving churches: All their tithe money gets spent on needless bombast. And “Foursquare Church” with hip iconography? How obvious does it need to be to congregants that they’re paying for someone to sell them happy notions of things wholly unevidenced? It seems from this event’s website they took over part of a convention hall for it.

    And, interesting to note that Cancer Treatment Centers of America was a sponsor…

  • JD

    Sad, she grew up only to be consumed by and to continue the cycle of hate that damaged her so much…unfortunately this is all too common.

  • SansDeus

    She states the problem herself but doesn’t really listen to herself.

    “… how could homosexuality be wrong when the people who shelter me, who love me, who feed me, how could that possibly.. be wrong? But I had so much fear and guilt and shame that I couldn’t talk to anybody at Church. The one place where I should feel safe to come and ask questions. I was just riddled with guilt and fear.”

    By her own words she was loved, sheltered and fed at home but felt guilt and fear at Church.

    In this whole talk, she’s admitting that she listened to the guilt and fear preached to her instead of accepting the kind and loving environment that she admits to actually experiencing…

    Sounds like Stockholm syndrome.

  • Ogre Magi

    Christians are worse vermin than rats and cockroaches


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