The Book of Genesis: Erotica Edition

Matthew Stillman has written a book called Genesis Deflowered that takes the King James Bible and eroticizes its version of the Book of Genesis. It’s not quite as blasphemous as you might think, as he said on FOX News:

“Religion and love get along incredibly well, but religion and sex don’t,” said Stillman. “There is sort of this flirtation they have in the Bible, and so I sort of felt that to be able to feel this more deeply and to speak it in the original Elizabethan English would be a way to have that conversation happen and have people connect to it in a new way.”

Stillman says he hopes the book can provide a prototype for people to look up to and see that “people actually have sexual experiences that they like, and they’re also spiritual people.”

An excerpt is below, as is a chance to win a free copy of the book!

And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to sojourn there; for the famine was grievous in the land. And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon in thy skins, with the ochre within thine eyes. The joints of thy hips move with love for the LORD, and for his creation. Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive. Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live, because of thee. For I crave for my soul to live so that I might be with thee joint to joint.

And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair. The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s house. And Sarai kept Abram safe by her hand. The Pharaoh craved to know the secrets under the skins of Sarai, and to see her beg for the pleasures of her thighs. And the ochre in her eyes enflamed Pharaoh. And Pharaoh did use his crook upon her. And Sarai ventured to show her fervour when she clasped the Pharaoh. And with flail and crook did they know each other unto the day. And the welts upon their backs and thighs were cooled by kisses; and kisses did cool the welts. Sarai bit upon his crook with ardour; and he brought seed from within Sarai, and watered it. And Abram did keep watch, and abide by them in the night. His staff stood in secret for Sarai.

And so Pharaoh entreated Abram well for her sake: and he had sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels. And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram’s wife. And Pharaoh called Abram, and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? Why didst thou not tell me that she was thy wife? Why saidst thou, She is my sister? so I might have taken her to me to wife: now therefore behold thy wife, take her, and go thy way. And Pharaoh commanded his men concerning him: and they sent him away, and his wife, and all that he had. And Pharaoh took a maiden whom he begat by his concubines called Hagar, and he gave her to Sarai for a handmaid.

If you’d like to win a copy of Genesis Deflowered, leave a comment below with your original, newly-eroticized Bible verse. I’ll choose a random winner next week!

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.