If You Want to Date an Atheist, Where Should You Look?

The video below, part of The Atheist Voice series, discusses the intersection of atheism and dating:

We’d love to hear your thoughts on the project — more videos will be posted soon — and we’d also appreciate your suggestions as to which questions we ought to tackle next!

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • http://www.last.fm/user/m6wg4bxw m6wg4bxw

    As a white, male, cisgendered, heterosexual, Schrödingerian rapist, I’d be too intimidated to venture into the world of atheist dating.

    • http://star-www.st-and.ac.uk/~pr33/ Paul Rimmer

      I’d try to resolve things with Schrödinger before dating anyone, if I were you.

      • Spuddie

        Especially if your date has pets.

        People aren’t very comfortable about their little companions being the subject of questions of quantum superposition and collapsing reality.

        • http://star-www.st-and.ac.uk/~pr33/ Paul Rimmer

          Especially not without prior consent.

      • http://www.last.fm/user/m6wg4bxw m6wg4bxw

        Other than a reference to Schrödinger by way of a poor analogy, he isn’t involved.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke

    i’ll date anyone, of any orientation or faith, so long as they aren’t liars, cheats or con artists. whatever, if you love allah or jeebus or someone that’s great. but if you want to get real with me, you better be ready to talk about it, with facts.

    heh, they never win that one…

  • Jeff See

    Well, check the baby dumpster, of course!

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      I should not have laughed so hard as I did.

  • JasmynMoon

    My roommate met her boyfriend with okcupid, as well as many other atheists. She’s dated someone from an atheist meetup group. I met my husband the old fashioned way. We were introduced by a mutual (highly religious) friend. I met a former significant other when I worked at a bookstore.
    Atheists are everywhere. Just look around.

  • Tainda

    Where I live? It’s virtually impossible

  • badgerchild

    Judging from the immediately preceding thread, maybe you should join a church choir. ;)

  • Gus

    I don’t know how you’d do it and I’m not sure I’d set out to do it, necessarily. Grad school, however, could be a very good starting place. I found my wife in the theater, workplace romance and all that. But she didn’t identify as an atheist, in fact she might have been termed sort of new age/spiritual, though not very much so. I still recall one of our earliest dates when I very intentionally found a way of steering the conversation around religion to find out where she stood. I wasn’t interested in necessarily having a major philosophical discussion and nailing her down point by point, but I did want to make sure, before we got serious, that at the least she wasn’t going to be annoyingly religious. I don’t think I could have married a religious person. I know people do that and succeed, but I couldn’t. If my wife wasn’t as militantly opposed to people pushing their religion on our kids as I am, I’m not sure it would work at all.

    If you’re not looking for a movement atheist, but just someone who’s generally a non-believer, or just someone who’s not so religious they’re going to have a problem with your atheism, I recommend grad school, particularly in a scientific field, or the arts, particularly performing arts. Also, zoos, science museums, NPR fund raisers….

  • ginger

    A college campus. I am a college professor and 90% of my colleagues are atheist or secular

    • https://twitter.com/HungryHeathen Hungry Heathen

      I wish that was true of my department – far from it, unfortunately.

  • disqus_K29vzian2O

    Sunday Assembly.

  • Ket Smith

    I had wonderful (yet unintended) luck in meeting someone through our local atheist meetup group on meetup.com. I didn’t join the group for dating purposes, and didn’t even want to date anyone at the time. However, I ended up meeting someone that I had a lot in common with OTHER than just the fact that I am an atheist. After getting to know them through our mutual meetup experiences, the dating part just kind of evolved (no pun intended) after that.

  • A3Kr0n

    Where to look? Not around where I live.

  • GubbaBumpkin

    If You Want to Date an Atheist, Where Should You Look?

    Look at her face, not her breasts.

    • Spuddie


    • TheG

      Wow, that’s thoroughly filled with bias. Might as well say, “Look at his face, not at his wallet.”

  • Croquet_Player

    I was dating a perfectly nice guy I had known as a friend for some time when it came out that I was an atheist. (I had simply assumed he was too, so I hadn’t even bothered to mention it.) He got very mad and shouted: “If you don’t believe in God, how can you believe in me?” (WTF?) After some lame attempt at, “Well, you see, I must believe in people PARTICULARLY because I don’t believe in God”, which didn’t go over well, I picked my jaw up off the floor. We broke up. Phew!

    • Tainda

      Dodged that bullet!

      • Croquet_Player

        And how! : )

    • Persephone

      “Well, gosh, dude. There’s tons of evidence for your existence. You’re standing right in front of me, talking to me, taking up space. Passers-by will likely confirm my observations that you appear to be real and standing right here as well. I can touch you and measure you and confirm your existence. In addition, there is a shedload of documentation of your life up to this point, like legal documents, school documents, photographs, and so on.”

      “God, not so much.”

      • Spuddie

        I think, therefore I am?

        • C.L. Honeycutt

          “You throw hissy fits over my lack of an imaginary friend, therefore you are.”

    • Mario Strada

      Close shave. Be merry.

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      “If you don’t believe in God, how can you believe in me?”

      “Because imaginary people can’t be actual dickheads.”

      L’esprit de l’escalier ftw!

  • advancedatheist

    I’ve changed my mind about the desirability of dating atheist women. I can see some merit now in the idea of dating conservative christian women, because their religiosity would tend to discourage promiscuity and slutty female displays. If you want a stable marriage, in fact, you should try to find a woman with as few premarital sexual partners as possible, preferably a virgin.

    We allegedly sophisticated, secular moderns think we know better than our “unenlightened” ancestors, especially our ancestors’ priests; but we don’t necessarily have that advantage over them regarding the consequences of sexual behavior, which everyone throughout human history could observe and draw generalizations about, independently of accidents of the dominant religion at the time. It turns out that those “ignorant” and “superstitious” priests, even today, have some good intuitions about human sexuality after all:


    • baal

      ” If you want a stable marriage, in fact, you should try to find a woman”
      wow. um. no. I’m going to overlook your shockingly negative views on sex to hit a more positive issue.

      If you want a stable marriage, learn to communicate your wants and needs and listen to your spouse for the same. Then find a path forward that meets both your needs and as many of the wants as possible. It won’t always be easy but it’s a really good path to stability. It also enhances trust.

      • Jeff See

        It also helps to get as much out in the open before tying the knot. Best to end it before all of that paperwork gets involved.

        As to the OP who started all of this: the only thing advanced, is your condition. That link is a riot. “hook up culture is your enemy” – spoken like a true loser type blogger that never scores.

    • Tainda




      • 00001000_bit

        Instead of “What The Fuck”
        He’s saying “What the DON’T Fuck … until you’re married … and only when your husband (who probably had other sex partners, but that’s unimportant right now) wants to … and don’t enjoy it, just lie back and think of England the whole time.” :)

        • Tainda

          Yep and don’t forget “Now get on your knees!” before every session and by session I mean, only to procreate.

    • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

      Wow. Um, no. Just no.

      Obvious troll is obvious.

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        Sadly, no, he’s pretty consistent in his hatred of uppity women… except that sometimes they’re sluts and sometimes they’re too uptight, all depends on whatever will “win”.

        • RobMcCune

          Actually it depends on if he hates them for wanting sex, or not wanting sex, at that particular moment.

    • Persephone

      I’m happily married to another atheist woman, and we both agree that we would hate to be married to you. So based on this quick survey of two atheist women, I don’t think atheist women are the problem. I think it’s you.

    • Mario Strada

      There is so much wrong in this post it would take me days to deconstruct it. Let me just say that my experience of conservative, religious women, is very different from the idealized image this “Advanced atheist” (whatever that means).

      • Spuddie

        Ever notice that for many, “atheist” in someone’s name has the same effect as a nation which puts “Democratic Republic” in their own. Meaning not at all.

        • C.L. Honeycutt

          Let’s see, ‘nym components that are codes meaning “bad thinker”: atheist, thinker, patriot, duty, freedom, real, democracy…

          Honestly, we don’t even need a list, they’re so easy to spot.


          Wile E. Coyote, Genius

          • Spuddie

            So beware of a poster named, ”

            The name doubles as a title of a book which has been written in English, translated to Japanese and then back to English.

          • islandbrewer

            That’s Supergenius!

    • Spuddie

      “…Because their religiosity would tend to discourage promiscuity and slutty female displays.”


      I see some major sexual insecurity in your post. Someone who seems to be afraid of relating to a woman in bed as an equal partner. Being intimate with someone who can clearly communicate their own desire for gratification and demand some level of competence from you.

      • Tainda

        I stood up to applaud this. Especially that last sentence

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      I’m just impressed that you made it all the way through an entire comment without complaining about mean ol’ Rebecca.

    • RobMcCune

      So you dislike freethinking women because they think freely huh? In fact you dislike it so much you’re willing to throw science and reason out the window to escape their conclusions. Namely the whole human dignity thing. Figures that you would trust religion if it allowed you to dominate others, that makes your nym is 0/2 on accuracy.

      As for what makes an unstable marriage, I’d look to the unstable crank obsessed with his own superiority.

    • Gus

      Citation sorely fucking needed.

      I’m sorry you had some bad relationships, but maybe instead of lashing out at all freethinking and sexually active women, you might consider whether at least some of the problems lie with yourself.

      It has been my experience that women who have had a range of experiences are more likely to know what they want, and to want things that are better for them, than women who lack those experiences. They are less likely to suddenly start wondering if the grass might be greener on the other side.

      But ultimately, when deciding whether you want to form a long term relationship with a woman, the best determining factor is what you know about that woman, her attitudes, desires, and character, and how you feel about her, not how many partners she’s had, whether many or few.

    • islandbrewer


      I’ve found the perfect dating site for you:



    • SeekerLancer

      Always a delight to read one of your insanely misogynistic posts.

  • ShoeUnited

    Interested in my opinion you suggest.

    Well here it is:
    I have not watched the video. I rather see that the preview image of two hands together to make a ‘heart’ sign. This was popularized in Japan and then brought over to the rest of the world. Now this sign may be all fine and dandy for those who want to express love in a ‘quirky’ way. But in American Sign Language, that is the sign for Vagina.

    That is all.

    • Hat Stealer

      That seems a bit counter-intuitive. Or at least unfair.

  • baal

    Having listened to the video, I’ve heard good things about okcupid and plenty of fish. If your goal is a relationship that may include sex as opposed to just hookups, I’d definitely hit the local secular/humanist/atheist groups.

  • dorcheat

    Try looking at the bar and grills that serve baby and kitten snacks!

    • Spuddie

      snacks for babies and kittens!

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        The… Breastmilk Bar?

        I’m so very conflicted over this scenario.

  • CaseyVidgen

    I joined the atheist clique on cliqie.com and have met some awesome people there. I find them to be less weird than on meetup. I like their wingman feature too. Skouts okay too

  • http://uppsalainitiativet.blogspot.com Per Edman