#FourWordBible Trends on Twitter

Yesterday morning, I got a text from a coworker that read “#FourWordBible is trending on Twitter… I think it’s right up your alley.” Sure enough, I wasted about a half-hour online.

The trend consisted of Twitterers (Twitts?) summing up the Good Book in exactly four words.

To be sure, there were plenty of pro-Bible folks with cutesy things to say like “Unending love. Amazing grace,” “Let go, let God,” and “Jesus died for you.”

But don’t worry, the skeptics showed up for the party, too.

So far, my favorite is from @serenetwit:


Here’s my contribution:


And I saw this one a couple of times:


There were plenty of funny ones to choose from:









And there are still plenty more coming. Let me know which ones I missed, or leave your own in the comments!

About Jessica Bluemke

Jessica Bluemke grew up in the suburbs of Chicago and graduated from Ball State University in 2008 with a BA in Literature. She currently works as a writer and resides on the North side of Chicago.

  • Patrick Dunn

    I don’t do the twitter, but someone who does might add “Tell me you’re kidding” or the like.

  • JohnnieCanuck

    Serenetwit struck me as interesting. At first I read it as ‘sere netwit’, someone with a dry sense of online humour, with connotations of ‘nitwit’. It was only after that, that I saw it as it was probably meant, ‘serene twit’

    My kind of humour.

  • WallofSleep

    Worst slam book ever.

  • korinthian

    Same myths, different god.

  • WallofSleep

    How about: “Re-purposed god, plagiarized myths”?

  • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/ Kevin_Of_Bangor

    Dad’s drunk, fuck him.

  • WallofSleep

    Traditional marriage? Citation needed.

  • http://www.everydayintheparkwithgeorge.com/ Matt Eggler

    Deranged despot deals destruction.

  • http://bearlyatheist.wordpress.com/ Bear Millotts

    Mean God made Satan.

  • http://bearlyatheist.wordpress.com/ Bear Millotts

    God is Voldemort’s hero!

  • http://bearlyatheist.wordpress.com/ Bear Millotts

    Fictional God, Fictional Sin

  • Tainda

    You will be assimilated

  • viaten

    Just believe, or else …

  • Ryan Brown

    I’m sure you’d love @GodsAssociate on twitter if you aren’t already acquainted with his account

  • TomS

    404 God not found

  • Peter_Dickinson

    God’s Great! Oh Wait…

  • Ryan Brown

    He’s a complete idiot

  • TomS

    Read correctly makes atheists.

  • paineoftheworld

    You are all doomed…

  • TomS

    Love*

    *certain restrictions apply.

  • Peter_Dickinson

    Jesus…just a theory

  • TomS

    Because science is hard!

  • Paul Reed

    Don’t Take It Seriously

  • Paul Reed

    Book But Not Good

  • Paul Reed

    Well, That Escalated Quickly

  • Peter_Dickinson

    Followed by Fools Forever

  • UWIR

    Leave common sense at door.

  • Peter_Dickinson

    Empirical Evidence Not Required

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    Stories are not evidence.
    Arguments are not evidence.
    Plagiarized from Egyptian myth.
    Makes Zeus seem kind.
    Ends with drug trip.
    Too Looney, Don’t Read.
    Citations needed every page.
    Tolkien is much better.
    Spoiler: he passes out.
    Documents’ provenance highly suspect.
    Edited by successive regimes.
    It’s a metaphor, dumbass!

  • viaten

    Greatest story ever sold.

  • Art_Vandelay

    Omnipotent deity hates nails.

  • Bdole

    Suck it Canaanites, Yahweh.
    Mesopotamian mythology for Dummies
    Gays need not apply
    Hung! The Jesus story.
    Read it and weep.
    Bronze age soap operas.
    One God 2,547,000 dead.
    Infanticide, genocide, homicide, deicide.
    Ugh! I just thought of one that could be construed as Christian-appropriate:
    God damns, Jesus Christ.

  • Mr. Pantaloons

    Child Sacrifice For Dummies

  • Greg G.

    Return promised, still waiting.

  • viaten

    Because thinking is hard.

  • Greg G.

    Faith! –Paul
    Works! –James

  • Greg G.

    Jesus Christ hates figs.

  • Greg G.

    Yiddish Ahkenaten gets Hellenized.

  • Svelaz

    Start world…with sister.

  • Ida Know

    They’re taking this seriously?

  • koseighty

    For Entertainment Purposes Only

  • http://www.last.fm/user/m6wg4bxw m6wg4bxw

    “Morality” defined by obedience.

    #FourWordBible #FullyIntactTwitterVirgin

  • Pattrsn

    Butterfingered god makes amends

  • Ida Know

    Bad weekend, some sacrifice.

  • koseighty

    “All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”

    Damn! Too long. :(

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Book of ultimate relativity.

  • koseighty

    Bronze Age Myths / Legends

  • Ida Know

    Don’t look behind curtain.

  • Pattrsn

    End is nigh, again

  • Spazticus

    Eat shrimp, deserve hellfire.
    All-loving god…orders genocide.
    Got raped? Marry rapist.

  • 3lemenope

    Don’t Go to Judaea

  • https://twitter.com/HungryHeathen Hungry Heathen

    That was taken from JoshuaDamnit, give credit when you cut and paste someone’s shit.

  • Pattrsn

    Contents not as described

  • Roxane Murray

    Women make good livestock.

  • Spazticus

    Women are property, too!

    Alternatively: Women have no rights.

  • https://twitter.com/HungryHeathen Hungry Heathen

    Pi equals three, oops.

  • Ida Know

    Massive genocide — look, rainbow!

  • Spazticus

    How about: “Needs disclaimer: Fictitious work.”

  • Kingasaurus

    Makes a good doorstop.

  • koseighty

    Opium Inspired, Church Approved

  • Kingasaurus

    Too long; didn’t read.

  • koseighty

    Jesus Christ onna Stick

  • Pattrsn

    Damn mess must apologize

  • Kingasaurus

    Free gift…or else.

  • koseighty

    Back Soon, Please Wait

  • Ida Know

    God touchy about fruit.

  • ZenDruid

    Bronze age snuff porn.
    Guilt trips and hallucinations.

  • viaten

    Believe at own risk.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Gullible? You’ll belive this!

  • Kingasaurus

    Way too many “begats.”

  • Ida Know

    “What’s knife for, dad?”

  • Travis Myers

    I really wish people would come off this one. Pi does equal three, to one significant digit. Why are you disparaging people for using the minimum number of significant digits necessary to get the job done?

  • TomS

    Sorry, I don’t know how to do that sort of shit. I thought it was understood that we were posting our favorites shit. I apologize for that shit.

  • Spazticus

    Shouldn’t be taken literally.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Kill Jesus for me.

  • TomS

    So, fair notice, none of the ones I posted were my shit. They were ones I found to be funny shit.

  • viaten

    Take literally where desired.

  • Spazticus

    Join our death cult!

  • Kingasaurus

    Love me or burn.

  • Sam B

    Spoiler: The son dies.

    (simplified from a joke in today’s paper – not my original thought)

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    End justifies the means.

  • Kingasaurus

    Meet the new boss.

    (Same as the old boss.)

  • Greg G.

    Bread = body. Eat me.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    It isn’t as if we are discussing something that claims to be infallible.

    Close enough for God.

    3.? God’s math, because he isn’t an engineer.

    :-)

  • ZenDruid

    I RULE YOUR PENIS!

    Help Wanted: Competent Demiurge.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Look at my tantrums.

  • ZenDruid

    By that logic a dozen = 10.

  • viaten

    Reading entirely completely optional.

  • viaten

    I rule your genitals. (Let’s not forget the ladies.)

  • ZenDruid

    Point.

    I WANT YOUR FORESKIN!

  • Guest

    I WANT YOUR FORESKIN!

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Unbelievable.

    Unbelievable.

    Unbelievable.

    Unbelievable.

    .

  • https://twitter.com/HungryHeathen Hungry Heathen

    It’s all about the context. If someone acknowledgesthat they’re making a first-cut, rough approximation,sure, use 3. (though I’d think you’d use 3 1/7 as people at the time were starting to.). But if you claim to be omniscient, are giving instructions for how to build something, and say that it’s 10 across and thus will be 30 around, with no hint of approximation,not even giving the closest integer, I’d say we have a contradiction with the omniscient claim.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Serial killer seeks admirers.

  • viaten

    More of God’s math: 1+1+1=1

  • koseighty

    Loved this one:

    God Damned Atheist ‏@GDAtheist12h

    #FourWordBible Who’s your sky daddy?

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Psychopath’s guide to morality.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    The Devil is God.

  • koseighty

    Jaymes Payten ‏@JaymesPayten13h

    Jesus dies. The end.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Resurrections/rainbows excuse everything.

  • viaten

    No thinking needed ever.

  • Carmelita Spats

    Yahweh Frightens Small Children
    Yahweh On Bud Light
    Yahweh On Roid Rage
    Yahweh Swallows Crusty Foreskins
    Yahweh Is Deadbeat Dad
    Yahweh Is Sex Offender
    Yahweh Inseminates Horny Teenager
    Yahweh Owes Child Support
    Yahweh Real Estate Broker
    Yahweh Crucifies His Kid
    Yahweh Drunk With Blood
    Yahweh King of Creep
    Yahweh Needs Restraining Order
    Yahweh Needs Family Therapy
    Yahweh King of Stalkers
    Yahweh Is Sadistic Nut
    Please Slap Up Yahweh
    Yahweh Is Pimp Extraordinaire
    Yahweh Needs Gold Tooth
    Yahweh Needs Nipple Torquing
    My Ex-Boyfriend Is Better

  • viaten

    Yahweh, or the highway.
    Yahweh: The only way.

  • Ida Know

    You are getting sleepy…

  • GirlfromGallifrey

    Fifty Shades of God.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Clap for Tinkerbell, pray . . .

  • rtanen

    Choose opinion, quotes match

  • rtanen

    blatant rephrase:
    Redemption, restrictions may apply.

  • GirlfromGallifrey

    List of the dead.
    This is not geometry.
    Because God said so.
    Dinosaurs: man’s best friend.
    Read it your way.
    Be fruitful and genocidal.
    Women aren’t people, too.

    And for any browncoats out there:
    Early quantum state phenomenon.

  • rtanen

    Self-contradictory quote source

  • Pofarmer

    Catholics are fundamentally dishonest.

    At least on patheos.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Bible’s broken. Contradictions, false logistics – doesn’t make sense.

  • Hat Stealer

    You should probably reconsider.

  • Travis Myers

    Hmm, you make a good point about the closest integer. If you were building a circle of stones or whatever, you would want to know how exactly how many stones to put in the circle.

    Maybe God was just dropping a subtle hint about the curvature of space :)

    Although that would suggest that space is positively curved, so he would still be wrong.

  • Kodie

    He’s watching you fuck.

  • viaten

    Just ignore the contradictions.

  • Grerg

    Myths, history, poems, laws
    All in one library
    Something for every taste
    It ain’t necessarily so
    Long, boring, seldom finished
    Jews, Jews, Jews, Jesus

  • b s

    No reality in here

  • Kodie

    Out of toilet paper?
    Kill your baby… psych!
    God raped a virgin.
    Pretend this is important.
    The Origin of Cons
    Who has the time?
    Papa has a temper.

  • wombat

    Drug free sleep aid

  • http://rolltodisbelieve.wordpress.com/ Captain Cassidy

    The emperor is naked.

  • Robster

    Eat more jesus.

  • EvolutionKills

    Maybe harmful to health.
    Don’t take too seriously.
    They did what again?
    Bears mauling children: awesome!
    Drown everything on Earth.
    Hands off my tree!
    Created sinful; our fault?
    It’s all made up!
    Jesus didn’t really exist.
    Prayer doesn’t move mountains.
    Global population from incest?

    *All submissions are my own thoughts, any resemblance to other submissions is a coincidence. Seriously, I don’t use Twitter…*

  • WillBell

    I like the ‘choose your own adventure’ one because that basically described Christianity today.

  • Ouigui

    Odd… no Joe Klein.

  • https://twitter.com/HungryHeathen Hungry Heathen

    If you’d ever been the victim of plagiarism, seen book chapters appear with years of your work cut and pasted with someone else’s name on it, you wouldn’t find this so funny.

    Now, of course I realize that it’s just a tweet, that nobody’s livelihood is being threatened, realize I could’ve used more gentle language (not that that’s typically required here), realize that I reacted angrily due to my experiences with plagiarism, and will even acknowledge that it was somewhat ambiguous as to whether it was implied that these were your ideas or not.

    But I think there should still be some basic standards of imparting credit for others’ work and creativity. Just because you couldn’t find a way to embed a tweet into a disqus comment with one click, you could’ve taken 1-3 seconds to write the screenname of the person who came up with it, and I think that’s appropriate.

  • https://twitter.com/HungryHeathen Hungry Heathen

    Amazingly, you can find apologists arguing that he/it must have been referring to the INSIDE circumference with 30. Hemant, working out the implied wall thickness for this to work is a good high school math problem.

  • Len

    Self fulfilling prophecy. Not.

  • Mitch

    To hell with you

  • http://absurdlypointless.blogspot.com/ TBJ

    Did Mary have orgasm
    Caveat: Requires suspending rationality
    Presumably you know Atheism
    thermodynamic law allows hell
    seven days not fact
    undefinable six thousand years
    Might entail cognitive dissonance
    what about the penguins
    founding fathers were deists
    Calvinism has been debunked
    do you condone pederasty
    gawd purposely deceives you
    how did gawd become
    in psychiatry lays truth
    Vodka enhances your thoughts
    science is our scripture
    science is implicitly verifiable
    scientific experimentation verifies reasoning
    peers can verify reasoning
    peer reviews confirm reasoning
    singular knowledge is unverifiable
    subjective knowledge is unverifiable
    gawd has no equal
    gawd has no peers
    gawds truths are unverifiable
    gawd admittedly deceives christians
    christians can’t verify deceptions
    christians have been deceived
    deceptions lead to delusions
    gawd is a delusion
    delusions are not real
    gawd is not real
    gawd does not exist

  • Rain

    Funny how Joe Klein

  • Dave The Sandman

    Bigot? Come On In!

    Science? Who needs science?

    May Cause Mental Retardation

    Snuff Porn Fairy Tales

    Leave Reason At Door

    Give Churches Your Cash

    Utter And Complete Bollocks

  • BarerMender

    4-word Bible: Boring… boring… weird… boring.

  • Pattrsn

    I’m going to amend this

    Makes no sense, apologies

  • viaten

    metaphor galore called for

    metaphor galore to adore (or deplore if you’re literalist)

  • LutherW

    Did read, so sad(istic)

  • LutherW

    Two plus three equals four

  • brewmaster

    Wife sale, 200 foreskins

  • Deus Otiosus

    Free will, be damned.

  • Spuddie

    There is no God

  • Art_Vandelay

    Jessica wrote, “Let me know what ones I missed.” Not sure what the problem is.

  • ChrisCross84

    Free will be damned!

  • kagekiri

    Yeah, that’s what first came to mind for me,too.

    “Worship God or burn”

  • Crazy Russian

    Tried reading; fell asleep.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    I’m stealing this!
    ;-)

  • kagekiri

    “Eternity: Slavery or Torture”

    “Human sacrifice made easy!”

    “Fucking with humanity 101″

    “God’s ‘Morality’, 1500BC-30AD Edition”

    “God likes burning flesh”

    “God loves blood sacrifice”

    “Horrifying: would not recommend”

    “THIS is ‘perfect morality’?!”

    “Heaven sure sounds terrible”

    “God is perfectly (un)just”

    “Burning dissidents = love incarnate”

    “Forgiveness: God’s weak suit”

    “Wasted lives, false hope”

    “The Anti-Humanism Manifesto”

  • kagekiri

    Oooh, or “Jesus saves…or ELSE”

  • kagekiri

    Or, to get rid of the contraction: “They take THIS seriously?”

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    Jesus Slaves – be one.

  • http://roguemedic.com/ Rogue Medic

    The wafers are free!

  • Greg G.

    Read until the”begats”.

  • Greg G.

    Another Divine mindfuck, son.

  • kagekiri

    “Morality is hard” – God

    “Obviously lacked an editor”

    “Creation is God masturbating”

    “God’s guide to sadomasochism”

    “Self-hatred: a primer”

    “God: what an asshole”

    “Toddler morality for adults”

    “God: jealous, tyrannical murderer”

    “God loves you……..BUUUUURN!”

  • ohnugget001

    Best fictional novel is…

  • kagekiri

    Ooh, or “rather creepy fiction novel”

  • kagekiri

    “Stop citing as evidence”

  • SansDeus

    Same shit. Different deity.

  • Lauryn

    LOL BRB J/K -Jesus

  • Brian

    “Not a true story”

  • Kevin

    Catalog in Fiction section

  • https://twitter.com/HungryHeathen Hungry Heathen

    Took me longer than it should have, but I eventually saw what you did there.

    Pretty surprised that a majority would be downvoting me going out of my way to meet him halfway, while still suggesting taking a second or two to put the name with his/her idea.

  • https://twitter.com/HungryHeathen Hungry Heathen

    I agree that the way Jessica worded that made it more likely that someone would fail to give attribution, and made it more likely that someone might (correctly, in this case) not assume that originality was implied where there was no attribution, but I disagree that Jessica failing to specifically instruct people to give proper attribution means that it’s no longer the right thing to do.


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