Because if Anyone Knows About Clinging to Sacred Theories…

Reader DeAnne was driving through Huber Heights, Ohio when she passed Free Methodist Church… and turned around to double check the sign… and turned around again just to get a picture.

It was worth it. It’s not that often that a church takes a shot at science only to have it backfire this badly:

They were good for the first two lines… until you realized what they were trying to do. And if anybody knows about clinging to sacred theories no matter what the evidence says, it’s the people in a church.

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Hugh Kramer

    Every once in a while life hands you a surprise. Who would have ever expected truth in advertising from a church sign?

  • Matt D

    It’s almost as if they grasp reason and critical thinking, but insist on using greased oven mitts to do so.

  • TnkAgn

    Really, religion has “sacred hypotheticals.” To call them “theories” is a knock on theoretics, as we know them.

  • Vicki

    I’m missing the part where we know for sure they aren’t pro science. Do we just assume they aren’t because they are Christians and all Christians are dumb?

  • busterggi

    This is why a good poe is impossible to detect.

  • Cincinatheist

    There’s two ironic statements on that sign. “Free” Church is the other one.

  • christopherwing

    Perhaps a little harsh, but yes, I assume they are dumb. Anyone who believes that god made people, then got mad at them, killed most of them, and then had sex with one of them, produced a little god, then killed the little god so that people would be forgiven is dumb. Or lazy. But my money is on dumb.

  • Richard Wade

    Maybe that means you don’t have to pay.

  • lynn

    I don’t get it. What were they trying to say? God is the real discovery?

  • Richard Wade

    It makes me wonder what they think “false” science is.

    Let’s plug in the antonyms of some of the adjectives and nouns, and see what we get:

    False science is about unreal concealment, not profane realities.

    Hmm. Sounds kinda Chopraesque.

  • Rev. Achron Timeless

    Combine it with the creationist mainstay: “Evolution is JUST a theory”.

    Make more sense?

  • Cincinatheist

    They believe that the Bible is literal. Thus, God created a person out of dust and another person from that person’s rib. Oh, and that people come back from the dead. And walked on water. And the sun and the moon stood still (but only on one day in history, never before or since) so a dude could finish killing other dudes in the daylight. I’d say that qualifies as anti-science.

  • Cincinatheist

    Not to get in the door anyway, amirite?

  • wmdkitty

    Ah, Accidental Truth is such a beautiful thing, sometimes.

  • Holytape

    Well what did you expect from the Free Methadone Church?

  • Rev. Ouabache

    Actually that was one of the reasons they picked the name “Free Methodist”. They split with other Methodist church over pew fees. And that whole slavery thing.

  • Rev. Ouabache

    “True science” are code words that give away that they are Creationists.

  • 7Footpiper

    Of course, what’s awesome is the fact that science has progressed to the point where we probably could create another human life using a rib, though obviously not only a rib.

  • WallofSleep

    True science is…

    1. Define a question
    2. Gather information and resources (observe)
    3. Form an explanatory hypothesis
    4. Test the hypothesis by performing an experiment and collecting data in a reproducible manner
    5. Analyze the data
    6. Interpret the data and draw conclusions that serve as a starting point for new hypothesis
    7. Publish results
    8. Retest (frequently done by other scientists)

    You folks at the Free Methodist let me know when you can actually make it to number four with regards to your favorite fairy tales. I’ll not be holding my breath.

  • WallofSleep

    *looks at god*.. *looks at Eve*.. *looks back to god*

    Disappointed Adam: “Can I have my rib back, please”?

  • skyblue

    No, not at all. We know that they don’t have a very good understanding of how science works, because they use the phrase “sacred theories”. A scientific theory is anything but sacred – it’s an explanation for the facts that’s stood up to rigorous testing and attempts to falsify it, which are welcomed, because either way, we learn more about the world!

    Creationists often use the colloquial definition of “theory”, as in “guess”, as in “I’ve got a theory you’ll have a sandwich for lunch” to misrepresent the strength of the theory of evolution, which has stood for 150 years despite no shortage of desire to find evidence falsifying it. (Just think, Darwin didn’t know about DNA, but when it was discovered, it supported the theory just as fossils and anatomical evidence do).

    So we know they don’t understand the scientific method, but yet they have no problem speaking as if they do on their sign. Perhaps “arrogant and ignorant” would be more accurate than “dumb”.

  • anniewhoo

    Ha! Brilliant response!

  • Derrik Pates

    Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every so often.

  • Robster

    Well at least it didn’t say “The baby jesus loves you” or something equally useless.

  • Rich Rodgers

    Apparently “real science” is the opposite of the stuff scientists say?

  • Mary

    Well at least Eve didn’t have to worry about him looking at other women…lol

  • Intelligent Donkey

    God created Christians from dirt.

    Which explains why they’re full of shit.

  • Intelligent Donkey

    I thought the little fucker grew up, like 2000 years ago? How can he still be around?

    Wait, does that mean that bratty pre-teen Jesus is still around? And angsty hormonal teenage Jesus?

    “Adolescent Jesus loves you.”

  • Tom

    “reality” isn’t an antonym for “theory” in the scientific sense.

  • Tom

    Unfortunately, you can’t just reverse it all that way – using antonyms for both a noun and its corresponding adjective can cause a double negative, like with “unreal concealment.”

  • Bitter Lizard

    If theists could grasp the irony of themselves, religion would be dead within the week.

  • Rain

    Irony alert. I mean the “FREE” part. Not the other part. The other part is too dumb for irony.

  • Bitter Lizard

    If the basis of your entire worldview is moronic and childish, you’re dumb. How could you describe such a person as “smart”? The word really loses all meaning if you apply it to grown-assed adults who have imaginary friends.

  • John Herling

    “unreal concealment” is not a double negative, but a contradiction in terms. If concealment is happening, it’s a real action.

  • Shelby

    Lots of church signs are oxymorons at best. Every day I pass by a church that has the most ignorant messages, usually taking jabs at atheists. This month they’ve switched things up a bit and have a sign against abortion (with the message being that women who have abortions are doing so because they see their pregnancy as an “inconvenience”). Even insaner is what’s on the majority of church websites. These churches should be labeled as hate organizations by the government. There’s a Baptist church in my area that has these sadist tenets among their Statement of Beliefs:

    “The Total Depravity of Humanity

    We believe that mankind was created in the image and likeness of God. By a deliberate willful act of disobedience, sin entered the world and as a result all humanity is lost and in need of redemption.

    (Genesis 1:26, Genesis 2:17, Jeremiah 17:9, & Ephesians 2:1-3)”


    “We believe the souls of unbelievers remain, after death, in conscious misery until the second resurrection, when with soul and body reunited they shall be cast into the Lake of Fire, not to be annihilated, but to suffer everlasting conscious punishment. (Luke 16:19-26, 2nd Thessalonians 1:7-9)”

  • Artor

    Lilith *looks at god*… *looks at Adam*…
    “I’m outta here. See ya suckers!!!”

  • VCP

    My internet at work blocks the source of the picture. Could someone post the text of the sign?

  • TychaBrahe

    “True science is about real discoveries not sacred theories.”

  • VCP


  • Richard Wade

    I agree. I’m using the popular creationist assumption.

  • Richard Wade

    It’s not supposed to make sense. It’s supposed to make nonsense.

  • John Sabotta

    Well, sucking up to you people got them nowhere,

  • Itarion

    I will say this, though. The Free Methodist Church of Ohio is not the only church doing this. Check out this beauty from Indiana.

  • Richard Thomas

    Pentecostal Party Church? Sounds fun.